SUMMARY KEYWORDS

drinking, sobriety, people, alcohol, sober, Christmas, New year, January, Dry January, Serenity Prayer, accept the things I can’t change, gratitude, women, feel, wine, day, thought, self-sabotage, life, starter kit, weeks, good, Jen, hungover, wake, year, big

SPEAKERS: Casey McGuire Davidson + Jenn Lee Hirst

00:02

Welcome to the Hello Someday Podcast, the podcast for busy women who are ready to drink less and live more. I’m Casey McGuire Davidson, ex-red wine girl turned life coach helping women create lives they love without alcohol. But it wasn’t that long ago that I was anxious, overwhelmed, and drinking a bottle of wine and night to unwind. I thought that wine was the glue, holding my life together, helping me cope with my kids, my stressful job and my busy life. I didn’t realize that my love affair with drinking was making me more anxious and less able to manage my responsibilities.

In this podcast, my goal is to teach you the tried and true secrets of creating and living a life you don’t want to escape from.

Each week, I’ll bring you tools, lessons and conversations to help you drink less and live more. I’ll teach you how to navigate our drinking obsessed culture without a bus, how to sit with your emotions, when you’re lonely or angry, frustrated or overwhelmed, how to self soothe without a drink, and how to turn the decision to stop drinking from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

I am so glad you’re here. Now let’s get started.

01:22

Hi there. Before we jump into this episode, I wanted to take a step back and think about where we are in the year. Right now, it is the middle of December, two weeks until New Year’s Day. And while you may be celebrating and excited about the holidays, or maybe you’re a bit stressed out and overwhelmed, it is a great time to take just a small moment and think about what you want for yourself in the new year. Because January is a time for fresh starts. It’s a time to slow down to think about what you want for yourself in 2022. How do you want to feel? And who do you want to be? What do you want to change, it’s time to prioritize yourself and take better care of yourself. And change isn’t easy.

So I want to give you an incentive a reason to stop treading water and to take a step in a new direction. So for the next two weeks through the end of the year, December 31. I want to invite you to join The Sobriety Starter Kit, my online Sober Coaching Course and save $100 off the January price of the course. Plus, and I’ve never done this before. If you join The Sobriety Starter Kit, now, you’ll get an invitation to attend an exclusive to our live kickoff session with me on January 9. Now, adding a live kickoff session with me is new for The Sobriety Starter Kit. But I know it’s something you’re going to love. And I know it’s something that’s going to help you start strong and keep going.

Now, you might be listening to this and wondering if the course will work for you. I get that. Trust me, I had lots of times of trying to stop drinking before my last day one stuck. But I wanted to share with you something Melissa wrote to me about her experience. She sent me a note that said,

I started this Sobriety Starter Kit Course on my 1,000,000th or so day one, and am on day 100. Today, I can’t remember the last time I went six days without drinking much less 14 weeks. For years, the idea of not drinking has been looming over me as the biggest, hardest, most impossible thing. But your course breaks down that big undoable thing into manageable chunks. I loved having your voice guided me and encouraged me every day. I don’t have the words to adequately convey how much this course has changed my life. ~ Melissa

Getting that note from Melissa truly made my day, my week by month, all of it. And if you’ve been on the fence, if you’ve been going back and forth on whether you actually need to stop drinking, or whether you really want to stop drinking, or maybe you’re worried even if you can take a break from drinking. I want you to put that all down right now. Stop that debate. You don’t need to have a quote unquote, real problem with alcohol to take a break from it and see if you feel better without it. I want you to think I’m just going to try something new. I’m going to start a new healthy habit this year. And I want you to get excited because this is going to be good.

05:00

You absolutely 100% deserve to invest in yourself, I want you to give yourself this gift at the end of the year. So if you want to save $100 on The Sobriety Starter Kit, and join me for the live kickoff session on January 9, go to www.sobrietystarterkit.com. You’ll get instant access to the course which you can go online right now or through an app. So you can start shifting your approach to this whole not drinking things. Starting today, I’ve had women approached me who told me they’re going to do dry January with a bunch of friends. So they want to join the course and go to the kickoff so that they can do it as a group. Or maybe you want to do this in private. But you found that willpower and motivation without a step by step plan. Without someone encouraging you every day, it hasn’t been enough. So whether you want to do this with a group, or you want to do this on your own, with me virtually holding your hand the whole way. I’d love to see you in the course. So take advantage of this special offer. before it ends, go to www.sobrietystarterkit.com.

06:22

Hi there, I am really excited about this episode because we are going to talk about the Top 6 Mistakes that most Women Make When Getting Sober. And I wanted to do this episode right now in the middle of December, because I know for so many women and I did this every year, January 1, New Year’s resolutions, okay, this year, I’m going to stop drinking, I’m going to feel better, I’m going to get in shape all the things. And so, I thought, as we’re leading up to January 1.

In the next few weeks, let’s talk about things that you should do differently this time, mistakes that you should avoid. And I think you’re going to get a lot out of this episode.

I contacted Jenn Hirst who I absolutely love to teach us about this and to have this conversation, because she posted a video about the Top 6 Mistakes that most Women Make When Getting Sober. And for every single one. I was like, yep, yes, absolutely, we need to avoid that. So Jenn agreed to come on the podcast, I’ll tell you a little bit about her.

 

She’s a Graphic Designer by day, and a Sober Fitness Coach, a Speaker, and a founder of Living Zero Proof on the side. Jen’s been sober since April 24, 2013. She coaches women struggling with alcohol on how to implement healthy habits to manage stress and overwhelm and forge a sustainable path to recovery. Through her eight years of living alcohol free she values the importance of taking care of all aspects of your health in sobriety. So that means your physical health and your mental health. Jenn preaches that exercise is the best medicine. And by moving your body, you can change your mind. She resides in Minnesota with her husband and two children.

So Jenn, welcome.

