SUMMARY KEYWORDS

drinking, quit drinking, drink, alcohol, nonalcoholic beverages, booze free, Gruvi, people, beer, wine, sober, brand, good, NA, nonalcoholic, sobriety, free, call, alcoholic, red wine, spirits, beverage, reasons, ultra-recovery

SPEAKERS: Casey McGuire Davidson + Jessica Jeboult

00:02

Welcome to the Hello Someday Podcast, the podcast for busy women who are ready to drink less and live more. I’m Casey McGuire Davidson, ex-red wine girl turned life coach helping women create lives they love without alcohol. But it wasn’t that long ago that I was anxious, overwhelmed, and drinking a bottle of wine and night to unwind. I thought that wine was the glue, holding my life together, helping me cope with my kids, my stressful job and my busy life. I didn’t realize that my love affair with drinking was making me more anxious and less able to manage my responsibilities.

In this podcast, my goal is to teach you the tried and true secrets of creating and living a life you don’t want to escape from.

Each week, I’ll bring you tools, lessons and conversations to help you drink less and live more. I’ll teach you how to navigate our drinking obsessed culture without a bus, how to sit with your emotions, when you’re lonely or angry, frustrated or overwhelmed, how to self soothe without a drink, and how to turn the decision to stop drinking from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

I am so glad you’re here. Now let’s get started.

Hi there. My guest today is Jessica Jeboult. She’s the founder of a sober Girls Guide, which is a one stop shop for women in recovery. You’ll find honest conversations about mental health, self development, wellness and spirituality and how they influence your recovery journey with A Sober Girls Guide. There’s a podcast, a blog, social media and coaching programs and tools. So, Jessica has your back.

 

And I invited Jessica on the podcast because we are going to talk about A Sober Girls Guide to the holiday season. I know that this podcast is coming out right at the beginning of December. And there are tons of parties and family gatherings and drinking occasions that are really hard to navigate in the beginning when you’re not drinking. So Jessica, I’m super excited to have you here and get all your advice.

 

02:21

Thanks for having me. Yeah, I’m excited. I’m ready to lay it down.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  02:25

I know I heard you talking on another podcast about how sort of Thanksgiving Christmas obviously Hanukkah if that’s what you celebrate. And New Year’s it’s like the trifecta or the Bermuda Triangle

 

02:39

that a lot. Last in the Bermuda Triangle for sure. Yeah, I mean, there’s a lot of stress and like anxiety around the holidays. And I think, you know, there’s a couple reasons why, right? Like the social aspect, obviously, you know, family, for some reason, family is always so touchy, because it’s like we’re supposed to know these people that are like blood related. And maybe you only see them like a couple times a year or like maybe you just like follow them on Facebook or Instagram and feel like you should know them and because you’re like, brothers sister, like whatever, whatever like stream you are in of relation. But it’s like this unwritten rule. Like you’re supposed to know everything about this person, and they’re supposed to know everything about you. And that’s a lot of pressure, like, right off the jump.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  03:33

And I mean, I love my family, but I swear to God, anytime I’m around my mother or my sister, my dad passed away. I like, immediately revert to being 13 with all the like resemblance and passive-aggressive crap. And like, you know, they still think I’m the 13-year-old girl too, with all their judgments and labels and I’m like, oh my god, I’m 46 and married with two children. And you’re telling me how to do X, you know? Yes, yeah, totally.

 

Yeah, I mean, we all we all revert back to those roles, right? Like, I always say, like, our family knows how to push our buttons. Yes, because they installed them. They installed those buttons. Yeah, they know exactly how to navigate them which ones to push. Where when? How so it’s tricky. And it’s you know, especially when we’ve changed right? Not only in like we’re growing up or we’re a different person but we’re what we both will change our like, needs and wants and our and our values and especially around alcohol. I don’t know what your family is like around alcohol.

 

04:41

My family oddly, like I was absolutely the big drinker of our family. Like my sister and my mother. We’re not big drinkers and I was always the one like putting down a bottle of wine a night and then opening a second one. So it was all me but I have to say that that some of those dynamics and just being surrounded by things like that was kind of a big reason I drank like just to get out of my own head and, you know, sort of have this bubble around me. And it’s everything right? It’s my kids and my husband interacting with my family and all is so yeah, I definitely brought the alcohol to the party, but my family does still drink.

 

05:27

Yeah. Okay. So you were the crown of the drinker.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  05:32

Oh, I was. I was definitely the girl like, “going to bed” passing out on Christmas Eve, you know, early and waking up with a brutal hangover on Christmas morning in trying to play it off. Like it was lovely. Yeah. Oh, I know. What about you? What’s your family?

