[00:34:00]

Right? So I, I had the beach to myself and those, I still think back to those beach runs and like, they, they became like sacred to me. And they became a way to say like, no, we’re doing this, we’re doing this. And I didn’t have a sober community at that point. Well, that must have been hard. Yeah. It, it was, I I, I remember that vacation I was listening to Jessica Simpson’s book and that was really good.

That’s a really good one to, I. What’s the name of it? It’s an open book. Think its an open book, right? Yeah. I’m, I’m pretty sure I needed, I needed to constantly be told and reminded the truth of what alcohol is. Right. And like what it could take. Yeah. Because my story like yours, like I didn’t lose a lot to it.

And so that can be a tough place to change from when you don’t ha when you can’t point directly at something and say like, well obviously I have to stop because I lost custody. Like, I didn’t have that.

[00:35:00]

Yeah. Right. And so I, I needed to remember what alcohol is. It’s not this, you know, carefree thing that we do on vacation.

It’s actually really fucking scary. And so that helped. And so. I, I, I wish that I would’ve had a sober community at that point. I, I didn’t actually have one until I created one, because I didn’t, I just didn’t know what was going on. You know? I didn’t know this was like Yeah. Five and a half years ago. So, yeah, I, I, yeah, I, I look back and I know 100% that sober vacation changed the course of my life forever.

Yeah. Yeah. That’s amazing. I, I, I mean, I know you talk to women all the time, but something that sort of popped up in my mind is a woman I know went on vacation to Hawaii in early sobriety, and she was going with a girlfriend and she did everything right. Like, she set her intention that she wasn’t going to drink.

[00:36:00]

She told her friend she was taking a break from alcohol. She. Got non-alcoholic beer and non-alcoholic drinks. She had him in her condo. She asked her friend not to have alcohol in the condo. She made all these other plans. Right? She did everything right. Mm-hmm. Which was fantastic. cause she was in the early days and she said, you know, one night she went out to dinner with her friend and her friend.

Ordered, whatever it was, margarita something. And she was very jealous, right? Mm-hmm. She was like, this is hard. Even though she had a non-alcoholic margarita, you can get non-alcoholic versions of anything. Anything like non-alcoholic mojitos are my absolute favorite. Yeah. So, she did that. But like you said, the first 20 minutes, it was hard.

Yeah. And then her friend kept drinking because that’s what happened, right? Like your mind lights up and you just want more.

[00:37:00]

And they got home and they had all these plans to go hiking to the top of this mountain the next morning. And you know, she wakes her friend up in the morning and she’s like, oh, I’m just not feeling it.

I want to, she wasn’t even hung over. She just like, you know how it is. Yeah, I just want to lay by the pool. You get really lazy. It’s, and so she went anyway and she hiked up this mountain and she sent me a picture. She took a picture of the top and she was like, I’m feeling all the tingles if I was drinking.

Mm-hmm. I would never have done this. I wouldn’t have had this moment, I wouldn’t have this memory. And she’s like, I feel like my friend missed out and she doesn’t even know she missed out. cause she hasn’t done this before. Yeah. So, just try it. Just try it. It’s the not Yes. And it’s the not even knowing, right?

Like that friend you probably would, she’d be like, no, I feel fine. Like I’m not that hungover. Like I’m a little sluggish, but I just slept in, I got to enjoy the day by the pool. Yeah. Whatever my, and I slept in and I’ll go to the pool.

[00:38:00]

Like, it was a great vacation. Right. It’s that sliding doors thing that like, you don’t even know.

And that’s what was so true for, for me, when I quit drinking, I just had no idea. This other side. Like even existed and, and I would’ve told you that I hadn’t lost much to alcohol. You know, like, yeah. But when you don’t know, it’s just, it’s, it’s just wild.

Wait, Casey, I feel like we can’t talk about summer drinking without talking about day drinking.

Oh my gosh, yes. Yeah. What was your relationship with day drinking? Um, you cringed. You cringed. Well, no, I cringe because, you know, I, I worked full time, so 90% of the time I would start drinking at 6:00 PM when I got home with the kids. Yeah. Weekend’s kind of different. Yeah. But you know, if you go out to brunch, obviously God who drinks in the morning, unless it’s mimosa.