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. I’m so happy to be here. Yeah, and I love your approach to life without alcohol. It is very similar to mine, in terms of helping women get excited about how good their life can be without alcohol and all the good stuff on the other side once you get out of the drinking cycle. So you know, as women are thinking about, okay, maybe January 1, dry January, I’m going to change my relationship with alcohol. I’m going to take a break and get rid of the alcohol in my life. What should women do? What did they been doing in the past that sort of set them up for self-sabotage? Yeah, it’s first off. Number one. January 1, obviously is the best time it’s a really popular time for people to do to cut out alcohol to set their New Year’s resolutions to finally get this thing and I think

09:22

100 times I mean, I said okay, I’m gonna start tomorrow, tomorrow’s gonna be it and tomorrow comes and I would go back again, I’d be back drinking again and I wouldn’t know why. So number one, when you’re in this process when you start in January when you start again, number one, please don’t beat yourself up. That was a first tip of my top six mistakes. I think as women we spend so much time beating ourselves up already. Raise of hands for not getting something right. I know this morning. I didn’t have mittens on my kids’ hands, and it was 30 below. Little did I know. I beat myself up for it. But slipping and relaxing sometimes happen. And it’s completely normal but beating ourselves up for something we cannot change, which is the past, which is the weather, which is other people robs us of who we are and how we show up today. So one thing that I really repeat to myself on a daily basis, and it can apply to different situations, whether you’re in traffic, whether you’re ruminating and in a downward thought spiral, or thinking about something you did last night, thinking of what who you called who you texted how you showed up at a party, repeat this to yourself, and it’s from the Serenity Prayer. Accept the things I can’t change. Accept the things I can’t change. And I’ve done this in traffic. I’ve done this, when I, I just thought and consumed with a thought spiral the other day of thinking of things that I did in 2005. And when that happens, I repeat to myself, accept what I can’t change, I can’t change what I did, right. But I can learn to find gratitude in that. Because it brought me to who I am today. And it brought you to the point where you are today. And to be able to quit and start again. And that’s the only prerequisite of sobriety is to never, ever give up. To keep on trying to really accept the things that are out of our control and focus on the next right thing. What’s the next right move I can make.

But beating myself up, like I said, is just robbing you off today. So take a deep breath, accept what happened, find gratitude in it, and set your sights on the next chapter. And the next part of 2022. Right? This is a new you this is a fresh start. And just know that there’s nothing wrong with you for not being able to get this right off the bat. And really, throughout this month of January throughout these next few days in these next few weeks, give yourself some grace. No one gets it the first or 100th time. But like I said, just by trying your light years ahead before the rest of the world catches up.

Yeah, I completely agree with that. Because I was actually just talking with a client before I jumped on our podcast interview. And what I was telling her was that every single one of us who stopped drinking had a last restart a last day one. And most of us and I know I didn’t know at that time, that that was going to be the last time because I know that I of course the year I quit, told myself that I was going to quit on January 1, right? That was you know, this is back in 2016. I was like, yep, January 1 Is my day.

12:56

I had all the resolutions, I had all the things. That wasn’t my last date. My last day was February 18. But I was working, I was learning stuff. And on February 10, what I did was I added one more sober support, and more accountability, more connection. And then I just took it day by day suddenly is on day seven, and then J 10. And I desperately wanted to drink on day 16. And I didn’t. So not one of us finally stops drinking and did not try many times before. So want to try now. Do it again. And don’t beat yourself up for the past you learn things. And that’s this whole episode mistakes you’ve made when you’ve done this before that haven’t worked for you. So now, take this new information. Don’t beat yourself up for slipping in the past, but be like, Alright, I’m going to do things differently now.

Yeah, what can I learn from it? And that’s what I tell people. If they go out or slip, or have a glass of wine, I ask them, what can you learn from this and what can you do differently? I myself didn’t think April 23, 2013 was going to be my last day. I said 100 times, okay, it’s my last day on this date. And sometimes we pick a perfect date like January 1, that’s my day. This is my year. We are done. 100%. But what if that were to not happen or all those dates that did not happen? But sometimes it’ll come unexpected and a lot of times you can start before you’re ready. That’s my best piece of advice to not even wait until January 1 to start today. Start when you’re off guard just like I did with 75 hard this crazy workout program. I just started it on a woman beginning of October. didn’t really think much about it. I saw other beach body coaches do it. And I said you know what?

15:00

I’m just going to do it. On a Monday I woke up and I decided for the next 75 days, I’m committed to workouts, gallon of water. Obviously, no drinking, which is a little bit nice as people in recovery. That’s something that already got that taken care of. And I just did it. And granted, it’s negative 30 outside, did not think about the Minnesota winters or the fact that yes, this is going to be during the holiday season. The most tempting part of the year, the most probably the most stressful for a lot of women and a lot of people. But I thought why not? Why not do this and really challenged myself and the fact that I’m looking at it as a chance to take walks when I’m uncomfortable when it’s cold outside because it gives me mental clarity. Looking at the benefits of doing this that yes, it is hard. But the hard is what makes it great. Yeah, the heart like thinking of like I said, we can wait till January 1 to quit drinking and have that that set sobriety date. Or we could start before Christmas to no matter when that date is for you.

Yeah, start before you’re ready. I both with anything. And the more we ruminate over it, the more we can talk ourselves out of it.

16:16

So start today. Yeah, I just think of how you can show up for Christmas and New Year’s. And remember it because for me, I think the best present is to be present.

16:28

Yeah, right to be present with your family to not regret what you did around the family members to instead of buying a bottle of wine, go grab some calming tea, like I’m drinking right now. Go invest in some essential oils, go move your body. And think of how good you can feel. On Christmas morning, when the kids are opening the presence. And you’re there and you feel good. And you don’t feel like you want to vomit. Don’t have a hangover. And I also love I love starting before you’re ready because none of us are ever ready. Like, I don’t know a woman who is like, Yep, I am completely ready to leave this behind. It’s just, start now, start where you are, get rid of the booze, and focus on just building up some days just feeling better every single day. And I can’t tell you how many Christmases I’ve woken up hungover How many Christmas Eves and New Year’s eves, I don’t remember. And it is so great going into January 1. Without that like backpack or rocks on your shoulders just being like I am in process. I haven’t had a drink in two weeks, or, you know, and so you’re not starting from ground zero. So if you’re listening to this, yeah, get all the tips. And then just begin.