 

05:51

Um, you know, we all like me and my brothers, we all have kind of issues with substances. That’s just kind of what we did. But my mum and dad never really like they’d have like, the odd like, glass of wine here and there, but it wasn’t like, they weren’t any near close to like, what we were what my brothers and I were, you know, I think we just had a lot of pent up anxiety and, like, trauma that we, you know, I guess are still working through, but didn’t know how, how to kind of like, come together or deal with those emotions. You know, and some of my brothers still don’t, unfortunately. So that kind of sucks. But also, you know, it’s just another layer of you know, why a reason of why I kind of like stay true to myself and to my choices. Yeah. It’s as an as the big sister. I’m the oldest. I always found it helpful to not tell people what to do. Weird. They don’t really like unsolicited advice doesn’t really go that far. You know?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  07:01

Sister, older sister. Yeah, I have an older sister and I get told what to do all the time. Yeah. And how do you like it? Not so hot.

 

Right. Yeah. No, it literally goes like in one area or the other. Yeah. So I learned that very quickly, especially with boys like they’re like, Yeah, piss off. No. Yeah. You don’t know me. Yeah. Okay. That is true. Actually. I do not know you. You know, I didn’t I didn’t live with my family. I, when my parents got divorced, my brothers were between my mom and my dad. And I chose my mom. I was a little bit older, but not definitely not old enough to be making those decisions, you know? Yeah. I think I was like, 12 or 13. So I just straight up said like, No, I want nothing to do with your dad. Like, I basically took like T mom, which is kind of damaging in itself. But whatever. Here we are. And my brothers were back and forth between them. And then I moved to L.A. So I got the heck out of here. So for like 11 years, I maybe saw my brothers once a year. Yeah. Yeah. So like, that’s not a relationship. Right? Like, I was basically a stranger to them.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  08:26

And was it usually around the holidays when you would come home? Yeah. Yeah. And I don’t think that’s the holiday is that unusual? Like I, you know, I live in Seattle, Washington. My mom lives in Washington, DC, my sister lives in Ohio. My husband’s family lives in Florida. So it’s, it’s usually the holidays when we all get together. And we might see each other twice a year.

 

You know, totally. So yeah, it’s an adult.

 

That’s a hard integration. A lot of times you’re living together in the same house for a week or more. That’s… it’s really difficult.

 

Totally. Yeah.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  09:05

And that’s how you’re going to introducing friends and parties. And that’s it. When you quit drinking, you actually really want to drink and you know, your brain gets lit up with all the memories of feeling like you’re missing out.

 

09:19

Oh, yeah. And I mean, and add on, like, the triggers of childhood, you know, like you said, like, reverting back to that 13-year-old girl who’s just like, wow, I’m not 13 anymore. Exactly. Yeah, so there’s a lot of different layers and dynamics to the holiday season and, you know, socializing and our relationships and all that stuff. So, yeah, it definitely makes sense of why, you know, that stress is heightened, and we will naturally reach for something that we’ve used for years decades, right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So um, I don’t know if you want me to.

 

Oh, diving into the strategies or what? What helped you? Yeah, he did in the early days.

 

10:05

Yeah, for sure. I think you know, just how, you know, we were kind of like talking through and kind of hashing up like, what feelings and emotions were coming up. When we even talked about holidays, I think that is the first step, you know, to even acknowledge like, Okay, I’m getting really amped up, like, why am I feeling like really stressed or really anxious around like going, either going home for the holidays? Or going to like holiday parties? Like what? Actually is it that is making me feel these ways? So it could be meeting new people? It could be small talk, like small talk is

Lou?

 

10:47

No, I think I am allergic to it. It’s so it’s so much energy and draining to me. That That in itself is like, my stress meter just goes off the chain. So really kind of like pinpointing like, Okay, what is the actual trigger here? Like, where?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  11:06

Why would I keep hearing and being like, Okay, I know that Christmas eve dinner with this family is really hard. I know that New Year’s Eve is a difficult time at this party or my work parties or, you know, all that kind of stuff. Like just identifying what’s hard and why it’s hard.

 

11:27

Yes. Yeah. So even just like admitting that to yourself, right, is a huge feat. Because like, I think we, we kind of use all these like tips and all this information, like we try and inundate ourselves like, Okay, I need this tip, I need this quick tip like to get over things, I think. And I’ve really noticed this, and in our group coaching and stuff, like, you don’t need any more information, you’re good. You need to feel you to back it up. And you need to actually, like feel like what’s going on, because I can give you like tips to the cows come home, and I will, I’ll give you like, surface level like tips. But until you, kind of like, get in there and figure out like, why these things are happening or why you’re feeling this way. And like get in tap into, like, why you’re feeling or how you’re feeling, you know, to begin with. These kind of like surface tips are just going to be that there’s going to be surface. But I so I think we’re, we’re good with the information. I think that’s like one of our strong suits, right? Like, we are Googling to the cows come home. And I think and it’s great, like, we need the information, we need to you know, kind of learn, like, what’s what, but we also really need to feel we need to back it up and come into the feeling aspect of it, because then we can actually take actions that are going to serve us instead of just doing actions to do something.