Oh, right, right. Like I, if there’s orange juice involved, it’s fine.

[00:39:00]

Yeah. Yeah. And my, my best friend Alicia, who we used to talk about the boat, she would use to always like, pour these mimosas and she’d be like, just for color with the O.G.. Yes, yes. Specific. So, I would drink, you know, in the mornings with, at brunch, with mimosas.

And if we went out on a boat or if we went out to lunch, like on a sat, know how it’s, that’s different. Yeah. That’s different. Totally different. Yeah. And when we went to Italy, cause I’d been with my husband a couple times, like we would at like 3:00 PM sit in this like, you know. Restaurant with a patio and I would order a loaf of bread and he would order Araf of white cause vacation. Yeah. And we would drink it all. And then we would like go back to our hotel room, probably have sex, but also pass out. Yeah. Yes. And yes, yes. And then, wake up all groggy and go out to dinner late. And I’m like, we last like 4 hours there of like, yeah, we have 2 weeks in Italy and kind of most days we’d 4 hours.

[00:40:00]

So yeah. Day drinking. What about you? Oh my God, I, I like literally, it’s a visceral reaction when I think about day drinking and summer and day drinking tend to go hand in hand. Definitely. Like in my twenties. That was like the heyday for me of day drinking. cause I was, I was a manager at Bloomingdale’s in downtown Chicago.

And so, you know, that schedule is so weird. And so we would do, there would be like rooftop pool parties and it was just, it was a lot of day drinking. And I don’t know if there’s a better example of romanticizing alcohol than like a day drinking summer. You know, rooftop pool party. Like in your mind what you want it to be or what I thought it would be.

And then what it was, it’s just. First of all, it’s just hell on Earth Day drinking is just hell on earth because, so if  you start drinking, and this is even, you know, at the country club with kids like I see it, right?

[00:41:00]

Mom’s drinking at the pool with kids, which Ps we have to come back to that because yeah, I, I have a lot to say about that, but I have some experience with that.

That’s like, okay, okay, we got to, yes, same. We got to talk about that. So you’re, you’re drinking and it’s like noon, you’re probably drunk by like three. And so then your option is either to be hungover by what, seven or 8:00 PM or to keep going, which then it sounds like a good idea to keep going. cause that’s what alcohol does to our brain.

And so then you’re blackout like. It just day drinking never ends. Well, I, oh God, no. Yeah, that’s a big one. No, totally. I, I totally agree. And you know, like I said, I was, I was sort of a blackout drinker, so when I started, yeah. I don’t remember a lot of the evenings. And I say that because now, as someone who doesn’t drink, you know, you think it’s so romantic, right?

[00:42:00]

You think it’s so fun? Oh my god, Mike and I had the best time, and then we went back to our hotel and we had sex. I mean, I don’t remember all of it, but like, I know you’re, I’ve heard vacation sex, right? But like, oh, now I watch people who drink Caraf of red or whatever it is. And yeah, it’s not attractive.

Like it’s adorable. It’s sexy and romantic, like it’s cringe. Like slab and, and cringe. I was so cringe. Yes, I know. I was just around some, some of my friends who were drinking and wasted and it, I’m not around that a lot. Just, I guess in my life and it. Wow. Wow. Yeah, it’s tough. It’s tough like when you’re, that, that’s what you will see this summer too.

[00:43:00]

Like, if this is your first sober summer, you will see alcohol with clear eyes maybe for the first time in your adult life cause pregnancy doesn’t count. That’s different. Yeah. Doesn’t count. No. Yeah. Yeah. That’s To see, to see people, to see adults really devolve. Yeah. It’s, it’s a trip. And, and let’s talk about the pool stuff, because Okay.

Often around kids. Around kids. So tell me what you were thinking about that. Okay, so I was, I don’t want to brag, but I was a head lifeguard at Noah’s Ark, America’s largest water park in Wisconsin. Delta. No way. Head lifeguard. Head life park. Like, damn baby. Right? That, that, that meant, yeah. Tell me, did you have the red swimsuit and like, the key are, are you kidding me?

Yes. I’m like, of course, the whistle that you like sat like that, you circle Damn. They were always so cool. That’s very, very Oh, with a white hat. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Here’s the thing I, I want to do, I need to do a post about this just to say, never trust a lifeguard.