17:54

And maybe take this as a sign and have that just think you could get a couple weeks under your belt to launch you into 2022 to wake up on New Year’s Day and feel great, right? So a couple weeks off drinking man, you can notice some really good physical and mental benefits with just two weeks off. But yes, it’s gonna be hard. But why not do it when it’s really hard? Because I really feel if you can do something that’s really hard during the most stressful time of the year, right? Look at it as motivation. And I fully believe that you can do, and you can be anything. Yeah, that’s why I’m doing 75 hard. I always compare my sober journey with any single hard thing that comes up that I’m nervous about. I said I got sober. So I can do this. I did 75 hard in the dead of winter, Minnesota winter, to be exact. During the holidays. I can do this. Yeah. Yes. So use that as motivation that yes, it’s going to be hard. But like I said the hard is what makes it great. Yeah. So Top Mistake is beating yourself up for slipping in the past. And starting before you’re ready, start because you’ll never be ready. They’ll never be done. Never be ready. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. And number two is thinking that you can have just one, like this time will be different or this time you’re cured. And you know, I got this over thing I can go back out and moderate. And this took me a long time to figure out I really had to do some field research and test it and I said I will just I’m just gonna have one but as we know and sometimes you might sometimes you might have a glass of wine and that’ll be it and but then that really gets you into the thinking of okay, I got this. I can see I can do this. I lasted. I did it for two days. I was okay I didn’t have any more but eventually alcohol it will catch up with you. It’s a craving if you have something.

20:00

It ignites the craving and the obsession within. And even if you have a period of sober time, that progression is doing push-ups in the parking lot, that understanding and really understanding that alcohol is an addictive drug, really, really puts it in keeping it as simple as that. It’s not meant to be moderated. It’s meant to be consumed. And once you have a sip, it’s going you’re going to want more just like, for me, I can’t have one M&M, I need to have the whole bag because I love chocolate. And I know that about myself milk chocolates to be exact. So I know that about myself, if I have an M&M, I fully know I’m going to have 10 handfuls and that’s okay with me. But if I can prevent myself from having that first drink that first fit that first M&M, not that I’ve seen M&Ms are bad, just not every day are not to the point of feeling sick, then I am still in control. But as soon as you have a first, a sip, all bets are off, and you’ve lost control. And like I said, it took me a very, very long time to realize that. But if you can avoid, there’s only one drink that you need to avoid. And it’s the first one.

21:17

23:19

Yeah, I completely agree with that. Because I also like not my first rodeo when I finally quit drinking in 2016. I actually had four months sober and then I got pregnant. So technically, I had a year, but it doesn’t totally count. And after my daughter was born, I was like, you know what? It was situational. I’m less stressed. Now my job was hard on happier. I can just have, like you said, I can just have a drink. I can have, you know, wine on a date night with my husband. And once you sort of like open the seal, rip the seal off. First of all, it immediately lights up your brain, you immediately want more. I mean, I had that first glass of wine on a date night and I was like, Okay, I want to okay, I want to agree. And even if I lasted a week, you know, then it’s Friday night and then I’m like, Okay, well, maybe I’ll just have a bottle of wine at home. And then inevitably, I was back to a bottle of wine or more a night. For me it was like 365 nights a year. And it actually took me 22 months to stop again. And that time like some days were okay. There was a lot of days where I was like white knuckling it to get four days without drinking, going through that withdrawal, drinking again, waking up hungover. So it really is the idea that you’re going to have just one it’s not worth it. And it just lights up your brain and you want more so it’s so common to think, that right? 

25:00

Everybody’s looking for that third door, but I think the more you can just start looking forward with excitement to the things you want to do without drinking. And just saying it’s not worth it to have. I’ve never wanted a glass of wine in my entire fucking life like has never happened. I always want more. Yeah, we don’t have an off switch, just the more. Yeah, More, please. But I have control. We all have control if we choose to pick up, right. But I think so often we really want to be able to moderate be able to be like other people who just have a couple glasses and, and fit in. But once again, that we realize that it’s not supposed to be moderated an addictive drug. It’s not supposed to be moderated. It’s supposed to be. It’s supposed to leave you wanting more. And that’s exactly. It’s intense. So once we kind of learn to accept that and understand that, then we can prevent ourselves and really realize that I can’t have just one. Yeah, and I don’t want just one. Most people aren’t like, I just want to do cocaine like a normal person or like heroin, right? You’re nobody said, yeah, there, you know, because they’re like that it’s addictive and dangerous. And so I completely agree. Like it’s not meant to be moderated. And I think that so many people have I mean, I hear this every day, I know you do, too. I just want to drink like a quote unquote, normal person. And what I believe is there are very few people who can actually take or leave alcohol. And I know for myself, I would go out to a restaurant, and I would have two glasses of wine there. I would have one before I got there, I would have opened another bottle when I got home. So it is you have no idea what other people’s drinking actually looks like. Yeah. And that’s actually a part of my story is that no one really knew that I had a problem, not even my husband, I was so good at hiding it. That because I really felt so ashamed for it that I thought if they knew that about me, what would they think? And so I spent my whole life, my whole pre drink or my whole pre sobriety life trying to manage this. And it drove me crazy. So once I realized, and I surrendered literally on April 23. I said, I can’t do this. And I can’t do this by myself that I’ve been trying to do this so hard and keep it hidden. And I cannot do this by myself, which is actually my next tip is thinking that you can do this on your own. I tried for so many years I’ve been to a I did all that. But I was so ashamed for having this based on the stigma. I mean, this was 10 years ago. But what’s so cool about now that there’s so many people sharing about sobriety, there’s so many new, nonalcoholic drinks coming out people in sobriety, like sober is starting to be the cool thing. And more and more people are talking about it. There are more and more options, more and more options for meetups, more and more options to get sober, and how to stay sober. So it’s not just AA anymore, it can be a Sober Coach, a Sober Group, it can be a mixture of exercise and meditation, and whatever works for you. is valid. Yeah, if it works for you, keep it and stick with it.

