SUMMARY KEYWORDS

resilience building, sobriety tools, emotional regulation, self-compassion, physical wellness, positive affirmations, gratitude practice, mindfulness, cognitive restructuring, accountability partners, vision setting, coping mechanisms, mental health, self-awareness, healthy coping

SPEAKERS: Casey McGuire Davidson + Lauren Fields

00:02

Welcome to the Hello Someday Podcast, the podcast for busy women who are ready to drink less and live more. I’m Casey McGuire Davidson, ex-red wine girl turned life coach helping women create lives they love without alcohol. But it wasn’t that long ago that I was anxious, overwhelmed, and drinking a bottle of wine and night to unwind. I thought that wine was the glue, holding my life together, helping me cope with my kids, my stressful job and my busy life. I didn’t realize that my love affair with drinking was making me more anxious and less able to manage my responsibilities.

In this podcast, my goal is to teach you the tried and true secrets of creating and living a life you don’t want to escape from.

Each week, I’ll bring you tools, lessons and conversations to help you drink less and live more. I’ll teach you how to navigate our drinking obsessed culture without a bus, how to sit with your emotions, when you’re lonely or angry, frustrated or overwhelmed, how to self soothe without a drink, and how to turn the decision to stop drinking from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

I am so glad you’re here. Now let’s get started.

Hey there.

Today, we are talking about

 

building resilience in sobriety

 

and I’m really excited to have my guest on.

 

Her name is Lauren Fields. She’s a Life Design Strategist who empowers ambitious women and growth driven individuals navigating life transitions to find clarity and unlock their full potential. She blends cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness techniques to help clients reframe limiting beliefs and build resilience.

 

Lauren also hosts The Fieldswell podcast sharing transformational strategies for personal and professional growth.

She recently gave a TEDx talk on overcoming traumatic brain injury, showcasing her expertise in resilience and self-reinvention.

 

I met Lauren a while ago, and I’m really excited to talk about this, because she, in addition to all of her background, is studying positive psychology and individual and family treatment of substance abuse.

 

So, this is going to be a great conversation where we bring together all of that expertise to help you figure out how to be more resilient, which will help you stop drinking and be happier and stronger and more empowered in your sobriety.

 

So, Lauren, Welcome

 

Lauren Fields  02:36

Hi Casey. Thank you for that incredible introduction. I’m so happy to be here today.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  02:42

Yeah, I’m excited to have you here too, because the idea of resilience is something that is really undermined, or I know was undermined for myself. When I was drinking, I felt like I could barely cope with my life. I felt like anything would break me, and it was a trigger that led me to drink, feeling that stress and overwhelm. And then once you remove that coping mechanism of drinking, you really have to build up that resilience to not go back to it.

 

And it’s sort of we were talking it’s like the chicken and the egg, right? You rely on alcohol because you think it helps you, and because of that, you’re not developing the underlying skills and tools and strength that you need to cope with life without alcohol.

 

Lauren Fields  03:30

Yeah, it’s so true. And I think resilience is such an incredible focus for our episode, and especially in the world right now. And sometimes it can seem like this big, daunting word, like, Oh my gosh. Like, am I resilient? Was I born resilient? How do I develop it? And the good news is, is that it is a skill that can be strengthened.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  03:49

So, before we get started, can you just, like, super high level, like, define what resilience is?

 

Lauren Fields  03:56

Sure, resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity, and so in bouncing back from adversity, when you are resilient, there’s a lower amount, or a non-existent amount of psychopathology, meaning that you aren’t overwhelmed by difficult things that happen in your life. When you are resilient, you believe in yourself and your ability to overcome adversity and whatever challenges you face.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  04:24

Yeah. No, that makes a lot of sense, and I know that just by removing alcohol, I felt better able to cope with the stress in my life in tough situations, just because my nervous system wasn’t shot to hell and my anxiety wasn’t higher than it would have been otherwise, and I was more productive with less brain fog, and I was finally sleeping well. So, all of those physical things help you be more resilient, but there’s also a lot of work to be done to build that up, like work. I wish I’d learned how to do when I was 16 and 22 and 30.

 

Lauren Fields  05:01

Yes, and another reason I love this topic Casey is because as I study for a master’s in psychology, I realized that we aren’t taught proper coping mechanisms, or at least I wasn’t in the general education system in high school. And so, we enter the real world, and we don’t know how to handle adversity, and we turn to a quick fix that being alcohol or drugs to help us cope, and then we put so much blame on ourselves. So, when in reality, we aren’t properly taught like how to handle adversity, that it’s okay to fail, it’s okay to have a hard time, and that you become stronger when you exercise that resiliency, and you work towards overcoming whatever you are challenged with.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  05:44

Yeah, absolutely. And I think that I hope that the world is changing. I know that my daughter, like, I think she actually taught me how to do box breathing when she was 7 years old. Like, we were lying in bed, and I was like, oh my god, I’m super stressed. And we always listen to, like, sleep meditations when I put her to bed, but she, like, went to her iPad and googled and found, like, box breathing on YouTube, and we did it together. She taught me, and that helped so much, because, like, we didn’t talk about any of that when I was growing up, like, I would tell my mom or dad that I was stressed out or worried about something or upset, and, you know, stiff upper lip, Midwest, like, you know, wasp, my family or Wasp, like, it was just like, You’re fine, you’re lucky, you don’t have problems. Deal with it. Stiff upper lip, move on, you know.

 

Lauren Fields  06:35

Yeah, yeah. And it just, it brings me back. I want to share a little bit about my story and how I feel, resilience has played a role in my life, because that may help give credit to some of the strategies and tools I’ve developed, but what I’ve come to learn is resiliency is really strengthened when you develop a strong relationship to yourself.

So often, we want to change the world around us to make us feel better about ourselves. But the reality is, when you change internally and you become more resilient, you instill these mindset practices or self-care practices, when you change and become stronger internally, everything else around you changes.

 

Yeah, and for me, when I was younger, I was in a horse accident, woke up from a coma with a traumatic brain injury, had doctors with really limiting beliefs about my future, may have to relearn how to speak, may struggle with memory retention, may have difficulty walking and may become violent due to being frustrated with what had happened to me. I was so young I didn’t understand the severity of that event, but I went on trying to hide that that had happened to me, because I was embarrassed that I almost lost my life. You tried to hide it. I tried to hide it, and I thought I had walked away unscathed after months of brain fog, and then I started to have neurological issues. Was in hospitals having different surgeries to create to correct the neurological issues, and it wasn’t until I finally realized this is coming up for a reason. How can I use what I’ve been through to help others that my life totally changed? And so often, we’re embarrassed about something that has happened to us, and we’re hiding it. We’re trying to seem like perfect and like, everything’s okay.