[00:44:00]

Okay. This is like a PSA to every mom, dad, and if you’re taking kids to the pool, if you’re a babysitter, please, please do not assume that if there’s a lifeguard on the stand that your kid is safe, because that’s just not true.

Those kids, generally, their kids, they’re 16, 17, 18. In my case, I was probably 20 and I was hungover every, every single time. Like the waves went on in the wave pool and I thought I was going to hurl because I would have to stand there on the side. When the waves go on, you have to stand up. Oh my God. Like watching waves when you’re hungover in the hot sun.

Oh god. Yeah. So don’t trust a lifeguard drinking around pools if, if your kid is in the pool, you have to watch your kid. You have to keep an eye on your kid.

[00:45:00]

And yes, if your kid is like, you know, fully swimming, that’s, that’s fine. If they’re 10, 11, 12 older, that’s fine. Still, you got to keep an eye on ’em to make sure they’re not like doing crazy kid stuff.

But if you have little ones, even if you think they can swim or if they have floaties on whatever it is, please, please don’t drink around a pool and, and just assume that the lifeguard has them. There’s been many times when I’m in the pool and I see a little toddler, you know, they’re playing on the stairs and then obviously they go deeper and deeper cause that’s what happens in pools. And like the mom didn’t see, and also, we’re right in front of a lifeguard stand, which is probably the most dangerous place to be because if you’re right in front of a lifeguard stand, the lifeguard’s not looking down. They don’t see you. No. They’re like scanning further out.

Yeah. The lifeguard’s looking out and so the lifeguard’s not looking right in front of which they should be, but they’re not. And yeah, like having to scoop, scoop up this kid, like it’s just terrifying. It’s just terrifying.

[00:46:00]

Yeah. So, what happened to me, my son Hank, he’s now 17, he was four and I was not alcohol free, but at this moment it, I was not drinking.

Right. Like I was, yeah, basically my husband was. In the house, like opening a bottle of wine to get me a drink. Yeah. And we were at a decently small pool with a few other families, like four families. It was not a crazy big country club or anything. My son was four, not really a swimmer, and he was inside one of those circular rings, like the floaties in the.

You know, the, the shallow end of the pool. And so, but then he started floating out to the deep end, and I looked up and there were like four parents around him, you know, talking whatever. Not their fault, just had their back turned, right? Mm-hmm. And the kids, other kids were there.

[00:47:00]

And I looked up and he had floated to the deep end, and he went down in the middle of the ring and then he popped up and was trying, and then he went down again.

And you’ve heard this did not say a word, right? Yes. Oh yeah. Word. And so I was like, fuck. So I jumped up, I jumped in the pool, I grabbed him. No one else had seen him. Right. Because he was silent. Mm-hmm. And there were parents everywhere. And I say this as someone who, had I been in the kitchen grabbing my wine, or had I been drinking a bunch, might not have seen it, I grab him and I get towards the stairs and literally everyone turns to me and is like, why’d you jump in with your clothes on?

Like, why didn’t, and they had no idea, right? Yeah. But like, yeah, it was scary. It, yes, it is. It’s just, I, I mean, a pool is a dangerous thing and it’s just a, it’s, it’s dangerous, especially with little kids. Right.

[00:48:00]

And I think, yeah. And those especially, yes. Like those, I think we also have like this sense of safety when they’re in like a, like if it’s like puddle jumpers or whatever they’re called, like the, you know, or those ring things. Like, it’s just not, and so when there’s a whole bunch of other parents around, right, doing their thing, like, oh yeah, they’re right there. But I would also say that when I was drinking, if someone’s listening to it, the, the sort of like, this could happen.

Or if I’m driving home, it could not be great if I pulled over like that wouldn’t have been enough to stop me. cause I’d be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, but it’s not going to happen. Like, that’s so right. You know, out of the realm of rolling the dice and your odds are really low. Yeah. Um, so just keep that in the back of your mind as another benefit of not drinking.

[00:49:00]

Right. Totally. Like you get, you get to be fully present. You get to do things you wouldn’t normally do. You get to sleep through the night, you get to remember stuff, not decide to buy a boat. Yeah, I’m kidding. But also buy an electric boat instead. Another, yeah. Another benefit is you are fully safe and Yeah.

