Your New Year Wake-Up Call: You Deserve More

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

drinking, drinking, alcohol, Wake-up Call, you deserve more, sober, Christmas, Christmas eve, Christmas Day alcohol-free, New Year, New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day, first sober New Year, stopped drinking, stop drinking, over drinking, struggling with drinking, early sobriety, longer term sobriety, not drinking, alcohol-free journey, take a break from drinking, holiday, holiday season, I want to change my drinking, process, partner, friend, family member, mom, spouse, husband, kids, I want to stop being hungover, personal growth, boundaries, struggling, staying sober, people-pleasing, sobriety, women, quitting drinking, work, high-functioning, live, boundaries, coach, sober coach, sobriety starter kit, values, service, connection, optimism, integrity, experience life, goal, purpose, core values, responsible, reliable, hard conversations, intentional, fear, anxiety, shame, self-loathing, defensiveness, resentment, pain, relationship, frustration, victim, a bottle of wine, white knuckling, coping mechanism, sober girlfriends, travel, recovery, boundary, therapy, emotional, healthy, vision board, podcast, alcohol-free beverages, Sober New Year 100, Sober New Year Circle, Sobriety Starter Kit Coaching Program, You Are A Badass Everyday, practice paying close attention to how different people, thoughts, places, ideas, things, the songs you listen to, the activities you do, make you feel and let the good feelings guide you through your day, Jen Sincero, You Are A Badass books, Amy Porterfield, early sobriety, everything will be okay, Sober New Year, Sober New Year 100

SPEAKERS: Casey McGuire Davidson 

00:02

Welcome to the Hello Someday Podcast, the podcast for busy women who are ready to drink less and live more. I’m Casey McGuire Davidson, ex-red wine girl turned life coach helping women create lives they love without alcohol. But it wasn’t that long ago that I was anxious, overwhelmed, and drinking a bottle of wine and night to unwind. I thought that wine was the glue, holding my life together, helping me cope with my kids, my stressful job and my busy life. I didn’t realize that my love affair with drinking was making me more anxious and less able to manage my responsibilities.

In this podcast, my goal is to teach you the tried and true secrets of creating and living a life you don’t want to escape from.

Each week, I’ll bring you tools, lessons and conversations to help you drink less and live more. I’ll teach you how to navigate our drinking obsessed culture without a buzz, how to sit with your emotions when you’re lonely or angry, frustrated or overwhelmed, how to self soothe without a drink, and how to turn the decision to stop drinking from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

I am so glad you’re here. Now let’s get started.

Hey there.

This episode is coming out on Christmas Day, so we are right in the window before the New Year.

And I love this time period because it’s when you start asking yourself big questions like,

what do I actually want from my life?
How do I want to feel every day?
What do I want more of?
And where in my life am I settling for “fine” when I know I deserve better?

And I know I’m meant for more.

You’ve probably spent a lot of years building a good life.

 

And yet you might feel overwhelmed or anxious.

[00:02:00]

Like, you have a constant weight on your shoulders, or maybe you are just not as happy as you thought you would be at this point in life. There’s a Brene Brown quote that I absolutely love where she writes about what she calls not a midlife crisis, but a midlife unraveling. And here’s what Brene writes. Midlife is when the universe gently places her hands on your shoulders, holds you close and whispers in your ear, time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think.

Courage and daring are coursing through your veins. You were made to live and to love with your whole heart, and it’s time to show up.

I know it’s easier said than done, but there is a reason that our lives are the way they are, and your life, honestly is probably not that bad.

[00:03:00]

A lot of women in midlife live. Pretty good lives where they love their families and their friends. They’ve grown up and worked hard and achieved some measure of success that they’re really proud of. I mean, sometimes they’ve climbed the corporate ladder or built businesses or are raising beautiful children or having adventures.

We all have so much to be grateful for and a lot to be proud of. But if you’re at all like me, or more specifically, the way I was living 10 years ago, I was not completely in love with my life. I loved a lot about it. But day to day, I was running from one place to another, trying to meet the needs of my work and my boss, trying to take care of my family and manage my responsibilities and my schedule and my to-do list.

 

So, my rewards and dreams at that time, they were something like a vacation I was looking forward to or happy hour with my girlfriends, or a date night with my husband, or to sleep in or to sleep through the night.

And a lot of times, my reward. And what I wanted was a bottle of wine at night after work, and I hear this a lot from the women I work with in coaching and in the sobriety starter kit, they say, I have all these great things in my life. I have so much to be grateful for, you know, first world problems.

I like my life, but why aren’t I happy? And whether it’s their job or their schedule or just the day-to-day mundane shit in life, they look around and they’re asking, is this what adult is? Is this how it’s supposed to feel? Am I meant to just grip my teeth and put my head down and plow forward for the next 10 or 15 years?

[00:05:00]

And I hear this not just from women who drink a lot. I also hear this from so many of my friends from college and the women I’ve worked with in my corporate world or my girlfriends. It’s not that life is bad, it’s just that you feel like you’re settling for a life that feels good enough rather than one that feels awesome.

You are not living the life you imagined you would when you were young and when you were looking 20 years ahead. So that’s what we’re going to talk about today. I want to show you as we’re looking ahead to a new year, how to change things in your life and not just say that you want to change, but how to actually do it and how to manifest it, and how to take action.

 

So, let’s talk about manifesting the shit out of life because I used a vision board when I first stopped drinking.

And I’m going to tell you all about that and what I did and how it helped me.

But a couple of years after I stopped drinking, I got really into them. And first I created one, and then I created another.

[00:06:00]

And I’m not talking about gluing pictures from magazines onto poster boards like. I am serious about my vision boards.

I get beautiful, equally sized corkboards and clear push pins and images and quotes that are really beautiful and specific to what I want to remember and what I want to bring into my life. And by the way, if you want to make your own vision board. I’ve got a free vision board kit with all these quotes, like 100 quotes that you can get on my website, plus links to the exact corkboards I use and other things I like to order because I really care what they look like and I want to be visually inspired by what I’m looking at. I want it to be beautiful and I want it to be clean.

 

[00:07:00]

So, if you want to get my vision board kit, it’s totally free, just go to hellosomedaycoaching.com/vision-board-kit. Just enter your name and email address and the kit will come right to your inbox.