 

Yeah, you know, I’m all about, I don’t know, I’m just kind of like going through this like stage in my life where I am literally, like, I want to hack everything in my life. So I’m using the least amount of energy. Because I feel I feel like for the longest time, I’ve been like siphoning off like energy here, there. And it’s like, it’s too much. And then by the end of the day, I’m like, like, just overwhelmed, like even down to like, the silliest things like the perfect pillow. I know that sounds weird, because we just talked five, a neck situation. Yes, part of it, or whatever. But like things that are gonna make your life easier and make you like, enjoy life, you need to feel an order to like, go there. Yeah, you know, all this information can only go so far.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  13:57

So, as you’re, kind of, looking at, so say someone’s listening to this on December 2 or December 5, and they’re looking at the month of December, which can be really challenging. Do you recommend they kind of scan their calendar and sort of identify what might be really difficult times for them or more when emotions come up? During the month? I mean, what what’s your recommendation? Because sometimes it’s hard for people to tap into feelings.

 

14:26

That’s the whole reason we use alcohol. Yes. Yeah. Because emotions and thoughts are terrifying. Feelings are scary. They’re very uncomfortable for most of us, and we don’t want to sit in that uncomfortability. So yeah, I mean, first and foremost, I wouldn’t look at the month because that can kind of give you even more anxiety, right? Like you’re tripping about the future, like a month in advance. Like well, let’s just kind of like look at what we got going on for the week. Like maybe I don’t know people could and, and probably will have like holiday parties, like every week, almost in the month of December, right? Only four weeks. So kind of take it week by week, like, look at your week, like, say you have an office Christmas party or your partner’s Christmas party or you’re running groups Christmas party, you know, tap into like, Okay, how is that going to feel for me? Like, am I Is there anything coming up that I feel like a little nervous or scared about, you know, most of it is fear, I’m going to just give you a cheat sheet right here. Most of the time it is fear, the fear of not necessarily the unknown, but the fear of the unknown, right? So going to a party not drinking, having that peer pressure, how am I going to socialize? How am I going to talk to people? It’s the known, you can’t be afraid of something that you don’t know. So you’re actually afraid of, you know, what could happen? Or how this could feel? Or like, Oh, my God, what if I feel lame? What if I get ridiculed? What if I, you know, aren’t as funny or aren’t as cool? Or, you know, we have all these like fears. 

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  16:16

Ain in for me, it’s also the endurance, right? Like, some of those things go on for three or four hours of like you said, small talk. And a lot of times, they’re just like, I’m gonna want to leave early, like people find, like, you’re not drinking you just like you’re ready to go earlier in the evening, because everybody else kind of gets drunk.

 

16:38

Yeah, and that is totally, that totally makes sense. Because you’re not wasted. Yeah. You’re like, wait, no, like, I actually have to, like, put out all this energy. And I’m not even like, you know, I’m not getting anything back. Or like, maybe get hopped up on some Diet Coke? I don’t know. But yeah, for the most part, like socializing is strenuous like it, it is like, it’s my cardio. Like, it takes a lot of energy. And this won’t happen all the time. I think it’s also something to notice, like, who you get energy off of? Yeah, right. Like, I think that is so important. Like, if you leave a, like a conversation, or even just like timeout with a friend, and you’re just like, Oh, my God, like, I need to go home and take a nap. Like, pay attention to that energy. Like, why? Like, why is that so draining to you? And you could just be having an off day, like, maybe you’re tired. Maybe the weather is kind of, but like, for the most part like that will kind of be consistent and you kind of need to figure out well, where’s that energy leak? Like, what? What is happening here? Why is it such a struggle? Yeah, because I’ve definitely noticed and I don’t know, if you have like, even in work and stuff, like things that give me energy, like group coaching. Oh, my gosh, when I am done a group coaching session, I literally have to go for a run. Because I am so energized like I’m so fired up. And like just being in in that dynamic gives me so much energy and it feels so good, which could be really draining to other people, you know, like, like being in charge of like 10 Women in a group and navigating that and working your way through 10 Women could be draining to someone else. But for me, I’m like, oh my gosh, this is amazing. Like, I love it. I love it. I love it. So just kind of paying attention to like where your energy’s going.

 

18:41

Hi there. If you’re listening to this episode and have been trying to take a break from drinking, but keep starting and stopping and starting again, I want to invite you to take a look at my new on demand coaching course The Sobriety Starter Kit®. The Sobriety Starter Kit® is an online self-study, sober coaching course that will help you quit drinking and build a life you’d love without alcohol without white knuckling it or hating the process. The course includes the exact step by step coaching framework I work through with my private coaching clients, but at a much more affordable price than one on one coaching. And the sobriety starter kit is ready, waiting and available to support you anytime you need it and when it fits into your schedule. You don’t need to work your life around group meetings or classes at a specific day or time. This course is not a 30-day challenge, or a one day at a time approach. Instead, it’s a step by step formula for changing your relationship with alcohol. The course will help you turn the decision to stop drinking from your worst-case scenario, to the best decision of your life, you will sleep better and have more energy, you’ll look better and feel better, you’ll have more patience and less anxiety. And with my approach, you won’t feel deprived or isolated in the process. So if you’re interested in learning more about all the details, please go to www.sobrietystarterkit.com. You can start at any time, and I would love to see you in the course.