Where, so just, it’s something. Does that make sense? Like when you were drinking, would you have been, like, if someone told you like, you have to watch your kids all the time, you’d be like, yeah, I know that’s, but like Totally. I mean, I feel like when I was drinking. Yeah. No, when I, but also I would not be listening to this podcast when I was drinking.

You know what I mean? I just, I listened to sober podcasts for like 2 years when I was drinking, so, you know, see, did I, I just, I was like, I didn’t go through a sober curious phase. Yeah. Which is weird. It’s, that’s, that is weird. That’s weird. You’re going to talk about that in your group, and I know you do on your podcast.

[00:50:00]

Like, yeah. It’s just the spontaneous sobriety things that I did not have. I worried about my drinking for like, no, a decade before I stopped. But it did. Okay. I worried about it and I thought about it. I just thought I had to, I didn’t think sobriety was the answer. I didn’t think it was an option. I just thought I had to do it, drink better.

So, if there was like a drink, writing was my worst case scenario. Yeah. I literally like, I have to get a handle on my drinking so that I never have to stop. Like if there was a drink Better podcast or like moderate better, I’d be listening to that. You know what I mean? Oh yeah. Sobriety. Are you kidding me?

Losers, right? Like, no thanks. And you guys was like, I don’t know, I was wrong. Anyone who doesn’t drink. Yeah, right. Totally wrong. I used to think that like anyone who didn’t drink was lame and boring. Yeah. Yeah. Had a quote unquote “problem with alcohol”, which, yeah. Yeah. I totally apparently didn’t, even though I like, well, alcohol is a problem, so there you go.

[00:51:00]

Yeah. And then, my third one was like, they’re pregnant. Like, those are the only 3. Right.

But yeah, Suzanne and I are telling you, and if you’re listening to this, you’re like, oh. And now with the sober curious movement, yeah. So many people don’t drink just because they’re like, oh, that shit weighs you down and it’s terrible for your health.

And like, I do more without it and my energy is better. Like, yeah. Yeah. I wonder if like now. You know, when I was thinking about this, it was like 12, 13 years ago if the world had been where it is right now. Yeah. If I would see things in a different way, I think Yeah, I think so too. I, I think I would’ve for sure.

Even just how long it’s, or how far it’s come in five and a half years. Right. But I think as, just going back to the pool thing real quick, if you are, you know, I think that’s for someone who is, like, you get to the pool party and your immediate thing is like, I want to drink, but you don’t want to. Right.

[00:52:00]

And you, you are really, like, you’re bought into sobriety, but you’re feeling triggered or craving, or like, I think just look at that water and be like, oh, right, right, right, right.

Danger. Okay. I got to be, I got to be on it. You know, for the safety of my kids, but I know other women who’ve stopped drinking, who went on vacation, and they were like, yeah, normally I’d be on my lounger with my drink, reading my book. And partially because they didn’t want to be in that situation where they normally drank.

Like, it really helps to change what you normally do. She was like, I was in the pool with my kids and I went down the like water slide. Oh, so fun. Like 17 times. And it was so much fun and I felt like a little kid. My kids thought I was the coolest, you know? No, it is. Okay, let me, can I tell you, we went to Disney like, two years ago and was it two years ago?

Maybe it was a year ago. I don’t know. And. We stayed at this like, you know, insane hotel with like kids, all kids’ stuff everywhere. Kids.

[00:53:00]

Normally, I wouldn’t stay at this hotel. I was going to say that sounds like my worst nightmare, but okay. Same, same. I’m like, oh God, I just don’t like kids. I mean, I like my kids, but I just am not a kid fan, you know?

So, I generally don’t want to be around kids. But I was like, fine, you know, Disney experience, let’s do it. Like we had never been to Disney before. Okay. Kii. It was raining outside and my kids wanted to be in the pool, of course. And it was like raining cold. It was in January. So I was like, fine. And they kept going down this water slide and I was like, well, I’ll go down it cause I’m just wet out here anyway.

And so, then I’m just. It was so much fun, and I’m not, I’m not even kidding you. My husband tried to go inside and as he was walking in the hotel, I was like, babe, watch me. And I was like, man, I was standing and I was like, not even trying to be funny. I literally wanted him to watch me go down this water slide.