So, like a lot of other stuff in my life, including drinking when I was drinking, I am definitely a more, is more kind of girl. Like more is better if one is good, 10 is better. So, around the new year, I literally bought 20 corkboards on amazon.com, and I didn’t start with 20. I started with five and then another five and God knows what, but I made 20 fucking Vision boards and they were all laid out all over my dining room table and my kitchen island. And my husband came home and he was both super impressed and also thought I was kind of crazy as I was putting them all together. And I told him like, babe, don’t ask. I am going to manifest the shit out of life. And he actually hung up all the vision boards along the wall in my garage on the side where I parked my car, they are still there.

 

[00:08:00]

So, in the show notes, I will put a picture of him when he was hanging them up, when my daughter was four years old. And those same vision boards with some updates, of course, are still in my garage.

 

The intention behind it was so that I could see them every time I left the driveway for the day, and every time I came home. So, they were in front of me. I would stand there and look at them sometimes and just read them and have my eyes scan the quotes and the images.

And don’t get me wrong, more is more. I also had a couple in my kitchen and in my office, so I know you probably think I’m crazy and I’m not suggesting that you create 25 vision boards, although if you want to go for it, I totally support you.

You manifest the shit out of life.

 

[00:09:00]

Okay, but listen. I know if you’re a grown woman listening to this podcast with a job and kids and responsibilities and the rest of, it I get that it’s possible and maybe even likely that you’re thinking that vision boards are something that sixth grade girls do at a sleepover, you might see them as cheesy or lame, and I hear you on that.

I mean, 12 years ago, you probably wouldn’t have caught me dead with a vision board. But of course, at that time I was also drinking nightly. I was also carrying around a ton of anxiety on a pretty consistent basis, and I was scrambling and holding on really tight to make sure I could control as much as possible.

 

And I was also channeling a ton of negative self-talk in my head, daily or hourly. So, I’m a vision board convert now, but I wasn’t always, I love affirmations that replace the negative automatic thought loops in my head.

 

[00:10:00]

And I also say things out loud about my intentions or what I want to happen because I want to put that out into the universe. So I am definitely that girl since I stopped drinking I’ve embraced more like Woo energy in my life and. I kind of want to encourage you to do that, too.

 

I mean, why fucking not being a little woo-woo is actually a pretty fun way to live. So just stay with me for a little while on this because I promise you this shit actually works and I want to tell you all about it.

This is your new year, wake up call, right? I want to talk to you about the fact that you deserve more. And before we go there, we need to talk about how most of us navigate life. So some of us start the year all excited with New Year’s resolutions and the things we want to change in our lives, and we also have the motivation to make it happen.

 

 

[00:11:00]

And some of us start the new year, especially after the holidays, especially if you’ve been drinking a lot, kind of defeated, I mean really fucking tired. Realizing that your day-to-day life – it is kind of a drag. Maybe you hate Sunday nights where you feel dread about going back to work on Monday, or you feel trapped. You work, you come home, you do things for your family.

You feel stressed and anxious. Then you repeat. Maybe what you look forward to is just a coffee break with a girlfriend, or more likely wine, or a beer or a cocktail at night with a TV show you want to check out and numb out, and then you sleep poorly and you get up and you repeat it all and you call that a reward.

Maybe you’ve stopped dreaming. You look around and you say, my life’s not great, but it’s good. It’s good enough. I’m not sure why. I don’t feel really happy and fulfilled, but I’m going to plan another vacation and get a massage and plan a girls’ night and that will make me happy.

[00:12:00]

And don’t get me wrong, I love girls’ nights and I love massages, and I love vacations. But it’s not going to fulfill you. I mean, it’s not exactly manifesting this shit out of life, is it? It’s not exactly living a life you’ve dreamed of. And you might say, who does live a life? They dream about? Like this is the real world, Casey.

But let’s talk about that during this podcast. So, let’s imagine that as you start this new year, you are out of your funk. You are doing the whole new year, new you thing, and you set your goals and you write in your journal and you make your plan for how you’re going to work. Four days a week, or how you’re going to start a new passion project or stop drinking or go on a health kick or whatever it is, and then two weeks go by, or two months by, and all of your best intentions, they just fly out the window.

[00:13:00]

And you look up and you look around and you’ve totally gotten bogged down in the day-to-day realities and responsibilities of your life. And. You’ve kind of forgotten about how pumped up you were in the beginning when you were thinking, this is what I really want and this is what I’m going to do, and I’m going to make this fucking happen and I’m going to put myself first.

And you sort of convince yourself that it doesn’t really matter anyway, or that you didn’t really want it. Or maybe it was impractical or it’s not a priority, or you don’t have the luxury to do those things that you were really fired up to do, or you tell yourself it won’t happen anyway. So what’s the point in trying.

And if you don’t know the inspiration for my coaching business name and for this podcast, it is super common to say that you will do whatever you really want to do …someday.

 

[00:14:00]

You will have time and energy to focus on your dreams someday. Someday in retirement or when your work lets up, or when your kids are older or when you’ve saved more money, or when your boss isn’t such a nightmare, or when life gets easier.

 

And so what happens is your life stays the same. Another year goes by and it’s not that bad. It’s pretty good sometimes, but it’s a bit of a slog, and basically you settle for good enough and that can go on for a really long time.

So let’s go back to what Brene said.

She said midlife is a time when the universe gently places her hands on your shoulders. She pulls you in close, and she whispers in your ear. I am not screwing around. Time is growing short.

[00:15:00]

There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. It is time to show up. In this podcast episode, I want to tell you about

how to bring the things you occasionally think about and get all fired up about, and then forget about when your life gets bogged down and how to actually make that happen. How to, as you move through daily life, stop getting distracted and make the things are important to you, a priority, and by the way, this can be about getting out of the drinking cycle.

 

It can be about actually changing your relationship with alcohol and not just saying that you want to or you need to, or you will.

 

And to do that, we need to recognize that the biggest thing that stops us from achieving our dreams is not actually your schedule or your kids or your job. Or the amount of money you have in your bank account.

[00:16:00]

It’s your fears, your negative self-talk, your limiting beliefs, and it’s the things that we are consciously or unconsciously doing to save ourselves from embarrassment or ridicule or failure.