 

The real growth and the transformation is in that space between that we try and gloss over, that we try and ignore, and it’ll keep bubbling up. So, if there’s an event that happened to you that you’re trying to hide, that you’re trying to, you know, sweep under the rug, that’s coming up for a reason, and what I’ve learned is that oftentimes our adversity can be our biggest advantage. And so, if you’re struggling right now, if you’re feeling alone, listen to that.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  08:53

Yeah. I mean, I think that when you said that you were trying to hide it and kind of not talking about it, not getting the support you need. I know that a lot of us, when we’re struggling with alcohol, do that because we don’t want judgment. Maybe we don’t want to stop drinking at all, but we’re afraid that if we tell anyone that, that we will be labeled as having a drinking problem, or, you know, in this other category. And the challenge with that is that you are not alone so many women, high achieving women who are doing well in all areas of their lives struggle with alcohol, and if you connected with them, you would learn those tools and strategies, and you wouldn’t feel so alone, and so that’s why sometimes connecting with other people, whether it’s in an online group or in person or somewhere else, really helps you not feel so alone and realize that there’s sort of strength in finding other people.

 

Lauren Fields  09:56

There’s strength in the vulnerability. There’s strength. And the authenticity, because you’re saying, Hey, I am a human alive on this earth and I believe we are here to live in our full expression and to give yourself credit to own.

Hey, I’m struggling right now, and I need help. And to ask for help, and to say, This is me, laws and all this is me.

It is liberating, and you will feel a weight lifted off your back when you own who you are, and you own what you’re going through. And that’s when you will attract your tribe and others who are going through something similar as you and who can help you.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  10:36

Yeah, yeah. I think in my life, when I’ve gotten vulnerable about whatever it is that’s going on in my life that I’m struggling with. I’ve had friends that I’ve known for years share stuff about their own lives related to completely different things that they had never shared with me. Because, you know, when you get together with people, usually it’s like, Oh, I’m fine. I’m so busy. You know, the kids this this vacation mother, but it’s very surface,

 

Lauren Fields  11:02

the busyness, right? So busy everything’s good, like, don’t have time to think about like, how I’m actually doing.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  11:11

Yeah?

 

Well, so just to start out, are there key signs of low resilience that show up, whether it’s emotional, mental, behavioral patterns or physically that people should watch out for?

 

Lauren Fields  11:23

Yeah, I would say first of all, like, think of how you handle difficult situations. Are you sitting around, maybe, like, worrying about what’s going to happen next, and do you go through a total Tailspin if anything doesn’t go your way? That is a big sign I would look out for.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  11:43

So, feeling overwhelmed, feeling burnt out, like hard to recover after a second.

 

Lauren Fields  11:50

Yeah, emotionally taxed by like events that happen, kind of like on pins and needles, like, as I said, What’s going to happen next? Am I going to be okay when this happens? And there’s so many different ways, you know, a lot of its mindfulness into how to best stabilize yourself.

 

And what I go back to is it’s really in the daily living and the daily routines, Casey. Like, do I have the practices in place to know that I’ll be okay no matter what happens? Because guess what? Challenges are going to arise inevitably. That’s just life. And I don’t wish an easy life for anyone, because it’s in the struggle. It’s in the like pursuit of whatever your vision is.

 

And I want to talk about vision setting, because that’s so important and really influences the decisions you make today. But you develop your character when you’re working through the challenges that you face. And so, I think we’re so afraid when we’re younger, we’re almost taught like, don’t fail, always do your best. Like, when this this mindset, but it’s like the learning is in the failure. Just take that as feedback, as information and information, not as like, these total huge setbacks.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  13:02

Yeah, yeah. And that’s something that you can apply to all areas of your life. But also, if you’ve been trying to take a break from drinking and getting 5 days, 7 days, 30 days – whatever it is, and then going back to it. You can learn from that. That is good information that you can help.

 

Lauren Fields  13:23

It means you’re in the game. You’re trying, you’re making an effort. This is information. Okay, what happened this time? How can I understand it and how can I use it to grow instead of use it to bring me down?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  13:33

Yes. So, teach us.

 

You’ve mentioned a couple different things. Vision setting, other things like, what if someone realizes that they are frequently or, you know, have a low tolerance for discomfort, right? They want to suppress or avoid negative emotions, that they have, mood swings, that they’re overwhelmed, that they, you know, all the signs of low resilience, what should they do?

 

Lauren Fields  14:06

So, one of my favorite lecturers and scientists is Dr Joe Dispenza. He has a show on Gaia network called, Rewired, and he is all about rewiring your subconscious mind. Some of the statistics that he shares are, we have on average, 60,000 thoughts a day. 90% of which can be repetitive, and 80% of which can be negative. So, if you’re having all these negative, repetitive thoughts, understand that number one, you’re not alone, and number two, that it’s important to acknowledge that you’re having these thoughts, because the good news is, you can influence them and you can change them.

 

And so, the biggest part is ensuring that you train your mind to be to work for you instead of against you. And so, if you’re having 60,000 thoughts a day, and a lot of these are negative and repetitive, maybe they’re, should I drink, or I want to drink, or I’m not good enough, you know, whatever it is, understand that thought and. Understand that you’re not the thought. You’re the one noticing the thought.

 

And so, something that I enjoy doing is sitting in a morning meditation where I’m just aware of the thought, and then you can do some cognitive restructuring, where you are noticing the thought and you’re changing it for a more positive thought that’s more in line with how you actually want to feel. And now this doesn’t have to be the exact opposite. The importance, the important part is that it’s a realistic thought.

 

So, instead of like, I’m, you know, I failed because I am wanting a drink or because I had a drink yesterday, instead, it can be, I believe in my ability to go a day sober, or I’m proud of myself for wanting to make a change in my life. And so, I think when you start to build a better relationship with yourself and your thought patterns, you’re going to notice a lot of change in your life.

 

So again, number one is starting with the relationship you have with yourself. The way you’re thinking, the way you’re caring for yourself, and then again, just creating a clear vision for what you want for yourself and your future.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  15:59

Yeah, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. And I didn’t realize necessarily that that was exactly what I was doing in the early days. But I’m a big vision board person, because I need, you know, when you have these constant thoughts, you need a daily reminder to reinforce, you know, the positive thoughts instead. And I had a couple things up in early sobriety that really helped me in terms of, like, focusing on what I was doing in a positive way.

 

One of them was, I am creating a life that feels good on the inside, not just one that looks good on the outside, because you know nothing to see here. I’ll just go have my wine.

 

Another one was, I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me and it just somehow made me like, empowered in walking away from drinking and have it be a positive as opposed to what’s wrong with me. Why can’t I drink like a normal person? I lost my privileges. I suck. You know, it was just like, No, this is better on the other side.

 

And I think the third one was just reinforcing the idea that like drinking just adds a problem to a problem. So, if I was lonely or angry or overwhelmed, I would just be adding a hangover and extra anxiety and poor sleep to that that it because for so long, I thought that drinking was a solution to overwhelm and stress and loneliness. You know what I mean?

 

Lauren Fields  17:41

Yeah, and you know, drinking is a temporary fix or a band aid to a deeper root issue. And so, it’s so important to identify what that is and what’s coming up for you, and to then develop healthier coping mechanisms, as opposed to having that temporary fix, you know, more lasting increases in like, natural dopamine, which you can get through reading, through connecting with friends, through working out, through making a healthy meal. There are so many ways and these will ride with you and like, lift you up and enable you to do so much more with your life than you’re currently experiencing with the alcohol use or substance abuse.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  18:26

So, I’m hearing you know, the first step is managing your thoughts, like replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, or at least noticing what the negatives ones are and realizing that what you think isn’t actually reality.