 

Yeah, and I definitely think that, you know, when you stop drinking you, you’re more aware of like the people who lift you up, and the people who drag you down and just that energy, you know, some people just always bring out sort of negative thoughts, negative feelings, whereas other people see the best in you and you just feed off them. And that’s actually one of the awesome things about stopping drinking, that you actually can tune into that and sort of edit your life to be around people who, who make you feel really good.

 

21:15

Totally. I swear to God, like, I’m not joking you like sobriety is a superpower in that sense. Where like, your senses become heightened, like your intuition, your gut feeling, it does not lie. Yeah, I’m living proof of that one. I’ve tried. I’ve tried to beat around the bush and fool my intuition, and you know, do whatever I can. But most of the time, it is like dead on and you’re first that you’re not drinking a lot of times, like an it’s your first time going through that. And also, you haven’t necessarily edited the speed people you spend time with. already. Right? And not that you have. I mean, I still have all my old friends from when I was drinking, but you definitely you know, once you stop drinking and notice things in your life and aren’t just focused on who your drinking buddies are, you tend to spend more time with really, really cool, amazing people.

 

22:19

Yeah, and this is the whole thing. Like, we I was just talking about, this is my last group, we have the choice. We don’t have to stay somewhere, we don’t feel good. We don’t. Like we just don’t. It’s so funny when one of my clients was like, Oh, my God, like, I was out till four in the morning, because I just felt so good. Like, I wasn’t drinking, obviously. But like, I felt so good with the people I was hanging out with, with like, a place we were at, like, I felt so safe and like secure. And I had I was just having so much fun. Like I just got carried away. Yeah, like, perfect. Yeah. And like, and you know that you have the choice. Like if you didn’t feel that way. And if it was draining, and if it felt like a little achy, and you felt like you wanted to go, you also had the choice to go. Yeah. Like, we don’t have to stay in these situations mentally or physically that don’t make us feel good.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  23:19

Yeah. And in one of the things is that you don’t realize how many events that you drink to tolerate. You know, one of the things I always ask my clients when they’re like, oh, it won’t be any fun. If I’m not drinking, I’m like, Okay, is it just that it’s not any fun? You know, that’s sometimes what’s going on, like an event just isn’t that fun, and you drink to kind of get over it. And once you’re not drinking, you’re like, actually, I don’t really want to do this. Or I feel like I have to do this, but I’m going to limit the amount of time and I’m going to focus on who I’m going to interact with. And I’m going to do something afterwards that I’m really excited about that kind of thing.

 

24:01

Yeah, I mean, we can like we can justify, like, you know why we’re going to places and why we’re doing things. But we don’t have to live there. Yeah, you know, we don’t have to like power through it’s like, okay, you know, you’ve shown your face you’ve done your duty. Now you can go on with your life. Yeah, you know, you don’t have to ruin it. You don’t have to get wasted. You don’t have to block out to tolerate anything. Yeah, it’s amazing. We have these choices. On believable.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  24:33

Yeah. And you’re allowed to change and do new things and opt out of things that you’ve done before.

 

24:39

Yeah. Totally. So first and foremost, that that’s what I would say going back to like the first kind of I guess step is tap into, you know, what am I what am I worried about here? Like what is if these feelings coming up going, you know, circling around the holidays, so Once you’ve kind of identified those then we kind of go into like the more external like tips to kind of to actually do something about it you know if I always find I don’t know what the heck to do with my hands you know if I’m not drinking like all is in my hands like start like creeping up to like around my face and I’m like, what do I do with my hands? Like I can’t just stand there and like, talk and socialize without something in my hands. So, I am a huge fan of nonalcoholic alternatives. I love everything from you know, different nonalcoholic wine beers. Kombucha is like pretty much my “go to” yeah, um, yeah, so I love nonalcoholic alternatives like, What are your favorites?

 

In case anyone’s listening and needs recommendations?

 

25:57

God, I mean, I just wrote a whole kind of blog post on the 10 ones that I like love right now. I love Gaia. I think that’s how I call it GH IA it’s a botanical. It’s so beautiful. Like the bottle. I’m also like a packaging whore. Yeah. The bottle is just so gorgeous.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  26:20

It’s kind of look good. Right? You’re bringing it out?

 

26:23

Yeah. And so like, I’ll mix that with like a little soda because I like something a little like fizzy, so I don’t chug it because I just tend to chug things. I love that. I love Gruvi Prosecco.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  26:38

Oh my god, that is my go-to. And they’re bubbly. Say, but I love their echo.