It’s the things we do to keep ourselves small and safe so that our lives look good on the outside, even if they don’t feel really good on the inside. And Brené talks about this too, in the Midlife Unraveling. So, you’re going through life and she says all of this, pretending and performing these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt. They have to go. Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy and lovable. But you are still searching and you’re more lost than ever.

 

[00:17:00]

Every time I read what she wrote in the midlife unraveling, it really speaks to me because we all have decades of fear and self-doubt and self-criticism. They are so entrenched and we have this inner critic voice that’s so automatic. We have these thoughts and we don’t even realize that we’re having them.

It’s really hard to escape. But here’s the thing I need you to hear.

Repetition is reality. I don’t know who said this quote originally, but it’s true. It’s not what you say to everyone else that determines your life. It’s what you whisper to yourself that has the greatest power.

 

Now, I love Jen Sincero. If you don’t know her, she wrote all of the You Are a Badass Books.

[00:18:00]

And  if you’ve listened to this podcast, you might’ve heard me talk about her before, but she writes, whatever we’ve got on repeat becomes reality. What we look at every day, our thoughts, what we read, what we listen to, what we talk about, and most of all, what we tell ourselves. So repetition becomes your reality.

It really does.

This repetition is reality concept. That’s the reason why repeating affirmations is so effective. Why creating a vision board and looking at your vision board over and over again, that’s why it’s powerful. It’s why hanging out with kickass people who are talking about and doing kickass things, why it’s so important, why being diligent about being grateful is transformative.

 

[00:19:00]

It’s why hanging out with a group of people who are doing the thing that you want to do and are celebrating the goals that you have, like getting in a group of women who are trying to be alcohol-free or are two months or six months or a year alcohol-free. Why? That makes a huge difference.

 

It’s why putting notes all around your house or quotes about all the things that you want to remember and channel and internalize. It’s why it’s worth it, despite any shit you might get from your kids about it. Because trust me. My kids totally gave me some side eye about my millions of vision boards and quotes, and I don’t care.

Because you need to take stock of what you have on an auto loop and upgrade anything that’s not getting to the life you deserve, Jen Sincero reminds us to pay attention to what comes out of our mouths. When you talk to coworkers, the thoughts that go through your mind when you look in the mirror, or when you watch tv, you need to pay attention to the way the books you read, the podcast you listen to, the foods you eat, the news you consume, the people you hang out with, how do they make you feel?

So here’s something I hear a lot from women I know who just aren’t that happy.

What if you don’t know what you want in your life? And here’s what I tell them, it’s actually not as important to know what you want to do with your life as it is to know what makes you feel good.

 

And that’s the very first quote I put on right when I was trying to stop drinking for the millionth time, and it wasn’t some great vision of what I wanted to do in my life or achieve in my life or bring into my life because I was nowhere near that point. It was actually this quote, it said, create a life that feels good on the inside, not just one that looks good on the outside and around it.

 

[00:21:00]

I put pictures of my baby looking all cute. There was a picture of Paris because I traveled there and loved it. There was a picture of me when I was younger when I was like 25 years old.

On a scooter in Nantucket and a picture of a field in the sunshine and my family, and a picture of Croatia because it’s so fucking beautiful there. That’s what I needed at the time I needed most to create a life that actually felt good on the inside as I navigated day to day, as I woke up in the morning on a Tuesday, not a life that just looked good on the outside because where I was, was drinking a bottle of wine at night and feeling like shit and talking crap to myself every morning and slogging my way through the day, having too little sleep and too much anxiety, and hoping that no one noticed.

[00:22:00]

That was my daily life. I’d go around with a smile on my face at work, pulling myself together every morning and dropping my daughter at daycare and texting my friends and going to school conferences and taking my kids to sports and going on business trips and all the rest, and it looked pretty good.

But I wasn’t really happy. I was gritting my teeth a lot and asking myself if this is the way it’s supposed to feel and if this is what adulthood was, and guess what? It’s not. And that quote, that first quasi vision board, it actually helped me stop drinking. And I know that sounds ridiculous, but it did.

I put it on the inside of my pantry door, and every morning and every night when I opened the door, I internalized the message that I needed to create a life that felt good on the inside, not just one that looked good on the outside. And next to that quote, there were images of things that weren’t a wine glass and weren’t a wine bottle.

[00:23:00]

That would make me really happy and I remembered how it felt to be 25 and to rent a scooter by myself in Nantucket and ride around the island and take photographs of lighthouses and buy a sandwich and sit on a beach. And I was like. Fuck. I want more of that in my life, not more of hangovers and shakiness and Groundhogs Day.

And I saw it every morning. And for that quote, it meant to me in shorthand, don’t drink. So, if you don’t know what you want out of life, and it’s almost the new year, but you want to have something different and something better, that’s okay. Again, it’s not as important to know what you want to do with your life or what you want to change in your life as you start out as it is to know what makes you feel good.

 

[00:24:00]

As Jen writes, and You Are A Badass Everyday, she said, practice paying close attention to how different people, thoughts, places, ideas, things, the songs you listen to, the activities you do, make you feel and let the good feelings guide you through your day.

Imagine your brain was removed from your body and all you had to use to make everyday decisions were your feelings. No logical thinking, no memories of how things are or how they’ll probably turn out no judgment or fears that you’ll look like an idiot or disappoint someone or break something.

 

How would things change for you? Try moving through an entire day really noticing and responding to how things feel. So, if you’re listening to this, try to do that today and tomorrow. You don’t have to change anything. Just move through an entire day and pay close attention to how things make you feel and let the good feelings guide you through the day.

 

[00:25:00]

So I told you that I am a more, is more kind of girl.

So that was not the only quote I put up. I put one up right next to my mirror in the early days of sobriety and it said, make a list of things that make you happy. Make a list of things you do every day. Compare the lists and adjust accordingly. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to enjoy your everyday existence. That’s not being selfish, and you actually do have the power to change how you feel every day. You have the power to change things. You are not trapped. And I get it. You are sitting there and you’re thinking like, Casey, I can’t change my freaking job and my house and my marriage, or whatever it is that is tripping you up.

But I want you to believe that small changes, small improvements, inevitably lead to big ones.

[00:26:00]

My changes in the beginning were really small. I stopped eating lunch at my desk every day. While staring at my computer. I started working out in the mornings with a group of women who turned into really good friends.