 

You also talked about natural dopamine, like focusing on getting more of that in your life versus the substance that spikes it and then suppresses it, yeah. What else?

 

Lauren Fields  18:55

What else can we do? I mean, I’m big on this. Goes back to the mindset, the positive affirmations, the I Am statements. I am love, I am light, I am abundant, I am worthy. Talk yourself up. Become your own best friend. I like to say, Casey, you are with the person that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, and that is you.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  19:20

Yeah. Yeah. So even something like, I am worth investing in changing myself or making my life better.

 

One that I went to, an early version of hip sobriety School, which is us, a program no longer around. It was by Holly Whitaker, who wrote the book, Quit Like A Woman, and she had something that she said that I put up that was like, I trust the evolution of my life. And that, to me, was just like first emphasized that my life was evolving, which is very positive, right? And that I needed to trust that the path I was on was a good one.

 

Lauren Fields  20:05

Trusting in that and believing. Maybe there’s, you know, having faith, being connected to your spirituality and trusting. Maybe there’s a bigger vision for my life that I can’t even see in this moment, and I’m going to trust in that, because how should I believe that I know everything that’s supposed to happen and my best path but trusting in a higher power and that we’re co creating with whatever you call it, universe, Spirit, God, whatever you believe in to believe there’s something more. If you look around, it’s really hard for me not to believe in miracles. There’s a butterfly flying by, flowers are blooming, the sun is shining.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  20:39

yeah. You must live somewhere better, not better than I do, because Seattle, and it’s raining in 45 right now, I need to know.

 

Lauren Fields  20:48

Yes, I’m in San Diego, California.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  20:51

Okay, sunshine. There’s butterflies. I’m like, we have the we have the I think we won the weather, the wider competition here, yeah, okay, that was that topic.

Lauren Fields  20:57

Good. Sorry. We’re reeling it back in. But what I’m saying is, when you start to have appreciation and gratitude for like, another one, a gratitude practice. Casey, I’m big on this. At the end of every day, I write down at least three things that happened that day that I’m grateful for. Some days are harder than others, and it can be as simple as, like, my dog loved me today, or the sun was shining, or I had a meal to eat. You know, there are people in the world who don’t even have a meal to eat, you know, so like little things, what can I be grateful for? And you’ll start to build more appreciation and be given more to be grateful for when you start to acknowledge all that you have around you.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  21:44

Yeah, yeah. And that’s part of changing your mindset, changing those automatic thought patterns of those 60,000 thoughts a day when so many are negative, and building that resilience because you see how much around you is positive and can support you. Yeah.

 

Lauren Fields  22:02

Yeah. And going back to those thoughts that you have a negative thought, like, is this check with yourself? Is this thought valid? What can I do to prove this thought? Because so often we let these thoughts run on autopilot. We believe them, and they become our identity. But if you can’t, if you can’t verify that thought, what can you change it to instead? Which is what we went over. It’s so important to pay attention to how you’re thinking.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  22:27

Yeah, and that’s something that we do when you were trying to stop drinking. We talk about your addictive voice and trying to separate that from who you are.

 

So, the thoughts are like, Oh, my God, this day’s been horrible. You need a drink. We’re like, Nope, that’s your addictive voice. Why do you want to drink? What is the truth? So, you know, I am overwhelmed, stressed out, lonely, angry, resentful, okay, I can solve for that, like I can, you know, do I need boundaries? Do I need help? Do I need to push this off, as opposed to, I need a drink, which, you know, the idea again, of like, okay, that thought is not it’s not accurate, because you don’t need a headache and a hangover and to, like, basically knock yourself unconscious.

 

Lauren Fields  23:16

It’s so true. The accountability piece and the awareness, Casey of like, okay, I’m aware. I’m having these thoughts. I’m showing this is a hard time, the accountability of I know that I maybe haven’t been making great choices, and I know that I want to make a change. Yeah, and then asking yourself, what is that change, and how will I feel when I make that change?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  23:38

Oh my gosh, I just thought of another affirmation that I would love like I am allowed to change.

 

Lauren Fields  23:45

Just see, yes, you know, and I think it can be scary, the whole this whole concept of change can be scary, because what’s on the other side of that change? I’m really familiar with what my life looks like now, but I know things are going to change when maybe I stop drinking. What are people going to think of me when I’m out with them and I don’t order a drink, what’s that going to feel like? Are they still want to going to want to be friends with me? All of these thoughts surface, and it can be overwhelming and intimidating to what will happen when I make a change, and you have to come back to your Why? Why do I want to make a change? And oftentimes you want to make a change, because you realize you’ve gotten to a point that is not sustainable, that is not life giving, that is really making your life not enjoyable anymore. And so, you need to listen to that, because otherwise you’re dimming the voice inside of yourself that keeps coming up.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  24:35

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. So, some of the stuff we’re talking about is do it in your life. Begin it now, keep it up as a practice, meaning, like noticing your thoughts, replacing them with positive affirmations that aren’t completely different, like they’re realistic, right? They are. Something that you can handle and move through.

 

What about when bad things happen? Right? When you know you’re going through life, you feel like you can’t handle one more thing, and your boss puts this crazy deadline on yourself, or your kid gets sick, or you know something, you know you get laid off. Whatever it is, something happens in your marriage, like, how do you in the immediate time, help yourself be more resilient through that?

 

Lauren Fields  25:36

I think the first step Casey is exactly like, if you’re listening to this podcast and you’re thinking, wow, like I do struggle in all of these situations, I need to develop and strengthen my resilience, and you do that by working on, I go back to these daily routines and systems we have in place. Understanding that, yes, difficult times are going to arise, but I’ve been doing this self-work, this training on resilience, developing a more positive mindset and a growth mindset. And I believe that I can handle hard things. You know, there’s no way you can fully prepare for everything that’s going to happen in life. There’s just no way I wish I could do like an on off switch and be like, Okay, you’re set. Here you go. Here’s the magic answer, but it is trusting in your ability to overcome difficult times because of the practices you have in place.

 

I want to go over this with you, these statistics that I’ve been going over in my positive psychology class, which focuses on individual strengths, and the statistics are on happiness, or what they call, subjective well-being. I really like the term, subjective well-being over happiness.

 

Subjective well-being. 50% genetic, okay, we can’t change our genetics. 10% comes from life circumstances, and 40% comes from our choices and our behaviors. So, what I realize is so often we’re focused on that 10% in letting our life circumstances determine our overall well-being, does that relate to you?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  27:19

It? It definitely does Yes. And a question, sure. I’m curious about the 50% genetic. Can you tell me more about that?