 

26:44

Yeah. So good. And then probably one of my new favorites is surely wine.

 

26:51

I have not tried. Is it white or red or something?

 

26:56

They have a they have a sparkling and a flat Rosé and white queued up? Yeah. So the white is kind of like a sparkling like champagne, which is?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  27:09

Yeah, good. I love the nonalcoholic drinks as well. And I’m right now really ended nonalcoholic beer like I love athletic company. It’s like my absolute favorite NA beer. And so actually, if anyone’s listening, I’m an ambassador. So you could order it on their website and save 20% with the code Kcd 20 On your first order, but athletic Brewing Company. I’ve tried lots and lots of beers. And that’s my favorite, but I love groovy too. But this year, I love the prosecco and the bubbly. Rosé. But this year, I want to try all the new ones like I’m really into, I’m going to go, we’ll link to your blog on your favorite nonalcoholic stuff because I want to, I feel like ordering a whole bunch for this holiday.

 

27:59

Yeah. And I love this, like the different containers like there’s one called Sun chaser which is so cute. Like, it is so cute. And it tastes really good. And it has their thing is it has adaptogens so it’s like good for you and good for your like brain function and stuff like that. So, you know, why not drink something great for you instead of like poisoning yourself? Go figure.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  28:25

Yeah, and I love even sharing my nonalcoholic drinks with people who still drink alcohol. Just go Yeah, I’m gonna try this. This is really good. And a lot of times like, Ooh, can I have one of those?

 

28:37

Yes, totally. Yeah, I always I always trick my brother. My middle brother, like always bring like nonalcoholic champagne to like Christmas dinner. And I’m like, oh, you know, would you like a glass of champagne? He’s like, Oh, yeah, totally. And he’s drinking it. I’m like, Oh, look, do you like it? Like, what do you think? And he never ever puts together like, yeah, like obviously I don’t drink. I mean, he’s not the smartest tool in the shed, but whatever. And then he’s like, Oh, wait, this is nonalcoholic. Put the hook. Oh my god. Yeah, good. It’s really good. I’m like, Yeah, I know. Yeah. So like, I always, always get him.

 

29:18

I’ve always had nonalcoholic drinks. I think that’s awesome.

 

29:23

Totally. And then there’s so many different places to get them to like there’s all these nonalcoholic pop up shops like online and in person and it just shows you like they’re not going away. It’s definitely here to stay. It’s not just a trend. I think it’s really important. You know, it’s we need something special to that makes us feel included. It’s not it’s not like sparkling apple cider, which makes you Yeah, you’re at the kids table. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. So you know, something that feels like mature and not just an effort after thought. Yeah. So there’s tons of amazing, like products out there.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  30:06

Yeah. And I bring it to parties as well. I mean, I used to always go to parties and bring two bottles of wine. So it’s not strange to go and bring, you know, two four packs of groovy or whatever. Whatever floats your boat.

 

30:20

Yeah, for sure. And who knows? Like, maybe you’ll convert someone? Yeah, exactly. Get them. Just kidding. So yeah, that’s definitely like, bring your own beverages like search out there. There are so many, just amazing alternatives. Another thing that I definitely like to do, and this is like, also how me and my mom kind of like bond a bit is, I always like to help her, like in the kitchen, so like staying busy. If, you know, if you’re not a good cook, like learn or like just watch but, or help, like, refill like your grandma’s drink or just kind of be of service. Like I said, small talk is definitely like the death of me. So I can’t sit for too long. Like I will even do laundry. That is how much like I don’t like it. Yeah. I don’t know why, like it always just makes doesn’t make me feel good. Like it all the conversation always goes off the rails. It’s it seems. Yeah. Yeah. I don’t have the energy to bring it back on the rails or, nor do I?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  31:34

Yeah. So asking if you can help and like helping out in the kitchen or setting the table? Yeah, you’re right, that really does help. The other thing I would say is, like hanging out with kids or pets, super helpful. Like if there are kids around yours or others. And all the adults are drinking, like taking them on a walk outside, like even playing kickball during the day on Christmas Eve or going sledding, depending on where you are like it is really mean, you don’t even need kids to do that, like you can do. Yeah.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  32:09

And it feels Yeah, to get moving and see something in nature and all that kind of stuff.

 

32:15

Yeah, definitely. So I really like to stay busy. And it also, you know, you’re getting brownie points you’re hoping he doesn’t. You know, who doesn’t like help. Um, definitely one of my other favorites is setting boundaries. So like I said, like, I will only do small talk for so long before it goes off the rails. So setting those boundaries, and that could look like maybe staying in a hotel, if it’s not healthy for you to stay at your folk’s house or at your partner’s parents’ house, you know, having a little bit of space is okay, and it’s very healthy. So really, again, paying attention, you know, and you’ll, you’ll kind of discover this when with the first step like, what am I anxious about? Or what do I feel unsettled about holidays? And these gatherings? Like, what, what ticks me off? You know, and a lot of that is sharing a house. With people, right? Yeah. Yeah, I

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  33:17

love that tip. And it’s definitely you said boundaries, like it’s a muscle to build. And it’s a little uncomfortable at first, but you can just be like, Oh, actually, we saw this place. And we’re super excited to stay there. And, you know, we’ll be over because then you’re right. It’s that marathon of the holidays, where you see them before you go to bed and you see them first thing in the morning, and just having sort of two hours on each end makes a world of difference in your sort of level calm and happiness.