I stopped drinking wine at night, and I know that’s not easy, so I’m going to encourage you to get support to do that. One. I started going to bed early. I started blocking my calendar off at work and going for a walk every day at one or two or 3:00 PM. Those things made me happy. They were the opposite of the things I was doing before.

Small changes inevitably lead to bigger ones, so start making your list. And I had a few more quotes on my early vision boards that helped remind me and motivated me to keep going on the whole not drinking path.

[00:27:00]

In the early days when I was craving wine and it was really hard and I was really fragile. Here are a few I had up. One was by Julia Reilly and it said, I already know what giving up feels like. I want to see what happens when I don’t. Because I knew and I had known for the better part of 10 years.

What my life looked like when I was drinking in my early days, I was just going for 100 days without alcohol. I could barely manage making it two weeks. And that quote inspired me. It reminded me when I saw it twice a day that I wanted to see what happened when I didn’t give up. I wanted to see what 100 days without alcohol looked like.

I wanted to know what it felt like, so I internalized that message. And when I wanted to drink, I thought to myself, I already know what giving up feels like.

[00:28:00]

I want to see what happens when I don’t. And that thought kept me going. Another one I had up was you will find it is necessary to let some things go simply for the reason that they are heavy.

And that to me, spoke to my drinking habit. I needed to let it go just because it was heavy. The third one I loved was I am learning to love the sound of my feet, walking away from things not meant for me. And it helped me reframe what I was doing in not drinking. That instead of depriving myself or that I was damaged, or that I was missing out on something, it simplified it to something that was just an evolution, a new season in my life where I was just walking away from something that was no longer meant for me.

You are allowed to outgrow drinking. You are allowed to let it go as a health choice and a lifestyle choice simply because you feel better without it.

[00:29:00]

That quote, the one that says, I am learning to love the sound of my feet, walking away for things no longer meant for me. It actually also helped me a few years later to have the courage to walk away from 20 years in corporate marketing and to go into coaching. I read that quote and I thought to myself, I am just walking away from something that is no longer meant for me, and instead I was honoring who I actually was and what I actually wanted instead of worrying about what I should do or what other people might think or any of that shit.

And in early sobriety, I also needed a daily reminder of things that I could do and enjoy and embrace without drinking the joys and the pleasures that weren’t in a bottle. And I put up a quote to remind me of that, and now, 10 years later, I have this framed in my office.

 

[00:30:00]

And I want you to listen to this because I know that when you are in the early days of sobriety or when shit happens, or you’re frustrated or you’re bored, you don’t think about this stuff. You are mired in your existence and your feelings and your mind and your thoughts that are on an auto loop.

And so, if you put this quote up you’ll see it a bunch of times until you just internalize it and say it to yourself. And so, the quote that inspired me, the quote I have up on my office wall right now is,

“You’ll need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips, airplanes and passports, and new songs and old songs. But more than anything else, you will need other people and you will need to be that other person to someone else. A Living, Breathing, screaming invitation to believe in better things.” And that’s by Jamie Toski.

 

[00:31:00]

If you feel too much, and I have to tell you, it means even more to me now because in my sobriety starter kit member group, 25 women came out to Seattle this summer and we had a get together.

And on the first night we’re in this gorgeous garden and talking about alcohol-free life and where we are in the journey, and how we feel and what it felt like to come to this place where we were meeting people who had supported us online, who were friends, but who we had never met in person. And I read that quote out.

 

You will need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips, airplanes and passports, and new songs and old songs, but more than anything else. You will need other people and you will need to be that person to someone else. A living, breathing, screaming invitation to believe in better things.

[00:32:00]

So, if any of this is speaking to you, I really encourage you to check out my Sober New Year 100 program.

 

It is open right now and I am so excited about it. It is going to be an incredible group of women who with my daily support, are going to be doing 100 days alcohol-free together. Dry January is fantastic. Dry January is great, but it’s just a start.

If you really want to change your relationship with alcohol, if you really want to feel better, if you really want to uplevel your life, 30 days is just the beginning, so join me in the sober new year 100. I would love to uplevel your life this year. You can go to sober new year.com and all the information is there, but don’t wait.

Doors close on Saturday, January 3rd.

And this is going to be really good. You don’t want to miss it. So go to sober new year.com and please join me.

 

[00:33:00]

I cannot wait to help you feel healthier and happier and more optimistic and more productive and motivated and joyful in the new year.

 

So, as I go through this, I hope you can see the difference between seeing these messages, these quotes every day, and how they grounded me and inspired me and put what I was doing with walking away from alcohol in a positive light as something I wanted for myself versus telling myself on January 1st that I’m not going to drink again, and then constantly renegotiating and debating that decision and noticing every negative thing that comes along.

 

Here’s the thing. Motivation. It ebbs and flows. Willpower, it fades. Reminders, changing your internal automatic thought loops, replacing those conditioned thoughts and grounding yourself in what you really want. Surrounding yourself with people who have what you want, who are making the changes that you want to make.

 

 

Casey McGuire Davidson 

Hi there. If you’re listening to this episode, and have been trying to take a break from drinking, but keep starting and stopping and starting again, I want to invite you to take a look at my on demand coaching course, The Sobriety Starter Kit®.

 

The Sobriety Starter Kit® is an online self study sober coaching course that will help you quit drinking and build a life you love without alcohol without white knuckling it or hating the process. The course includes the exact step by step coaching framework I work through with my private coaching clients, but at a much more affordable price than one on one coaching. And the sobriety starter kit is ready, waiting and available to support you anytime you need it. And when it fits into your schedule. You don’t need to work your life around group meetings or classes at a specific day or time.

This course is not a 30 day challenge, or a one day at a time approach. Instead, it’s a step by step formula for changing your relationship with alcohol. The course will help you turn the decision to stop drinking, from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

You will sleep better and have more energy, you’ll look better and feel better. You’ll have more patience and less anxiety. And with my approach, you won’t feel deprived or isolated in the process. So if you’re interested in learning more about all the details, please go to www.sobrietystarterkit.com. You can start at any time and I would love to see you in the course 

 

[00:34:00]

Keeping that vision in front of you, that is what sustains you. So during the day to day when times were hard, when I wanted a bottle of wine, I would remember, no, I know what giving up feels like. I want to see what happens when I don’t. I would say to myself, yeah. I really would love a bottle of wine, but I am creating a life that feels good on the inside. I am loving the sound of my feet, walking away from things no longer meant for me. I don’t need a drink. I need coffee shops and sunsets and scooters on Nantucket and beaches and lighthouses, and most of all other people who are living, breathing, screaming, invitation to believe in better things.