[00:54:00]

And he is like shaking his head like laughing. And I’m like, oh my God. I’m like, I’m like a 43-year-old child, like. Like, I’m an 8-year-old, right? Yeah. Like, yeah. I was like, no, no, no. It’s so much fun to have like someone watch you do this shit. Like, that was, it was, it’s so fun. So, now, I always, if there’s a water slide, I am so in, like I love it. It brings me back to my Noah Ark days.

Yes. Okay. So here’s another thing I want to talk about, and I’ve seen it with other people and I have to say my husband did it as well. Right? They don’t totally get why you’re not drinking. They actually encourage you to drink. Yeah. And they discourage you from not drinking because they’ve got all their own, like, they want to drink with you.

They want to have fun. They don’t want to like deal. So, they want to be the only one. Yeah. Yeah. We were going to Italy and my husband’s like, you’re not going to drink in Italy.

[00:55:00]

And dude, there was a tone like, please don’t do this. Yeah. And I was like, no, I’m not. And he was just like, are you sure? And I was like, yep, pretty sure.

And he was like, okay. But I’ve had other people who go on vacation with their spouses and their spouse, you know, they’re in the hot tub or whatever, and it’s like, babe, don’t be, I feel like you’re being a little extreme. Like why are, yeah. Don’t be so rigid. You’re on vacation. It’s no big deal. So like, yeah.

And they don’t know. Right. My husband had no idea. Yeah. How many cycles I’d gone through to get to the point of stopping drinking and having sober momentum or whatever. But like, what would you say to a woman either in that situation or who’s getting the vibe, they might not be, you know, obviously discouraging you.

Yeah. Or encouraging you to drink or being like disappointed, but you get that vibe, you know?

[00:56:00]

Totally. I feel like if it’s your partner, you know. It is, it is a thing, like we flipped the script a little bit, right? Especially if our partners, if we were like drinking buddies with our partners, which a lot of us were, it was like, yeah, I get it.

Like I, I kind of did this on my own. I didn’t ask for my husband’s opinion on when I quit drinking. And I was like, no, I’m quitting. I think there is this, this kind of time when we have to catch them up because like you said, he didn’t know, right? And so if they’re saying like, come on, you weren’t quote unquote that bad, which is always one that I’m like, Ugh, because we don’t say that when someone quit smoking.

Like, come on, you weren’t that bad of a smoker. But if, if they’re coming at it like, no, come on, just live a little, right? This is Italy. Like, why don’t you drink? There is some catching up that needs to happen. And it’s like, oh, I get it. Right? I get it because I, I wasn’t fully honest with you about what.

[00:57:00]

What a mental toll my drinking took on me and like the shame that alcohol brings with it. I didn’t share that with you because I, I was so ashamed of my relationship with alcohol, and so I feel like I need to let you in a little bit. That’s how I kind of approached it with my husband. But if it, or, you know, I would do, I would do that with someone who is close, like a best friend, a husband, a family member.

If you trust them, whoever you trust to let in, right? If it’s somebody like a friend or just an acquaintance, you know, there are, there are things that you can say. You can say, yeah, I’ve committed to myself not to drink this summer. That’s a really good one, that if you have told someone that you have committed something to yourself.

Yeah. They’re not, they can’t argue with that. If they do, they’re an asshole. Yeah. They’re not going to be like, nah, don’t commit to yourself. That’s bullshit. Right?

[00:58:00]

Yeah. Like you’ve kind of just, you’ve put it out there that the decision has already been made and you’ve promised yourself something, and that’s a good, my husband did that when he quit drinking for a year.

And it really does just, it’s the end of the conversation. It’s like, actually, I’m not asking for your opinion here. I’ve committed this. Like, so we’re not. Yeah. That’s the end. Yeah. And I think it also, like you said, I’ve committed, it helps to be like, I’m doing a no alcohol challenge for 100 days.

Yeah. You know, because then it takes away the, like on this trip tonight, this weekend. So I’d be like, yes. I’m 30 days into a hundred day challenge and I feel a lot better, or I’m excited about it, or this is hard, but like you said, I’ve made a commitment. Like just stating that time period kind of takes it off the table.