 

33:50

Yes, it is definitely worth it. And yeah, like you said, you don’t have to be mean about it. You don’t have to be like, I’m sitting at a hotel because I can’t stand you. You don’t have to say that. Don’t say that? Yeah. You know, just say like, maybe I got a good deal using my points. Like, you know, just you don’t have to make anyone feel bad about it. I don’t know about your parents, but mine always take things personally. So I’m really good at dancing around this. Yeah. And

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  34:23

if you’re Yeah, you’re married or you have kids, that’s a great excuse. You know, you got to kind of blame someone else you can say, whatever it is, we have trouble sleeping or something. But also just like if you’re coming to Seattle, you’d be like, yeah, out of town. I’ve always wanted to stay downtown by the great Lille and Pike Place. So, you know, like Christmas tree New Year’s treat to us. We booked this really cool hotel and can’t wait to see you sir. Sort of just being like, this is something I just wouldn’t love to do.

 

34:54

Yep, definitely. And then this is probably one of the biggest ones for Placing expectations with gratitude. So, you know, we, if you stopped drinking, like you’ve changed, you’re making changes in your life, you have to realize that your family necessarily hasn’t. So, you know, like how they remember, Casey is the 13 year old girl, you know, they can also remember you, as, you know, what you used to do, or how you used to show up for family events, you know, especially if you only see your family, like, once or twice a year. Again, this is like, we don’t really know each other. You know, we’re kind of just going off of what we see or what, what, little, little specks or what you allow them to see. So really, you know, I found it hard, like the first the first couple trips home for Christmas. You know, everyone kept asking me if I wanted a drink. I’m like, Are you guys nuts? Like, I don’t drink. And I like, I kind of like, took it a little like, personally, because its kind of hurt like, Oh, you’re not listening to me like, or you’re not taking me seriously. And that’s not the case. Like they are just used to you being a certain way. And it’s going to take a little bit of time. And especially like, I don’t know about you, but I definitely didn’t get sober right away.

 

Right. Like, I took me Oh, yeah. 10 years. So I was like, I was like the girl that cried sober. Yeah. Right. Like, is she drinking? Or she not drinking? Is she serious about this? You know, your family doesn’t know they’re not, that aren’t necessarily doing it maliciously. But they, they haven’t changed like you have. And you know, it’s it definitely gets better. Like the more committed you are to your changes, the easier it is like for people around you to see that and like, of course support you. But I think that the expectation that they should just know, again, you don’t necessarily like know everything about these people, nor do they know everything about you.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  37:10

But it is super helpful to let them know, like, just be like, if you’re going to a party, or if you’re going to your parents’ house, or even a New Year’s party just be like, Hey, by the way, I’m not drinking, so I’ll be bringing this awesome thing that I like to drink or when like, I feel like putting it out there that you’re not drinking in advance kind of helps stop them from asking you seven times if you want to drink.

 

37:35

Yeah, I mean, yeah. And of course, like, like I said before, Bring, bring your own your own alternatives. Right. I think the easiest way, you know, you can say, and this is this happened all the time. Like I would say that I’m not drinking, I’m sorry, but I’m not drinking. But until I actually showed up with an alternative or something for me to drink. They, they would still ask Yeah. Oh, like, I think kind of like talk is kind of cheap to an extent, until you follow it up with an action. So if you aren’t drinking, like, cool, bring something to support that. So you’re not just like stuck with water? Or, you know, I also look at people asking you if you want to drink as a test, I don’t take it personally, I don’t think, you know, I think I don’t think that they’re wrong for asking it. It’s actually you know, a pretty normal question or in our society, which is like when others that’s a whole nother episode. Um, you know, that they are being polite to an extent. But, you know, this, like I said, like, you got to leave those expectations. You can’t expect everyone to, you know, change like you have. So you need to you do need to self advocate, you know, you need to stand up for yourself, and you do that by taking actions for yourself and taking care of yourself. Yeah. And, and, you know, like bringing those alternatives. They definitely start conversation. You know, they do, you know, people ask, like, Oh, that’s a cool bottle, or like, what does that like? What is that? It’s like, such a pretty color. Like, what is that? Like? What does it taste like? What a great conversation starter. Yeah. You know, like, oh, it’s amazing. You should try this. Yes. And they’re like, what, like, you don’t drink? You drink this? Yeah, totally. And this is why, like, you know, it just leads down the avenue of like, it could be a really nonchalant conversation.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  39:33

Yeah, it shifts from like, the idea of lack to the idea of experimentation and something new and being curious, you know, as opposed to the same old, same old.