 

So, if you love these quotes like I do, if you want other quotes that can help you, if you want to create a vision board for your new year,

 

[00:35:00]

please go to hellosomedaycoaching.com/vision-board-kit. You can enter your email and have my entire vision board kit sent to you for free.

 

Vision boards also helped me after I was sober to tackle a bunch more of my fears and limiting beliefs and things that I wanted, but never actually worked for. Things I told myself would never happen or couldn’t happen, or were just stupid.

 

So for example, when. I was getting up the courage because it was super scary to start coaching, to leave my salary and my security and my title, which to be honest, was really tied up in my ego and my sense of self-worth. I had all these messages front and center,

 

[00:36:00]

and one was a quote by Nelson Mandela that said, may your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears, because I knew that part of what was holding me back was I was living in this fear-based scarcity mindset, and I was scared to leave corporate. I was scared that I wouldn’t find another good job, or I wouldn’t have enough money, or I wouldn’t have enough for my retirement or my kids’ college.

 

So, the quote on my board that said,

“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” – Nelson Mandela

reminded me that I didn’t want to live that way.I didn’t want to be driven by my fears.

Another one by Howard Thurman said don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself, what makes you come alive, and then go do that. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive, and that helped me replace all those thoughts about what I should do and what was responsible.

Elizabeth Gilbert wrote one that was a great reminder and I still have up by my mirror, so I see it every morning.

[00:37:00]

It said you have to participate relentlessly in the manifestation of your own blessings. Here’s the thing, nobody is ever really ready to make a big change.

You have to start before you’re ready. You have put things up that remind you. Consistently what it is you want to go for. And that doesn’t mean that you have to go out and put your head down and work like a dog. No. But you have to remind yourself what would make you happy, what you want in life, and consciously or unconsciously, you will just make small choices that will eventually lead you to that goal.

Replacing those automatic negative thoughts can help you with a whole bunch of other things. I mean, I know I dealt with a lot of self-doubt and a lot of insecurity and fear of judgment or criticism from others when I was thinking about going back to coaching school,

[00:38:00]

I had all these thoughts, like, I can’t tell people I’m a fucking Life Coach. Like, what even is that? Is that a joke? It’s not a real job. And one of my husband’s best friends actually mentioned, oh, I thought life coaching was for people who couldn’t make it in the corporate world.

That comment, it went right through my heart because that was my deepest fear that being a life coach was a joke or it wasn’t a real job. And what would people think of me? So I needed to put messages on my board to rewire those negative thoughts and replace them with new thoughts that would support me and help me reach my goal, because I could have been stuck in that corporate job for another 15 years.

And guess what? It didn’t make me happy. It made me anxious and I didn’t want to be on the road on business trips. I wanted to be home with my kids. I wanted to be doing things I loved.

[00:39:00]

I didn’t want to hold out for two weeks of vacation a year as that being my carrot at the end of 12 months. So, I actually put images on my board of some of the role models that inspired me, so yes.

Jen Sincero for Real. She was on my vision board with her, You Are A Badass. Books.

And also, Amy Porterfield, who I’m pretty sure most of you don’t know, but she’s an Entrepreneur and a Podcaster, and I really wanted to do what she’s done and I put up quotes like,

“Stop taking directions from people who aren’t going where you’re headed.”

That was big for me. I needed to stop taking directions from my boss or my mom or my sister, or people who had no idea where I wanted to go because they hadn’t been there.

They were working from their own experiences and their own hopes and their own dreams and their own ideas of what success looked like. They didn’t know mine. I needed to find people who were doing what I wanted to do and start taking directions from them.

[00:40:00]

Another one I loved that I put up said,

“If you ever find yourself talking about me, make sure you finish off with, She’s doing her own thing though.”

And that was just me being like, even if people are talking about me, I’m doing my own thing. I put one up that said,

“Don’t worry about what other people think of you. They’re too busy thinking about themselves.”

and one that said,

“You’re going to be too much for some people. Those aren’t your people.”

I needed to turn my most repeated negative inner critic thoughts inside out. I needed to find the opposite and put up that affirmation as a reminder, and that can help you too. You can use this strategy when hard things happen and when shitty things happen.

[00:41:00]

For me, I needed this a lot when things like reorganizations happened at work or layoffs, and I can even look back and think of these affirmations when I think about having a problem with drinking and when I struggled and when I moved past it. I couldn’t see it then, but I see it so clearly. Now you can turn those negative thought patterns positive.

“You can retrain your brain from pessimism to optimism.”

I remember back when Hank was four and I was leaving a company I had worked at for five years. I had started there when it was a tiny startup with 18 people working there, and I had grown with it over five years. I was super worried about leaving there with a young kid.

And a mortgage and not knowing what my next job would be. And during my last two weeks at the office, my husband actually gave me a quote to put up on my bulletin board because I was just constantly catastrophizing in my mind, and it said,

 “Not to spoil the ending, but everything is going to be okay.”

 

[00:42:00]

And I just really needed to see that I needed it in front of me.

I loved it. It’s a lot about trusting the universe and giving up some control and giving up, living in fear and feeling like a victim instead, just believing that everything was going to be okay.

It helped me so much. It’s a quote I actually have on the outside of my universe jar now.

And yeah, I actually said that I have a universe jar, and if that’s too woo-woo for you, that’s okay. You don’t have to do all of this, but I have a glass mason jar that has a top you can close in my office and in it, I put all the things that I’m worried about that I don’t know which direction to take.

And on it, it says whether or not it is clear to you. No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should, and what I do is I just write down what I’m worried about.

[00:43:00]

All those things that keep me up at night, that I ruminate over and over again, that scare me. I write it all down and I hand it over to the universe.

I put it in that jar because I literally don’t know what to do. And then, I let it go and I can come back to it a month later or six months later and I can look at it and be like, holy shit. It all worked out okay. Not to spoil the ending for you, but it’s all going to be okay.

And it’s also important to remember and follow your fantasies or your dreams.