 

Lauren Fields  27:31

Sure. So, the 50% genetic, the way that I understand it, is this comes from our genetic makeup, from that we inherited from our parents and past ancestors. And I also, I mean, the life it’s interesting, like, Where does nature versus nurture come into play here with that 50% I haven’t given like dove deeply enough into it, but the way I took it was like, if 50% is genetic, that is our genetic makeup, that is our predispositions are our personality traits, and it is like the world we are born into.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  28:05

The degree to which possibly you’re an optimist, at optimist, or just the way your brain works in terms of your automatic thought patterns.

 

Lauren Fields  28:16

Perhaps, yes, however, I with these statistics, what I like focusing on is that 40% of voices in behavior and we’ll revert back to this, like how we form our identity and our sense of being, optimism and our growth mindset, much of which I believe is based on our attachment patterns that we form when we are with our primary caregivers As children, and to also understand that that too is something that can be changed and strengthened. Our personalities don’t need to be fixed. We can become more open minded, we can become more loving, more positive, we can get comfortable taking bigger risks in our lives, but with the resilience piece and with the relationship to self-peace, that those are both strengthened by the choices we make and our behaviors. And so, if we can focus on that 40% that’s a big percentage change you can see, instead of focusing on her 10% of life circumstances.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  29:23

Yeah, no, that makes a lot of sense. And I remember that changing for me when I stopped drinking. I wrote down to myself where I was when I was drinking, like I literally in my notepad on my phone, and I have it, and it is so different looking at it from where I was when I was drinking, versus at 100 days alcohol-free when I was drinking, I was like, I have no capacity to change, you know, to react. Back to different things in my life. I feel like everything is the straw that’s going to break the camel’s back. And then I was like, I’m anxious. I have no confidence in my ability to, you know, be strong for the future. I was like, I’m angry. And I was like, why am I angry? And because I had a really good life, and when I got away from the alcohol, and most importantly, like also did some work, I had a coach and I had a therapist, and I was in groups, and I exercised and did I had a vision board with a positive affirmation. When I got to day 100 it was so different the way I viewed the world. And I remember going running. I did a 10k for the first time in like six years, when I was about two months, so 60 days, alcohol free, and I was not fast at all. But I remember as I crossed the finish line, I was like in tears, and the only thought going through my head was, I am now a person who does what I say I’m going to do like it was such an identity.

 

Lauren Fields  31:07

Yes, Casey, that belief in oneself through keeping the promises you make to yourself is definitely how you increase your self worth, your self-confidence and your resilience. Because you’re saying, I’m someone I can trust. I said I was going to do this, and it could be even when just making a small goal, or just one thing, saying I’m not going to drink today, when you actually complete that goal, you will develop more resilience, because you completed something that maybe was difficult for you, and as you continue to do that, your resilience will build those the trust will build because you are sticking to a plan you made for yourself. And I want to.

 

Something else came to me in regard to how to build resilience. Look back at all the difficult situations you’ve been through and actually made it through, and you’re still alive and breathing and well you learned how to walk even after you fell. How many times you know what I mean? You completed Middle School, you completed high school, what, what have you, all of these things that maybe, like at the time, seemed difficult, and you made it through when you’re here today to talk about it. Maybe you made it through losing your job, maybe you made it through a divorce, like you made it through difficult things. And so, what’s it? What’s the difference between this other difficult thing that may happen in the future, you’re going to make it through it and it’s on you to kind of, it’s about a perception of like, How do I look at what’s happening to me and understand that this is temporary. It’s not going to last forever. And how can I set myself up best to make it through when challenges do inevitably arise?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  32:50

Yeah, well, so say you’re in one of those difficult situations your life, and you are trying really hard not to go back to your old coping mechanisms of just numbing out with alcohol or something else, yeah, in that moment or in that time period, what are some things you recommend that people do? Because, you know, therapy helped me a lot.

 

Lauren Fields  33:17

I was going to say, support. Ask for help. People sometimes are afraid to ask for help. I’m vulnerable. I don’t want to share what I’m going through. You are going to feel so good releasing all of this pent up energy, emotion, thoughts that are going on inside of you. Ask for help, whether it’s through therapy, whether it’s through a friend, and even just releasing whether you’re journaling about what’s going on, ask for help. Number One.

 

Two is, have healthier coping mechanisms that you have in place knowing, okay, this is going on. I’m really craving a drink right now. What can I do instead? Can I go to a workout class? Can I listen to an inspiring podcast on this exact topic, listening to someone else who’s been through what I’m going through that I can maybe relate to. Can I journal about it? Can I sit in my meditation and, like, do a visualization exercise where I envision myself getting through this and I envision the actual outcome I want of this situation as opposed to what I don’t want to happen?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  34:19

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. And even if your coping mechanism is crying and screaming and going at 8pm that coping mechanism, right? That is not knocking yourself unconscious with a substance. And I think a lot of us turn to drinking because we don’t believe, as women, that we should have negative emotions. That we should be angry, that we should be irritated, that we should be anything other than happy and calm and loving and helping other people.

 

Lauren Fields  34:52

Yeah, it’s validating your own emotions. And I think that is so healthy and so helpful and so healing.

 

One of my favorite workouts is the class by Taryn Toomey. She has Studios in New York and LA, but there’s also an online platform. You can do these workouts at home. I think there’s a one week free trial. It is a cathartic mind, body, soul workout. This workout has helped me get through some of the most difficult times in my life. You will go into one of these studios during this workout, which you do each movement for a song. So, say, jumping jacks for a song. You know, bicycles for a song. What have you. There are women screaming, crying. They’re getting their emotions out as they’re dancing, as they’re moving. And it is so incredibly healing. And so, to find something like that that really resonates with you, that helps you get all this pent up, anger, anxiety, sadness, hurt, overwhelm out is so healing.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  35:51

That’s great. I just looked it up. So, I will put the link into the show notes, since you’re able to do it online, which is, yeah, you can do it online.

 

Lauren Fields  36:04

And I believe the founder, Taryn, started it in her basement in New York City when she was going through a really difficult time in her relationship, and it was her healing method, say, as opposed to turning to alcohol. So, it’s finding really what works for you, and that’s going to be different through for everyone. And it’s kind of like a trial and error, try these different coping mechanisms, see if any of them resonate with you.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  36:27

Yes, and part of that can be sharing with other people, like I know in my group for my sobriety starter kit program, like people post when they are going through difficult times. People ask for help and support. You know whether it’s someone who recently lost their job or they have a child on the spectrum that is really difficult to deal with, maybe they are stressed out about a business trip or a deadline or whatever it is getting support from people who get that you are also trying to work through this for maybe the first time in 20 years without drinking. That is key. So, you can do a class. You can go for a long walk. I think movement is fantastic. You can go to therapy. You can share with people who get it and get that like support in terms of people loving you through it.

 

Lauren Fields  37:24

There’s so many options, Casey, and so it really is having that in your back pocket like, Okay, I know a difficult time is potentially going to happen at some point. We don’t know when it’s going to happen. This is just life. Life is unpredictable. We can’t control it, so we need to give up control and just know that we have all these other healthy coping mechanisms in our pocket, and we are committed to a healthier future for ourselves, and so we’re set up now that we’ve thought about, what am I going to do when I have options, instead of just running into it head on and having literally, like not knowing what to do and quickly grabbing for a drink? Yeah?