[00:59:00]

Right. Because otherwise people will be like, are you doing this forever? And I hate that now. Trust hate it so much. I’m a sober coach. You work, you know? Yeah. So like what I usually would be like is I’m doing 100 day challenge, and then when I got close to the end, I’d be like, oh, you know what? I feel so much better. I’m going to extend it to 6 months. Yeah. Like, this feels really good. And I kept doing that for a while. Yeah. Until I got to a year and I was like, you know what? I think I’m done. Yeah. Which feels so good, right? And, and it does, all of this feels so much better than kind of hiding behind like, oh, I am on antibiotics, or Yeah, oh, maybe they’ll just think I’m pregnant.

Right? That there’s just the this in inauthentic thing that happens that when we start. Feeling ashamed about not drinking. Right. It can, there can be echoes of the shame that we felt when we were drinking, and so it’s like, actually we can say, yeah, you know what? I’m committed to this 100 day sober summer challenge and it feels really good and, and it’s hard, but I’m doing it.

[01:00:00]

And, and yeah. That, yeah, that especially, you know, throughout the summer, the next time you see them, they’re not going to ask you, they’re going to be like, oh, what day are you on? Right. Or like, yeah, this is great. Instead of like, they might be like, where are we going to go when you’re on day 1 0 1? Like, right. Just like, ignore that.

Ignore and maybe like, yeah, maybe, maybe spend some time away from that person. If someone keeps pushing you, I mean, in my mind you’re like, why is it so important to you? Right. That I drank, or what I always think about is like. If I was a vegetarian, would they be like, come on, just have some meat. Just do X, Y, Z.

Like it is a health and lifestyle choice that you’ve made. Like, Why? You have a beer? I have a non-alcoholic beer. You have a mojito? I have a not. Why do you care? Right. What I do, you know what’s interesting, like from this time that I spent with my friends who were drinking, it is a very vulnerable thing for people to drink in front of sober people, right?

[01:01:00]

Yeah. It’s a very, it’s, it’s because they know, okay, you’re going to see me in, in a vulnerable state, and, and if you were drinking with me, you probably wouldn’t remember, or you wouldn’t notice because you would be right there with me. And so it is, I, I can, you know, that I, I can have empathy for that, but that’s not going to change.

I’m not going to. I’m not going to drink with them because of that, but I can. I can be like, yeah, I get it. Like I get why you probably want me to drink with you. I’m not going to, but I understand and we have so many internal hangups Yes. About not drinking. Like you will be surprised how many people shrug or like, oh, I could never do that, but good for you.

Right. Or like, oh, I wish I could do that. That period. Yeah.

[01:02:00]

Yeah. Or like whatever it is. I was like, oh my God, if I don’t drink, people are going to think I have a drinking problem. Yeah. Like literally. That’s what I thought. And a of people are not spending that much time worried about. Like, totally. Oh my God, does she have drinking problems?

Like, they’re just not. I know. It’s like shocking when you realize you’re not the starring role in anybody else’s life. I’m like, wait. Yeah. You guys aren’t. Oh, so we’re not all thinking about me. Okay. Got it. Just me, I’m, I’m just thinking about me. I love the quote that’s like, “stop worrying about what other people think of you.” They’re probably too busy thinking about themselves or like, they don’t even know what they think of themselves. No. And so often, I think in sobriety, especially in early sobriety, we do tend to have both sides of the conversation, right? I’m going to say this and then she’s going to do this and she’s going to think this, and so then I’m going to, and so much of that mental energy is wasted because you say, I’m not drinking. And they’re like, oh man, I should do that.

[01:03:00]

Okay, keep it moving. And they’re probably not going to want to talk a lot about it because if they are, are not open to being honest about their relationship with alcohol, which most people aren’t. They don’t want to talk about it. They don’t want to talk about yours, and they just cause they’re not going to want to talk about theirs.

So they’re just going to keep it moving, which is fine. Yeah. The other thing I would say is sometimes it’s really uncomfortable when you go to someone’s house and they’re like, oh, what do you want to drink? Do you want wine? Do you want beer? Do you want X, Y, Z? And like all they want to do is check you off the list and make sure you’re okay so that they can move to someone else.