So as your New Year’s wake up call, think about what are your dreams? And I learned this in coaching school, but if you ever want something and you are not getting it, it is almost always an internal block, meaning it’s something that stuck within you. It’s your fears, your limiting beliefs, your assumptions of what can happen.

[00:44:00]

It is almost never a real external block, something that literally cannot happen. You literally cannot do it. There is no way to achieve what you want. It is almost never that.

So, for example, if you want to move to Hawaii someday, here’s a step to get started.

Research which island you want to go to?
Find a picture of a house you would love to live in.
Research what the local coffee shop is and put a picture of it on the corner of your vision board.
Get a map of the neighborhood you might want to live in
…and boom, you have put it out into the universe that someday you want to live in Hawaii. And that shit actually works.

Now, I don’t know exactly how it works, but you will get there. You might live in Hawaii or have visited often. I mean, forget about the logistics right now, but I tell you what, it is not going to happen.

[00:45:00]

If you think about it, get excited about it, and then put it in a drawer or dismiss it as stupid or impossible or indulgent or selfish.

If you want to live in Hawaii and this is your one life, you deserve it. Why not?

So once you put a dream, what you want, an inspiring thing out there, suddenly you will notice small signs everywhere that you are on the right path. And I call it your divine breadcrumbs. You don’t know what the end goal is, but just go in a direction that feels good or suddenly you’ll like notice someone and they’ll bring an idea to you or a project to you or something and you’ll be like, wow.

That’s cool. So follow that, and then you’re going to be led sort of on this zigzag path to something amazing. So follow those divine breadcrumbs or pay attention to what feels good, what inspires you.

[00:46:00]

What lights you up? Because otherwise we walk around with blinders on. We dismiss what we really want, or even just what we kind of want as impossible or frivolous or silly.

We push it out of our head and more importantly, never mention it to anyone. Guess what? Nothing happens. So dream a little bit. It’s not silly. Keep it front and center. Get excited about the possibilities. Mention it casually to others, and suddenly they’ll bring things to you because other people have some information or suggestions or of a friend of a friend. So this actually happened for me with my friend Amy.

A couple years after I quit drinking, we were in an early morning workout crew and we randomly at six 30 in the morning after our workout one day, went to coffee with two other women and we were sitting there and she was like,

[00:47:00]

yeah, I’m a nurse, but I’m kind of over it. I don’t really like it. I really want to be a Coach, someday.

And I was like, oh my God, I want to be a Coach, too. I told her, I’ve been thinking about it, but I’m probably like five years off, and then I said to her, Hey, you should read this book. Because she was saying, you know, it’s really hard to make it work with her salary and the mortgage and the cost of Coaching school. So, I said to her, you should read this book. It’s by Jen Sincero, and it’s called, You Are A Badass At Making Money.

It totally inspired me. And then, I said to her, someday I’ll do it, but I’m a ways off. I’m working at L’Oreal. I need to save money. I have all this stuff to do. I’m super busy, et cetera. And so again, the next week, Amy comes back to our morning workout group and she said, Casey, I’m fucking doing it. And I was like, what?

What are you doing? What are you talking about? And she was like, I listened to the book you recommended. The one about you are a badass at making money.

[00:48:00]

I found this Coaching program. I talked to the admissions guy, I talked to my husband about the money. I think they even took out a second mortgage on their house to pay for it.

And she was like, I’m fucking doing it. And then I was like, what? You’re doing it like, I want to do that. Which guy did you talk to? What program? If I was going to do it eventually, why would I wait four years to do it? If we could go back to school together, we could drive into Seattle, all that good stuff.

So, I went back to my house, I looked it up, I looked up the program, and there were like 3-day intensive weekends, sort of 90 hours in-person Coaching over a year. And then, you did all the rest on evenings and weekends and in groups. And so, I was like, those 3 weekends, I’m free. There’s nothing I desperately have to do.

There are no business trips. And so, I signed up and we went to coaching school together, and that’s what I’m talking about in terms of putting shit out in the universe.

[00:49:00]

Actually telling someone out loud what your dream is, what you want. Because if she hadn’t mentioned that someday she wanted to be a coach, and I hadn’t mentioned that I too someday might want to be a coach and I hadn’t said, oh, you should read this book.

Literally, I don’t think I ever would’ve gone to coaching school and I would’ve stayed in my corporate job. Saying that I’ll do it someday, and scared about money and all that shit. So we started this random conversation. I put it out there, she put it out there, and then the universe conspired to make it happen.

Suddenly you are going to be seeing signs everywhere. You’re just going to see opportunities everywhere.

 

You are going to see people who you’re like, your dream is my dream, or Your dream is awesome. Go make it happen. That’s inspiring for me. Otherwise, we walk around telling no one about our dreams. Not even admitting them to ourselves out loud.

[00:50:00]

We have blinders on and I mean, I feel the same way about smaller things.

Like when I wanted to go to Europe before I actually went, I just was like, I want to go to Europe. I had a 2-year-old and an 8-year-old. Which felt a little bit crazy, but I put it out in the universe, which in this case was Facebook, and I said, Hey guys, I really want to go to Europe. I’ve been to these three places.

Where else should I go?

All these friends from high school and college and colleagues came back with countries and links and things they loved, and I was like, oh my God, this is so exciting. And then you can create a trip fund and you can use the money that you’re saving, not drinking again. I saved $550, not drinking in a month, in my first 100 days.

Alcohol free. I saved $1,600, so quit drinking. Join my sober new year 100. Save up your money. You can go to coaching schools, you can go to Europe.

[00:51:00]

You can do whatever your dream is and you can also get yourself lots of sober treats, but use your “not drinking” money for some dream fund. For me, it was going to Europe and then I created a Pinterest board of the countries I was interested in and bought myself a $12 travel book. And I told people when I was going out to lunch and chitchatting over coffee, I would tell them, oh, but one thing I really want to do is travel to Greece in a year.

And by the way, that’s also a lot more fun and a much more interesting conversation than talking about work or your kids or your schedule or whatever. You are manifesting it. You are not dismissing it or being like, yeah, sure, I’d like to go to Greece someday. But you know, my kids are young and it’s never going to happen.

No. Put it front and center, and even if it’s not for a year or two years, or three years, it’s going to happen because in front of you, every day on your vision board, you’re going to have a picture of the island you want to go to in Greece.