Yeah, for so many years, I thought we could do it alone. But the opposite of addiction is connection. We need to know that we’re not alone in this. Yeah. And you can join groups like the sober mom squad is great. I love their meetings, they have a free meeting on Wednesdays, at noon. she recovers sober mom on Facebook slain sobriety. Or even my tip if you don’t see a group that jives with you, create your own, create a Facebook group and invite women to it. Or you could even go to meetup.com and create a meetup for women in your area saying, Hey, I’m a sober mom in Minneapolis. And I’m looking for some other sober women to grab a cup of coffee on Saturday mornings at 9am at this location. Yeah, who would like to come? So start your own if you don’t see it. I just think it’s so cool. Because there’s so many so much more options available to us now than there ever was before. Yeah. And people are like talking about it and celebrating it. And I mean, I completely agree. It is incredibly hard to do this on your own and you don’t have to there are 1000s and 1000s and 1000s of women just like, you doing this same thing. I mean, I got an email the other day from a woman who said she was going to do my sobriety starter kit in January with six friends. 

30:00

And so they’re all like, just doing dry January, but they want to plan, they want to plan to do it. And you don’t have to say, it is completely unnecessary to say, I have a big problem with alcohol, you can just say, I want to take an extended break from alcohol, I want to see how good I can feel without it. I want to have more energy and sleep better and like, widen my interests and get up in the morning. And so but that’s very hard to do on your own. And there are lots of women out there who don’t drink, or you can do it with your friends and do a challenge, though, like love that. It’s I mean, people do challenges all the time. So you know, get support, get resources, get some people together. And also when you don’t do it on your own. It’s not this big secret, right? When I stopped drinking, I told my morning workout group we worked out at 530. In the morning, I was doing 100-day break from alcohol. I told my coworkers because there was zero chance, they weren’t going to notice that I was going from like drinking every single evening until like nothing told my husband told my girlfriends, I just was like, you know what, I’m doing a health kick. I’m doing 100 days without alcohol. And that accountability helped me so much. And it makes it that much easier, right? When you can just talk freely about it. And you don’t have to wonder about what to say to people. Dry January is the perfect line to respond to anybody who’s asking why you’re not drinking. What do you want to do this weekend? Or to get like you said, get your girlfriends involved in like, Hey, do you guys want to do dry January? It’s huge right now. There’s literally a month for everything to go alcohol free. So sober October, no drink November dry December.

Dry July. I love it. Yeah. I mean, if you think are a drinking problem, there’s literally a month for everything. So you can pick a month but dry January, I would say is the biggest one because everybody’s doing their New Year’s resolutions. Yeah. So if you were offered a drink, you say, you know what, I’m doing dry January. So I’m really going to stick it out and even going into February if you decide to continue this, like, you know what, I felt really great during dry January. I’m going to continue it on for another 30 days and see how I feel. Yeah, I love like moving those goalposts. Yeah, the one thing I would say about dry January is like go into it really curious and excited and add new things to your life so that you’re not white knuckling it the first two weeks, and the second two weeks, you’re just holding on until you can drink again. Right? Don’t have alcohol be the reward for not drinking in January be like how good am I going to feel on January 31? If it’s way better than how I felt waking up hungover and like trying to pretend I remembered everything that happened the night before. Like, alright, I want to see how good I can feel at 40 days and 50 days. Because I promise you it’s even better.

Yeah, 100% 100% and just take it day by day and see how you feel keep track of your benefits and ask yourself. I mean, maybe one thing you can ask yourself is What are you drinking for? What is the benefit that you get out of drinking? And is there a healthy alternative that you can do in place of that? And asking, like you said, is it worth it?

33:36

Is it worth it? For what I’m going to feel tomorrow? Yeah.

33:41

When it’s also just experimentation, like you want to drink? So it’s like, okay, I want to drink. Why is it? Well, it’s, it’s Friday night, I feel like I deserve it after a long week. I want to transition I want to have fun, I want connection that I’m stressed. And that, okay, now you’ve identified why you want to drink, you just need to pick a different tool or a different way to celebrate or a different way. You know, I used to do Friday night sushi and movies at home cuddled up. I mean, I had young kids, and that for me was amazing. Or like, Saturday evening, I would get a facial I’d be like, Alright, I’m taking my wine money. And I’m going to a spa. And yeah, it’s like why do I do that? Because I deserve it after a long week because I want time to myself. Because I want to de stress because you know I’m tense. You know, same thing with like a yoga class or a walk with your girlfriends or anything, you know, you’re just picking a different tool. Yeah, and that’s, that’s really all it is replacing it with something else. Something that will give you a better outcome tomorrow. So you don’t wake up with a hangover or full of regret and shame, but you actually wake up energized and were actually truly relaxed rather than with more anxiety for the things that you did because alcohol increases anxiety.

35:00

In cortisol, but something that’s going to give you a better outcome in the end. Yeah.

35:06

But my number four is comparing your journey to someone else’s.