 

Yeah. Whenever, you know, often, as a Coach, individual sometimes will come in and you see this like they’re ignoring the most basic, like fundamental needs we have as humans to balance well-being. So, for example, getting a good night’s sleep has been my biggest productivity hack and game changer.

 

Are you getting 7-9 hours of sleep?

Are you moving your body for 30 minutes a day?

Are you eating nutritious meals?

 

If you can, like, focus on these 3 main things, you’re going to start to feel so much better.

 

And so, like focusing to start the foundational basics. Are those basic, basic human needs, self-care principles, the sleep, the movement, the nutrition we talked about, the mindset. I want to go back and touch more on why it’s important to create a vision for your future. And sometimes that can sound overwhelming, like this principle of life design, designing my whole life, that sounds overwhelming to me, because that’s a lot we design this the bigger vision say we can do a 5year or 10 year plan.

 

Let yourself dream a little bit and get excited about what you might want to create for yourself. And the importance in doing this is because it will guide the decisions you make today, when you have a bigger picture and a bigger dream for your future. It will help you make better decisions today to ensure that you are on the path towards said goal.

 

And so, that really hit me, because I was like so many people can be overwhelmed by this bigger dream or vision, but if you can look at it as like a roadmap to guide today, your decisions today are supported and guided, and that is so helpful for many who may feel like, what’s another drink going to do? Or like, this day doesn’t really matter, because I don’t have anything I’m working towards or going towards. Let this vision support you and help you and guide you.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson 

Hi there. If you’re listening to this episode, and have been trying to take a break from drinking, but keep starting and stopping and starting again, I want to invite you to take a look at my on demand coaching course, The Sobriety Starter Kit®.

 

The Sobriety Starter Kit® is an online self study sober coaching course that will help you quit drinking and build a life you love without alcohol without white knuckling it or hating the process. The course includes the exact step by step coaching framework I work through with my private coaching clients, but at a much more affordable price than one on one coaching. And the sobriety starter kit is ready, waiting and available to support you anytime you need it. And when it fits into your schedule. You don’t need to work your life around group meetings or classes at a specific day or time.

This course is not a 30 day challenge, or a one day at a time approach. Instead, it’s a step by step formula for changing your relationship with alcohol. The course will help you turn the decision to stop drinking, from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

You will sleep better and have more energy, you’ll look better and feel better. You’ll have more patience and less anxiety. And with my approach, you won’t feel deprived or isolated in the process. So if you’re interested in learning more about all the details, please go to www.sobrietystarterkit.com. You can start at any time and I would love to see you in the course. 

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  40:09

Yeah, that’s amazing. I mean, I think that having your vision front and center in terms of what, where you are now and what you want to stop happening, and then what you want instead is really helpful. And I have people do this right when they’re stopping drinking, because that’s when how you feel in the drinking cycle, like what I wrote before I stopped, is really present. You’re feeling it deeply, you know. You know that fades over time, but also what you want instead, and that you know you’re talking about life design. It doesn’t have to be, I’m going to leave my job and move to Paris and XYZ. I mean it literally can be. I want to sleep through the night. I want to feel less anxiety. I want to feel peace. I want to move my body in a consistent way. I want to improve my relationships and be more present for my kids. I want to not have a hangover and bloodshot eyes, you know, like that is a great first step.

 

Lauren Fields  41:17

It is an amazing first step, Casey. And so, for anyone listening to take some time to sit down with yourself today and think of, how do I want to feel? What are a couple small changes I’d like to see, and how will I feel? How do I think that I’ll feel when those changes happen? And how could I start to feel that way in this moment, for example, sitting in a three minute meditation, if it is for more inner peace, going on a 10 minute walk. And how will how will I feel when I start to take better care of myself and do it as an experiment? What will that feel like? Because maybe you don’t know what that will feel like, and that’s okay, but like the rest of your life starts in this moment. And so often we feel like our life is like predestined or fixed or set, and it’s just going to be the way it’s always been. But like you are the main character of your story, you get to write this next chapter. How do you want this chapter to go? Is there going to be a plot twist? Or do you want this chapter just to be a repeat of the past 20 chapters.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  42:21

Oh, I love the idea of quitting drinking as a plot twist, yeah, like, as something that you are excited and curious about that can change the trajectory, trajectory of your life in a positive way.

 

Lauren Fields  42:37

Yeah, such a fun exercise is to, like, jot down a summary of, like, what this next chapter would look like. What would the next character be like if alcohol was no longer in this chapter of the story?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  42:50

Yeah. You know, what’s interesting is you said something about taking care of yourself, and that is something that at the most basic level, I have had to do at different times in my life. And I actually have this question that I use, and I talk to my clients about it is when you are in one of those periods, because life is life, and it happens where you literally feel like you can’t cope, like you don’t know what to do. I used to try to roll over in bed first thing before I got up, and ask myself the question, How can I take care of myself today? And the reason I like that is it makes you do a couple things. One, it makes you do like a body scan and an emotion scan to be like, What do I need today? Because maybe you’re lonely, maybe you’re tired, maybe you need movement, maybe you need less on your plate, all of those things. And then it also lets you do a schedule scan, meaning you’re putting the intention that you’re going to pick one thing 20 minutes, whatever it is to take care of yourself today. And that is like building resilience, right? Because you are substituting healthier coping mechanisms, and even in a really difficult time, you are taking care of yourself.

 

Lauren Fields  44:10

Yeah, it’s so true, and I want to share it reminded me of some practices that I use, KCR, my phone sleeps in the kitchen, so that I wake up and I start this day with intention and not just responding to the world around me. I get to say, Okay, this is my day. I’m in charge of my reality to the extent that’s possible. I wake up, thank you for this day. None of us are guaranteed a new day. Life is a gift. How do I want to feel today? And who do I want to be today, and then making decisions and ensuring my behaviors are in alignment with whatever I say. You know, maybe today I want to be loving, or I want to be kind, or I want to be fun, to actually like, think about like, how do I want to show up in my life today? And so often we wake up, check the phone, oh, no, we’re late. Let me get that caffeine. Let me. Us to work. Whoa, you know, like, how are we starting our days?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  45:06

You know what’s interesting? And I am seriously late to the party on this, and I can’t believe I did not figure this out to like, one year ago. But my phone does not sleep in the kitchen, although it should, and that’s a great idea, but I discovered Do Not Disturb, which it is insane that I did not figure this out earlier. But Oh, my God, I can’t believe that I used to sleep with like all the pings and all the buzzing and all the things like interrupting your peace and your thought patterns, like just putting that on. I was like, oh my god, I can’t believe I didn’t do this before.