[00:52:00]

And in the meantime, it is way more fun and way more energizing to see that vision board than coming into your kitchen and looking at your dishes and your unopened mail and thinking about your to-do list instead.

Every morning I did this, I would come into my kitchen, I would get my coffee, and then I would pause, and I had two vision boards in my kitchen. On one, there were pictures of Greece and the hike I wanted to do in Santorini, and there was a map of Amsterdam and a picture of the canals.

On the other, there was Art for My Future podcast and I was like, you know what? This sounds crazy, but let me put it up there. That was a year before I started my podcast. I had a picture of the show art, and even though that sounded ridiculous that I would start a podcast, that anyone would be interested in listening to me. The more I saw the art.

I was like, oh yeah.

[00:53:00]

I’m going to do that. It was familiar to me. It was less scary. It became normal. It was exciting, and I was also grounding myself and inspiring myself literally every morning when I was half awake. And then I would go upstairs and wake the kids and take my shower and pack lunches and go to work.

But I was inspired. I was dreaming a little bit every day, and I was even unconsciously moving forward. So yeah. I’m going to manifest the shit out of life. I told Mike and he hung up my vision boards in the garage. So right now, I want to go back to what I said earlier.

If the biggest thing that influences your ability to change and your ability to improve your life is your own inner voice. The second thing is the people you surround yourself with. And that is super important.

[00:54:00]

You need to surround yourself with people who think like you, do voices who are inspiring ideas that light you up, that make you think bigger, that help you dream people and messages that make you feel all excited inside.

 

And I know what you’re thinking. You might be saying, I don’t fucking have anyone like that in my life.

I mean, maybe I have one friend like that, but I never see her, and I want you to note that it doesn’t have to be actual people. You can start with messages and voices and podcasts and books. Again, I started with Jen Sincero books, the You Are a Badass Ones and You Are A Badass At Making Money.

And it was the second book that inspired my friend Amy to be like, oh my God, I thought I couldn’t do this. I thought this was ridiculous, but I can. If you don’t have those people in your life, you can find them.

[00:55:00]

And I would love if you considered my voice and my podcast, one of those voices for you, someone who is cheering you on and hoping you believe in better thanks and inspiring you to shift your life in small ways to be healthier and happier.

Now in Atomic Habits, the author talks about how important it is to edit both your physical environment, but also your social environment to change your habits and achieve your goals. He says that you must insert yourself or surround yourself with people where the behavior that you want to cultivate or change is celebrated.

 

So that’s why it is so powerful to join programs and groups and communities of women who are also on the alcohol-free path because the people in your life. They have no idea how important this is to you.

 

[00:56:00]

They have no idea why this is hard. They have no idea about your 3:00 AM wake-ups. They have no idea how many times you’ve told yourself you would only have two glasses or would cut back, or would take a break.

 

And because of that, they might tell you, don’t be too hard on yourself, or It’s no big deal. If you want to drink or why bother trying, you’ll miss out on everything. Or, I don’t get why you want a gold star for going a weekend without drinking. They may not know that if you make it to day 12, that might be the longest period of time you’ve gone without alcohol since you had your baby.

You need to join groups and communities and people who know that day 12, you deserve a fucking parade. You are a badass that if you got through Christmas alcohol free or New Year’s Eve, you are incredible and that was hard and that is awesome. You need to be around people who are telling you on day 30, that day, 75 is incredible.

 

[00:57:00]

Who can tell you that on day 100 their marriage is better than it has been in years or on day 50, that sober s sex is actually awesome and it doesn’t suck, or that they finally put a boundary down with their mother or their sister That was super scary and is a huge relief. You need to surround yourself with people who can be like, oh my God, this non-alcoholic mocktail amazing.

You need to try it where the discussions are lifting you up and helping you step across that threshold into the life that you have been wanting to experience. Because if you hang around with all your drinking friends who tell you that it sucks that you’re not drinking and that this is dumb or stupid, or it’ll never work anyway.

[00:58:00]

You won’t succeed. And it doesn’t mean you have to ditch your mom or your husband or your drinking buddies, but it does mean you need to add to your social environment people who are doing the thing that you want to do. Going back to that quote I mentioned earlier, stop taking directions from people who aren’t headed where you’re going because they are going to lead you down a path that you do not want to be on.

There is a motivational speaker called Jim Rohn, and he said,

“You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Those people shape who you are, they determine what conversations dominate your attention. So take control. You can create your own bubble. It’s a fact of life that some people hold us back and other people push us forward.”

That’s just the way it is, so it is hard to hang out with super negative people and expect to live a really positive life.

And again, this doesn’t mean that you need to ditch everyone in your life. It doesn’t.

[00:59:00]

But you do need to actively construct your social environment. You have to consciously be aware of which opinions, which attitudes, which life philosophies you allow, and the ones that you don’t allow to be part of your life.

You need to build your squad. You need to surround yourself with people you admire, and again, you will find those people in real life. I mean, I found Amy and that was just in a workout group and she totally inspires me. I. You can also put pictures of your heroes on the wall or on your vision board.

I did this and it’s totally embarrassing. I mentioned I want to be like Amy Porterfield. She’s a super successful online course creator and she has a membership community I’m in, and she has a podcast about building a digital business. She inspires me. I listened to her podcast all the time.

[01:00:00]

I even signed up and went to her entrepreneur experience live event in San Diego when I was still working at L’Oreal, and that got me all fired up. I was like, this is it. I’m starting my own coaching business. I’m going to start a podcast. I want to be around people who are doing things and talking about things and excited about things.

So, I had a picture of Amy Porterfield in my office and a picture of my podcast art right next to it because I wanted to start a podcast and I had a quote that she said in one of her trainings, and it says,

“There are people doing what you want to do, who are less qualified than you are, simply because they believed in themselves.” – Amy Porterfield

 

Period. If what is holding you back is the fact that you don’t believe in yourself, you can shift that.

And so, that picture of Amy and the quote and the picture of my podcast art. That helped me overcome my fears and my resistance and my limiting beliefs and my worries about whether I was smart enough or good enough or had enough experience. And I want you to do things like that, too.

 

[01:01:00]

So if you have tried to stop drinking before and you haven’t been successful, get more support, get more inspiration, put positive empowering reminders in front of you.