35:13

A lot of times, it’s so easy, especially with social media, I’ve been really taking a hard look at social media to social medias, that is a prime example of comparison, but really trying not to compare your journey to someone else’s if someone else got this quicker than you, if someone else is farther along than you to really, really tried to not beat yourself up and embrace your path, embrace your line. And knowing that no, like I said, no two journeys are the same, no two paths are the same, no two lines are the same. And you’ll get there when you get there. And sobriety is not a race to the finish line. Everybody’s path looks different. And it will take the time that it needs for you to understand and learn what you need to learn to get there. Yeah. And I think that goes both ways. Right? It goes one way in terms of like, how come she got it? And I didn’t, and I’m feeling stuck. But it also goes in this happens to a lot of people with their beliefs about people with a quote unquote, real problem, or I know I went to a for a couple months. It didn’t end up being my path. But I was like, Okay, I you know, you’re doing that mental debate. Am I really an alcoholic? Do I actually need to stop? Am I that bad? Because I haven’t had for me, I didn’t have a DUI I didn’t No one said anything to me. Whatever it was. So comparing your journey to someone else’s, is unhelpful, both on the regretting that you’re not there yet. And saying, but I’m not that bad, right? She quit. had all these things happen? I mean, I think the question is just is alcohol, helping you do what you want to do in life, be the person you want to be? And if not, remove it from your life for a while and see whether you can actually start feeling less anxiety, less depression, less guilt, love, self-loathing sleep better, right? You’re just like, you don’t have to have a rock bottom to quit. You just have to be curious. And most of us suspect in the back of our minds, or in the front, that alcohol is keeping us stuck making us feel like garbage and taking up too much of our mind space.

37:41

And I, I asked myself that for many years of, you know, I’m not that bad, yet, I still have my job. I still have my car. I hadn’t gotten a DWI. And I kept saying that. And I think that keeps a lot of people in denial and justification for their drinking. And I said that until it happened.

38:02

And I did lose my job. I did lose my car. And I was becoming who I thought I would never be this high achieving woman who excelled in school and at work. And I was slowly destroying my life. Because I thought I could do it. And I thought I my story wasn’t at that bad yet. Until like I said, those things started happening. So those things might not happen to you. But if we continue on this path,

38:33

I would have to add yet they haven’t happened to you yet. Yeah, right. Elevator only goes down, it doesn’t go down. It does not get better. And take that as us sharing our story and sharing these tips is because we don’t want you to reach a rock bottom. I don’t want anyone to reach a lockdown. I would say pivots right now, before you’re ready. So you don’t have to go through those negative consequences that many of us have done in the past. But even if you did, that’s okay. But like we said, no two journeys are the same. Some people might have DWI, some people might just kind of question maybe my life would be better if I didn’t drink. I’m curious about this. I’m going to take 30 days off. I’m gonna do dry January. I don’t feel like I have a problem I can I can moderate my drinking. I have a drink every now and then when I go to a party. But what am I getting out of it? Is it actually helping me relax? Is it helping me feel better after a long day? Or would a nice warm bath feel much better? Yeah. So really get like I said, Get curious. But you don’t have to be far down along the line. You get help. And I think what also really deters people is the marketing of alcohol towards women on T-shirts and making jokes about it.

40:00

Everywhere I turn, I see I just went to Costco last weekend and saw dog toys that were vodka bottles, and cheese. And I’m like, oh my God, even for the dogs, the dogs don’t need alcohol to be happy, they’re perfectly freaking happy. We don’t need to push alcohol on our dogs. Get curious and start noticing. Anytime you see alcohol on an ad, and on the radio on a t shirt mentioned, it’s once you step away and start training your mind to be on the lookout for it, you’ll be amazed at how ingrained in our culture is and why so many women justify their drinking, because of the marketing towards women. Oh, yeah. And it’s, it’s by design, right? Like the definitely alcohol companies have done this purposefully. They pay a lot of money to influencers and different people and create merchandise, to normalize drinking every day, drinking a bottle of wine and sitting, drinking when you’re stressed or tired or something else. And so, you know, I think that, of course, we fallen into this mindset. And it’s time to get out of it. Right? Because if you’re listening to this, you know, it’s not actually helping you relax, you’re waking up with that, like, fuck, why did I do it? Again, I feel like garbage. You know, what did I say? Whatever. And so, you know, I think that just in the same way, if you’re listening to this, you are curious enough, like, take that as a sign that you don’t need to compare your journey to someone else’s. You just need to see how you feel without it. I mean, I love this saying of like, your bottom is wherever you stop digging, you know, and realizing that you hold the shovel. Yeah. And my husband even said to me, so my husband, after I quit, he didn’t. Really, okay, he was apparently not as observant as other people or he was just used to me drinking, or I was hiding it from him right or trying to play off like I wasn’t hungover. But after I’d stopped for 100 days, he was, you know, sort of like, oh, you’re gonna keep going. And so then I got more honest with him. And I was like, Babe, our family wanted no part of where the train I was on was headed. It was not a good place. You know, trust me, the trajectory I’m on now is good and powerful and healthy and good for our kids. And the trajectory I was on when I was drinking a bottle plus of wine a night that was going nowhere well.

42:54

Honesty is key. Yeah, once you can get honest with other people and yourself. That was what I did with my husband before. I ultimately got sober and went to my last inpatient stay was got honest about everything.

43:10

I knew the one thing that was holding me back from achieving lasting sobriety was my Adderall use. And I thought, if he knew that about me, he was going to ransack the house, give me a divorce, all bets are off. But I knew that was holding me back, that he needs to know all of me and all my secrets before I could do this. And so I sat him on the bed before I left, and I told him, and all these images that I thought were going to play out him throwing things, barging out of the room did not happen. He just said, Okay. He’s like, are you done? Like, yes, it’s like, okay, then we’re good.

43:55

But a lot of times, people are just so accepting and loving. And if you make it out to be so much more of a big deal in your mind, then it plays out. So I always tell my clients try to get honest as early as possible, and I promise you people are a lot more accepting and loving than you think. Yeah, I completely agree. Totally.

44:23

Awesome.

44:25

Brings me to number five. Saying yes to people in events when you really want to say no.

44:32

Boundaries are your friends, so trust your gut. And I think a lot of times as women we’re people pleasers, but people pleasing should not come at the cost of your sobriety. There are so many times when I really don’t want to go to something or do something. And I’ll say yes, because I want to make other people happy. make an appearance. Let people know I’m okay and that I’m doing good. But in my heart, I just don’t want to go on a stay in my pajamas and watch a movie and go to bed at 9pm with my tea and wake up.

45:07

But really focusing and practicing on setting boundaries, because I fully believe that when you say no to someone else, you’re saying yes to yourself. Yeah. And you show others how to treat you by the boundaries that you set. And especially if you’re in early sobriety, and if you’re doing dry January, really, really trust your gut of what you choose to put yourself and the environments that you put yourself in. And the people that you choose to hang around with.