 

So, for anyone who is like me and has not figured this out yet, and you can think I’m dumb, if you have put on, do not disturb tonight on your phone when you go to bed, and then turn it off when you wake up, or, even better, 30 minutes after you wake up. And it is life changing. It’s

 

Lauren Fields  46:06

It’s a game changer. So, mine’s on from 7pm to 8am and so that’s my time away from technology, away from the world, just to like, be present and mindful. And it’s created what feels like so much more space and time in my days. Because when you’re the phone is number one, definitely a distraction. It’s pulling you away from your actual reality. And so, you start to feel like you have so much more time to do some meaningful activities we have, the journaling, the reading, the meditation, the outside walks just to like, really be with yourself, and to feel like, what does it feel like to be me? What does it feel like in my body? How am I doing right now without these distractions?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  46:52

Yeah, yeah. And I think I’ve read that setting small, achievable goals really helps you build resilience as well, as opposed to these huge things that would take a year to achieve, like even a daily goal or a weekly goal, like I’m going to get to day 5 without drinking, because for me, I had not done that in two years before I finally stopped. So, the hitting day 5, I was like, Oh, my God, this is amazing. I’m so proud of myself.

 

Lauren Fields  47:25

Yeah. And the psychology behind this Casey is, it can also be helpful to do like a reward system. So, to instill a system in place, like, okay, each day that I go without drinking, I’m going to set aside $5 so that I can eventually, or whatever the amount is, eventually have a meal at my favorite restaurant. I’m going to reward myself with a spa day. But you’re working towards a bigger goal, and you’re have a reward system in place for each day that you complete it, and that can start to feel really good and be exciting. And then another thing that’s helpful is just having an accountability partner, so someone you can say, like, Hey, I’m really working on this. Will you help hold me accountable? Because then you’ve shared, and then this other individual is rooting for you, they’re excited for you can celebrate together, perhaps this person also you find someone who’s also going to do a sobriety challenge with you, and you can hold each other accountable. Yeah.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  48:17

And one thing I would say, and this might sound counterintuitive, it is often easier to find that in online groups or local sobriety groups than it is with your best friend or your partner or your mother, because those people will not understand, if they haven’t gone through this, why It is hard, why it is a big fucking deal that you got through your very first weekend without drinking, and accountability partners and people who can cheer you on, they really need to get it as well. Because, you know, I’ve had people where their spouse are like, shrugged, where you’re like, Oh my God, I’ve gone 30 days without drinking. Are you proud of me? And they’re like, I mean, I don’t know, I do that all the time or Yeah, that’s great, but they don’t realize that, like, you deserve a freaking parade for that shit. And so, find an accountability partner, and it’s great to have one in your home. I love telling my husband I was doing 100 day no drinking challenge. Please don’t bring wine home. This is hard for me. He actually did celebrate my milestones with me, but he didn’t get it on a daily level, like I went to my online group when I was like, I am at a work happy hour and I just ordered a ginger beer, and everybody else is drinking like those accountability partners are like, all right. Post, when you get home, you are amazing. Post and tell us how you feel tomorrow morning, like, that’s accountability.

 

Lauren Fields  49:56

And you know what? You know what helps build and sell? Is someone who can celebrate you being resilient, who can celebrate those little wins, as opposed to someone who’s like, good job, whatever, someone who’s like, wow, you made it through a really hard time. Like, like, you should be so proud, or like, congratulations, or like, look at you. You made it out the other side.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  50:19

Yeah, you are a badass. I loved as well what you said about rewards, because this is something I’ve talked about a ton of times on this podcast, which I call sober treats, and it’s also tied to rewiring your habit and reward system so your cues and cravings and rewards. Because for so many of us, for me, I’ll just speak wine or drinking was my one reward, like it was my reward for getting through the day, for adulting, for finishing a week, for getting my kids to bed sometimes right, for transitioning and getting back on my computer after the kids went to bed, and so I highly recommend, like, if you’re in the very beginning, like, plan out a sober treat or a reward every single day. Because I was a daily drinker, I got my reward every day. So, for me, it was like a pedicure on Friday night and sushi takeout on Saturday night and going for a walk on Thursday during the work day, or getting a latte, or what, reading a book. But the idea was like, I would say, This is my reward for being sober. And it sort of rewired my brain that like there is a universe of things that you can do to bring you pleasure and rest and happiness that you have just ignored because you’ve been so focused on this one thing.

 

Lauren Fields  51:47

Yeah, it’s so interesting how like drinking and like alcohol culture is like, so normal in the US, and it’s tied to fun. And we think, like, okay, when I stop drinking, how am I gonna have fun, or how am I going to enjoy life? But then, when you like sit, as we’ve experienced in this discussion, like the myriad of ways there are to really enjoy life and create lasting happiness, fulfillment, self, love, they really outweigh this one other thing, which is drinking, and it’s

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  52:18

just substituting a beverage, right? Like, you can have a sparkling non alcoholic wine instead of sparkling alcoholic wine, or a non alcoholic beer versus a beer. Like, sometimes it helps to be like, it’s just a liquid in a glass that that is dragging me down every single morning, and so it’s a big fucking deal. And it’s also not the biggest deal in the in the world, like it’s sort of both. And sometimes I I could go back and forth based on which thought pattern is going to help me in that very moment. It’s

 

Lauren Fields  52:58

the perception. How am I looking at this? And I keep coming back to. It’s having those other healthier coping mechanisms in place. You know, what am I going to do instead when I’m craving that drink? But, for example, I recently gave up caffeine, and something that was helpful for me is because I really enjoyed the activity of having my morning coffee, having decaf cold brew in the fridge.

 

So, what are you going to have in the fridge or in the pantry when you go to reach for that, for that wine bottle, or for that vodka, or what have you, is it going to be a sparkling water? Is it going to be a non-alcoholic wine? Or, like you said, what was the beer you mentioned? Casey like, oh, non-alcoholic beer.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  53:33

Like, yeah, brewing company is right. You know, there’s partake or best day brewing.

 

Yeah? Good.

 

Lauren Fields  53:40

So create the environment you want around you so that you’re reminded when you go, Oh, no, we’re going to do this instead, instead of like, oh, it’s all I have. I’m going to grab the wine. Yeah,

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  53:50

I love the idea of, keep the ritual, change the ingredients. And it sounds like that’s what you’re doing with coffee, right? You’re keeping the ritual. You’re just changing what’s in your glass from, you know, regular coffee to decaf or whatever it is. And you can do that with your happy hour beverage, or, you know what, what you do on Saturday night, you keep whatever the ritual is, just change the ingredient.

 

Lauren Fields  54:19

And here’s another thing I want to touch on. It takes often. We want this, like instant gratification, or we want to feel the change immediately. These things take time, and it may get more challenging before it gets better. It may be difficult, painful, totally consuming. Feel like you’re like, so anxious, etc. You have to stick with it, yeah, and you have to have, again, this bigger vision for the future, and know that eventually the benefits are going to way outweigh the costs, and that this, this period of difficulty, is temporary, setting you up for a. Lifetime of success.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  55:01

Yeah, and if you don’t see that now, just try it. Just experiment. Just get curious. Because I know that when I stopped drinking, I did not want to think about forever. I still don’t think about forever. I mean, I hadn’t gone four days, so I couldn’t imagine being like, oh my god, I have a serious drinking problem. I’m never going to drink again. That was like, too much, and I could have spent years arguing whether or not I actually, quote, unquote, needed to stop. But instead, I was like, Okay, I know what I stopped in February. I know what February, March and April in my life, looks like when I’m drinking. I know the highs, I know the lows, I know the date nights, I know whatever. I know how I feel at this very moment, which is pretty fucking shitty.