 

To retrain those automatic negative thoughts put in front of you, the quote, I already know what quitting feels like. I want to see what happens when I don’t put in front of you the quote. I am beginning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me.

Or whatever it is that resonates with you, put in front of you, the quote that says,

I am creating a life that feels good on the inside, not just one that looks good on the outside.

 

You know what’s crazy about the Amy Porterfield image in my office? She’s had me on her entrepreneur experience event twice as a success story, which is crazy to me.

[01:02:00]

The first time I went to that live event in San Diego, I was too scared to even go up to the mic to ask a question. I felt like such an imposter. I was certified as a coach, but I was working at L’Oreal, so I wouldn’t even introduce myself to random women there as a coach.

And then two years later and three years later, Amy’s team emailed me to see if I could be one of three people to talk to Amy about my success. That’s insane.

So spend time in real life or virtually, or through podcasts or through books with people who already are who you want to become. I always say that when you are looking at people and they’re criticizing you or you’re spending time with people, ask yourself, do I want what they have? Do I want their values and their priorities and their schedule and their life and their general happiness? And if the answer is yes, double down. Spend more time with them.

[01:03:00]

Ask them to coffee, tell them you admire them. Tell them you love their energy.

And if not, just know that they are not going to totally approve of what you’re doing, and that is okay. That is actually necessary because if they approved, that means that you are headed in their direction and that’s not what you want. If you don’t want what they have, you by definition should be disappointing them, and that’s okay.

Just don’t spend a shit load of time with them. Okay, so lastly, after you do all this, after you think about what you want or how you want to feel, and after you put up images and words to remind you and to reinforce the path you want to be on and why it’s good, and why it’s important, and most importantly, why it is possible for you, I want you to look for evidence that the universe is sending you signs that your people are out there, and that the universe is conspiring to make the things you dream about happen.

[01:04:00]

So start small. Write down nice things people say to you. Compliments you get even about your smile from the woman at the grocery store or saying they love your necklace.

When you’re picking something up on an errand or something your coworker says about the job you did or your energy or your kid telling you that you’re the best mom ever in your third week of not drinking. Those are signs that you are on a good path. Write them down so you actually remember them. You could just put it in a Google Doc or in a journal or whatever,

because if you don’t write them down, you will forget them quickly and easily when the next frustration of everyday life shows up. So, I started doing this in my notepad on my phone. Someone would tell me something positive and I would just write it down because we all have such negative thought loops in our heads about how we’re measuring up and how we’re not good enough and how we screwed up, and it’s not true.

[01:05:00]

It just isn’t. Nobody else sees you that way, so build up evidence of what you want in your life and then notice which people light you up.

And bring them more into your life. So that’s my best advice as you look forward to the new year, how to manifest the shit out of life.

I’m going to encourage you to make a vision board right now as you are starting the new year, as you are looking forward to a fresh start. Take some time to take stock of where you are and what you want to bring into your life, what you want to focus on, what’s important to you this year. How do you want to feel?

Lastly, if one of your goals for the new year is to finally get out of the drinking cycle.

I want to invite you to check out my brand new program, the Sober New Year 100.

I know there are a lot of programs out there that will support you in moving through dry January.

[01:06:00]

This program is designed to help you change your life. I know that’s a big claim, but I have seen it happen over and over and over again in my group.

Think about how you want to feel in the new year, because I am guessing it is not waking up at 3:00 AM with anxiety, dragging yourself through the day, feeling irritated and exhausted, promising yourself. You’ll take a break or you’ll only have one glass tonight, and then ending up drinking the bottle.

In this new year, I want you to feel lighter and less anxious and more confident. I want you to stop worrying about how much you’re drinking. I want you to feel grounded and clear and empowered and proud of yourself.

And in my sober new Year 100 program, you will get that.

Here’s what some of the women in the program have posted as they hit a hundred days. One said, today is 100 days. I can’t believe how much has changed. I feel free. I wake up feeling good. I have this sense of peace in the morning.

[01:07:00]

I look forward to seeing my kids and their PJs and having coffee and reading and working out.

I am so much kinder to myself. I allow rest when I need it. I treat myself to things I like to do. I feel more happiness. My world has expanded and my future feels bright.

Another woman said,

100 days. Today I feel good sleep, amazing clarity for work, present for my family. Better intimacy with my husband.

Overall, self-confidence improving overall, she wrote, I’m at peace with me. I love not thinking about drinking and just living.

The Sober New Year 100 closes on Saturday night. We close the program on January 3rd and we kick off on January 4th. So if you are listening to this, if anything in this podcast resonates with you and you want to change your relationship with alcohol, this is your sign to jump in.

[01:08:00]

Go to www.sobernewyear.com.

Check out the program, see if it works for you. I would love to welcome you in. I would love to support you. You deserve the opportunity to see. What a hundred days without alcohol is like, what it’s like to do this with a coach. What it’s like to do this with a group of women so you are not alone.

Because I’ve got to tell you, it’s good.

So join the Sober New Year 100.

I want to leave you with something else that someone wrote in my group on day 99. She said,

Day 99, tomorrow is the big day. On reflection. Here’s what’s changed. I have slept through the night four times this week. I have not slept in years. I have left a toxic job and landed with the nicest boss I’ve ever had who already respects me and values me.

My face is less puffy and my eyes are open. My husband and I are closer and don’t fight anymore. My kids sit in the living room and talk to me.

I used to be alone drinking. Doom scrolling.

I have peace. I have quit drinking in the past and it did not stick because I didn’t have the tools to stop romanticizing wine and start romanticizing life. Casey gave that to me.

 

And then, she said, because she’s in our community,

Also, all you beautiful women here. I look forward to coming here every day and connecting. Next goal is 6 months. Taking an extended break from alcohol with support, it can change your life, and I want to do that with you.

 

So, if you’re interested, go to www.sobernewyear.com. Join me. Doors close on Saturday night. And if not, I hope you have a fantastic New Year. I hope you create a vision board. I hope you surround yourself with people who light you up and lift you up.

[01:10:00]

You deserve to be happy. You deserve to take care of yourself. So put out in the universe what you want, what you dream about, what you deserve. I’m sending you a huge hug.

Thank you everyone for listening. I appreciate your time.