45:42

If your gut instinct is to not go or to not do something, and trust your gut, and practice, setting those healthy boundaries to keep that in place and keep your sobriety strong. Yeah, I mean, I think it’s so important, like in your first 30 days, 60 days, like lower the bar, and then lower it even more. I mean, yeah, we in the beginning, I bubbled up and like, I didn’t go out to dinner for my first month. I mean, with other people, I take out, I chilled I went to the gym, I worked out in the morning, I, you know, sat in a hot tub, like it was just really taking care of myself and not putting myself in a situation where everybody else was going to drink. And you can be proactive about that, like I would, you know, my girlfriends would be like, oh, let’s go to this happy hour. And I’d be like, actually, I’m not drinking right now. Do you want to go to brunch and go for a walk or coffee? Yeah. And it’s easy. It’s easy. And it was actually way more fun. Like we went, I live in Seattle, we went down to Pike Place Market and then walked the market after this amazing French brunch and like got ourselves fresh flowers and all the things so you can get creative about it. But then, you’re tucked in at home totally safe, not out at a bar when other people are drinking. So saying no to people and events completely agree. Also saying no to projects and responsibilities where you then get resentful, or tired? Or why am I doing this? Or you know what I mean? Like I always tell people, if you had the stomach flu, you wouldn’t go. So. Just tell people you’re not feeling great. It’s not a lie. You’re in early sobriety.

Yeah. And saying yes. When you really want to say no can be to resentments. And resentments, if you have enough of them, and they get really strong are a trigger for going back to our old ways and using that unhealthy coping mechanism. So protecting yourself and what I really love to go back to is Laura McGowan’s pregnancy principle. And I tell all my clients that is really treat yourself, like you’re pregnant, and take that knee in, especially in early sobriety. So taking care of your body, nourishing your body, you know, having those sweet treats the saying no, if you’re tired, you know, your feet are swollen, going to bed early, getting a massage, asking your partner to give you a massage, really taking as good of care of yourself for those first nine months, alcohol free, because it is and not putting yourself in these situations when you don’t really want to be there. Yeah. Because if you’re pregnant, you’re like, I’m tired. I’m gonna go home. People are like, okay, great. Yeah, she’s fat, she’s pregnant, go home, having that same kind of mentality. When you’re in sobriety. And really, especially in those first 30 days, you’re recovering, no matter where you are, in your drinking, if you’re just having one glass a week, one glass a month, one glass every night, we all go through some type of withdrawal. So taking care of yourself and nourishing and honoring and accepting and leaning into those naps, getting enough sleep and treating yourself that yes, I am recovering. And in the process of recovery. And this is the biggest form of self-care that I can give myself is to not drink and through that I might be a little bit more tired, but I’m still going to honor and treat myself well. During this process.

Yeah. And Laura McGowan saying, giving no shits about it. Yeah, I completely agree. When I was pregnant, I would be like Saturday afternoon, I’m taking a nap or Yeah, taking a nap. I’m tired. I’m not gonna go somewhere where I’m gonna be standing up at a bar all night or I would come home and like put on my PJs and just be like, can we order pizza? You know, like just doing all the things? Yes, treating yourself having some desserts because quite honestly, you’re probably going to have a sweet tooth especially in early sobriety. So honoring those sweets cravings.

50:00

Yeah. Into that chocolate. It’s okay, it’s what’s going on in your body. But just to honor that, except it and again, treating yourself like you were pregnant. But that kind of goes into my last one, which is going to a social event when you’re not ready. This is something, I actually lived in the sober closet for about four years. So I didn’t talk about my recovery. For the first four years of sobriety, I didn’t over closet look like to you. I was I was very isolating, I didn’t think people wanted to hang out with me, I stayed home, I didn’t talk about it. I went to AA meetings. But I always felt like I just, I didn’t know my place in the world. And I didn’t know how to meet new friends. Yeah. And I didn’t think anybody wanted to hang out with me, because I was always known as the fun Jen. And without alcohol, I didn’t really know who I was. And you might not know that either. And that’s the cool thing about sobriety. And once I really got into personal growth, and started reading about,

51:07

you know, personal development books, I really started to gain clarity over my past. And really, really embracing sobriety and learning so much about what I like to do. I spent my whole life trying to please other people and show up as what the world and who my parents wanted me to be that when I took alcohol away, I didn’t know what I like. I didn’t know what was fun. And so I had to do some experimentation. And I those first four years, yeah, I went to a I read, but I didn’t read a lot of books on sobriety, I, I did the eight meetings, but I was kind of just going through the motions. But I what really, really opened the doors was when I started sharing about my sobriety. And I owe that to Beachbody because I started off as a beach body coach in 2017. And part of that, as a Coach, is you’re supposed to share your story. So that’s when I started sharing on social media. And I told my husband, when I became a coach two weeks into it, I you know, and I would always share every single year I would share my sober bursary on social media. But I would block the people that I worked with, or people that I didn’t want to know, want them to know that about me. But once I started coaching, I realized I had to come out of the silver closet and just say it, yeah. And it was like the big elephant in the room that people knew this about me, but I never talked about it, and people never asked me about it. But I would show up, I would do the things. But once I came out, and I did my coming out post on social, I got so much love and praise for that, that I stopped slowly started sharing my story. And I realized, I don’t think I’m supposed to be talking about Beach body and losing weight and getting healthy. I think I’m supposed to be sharing and helping women get sober. And so something that I didn’t want to talk about that I kept hidden for so long became the one thing that I love to talk about. And the one thing that women need to hear is that they need to hear that they’re not alone in this. Yeah. So slowly, and eventually, my path started to change, and I went from now I’m still a graphic designer, but Beachbody coaching into silver coaching. And I freaking love it. It is so fulfilling. And it keeps me in the sobriety circle by sharing my story and helping other women on their sobriety journeys as well. But for a long time, I didn’t go to and still to this day, sometimes I don’t go to certain events, but especially in early sobriety, you got to be really careful with where you put yourself and who you surround yourself with. And your environment of that might look different. Especially in the first 30 days. If you and your friends or even your girlfriends used to get together and drink wine and have a book club or get together for happy hour, you have to really ask yourself is that? Do I feel okay doing that? And is it going to threaten my sobriety? Because I feel like the more you can put yourself in a safe situation and distance yourself from temptation, the better. Yeah, but I’ve also heard that some people are like, go to the events and do that. And you shouldn’t have to, you know,