 

39:45

Yeah. Or like, I can’t drink I can’t do this. Don’t ask me. Don’t do this. Don’t do that. It’s like, well, holy shit. Then everyone’s like walking on eggshells and like, yeah, that’s when you feel like different right? Like, that’s when you feel like, kind of segregated from the pack. You know, so I Yeah, taking those actions and advocating for yourself. Talk is cheap. Yeah, I love just as you guys show up for yourself. And then the last one I would say is like, I call it like sending out an SOS. So like having like a support system or someone that you can text or like call, or if you don’t have someone, I have like, kind of text, some techniques that I use. So I’m a huge fan of journaling and writing stuff out. I even like to burn the pages after just, you know, to solidify it and send it out to the universe. But I love journaling and getting it all out and like, it just feels like I’m like a mind dump and like a weight off my shoulders. If you don’t have someone that you can like send an SOS to, or voice notes on your phone is a lovely, lovely little gadget. Talking into that, it just again feels like the weight is lifted off your shoulders, and the weight of the world is like gone just any way to, like, expel and release. What you’re thinking or feeling are pretty, pretty powerful.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  41:27

Yeah. And I think just knowing that the first year is going to be hard. The first anything is going to be uncomfortable. But it does get easier. Usually the first, like 20 minutes are the hardest, right? When you sort of walk into somewhere, and it settles down, especially if you focus on like, who would be interesting to talk to or, you know, who do I want to spend time with? But I mean, I remember I quit drinking in February, and I thought that by December, it would be easy. Like I was really solid in my sobriety, I felt good about it. I was healthier. I was happy. Everybody knew I stopped drinking. And despite that, it was pretty challenging. Like just having Christmas Eve and my mom’s like, Oh, do you mind if me and your husband have red wine at dinner, which was like my jam. So like my special night, they’re drinking wine in front of me. God knows how they drink it that slowly because like I would finish a bottle, you know, super fast and they had it for like four hours in front of me. And you know, yeah, SOS texting someone. I went upstairs and like, texted my sober bestie and was like, What the fuck these people need to finish this bottle of wine or I’m gonna kill them. Like, how are they still sipping it? But I know realizing it was hard, but then also focusing on the positive like waking up Christmas morning and not being hungover while my kids like we’re running down to see the stockings from Santa at 530 in the morning. I was like, oh my god, this is amazing. Like, actually enjoyed my coffee without feeling queasy.

 

43:15

Yeah, definitely. I mean, there’s tons of like, amazing, you know, benefits that come with it. Like, hangovers just suck all around. They just really suck. I want to I just I want to ask you, when you were describing, like, you know, your mom and your husband having a glass of wine. You said it was my special day?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  43:37

Yeah. Well, I mean, what is that? In my mind? It was, it was in my home, it was Christmas Eve. And I just was like, I feel like I could have said no, I could have been like, actually, do you guys mind not drinking tonight, or like have beer or have something else? Like, I just was like sitting at dinner and they were drinking my old favorite thing right in front of me. And so actually after that, and it you know, I still have people come over all the time for parties, and they drink wine. And it’s sort of like, you know, BYOB and take it with you when you’re done. Been had an intimate small dinner with, you know, that being the drink on the table. That was really hard for me. And the next night. You know, my mother in law was over and said, Oh, we can have wine. I was like actually no, we’re done. Would you like some beer? Like I was just like, I’m not sitting through that again. And it’s different for everyone. But I would you know, in retrospect, I wish I’d been like, hey, actually, I’m not drinking wine. So like, can you guys have something else? And I don’t care if it’s alcoholic or not. But that was just that was just for me.

 

44:53

Yeah, the one was like triggering like that was yes, it was a weapon of choice. Yes, yeah. Why do you think why do you think you took it? So? Like, personally almost,

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  45:05

I think because it was sitting in front of me for like three or four hours. Like I was just like, how can they come to you? Yeah, exactly. And I think that that first year was really hard. I don’t think it would be hard now. But I also think that I just didn’t speak up for what I wanted, and they wouldn’t have cared. Like I said, I was cool when I wasn’t really cool. And, you know, later my husband’s like, if it bothered you, why didn’t you just tell us and I’m like, Well, I was trying to, like, make it nice for everyone around me and not, you know, hey, I changed. I don’t want to have to change you. You know, I’m still cool. And you know, in retrospect, they’ve really didn’t care. And so I was just doing it to myself because I didn’t speak up.

 

45:51

Man. You weren’t you didn’t have your own back.

 

45:54

Yeah. Yeah.