And our society is so used to that being alcohol as a signal that you’re off duty, that this is a party, that this is going to be fun. That’s just society marketing conditioning. Yes. And so. If you say like, oh no, actually I brought my own, or, oh, no, thanks, I’m, I’m actually really thirsty. I’d rather have a water or whatever it is. People will just be like, check. Cool. Right?

[01:04:00]

I got other people to talk to and to be host to. The other thing I wanted to say is, when you said it’s a really vulnerable place to be, I thought you were going in a different direction. I’ll tell you why, because. I’ve been with my husband since we were like 22. Forever. Ridiculous. We met at our first job out of college. And we both drank, but I was always the big drinker. Right. Like it was not discussed. Even if I drove somewhere, it was like not a conversation. We knew he was going to be driving home. Yeah. And you know, he wanted me to drink in Italy. I definitely got the vibe that he was kind of bummed I wasn’t.

Afterwards, we talked and he said, you know what? It actually wasn’t that fun for me when you were basically dead weight. And I was like, dragging you home. I didn’t know where I was, but you were completely unhelpful. And I’m like, oh, drinking is so romantic. He was like, I don’t know where I am. And I basically am like carrying you home and this isn’t fun.

[01:05:00]

Yes. Right. That’s, and that’s the truth about alcohol, right? That you’re like, oh wait, I wasn’t this as, as you described, this fun blackout drinker. You’re like, well, I thought I was a fun blackout drinker, but then your husband’s carrying you home. Right. But I remember was really right. Yeah, exactly. Like that’s, yes.

Oh, that’s interesting. They may not even be aware of it until you get past. Yes. Whatever it is. And they might be like, okay, this was a bummer, but this part was way better. Just and like you’re actually fun without alcohol. We’re so conditioned to believe that alcohol equals fun, that that means that taking alcohol away also means taking fun away.

And it’s not true. Like I’m a hoot. Casey, you’re a hoot. You were a hoot. We’re a hoot. You guys. Yeah.

[01:06:00]

Sober. We don’t need to be. Yeah. We’re not dead weight over here. We’re just fun. Without the dead weight.

Yeah, absolutely. And I, I, my relationship with my husband got so much better and I know so many women. Yes, do.

And you don’t even realize how much, I mean, I remember randomly coming home from work, doing the dishes. I was in my first month or so, and my husband was like, you know what, you’re a really good mom. And I don’t know if he had said that to me before, but I had dismissed it because I felt so guilty about my drinking or I didn’t feel like I was. I mean, I was always a good mom, but didn’t feel like I, I was like, are you being in my mind, like before I’d be like, are you messing with me? Are you being sarcastic? Is that passive aggressive? Like, when he said it, I was just like, oh, thanks. Like, I don’t know if he was leader cause I was not an irritated, you know, overwhelmed bitch all the time. Or if he genuinely was like, oh, this is that. I don’t know if he always said that, but I heard it. Right.

[01:07:00]

Did it. And I believed it. I love that so much. That’s just such a perfect encapsulation of, of sobriety, right? That he probably did always say it and he probably did always mean it, but how you heard it was just so different and how it landed.

Yeah. So, anyone listening to this, give yourself a sober summer. Give yourself a chance to see how good it can feel. You’ve got the rest of your life to have drunk summers or drinking summers. I had got 20 plus years of drinking summers. Like, give yourself one, like you might take more bike rides or more hikes or better naps or a vacation where you actually remember the little moments. You know, all the things. Oh my God. Give yourself one.

It’s so true. Because you haven’t had one. Pregnancy does not count it. Yes. Okay. So just quickly tell us why pregnancy doesn’t count. I totally agree with you. Oh my God.

[01:08:00]

So many reasons. First of all, it’s, it’s. It’s this imposed sobriety, right? It’s a, you’re doing this for the greater good of your, of your baby.

And so this has been opposed, imposed on you. It’s like an another way that you’re being selfless and giving this to your baby. Well, already there it’s like you’re missing out. Right? And so it’s just how you’re looking at not being able to drink as a Yeah. As a punishment. Like, I can’t eat cold cuts.