54:21

stay at home and do these things. But for me, I knew I wasn’t comfortable with that. And only you really know what you’re comfortable with. Yeah. But you don’t have to please someone by threatening your sobriety by putting you in close contact with the one thing that you’re trying not to do for this month. Right? It’s just playing with fire. I feel like and I think it’s a chance to experiment and do different things, right? Like yes, exactly as an opportunity to change up some of your habits, right like what you know, the whole idea is to do something differently than what you’ve done before. And I hear that from women on

55:00

all the time like, this is my issue, I don’t want to change anyone’s life, I don’t want to make this other people’s problems, I should be able to handle it. And if that has not worked for you in the past, it is time to try a different approach. And that doesn’t mean that you have to tell them everything. But you can, like you said boundary through your best friend, you can decline certain events, you can be like, Oh, great idea. But you know, can’t make it this month. And you know, if it is going to be really hard not to drink at some event, don’t go just do something else. Or, you know, and I think that we build it up to be a bigger deal than it is. And you won’t always need to avoid things you really want. But in the first 30 days in those first 45 days, like, make it easier on yourself not to drink, don’t sit there staring at other people drinking and them asking you if you want to drink and you know, that’s just not very fun. No,

56:07

not at all. And really, you can just change your nights into early morning. So instead of going out for drinks, ask your friends, if you want to meet up for coffee, I think that’s the biggest and most simplest swap you can make is changing up your nights for mornings, instead of going out for cocktails, you’re going to go out for coffee, and embrace your mornings, your mornings are your new best friend, you’re going to start to be able to watch the sunrise and enjoy a warm cup of coffee or tea if that’s your thing. And it’s you really, really, you’re, it’s like you get a new pair of eyes like going from black and white into color. You start to realize all the things you kind of miss out on because you were kind of in bed with a hangover and not very there. Yeah. But yeah, and if you do, especially in this holiday season, where there’s a lot of holiday parties going on right now, just be very careful. And if you go maybe you go and have a plan, like my best tip is to be prepared. If you maybe it’s a work party, I’m not sure with COVID regulations right now. But or a friend’s party, make sure you have a plan going into it. Maybe you want to show up for an hour when people are still you know, involved in a conversation. I’m going to stay for an hour then I’m going to go home, I’m going to watch my favorite Christmas movie, which is home alone, or else which you just left the other day, I’m going to enjoy my favorite dessert, I’m going to have my NA GruVi which is one of my favorites. I think it’s yours too. Yes. And I’m going to enjoy going to bed at 10pm and waking up the next morning. So like I said, have a plan be prepared before you go if you do make an entrance. And if you do want to see these people just have a plan. So my best tips are working out in the morning, driving yourself so you can leave early. Even if you go with your husband, maybe your husband’s going to want to stay and have a few drinks, always make sure you have a ride. But this is actually when Uber comes into play because you can always grab an Uber back, um, bring someone there to support you. Really take some deep breaths. Pack a cooler this is like if you get one thing out of this pack a cooler for yourself. Do not rely on someone else to supply nonalcoholic options for you besides water or soda. So invest in some great NA drinks. Like I said, my favorite is groovy. Prosecco. It is so good. The first I had it. I had it at a brunch with a bunch of girlfriends who also don’t drink. And someone was making mimosas with it. And I literally kept checking the bottle because I was like, Is this really nonalcoholic? Like it was so good. I was like, are we sure about this? So my husband tried it too. And he’s like, that tastes like wine. Like, yeah, I know. I’m like, it says 0.0%. And that’s what I love about it is it’s 0.0% it’s not even 0.5 Yeah, absolutely no alcoholism. And that’s my cutest little bottles. Like they’re freaking adorable with this like Tiffany blue. And it looks nice. So I agree. I always bring my own drinks, which is fine, because when I used to go to parties, I would always bring a bottle or two or wine. So I just, like, bring my stuff. It looks cute. It’s beautiful. I asked other people if they want to taste it, you know? Yeah. And you can even put it in a glass like one of those tumblers I actually put before the groovy and one of my little tumblers because it keeps it cold and so it doesn’t get warm. I’m a big stickler on warm drinks and warm water. I always like things cold so you if you don’t feel comfortable or you don’t want them asking you can even put it in a tumbler and have it that way.

59:50

And also, before you go just know what you’re going to say to people if they ask or wondering what you’re drinking, just know what you’re gonna say being like you know what I’m doing dry, dry.

1:00:00

December, I’m taking a break from alcohol, I’m doing 75 hard, I, whatever, just kind of know what you’re gonna say, but always have something in your hands. So always have that NH drink in your hand. Because number one, it gives you something to do with your hands. I know when we get sober a lot of times, I don’t know what to do with my hands like Talladega Nights. And so I hold on to a drink just gives you something to hold on to it makes you feel a little bit more comfortable. And secondly, it avoids and reduces the chance of someone asking you what you want to drink.