 

And so, I was like, I’m curious what that spring could look like if I wasn’t drinking. Like, how long is 100 days in your life? I was like, will I get new habits? Will I get in better shape? Will I be happier? What will my mornings be like? Like, just the idea of like, just get curious. Like, if you get to the end of it and you’re like, Yeah, my life’s not better. I don’t notice. I’m more resilient or happier or closer to my family or healthier than like, nobody’s taken away the alcohol, trust me, it will be there. But give yourself the opportunity to see.

 

Lauren Fields  56:27

Yeah, and you’re saying, like, how will I feel? How will I feel in the morning? And I, I mentioned those three main like, essential human needs. Like, okay, yes, there are others. But like, the good night’s sleep, the eating nutritious meals, the moving your body, all of those things are interrupted by drinking. The dehydration wakes you up in the middle of the night, you’re hungrier. When you’re hungover, you have a headache, so you can’t get in dehydrated, so you can’t get a good workout. And like, what would your life be like if all of that was removed? And like, how would that feel like? And just sit with that.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  57:00

Yeah, and you deserve to take care of yourself. You really do. We also talked about, before we jumped on the idea that, you know, co occurring mental health issues with a tendency to drink on a regular basis or involve other substances. Can you talk a little bit about that?

 

Lauren Fields  57:23

Sure. So, I’m in a class right now through my psychology master’s program called individual and family treatment for substance use disorders, and one of the main themes so far has been that many substance use disorders are co-occurring with mental health disorders or mood disorders. So, this means, for example, if a client comes into the treatment room and they’re super anxious, is it also possible or depressed that they have a substance use disorder? And of course, you wouldn’t know that until diving deeper with the client. But for example, I know Lack of sleep can cause anxiety and depression, and so it’s like, is it chicken or egg? Which came first? Were they using the alcohol to help with the anxiety, or did they start drinking and then that caused anxiety? And so predominantly, these substance use disorders are co-occurring with mental health or mood disorders, and so you wouldn’t really know perhaps you may have an underlying mental health or mood disorder, but you don’t know that because you’re numbing it with a substance use disorder.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  58:22

Yeah, that is so important, and that’s something that happened with me. I mean, I spent basically my whole life, but certainly my entire adult life, drinking as a maladaptive coping strategy. I also really enjoyed it, especially when I was younger. But I would go to a therapist or a psychiatrist at different times and be like, Oh my God, I am so anxious. I’m waking up at 3am I feel like I can’t cope with my life. I feel depressed. And you know, of course, in the intake form, they were like, how much did do you drink? And I put down, like, a couple drinks a couple times a week. I mean, total bullshit. I was drinking a bottle and wine a night. But of course, you don’t tell people that, because you’re like, yikes.

 

One, that sounds bad. And two, they’re going to tell me to stop drinking. And I desperately don’t want to do that. But it wasn’t until I stopped drinking, and I went to therapy, and I was tracking how I was feeling, because you do that, that I got on anti-anxiety meds, and I was with my therapist, and she said, okay, there are a couple things happening, but here’s what I’m seeing. You are having these periods of heightened anxiety or feeling really down like you can’t cope when there’s no obvious trigger, and there are other times when you know they’re laying people off at work, or you know. Serious anxiety inducing stuff. My best friend had brain cancer, where these things should have triggered this reaction, and they didn’t. And it was only once I sort of pieced apart the alcohol and how much I blamed myself from not having. I mean, I was exercising, I was going to therapy, I was on medication, I had support that she was like, you have an underlying mood disorder that’s never been diagnosed. And so, that was incredible to me, because, like, I got the right treatment. Have not felt that low low in 8 years. And I’m like, if I had figured this out when I was 22 that would have been incredible.

 

Lauren Fields  1:00:43

Yeah, and this is really important for our listeners, because, as I said, if we’re looking at alcohol as like a band aid for a deeper root issue, it is important that you pay attention to perhaps, maybe there is a mood disorder or a mental health issue that’s going on with me that I haven’t acknowledged, that deserves deeper treatment, as opposed to numbing with the alcohol. And so I recommend, if that’s coming up for you, make an appointment to see a therapist and talk about this, to see and roll out maybe there’s something else going on there, and not to just completely blame yourself for how you’re feeling.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:01:20

Yeah, or feeling like there’s something wrong with you. I mean, on Yeah, on in my life, like, literally every single day, I was like, why can I not handle life the way other people can? And what’s weird is I was freaking handling life, right? I was a director in a fortune 500 company. I had two kids, I had a good marriage, I had all these things, and yet that pervasive sense that, like that imposter syndrome, that I was faking it, and it was all going to fall apart, and I wasn’t good enough to handle stuff, was constantly there. And then, like you said, it wasn’t till I focused on these small wins, these small goals, getting support, using those positive affirmations that I was like, I am strong, I can do hard things. I’m a badass, like I am freaking doing it. You know, you’re doing it.

 

Lauren Fields  1:02:13

Yeah. And another thing that’s coming up that you know, as someone wanting to be a coach and to help individuals live a better, more fulfilling life. So often, you want to come with like the ultimate solution for everyone, but the client is the expert on their life, and so to give yourself credit, no one has been there for your life, for every moment like you have. You are the expert on your life. We want these answers or solutions and thinking someone has, like, the magic answer, but really, like spend some time with yourself, like understanding who you are, because no one knows you better than you. You’re the expert on your life. You’re the one who knows everything that’s gone on. And so, spend some time thinking about that, because so often we want just a solution no one knows, then we do.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:03:01

Yeah? It sounds like that’s all about self-awareness, but also self-compassion and finding the tools that are right for you, and experimenting, because what works for someone may not be what you need, and just testing and adding different layers of support and tools.

 

Lauren Fields  1:03:22

Yeah, and it’s so bio individual, like what you’re saying Casey, like you have to find what works for you, and perhaps you realize you need help finding what that is, and someone else can help you ask. Can help ask questions to you that can help you get deeper and bring up answers that you maybe haven’t realized yet about yourself, but to trust that you’re the expert on your life, and to give yourself some credit for that.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:03:42

Yeah, absolutely. So, I’ve been taking some notes as we talk, and trying to, trying to just my takeaways about what I’m hearing from you, and I wanted to go through them and tell and have you say, yes, no, here’s what I’m thinking. Here’s one more thing I want to add. Is that cool. It’s perfect. Let’s do it. Okay.

 

So, what I’m hearing is, like the tools and practices and areas to focus on, I’m building resilience. One you talked about mindfulness and self-awareness and how important that is. Like journaling, meditation, noticing your thoughts and emotions. You talked about new or different emotional regulation techniques so gratitude, reframing those negative thoughts, replacing them with other ones, self-compassion.