I can’t have soft serve and I can’t have alcohol. And so that’s going to color every experience you have. Yeah. You can’t, you can’t have soft serve. What I know. Well, I did. I don’t, I don’t know. It’s like, I’ve never heard that before. But like Dan, I know, I, I feel like that’s a thing I don’t know I did because you about like, what do you call it, like the alfalfa sprouts or what do you call those?

Like Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, the sprouts, the, yeah, the sushi. Like you can’t, all of these things that you can’t have. Right.

[01:09:00]

And so, like sobriety, is this now like kind of punishment that you’re, okay, fine, you’re, you’re sentenced to sobriety for 9 months and then you’re just going to, then find all of the reasons that you miss drinking alcohol.

Right. Until you’re probably around people who are drinking alcohol and then you’re like, well, I’m just annoyed because I’m pregnant and I’m hot and I’m, you know, uncomfortable and I just want to go home. Instead of the fact that they’re annoying and, and yeah. So you’re just, you know, you’re like, Ugh, I can only drink ginger ale.

You also just feel shitty anyway. Probably. You just don’t feel like yourself. You’re not like, you know, I don’t know. I just was, I have to say another reason why it didn’t count.

Okay. So I will tell you this, and it’s the opposite. I feel like when you’re pregnant, you are so celebrated is the only situation where everybody’s like, oh my gosh, this is so exciting. Is it a girl or a boy? Do you have a name? Yes. I feel like it’s the difference between being engaged. Being married.

[01:10:00]

Yeah. When you’re engaged, everything is special. Yes. People are throwing you parties and so maybe you don’t need to have that artificial heightened moment. Yeah. Um, because either you feel like shit, like Suzanne or for me, you’re, I was such bad like, oh my God, I’m such a high.

But also there is, is my kids, so maybe it’s different. I, I didn’t have a, I didn’t have a toddler when I had my second one. Oh man. But there, there is, yeah. There’s no pressure. Right. There’s no like, oh, come on, you’re not going to drink. I mean, if someone’s, if someone’s encouraging a pregnant person to drink, run.

Right. And or you would be so embarrassed. Like, I’ve gone to restaurants when I was 7 months pregnant by myself. Like the restaurant in Nordstrom. Yeah. And have thought about having a glass of wine cause quote unquote “in your third trimester”. Yeah. It’s okay. I hug out that, but I was like, I can’t fucking order a glass of wine, but I’m clearly 7 months pregnant, I would be shamed or judged.

[01:11:00]

And so, then you’re counting down to it. You’re like, well, I can’t now, but I’m going to the moment I can because this is a, this privilege that I’m missing out on. I’m going to order it. And also, you’re not riddled with the, is this forever, right? Yeah. Is this all of these questions that we have to come to terms with sobriety, which you never have to answer forever because what is forever anyway?

And how do you know that you’ve won when you’re dead and you’re like, yay, it was forever you guys, but yeah, pregnancy doesn’t count. So, give yourself a sober summer this summer.

Yes. Yay. All right. Well hopefully this has been helpful in giving you some thoughts and ideas. Suzanne, I love chatting with you.

Love, we have to do it. Love with Gill, Taylor.

Yes. All yes. Let’s do it.

Hey there before I jump off this episode, I want to remind you that you can sign up for my brand new 60-minute masterclass, The 5 Secrets To Successfully Take A Break From Drinking, even if you’ve tried and failed in the past, by going to hellosomedaycoaching.com/class. Now, this training will not be around forever. So if you’re interested in figuring out what you’ve been doing up until now, and why it hasn’t been working, and exactly what to do. Instead, I encourage you to take a few moments, sign up, pick a time that works for you, and actually attend the session. I’ll teach you how to shift your thinking. So you can get out of the really shitty cycle of starting and stopping and starting again, and it’s okay if you’re thinking that you don’t actually want to stop drinking. I promise you, if you attend this class, you will change the way you’re approaching this process. So save your spot. Go to hellosomedaycoaching.com/class, and I can’t wait to see you there.

So thank you for coming on here. I couldn’t appreciate it more. 

Thank you for listening to this episode of The Hello Someday Podcast. If you’re interested in learning more about me or the work I do or accessing free resources and guides to help you build a life you love without alcohol, please visit  hellosomedaycoaching.com. And I would be so grateful if you would take a few minutes to rate and review this podcast so that more women can find it and join the conversation about drinking less and living more.