 

45:57

So everyone was like having a fine evening, and you’re just like, Oh, my God, I was killing it.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  46:03

gritting my teeth, white knuckling it annoying, you know, it was it was hard that first time and I think I just didn’t make it easier. I even think going over to dinner at someone else’s house if they’re drinking and then coming home and not having that beverage of choice around you in a small environment easier. But, you know, I it helped like, exactly what you said, right? To have other drinks that I liked to have them No, I wasn’t drinking it, but actually back it up, like just not sort of given obviously. And to have someone to reach out to like to have someone to have an SOS to because I completely used it. And then waking up the next morning and feeling amazing. Even going for a run midday. I mean, I had so many hungover Christmas mornings, in New Year’s Day mornings, where I just felt like I was complete garbage and like, oh my god, am I gonna make it through the day? I’m so ill. And just having those days to actually enjoy it. I mean, that’s pretty amazing.

 

47:12

Yeah, totally. Oh, there’s nothing worse than literally making yourself sick. Like, Oh, yes.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  47:21

What are your plans this year for the holidays?

 

47:24

Mm hmm. Yeah. So we, my family, my brother just had a baby. So she’s eight days old. Oh, my gosh, just had that literally. Yeah. Last week. Yeah. So um, I’m in an ad. I’m a new and I’m a first time and so basically, I think Christmas is gonna revolve around Stella around the kid. Yeah. So we usually get together at my mom’s house, which is really nice. And I help her we usually do like prime rib. We’re not into Turkey. So yeah, I cook the prime rib. And yeah, she helps. She’s my sous chef. Yeah, yeah. And then we just we just hang out her house is so like, cozy and we hang out by the fire. And I think we’re just gonna like to watch the baby. Yeah. Well, that’ll be gonna be our source of entertainment. Yeah, yeah. That’d be great. Yeah, so I’m so excited. I’m just like, I’m so obsessed with her. Yeah. Like, oh my god, like her ear like her. Just last beautiful. Is this. Yeah, it’s like the seven pounds. Little tiny thing. I just like, it’s so weird. Like, I don’t even know this kid. And like, I love it so much. Like, what that’s gonna

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  48:54

happen. Just a really special, special holiday. That’s gonna be

 

48:59

Yeah. Yeah. So we’re all like really excited. And we’re getting her like first Christmas gear, like, all done up. No, that’s great. Yeah, what are you up to? Well,

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  49:12

so my mom always comes for the holidays. And usually my mother in law comes to they’re both widows. Okay. And this year, just my mom’s coming because the day after Christmas, my husband’s a basketball coach varsity girls basketball and so we’re flying down to Arizona for a big tournament, but it’s gonna be sunny and we’re staying at a resort and there are pools for the kids and it’s a great group. It’s the varsity girls and boys’ team. So like, just fun watching the game. So for Christmas, we’re just uh, you know, we always like cook a big dinner. I am not a cook. I do the dishes because I hate cooking. But my husband cooks my son cooks all the pies like they’re really good. Oh, wow. Yeah, we usually play board game, you know. Yes.

 

50:03

Have you ever played we just started like playing it because like my brother’s girlfriend’s family is like really into it. They’re they this is like their family tradition but we’ve kind of jacked it when our we’re taking it over. It’s called Mexican train.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  50:19

No. All right, I’m gonna have to look into it. Oh

 

50:22

my God, it is like the funniest game ever. I suck at it. I am horrible, but it is so much fun. You have to check it out. Okay,

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  50:33

I took a game ever. Yeah. And I love to go on a hike on Christmas Day. Like Apphia open all the presents. And yeah, New Year’s we have this great tradition of why I am groovy per second because it’s so good. And we get this like flying wish paper, you get it off Amazon. Oh. And there’s like 14 or so little papers in there. And everyone in our family writes three wishes for the new year. And then we do three for the universe. And you turn off all the lights and you roll it up and you’d light it on fire, and it goes into the air. Yeah, they float away. It’s like really thin, thin paper. Yeah. So that’s my new year’s thing to do. Oh, that’s so nice. Yeah, so cute. Yeah, well, so I mean, for anyone’s listening, you can have an absolutely lovely holiday season without drinking. And just be aware of, you know, like Jessica said, what might be hard for you what it’s bringing up, work on your boundaries and do stuff you enjoy?

 

51:40

Yeah, totally. Yeah. You know, you have to stand up for yourself.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  51:46

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Well, if anyone has not yet checked out Jessica’s podcast, it’s amazing. It’s a Sober Girls Guide. I love it. I’ve been listening to it all week. And Jessica, tell us how people can find out more about you in the work you do.

 

52:04

Yeah, definitely. So check out a sober girls. guide.com. And then we’re also on Facebook and Instagram. @sobergirlsguide. Yeah. So the website has everything, everything you need to know.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  52:20

Yeah, I will link to your favorite nonalcoholic alternatives that blog post because I did Oh, right.

 

52:26

Right. Right. Great.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  52:29

Awesome. Well, thank you so much.

 

52:31

Thank you.