 

You talked about physical wellness, right? Exercise, sleep, nutrition routines, like small, achievable goals, keeping your yourself focused on the wins and what you can do, community, connection, support, um. Having that network, maybe therapy, maybe counseling, maybe a coach, whatever it is, new practices for managing triggers and cravings, right like keep the ritual change the ingredients. Have toolkits to use, ask for support at the right moment.

 

And then the last one that we briefly talked about, but I wanted to dive into, and then you can also tell me all the things I missed was around purpose and meaning and values and goals. Yeah, practices are you recommend for doing that.

 

Lauren Fields  1:05:38

So, I think purpose for me, like we often think like, oh my gosh, what is my purpose? Can someone just tell me what my purpose is? Like, what is the main thing I’m here to do? Yeah, I believe. And one of my mentors, Jim Cathcart, he’s written 26 books, has said one’s purpose is to live fully and to live fully. And so, to me, that means, listen to what you’re listening to, what you’re being called towards. Listen to that voice that’s coming up for you, that’s saying, hey, I really want to try this. Perhaps I want to try being sober, or perhaps I want to try a career in this field. Your purpose is to listen to that and to continue to listen to the voice inside of you. And so often we don’t give credit to that voice, for example, if it’s telling us, hey, I really want to be sober, can we not have this feeling again that I’m getting when I drink? When we don’t listen to that voice, that voice gets dimmed and we break the trust we have in ourselves because we’re not listening to that. Our purpose is to listen to that. Our purpose is to follow the call that excites us and that calls our spirit. And so, to me, that’s what it means to have a greater purpose. Is to is to believe I’m here as a human on this planet. I’m being called towards something bigger and something more. And I trust in that, and I follow that, and I listen to that.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:06:55

I really love that. I wrote that down I’m going to link to, was it? Jim Cathcart?

 

Lauren Fields  1:07:01

Jim Cathcart, yes. C, so Jim, and then Cathcart, C, A T, H, C, A R T, and he wrote a book called, The Acorn Principle. And so, it’s a really amazing book. I’m not going to say more. Look up Jim. He gave, oh my gosh, you gave a really amazing TEDx talk that has over a million views. And I highly recommend him. He’s an amazing!

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:07:29

I just wrote down like your purpose is to live fully. And I love that. I’m going to put that on my vision board. And one of the reasons I like that, and one of the things that I’ve done is I love core values work. I’ve done a podcast on it or two, one of which was with my friend, who’s a coach, who actually did it with me. She went through the process of helping me uncover my core values. But the reason I like that is that you living fully that is different for every single person, and there is no good or bad values or goals. But at the very basic level, I know for myself I was absolutely not living fully when I was drinking and hungover. I knew that at a very base level. And you know, in terms of like, my purpose is to live fully, that is a great affirmation for just the practice of getting rid of that substance in your life, if it’s dragging you down.

 

Lauren Fields  1:08:39

It’s so true, and you did such an amazing job highlighting, and like, you know, saying the main elements we talked about, there’s one overarching theme, and I think that is the accountability piece. Because when you take accountability, it’s going to strengthen your resilience, because you’re saying, and for everyone who’s listening to this episode, you’re here because you want to take some level of accountability. You’re listening to this because you want to make a change, and so give yourself credit for that. When you start to take accountability for your life, you start to trust yourself. You start to do the mindfulness practices, the meditation, the journaling, the yoga, the nature walks, you start to make better choices, and those choices will influence your behaviors. You’re paying attention to how you’re thinking, and it all starts with taking accountability for your life. As we said, You are the main character of your story. How do you want this next chapter to go? Is there going to be a plot twist? I can’t wait to read it.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:09:37

Oh my gosh. Okay. Totally random, but one of the things that was my goal for this year was I saw a quote and it basically said all these things about your life, and then at the bottom, it was like, be the main character in your life story. And I hadn’t realized it, but I had always been this, like side character. Like, I didn’t want to do too much or be too much, because I thought that people would be think I’m getting too big for my head. Or, you know what I mean, like they would criticize me, or they wouldn’t like me. And I had done some stuff, like just not investing in myself, because I was like, Yeah, but I would invest in my kids right every day, like, oh, I want you to do this and that. And so, my goal for this year was to do like I wrote down like hashtag main character life shit. And I, you know, when I went to Provence with my friends, with 3 girlfriends who were not my family, I, you know, it was my first big trip somewhere my husband would love to go without him just because I wanted to, and he jokes because I’d be like, Babe, you know what that is, main character life? Should? I was like, All right, babe, you know. But I guess when you said, be the main character in your life, I was like, That’s so awesome.

 

Lauren Fields  1:10:57

Yeah, embody that main character energy. How are you walking out? How are you stepping out into the world today? Can you do a little strut? Walk like be the main character of your movie. This is your life. This is no one else’s life. How are you showing up? Take accountability.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:11:15

Think about the character you want to be today, and you deserve it, like so many of us are like, Oh, that’s selfish, right? I don’t want you know, especially as women, we’re conditioned to not put ourselves first, and that doesn’t mean don’t take care of your family and your job or your parents or anything else, but like, it’s your life.

 

Lauren Fields  1:11:35

And what do they say on the airplane about the mask?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:11:38

Yeah, you got to put on your mask first. You have to. I believe self-care is not optional. It’s necessary. You cannot pour from an empty cup like you will ever you’ll be able to give others so much love and care and fun.

 

Lauren Fields  1:11:41

When you take care of you, it will create a ripple effect that that you know, if you’re filling your own cup, you will light everyone else’s candle. They’ll go home light that person’s candle like I think you understand how much of an effect this will give when you start taking better care of yourself.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:12:11

And it’s so related to your purpose – is to live fully. What you said, that is one of my big takeaways from this. So, I’ve loved this conversation. I hope people who are listening to it have gotten inspiration, but also some really practical takeaways that you can apply into your own life.

 

Lauren, how can people find you? Work with you, follow you.

 

Lauren Fields  1:12:36

Alright. Casey, first of all, thank you so much for having me. I absolutely love this conversation, and I’m so glad we got to do a podcast swap, all per meeting at this podcast conference in DC. And it just goes to show you, when you follow your path and you’re living full you never know what’s going to happen tomorrow, and so to get excited for what’s to come and to prepare yourself to be ready for that and feel good listeners.

 

Thank you for tuning in. You can find me. I use Instagram the most. It’s my name, @laurenfields on Instagram, you can listen to my podcast, The Fieldswell podcast, or you can go to my website, fieldswell.com which has all my information for coaching.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:13:14

Okay, that’s awesome, and I will put that all in my show notes. Someone asked me, they said, I can’t find these show notes you always refer to.

 

So, go to my website. hellosomedaycoaching.com/podcast, I’ve got every episode listed there, and in the long show notes, you will find every link and resource and guest information that I’ve mentioned here.

 

If you listen on Spotify or Apple podcast, you get an abbreviated version of the show notes, but you’re you can’t put all the links there, so just go to Hello someday coaching. You find the podcast, and you’ll get all these links.

 

Lauren Fields  1:13:53

Amazing. Thank you, Casey, thank you so much.