Yeah, right. If you have a drink in hand, they’re not going to ask you Oh, do you want another drink? Or maybe they do be like, yes, I would like to have a Diet Coke. Yes, I would like to have a sparkling water. Oh, we don’t have sparkling water. No problem I brought my own I’ll go grab it. So bring something to do with your hands take breaks and again, indulgent the desserts. And sure there’s me a lot of yummy, yummy desserts that you can have. And, and leave early leave when you feel uncomfortable when you think it’s time and enjoy a restful night at home. I love that. I love that. And just you know, even telling people like, oh, no, I’m not drinking, I want to be present this whole season. Like, I just want to feel good and be present and enjoy the moments. And yeah, that’s enough to you know, yeah, need any reason to you don’t have to tell anyone more than you’re ready to tell them. But it is good to tell them that you’re taking a break from alcohol. Yeah, or else they’re gonna ask. Oh, come on. Just have one. Yeah, you know, one isn’t that bad. But I really feel like honesty, this comes back to the honesty piece. Just honesty is key. You know, that goes back to thinking you can have just one it like, yeah, yeah, the cycle. So like, Yeah, but if you tell them, hey, I’m taking a break from alcohol this month, next month, whatever it is, you know, to see how good I can feel it stops the argument of just have one. Yes. And really replay this, this in your mind, I tell all my clients this and you’ve probably heard of it too, is play the tape forward. If you’re tempted to have that drink, if you’re being pressured, play the tape forward, where’s that drink going to lead? I know, it happens in an instant. It’s the tool I use on a daily basis. Even eight and a half years into this. If I see a bottle of alcohol, I It’s like a movie Fast forward. And I go back to what I’m going to lose. And I know and that we know this because we’ve had the experience because we’ve tried before. Because we’ve done the field research, we know it doesn’t end well. So play the tape forward. How do you want to feel in the morning? Right? I want to feel good. I don’t want to feel full of regret. Is that really going to help me? Or can I just drink this NA drink instead. And I swear that helps mine always goes to what I’m going to lose, which is my kids. And like I said, we know that because of the experience that we had, which is why we can find gratitude in it because it gave us that field resource to get to where we are today.

Yeah, I love that. And I know that one of your big mistakes that you talk about women making is thinking that you can do this on your own. So women are going to want to follow up with you after this. How can they get in touch? Tell us a little bit about the work you do.

Yeah, so I like I said I’m a graphic designer but sober coach on the side. I have an eight-week sober course coming up in January. So you guys can check that out, you can go to my website at www.livingzeroproof.com for more information on that. And you can also follow me on Instagram @jenleehirst. That’s where I really like to hang out. And I’m on Facebook too. But I really like to hang out on Instagram.

And that’s how we connected was through Instagram. I love your feed and the content you put out there and it’s educational and great tips and super fun. So thank you for that. You’re welcome. And Instagram is such a great resource you guys your phone. If you’re wondering where to start connecting to other sober women and building your community. It’s right on your phone, social media, if you use it in the right way. Is such a great tool to connect with hundreds of 1000s of women. It’s how I got in contact with you, Casey. Yeah, you just really start to follow sober accounts. There’s like, I said, She Recovers. You know, Hello Someday with Casey, the Sober Mom Squad. There are so many great women who are putting content on there, who have groups have meetings have communities for you to get in touch with people and women who are going through the same things as you.

Yeah, yeah. And it’s so important to have people who kind of get what you’re doing. And it makes you feel less alone, but it also makes it a lot more fun. It really does.

1:05:00

So awesome. Thank you so much for coming on, I’m going to put all of your links in the show notes of this episode, as well as the top six mistakes that you shared. So I know you’ve helped a lot of women. And if you’re listening to this, if anything’s resonating with you, follow Jenn. Get some support. Look at my website, listen to more podcasts, just you can do this. I know you can. And I also know you’re going to feel better.

Absolutely, thank you so much. I appreciate it.

1:05:34

Hey, there. Before I end this episode, I wanted to jump in with one more thing. In the beginning of our conversation, Jen and I talked about how it’s really powerful to start now, to start before you’re ready to add more resources and more support and do something different than what you’ve done in the past. And also to imagine yourself being fully present and not hungover on Christmas morning and not feeling like garbage on New Year’s Day to Remember Everything of the next two weeks to wake up without a headache and to run downstairs with your kids to look at the stockings to drink coffee in the mornings and not feel queasy, you can have that. And I’ve got something to help you start now a way you can add more resources. Today. Even if you have a big holiday schedule, even if you’re going on vacation, I’ve got tools and a step by step plan that you can listen to on the go. And if you’re not ready to start before January 1, you can start preparing as well, you can start wrapping your head around a new approach to this not drinking thing and setting yourself up for success this time, not by beating yourself up and telling yourself you’re a bad person, or trying to rely on willpower with a framework with a plan. So I want to encourage you to join The Sobriety Starter Kit, my online Sober Coaching Course today. While my December special offer is available for the next two weeks, you can get lifetime access to The Sobriety Starter Kit and save $100 off the January price of the course. For me, I saved the cost of the investment in The Sobriety Starter Kit. In literally just three weeks of not drinking three weeks. That’s the money I saved buying wine for the equivalent of lifetime access to the tools and content in the course. Plus, when you join the course today, you’ll be invited to a live two-hour kickoff with me on January 9, we’re going to start the year with energy with a plan with excitement. And I know it’s going to help you start strong and keep going. I’ve actually never done a live kickoff session for the course. But it’s something I’ve heard from women that they would love. And I think it’s going to be awesome. And don’t worry if you have plans right on the night, it will be recorded and sent to you whether you attend or not attend, so that you can review the kickoff content, and get excited about your investment and about the journey you’re on. But if you can make it it’s going to be amazing. So if you like this podcast, if you like my approach, if you want to take a break from drinking and see how you feel if you want to get into this work more deeply, check out The Sobriety Starter Kit. There literally is not a better time to jump in. Then with this special offer, you get $100 off the January price of the course, plus the invitation to join me for the exclusive to our live kickoff of the course in January. If you’re planning on doing dry January with a group of girlfriends or your best friend, you can do this together. If January 1 is going to be your time to finally prioritize yourself and take better care of your body and your mind with a positive approach. The Sobriety Starter Kit will help or you can start today, the minute you sign up, you get access to the full course and the full content, the framework, the tools, the resources, I’d love to see you in the course you deserve it and I know you can do this. So to find out all the details and get the special offer go to www.sobrietystarterkit.com.

So thank you for coming on here. I couldn’t appreciate it more.