SUMMARY KEYWORDS

drinking, sober, life, alcohol, Christy, people, days, work, stopped, marriage, friendships, feel, sobriety, friends, quit, event, hammered, fun, big, coaching

SPEAKERS: Casey McGuire Davidson + Christy

00:02

Welcome to the Hello Someday Podcast, the podcast for busy women who are ready to drink less and live more. I’m Casey McGuire Davidson, ex-red wine girl turned life coach helping women create lives they love without alcohol. But it wasn’t that long ago that I was anxious, overwhelmed, and drinking a bottle of wine and night to unwind. I thought that wine was the glue, holding my life together, helping me cope with my kids, my stressful job and my busy life. I didn’t realize that my love affair with drinking was making me more anxious and less able to manage my responsibilities.

In this podcast, my goal is to teach you the tried and true secrets of creating and living a life you don’t want to escape from.

Each week, I’ll bring you tools, lessons and conversations to help you drink less and live more. I’ll teach you how to navigate our drinking obsessed culture without a bus, how to sit with your emotions, when you’re lonely or angry, frustrated or overwhelmed, how to self soothe without a drink, and how to turn the decision to stop drinking from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

I am so glad you’re here. Now let’s get started.

My

Hi there. This podcast episode is actually part two of a conversation I started last week with one of my one on one private coaching clients Christy about what happens in your first year, alcohol free. Christy just hit 13 months. We actually she reached out to me on her last day one. We talked for the first time on day two and started coaching together on her day for and she reached out to me I don’t normally do interviews with my private coaching clients. That relationship is completely confidential. But Christy reached out to me to share her story to talk about what worked for her. So if you haven’t listened to last week’s episode, I highly recommend you do that because we covered a lot so you can go to the episode before this one in Apple podcasts or wherever you’re listening or go to hellosomedaycoaching.com/79. So part one was Episode 79.

 

This is Episode 80. And it is part two, if you’re wondering what we covered in part one, we talked about what Christy learned in her first year without alcohol. And what were the big barriers to Christy in quitting drinking, especially the fact that she didn’t know anyone else in her life, who had stopped drinking and she didn’t have anyone to model for her what life might look like, if you go alcohol free. We talked about what led Christy to reach out for coaching, and why that for her was different than what she had previously done. To try to stop drinking.

 

We dig into how she views her decision to stop drinking now, which is incredibly empowering and positive. She says that when she’s talking to people, she just talks to them about the fact that she made a decision to improve her health to make her life better and to fulfill her potential by removing alcohol. Christy had a lot of things she wanted to do with her life. And alcohol just wasn’t compatible. With that vision. It was holding her back and keeping it stuck. We look back at her drinking and Christy shares how she drank very normally for a long time. And then about three years before she stopped, something switched and she began to use alcohol to cope with a toxic marriage, a big career being a mother and kids and also just hung out with a really big drinking crowd. All of her friends and their couple friends and everything they did revolved around alcohol. And Christy got really honest about what her drinking looked like the effects of it in the last few years before she quit, how alcohol and her drinking impacted her anxiety, her mood, her memory, her weekends, her health, her weight, and all the rest. She was hustling like crazy to be a great mom and a great employee and a great wife and keep it all together while coping with a hangover and it was completely exhausting.

 

Christy shares all the things that she tried to do to moderate and to stop drinking. Before she finally stopped and what actually finally worked for her in early sobriety. We talked about her triggers to drink the habits she needed to change and how Christy actually dealt with them. Her marriage in her home while her husband continued to drink after she stopped.

 

And in this conversation, in this episode, in part two, we’re going to dig into so much more Christy is going to talk about her life now and what she loves about it, sober treats and anchor activities and what she did in her first 30 days and her first 100 days, that really helped her get out of that drinking cycle. We talked about her sober first, her first concert, vacation holiday, golfing event, we talk about her teenage kids, and how she talks with them about why she stops drinking, we talk about her marriage, and what actually led her to the decision to end her marriage of 16 years, and also what her life is like now because Christy wrote herself a big list of all the things she wanted to change in her life, what she wanted to be different, what she hoped for herself before she stopped drinking. And she reads us that list and says that all of them have come true. So dig into this episode, I know you’re going to love Christy, I know you’re going to appreciate how open and honest and brave she is to share this. And I hope you’ll come away with some practical tips and a whole lot of inspiration that removing alcohol out of your life is completely worth it. And amazing. Like whatever your silver treat is in for you. I know it was a lot of hiking, which is so cool. I wanted to ask you what are the tools that helped you get through especially that first month?

 

06:48

Oh, that first month, I’m definitely so retreats, that was a big deal. So I had like, sometimes daily treat sometimes, you know, if I get to three days, five days, 10 days, I would, you know, go get an expensive juice from the juice bar that I love that I normally would never pay for new hiking shoes trip to Ulta. You know, I would just find little chick fil a chicken nuggets, just anything that I would normally not get for myself, I would just say okay, that’s my soul retreat. Another thing that I did was anchor activities. So not having a plan put me in like the danger zone. So every day, I would have an activity that I had planned that I had to do so whether it was a hike, or visiting with a friend, or going to the store and buying my soul retreat, like I had something planned in place of where I would normally drink and same for the weekend. So what am I going to do this weekend. If it’s nothing it then it’s danger that I’m putting myself in a bad situation. So incur activities were huge, driving separately to events and bringing my own beverages to events, which I still do, to this day. I have this little lunch bag, and everyone knows that it’s mine. If I leave it at their house, they’re like oh, Christy left her bag here with her Lacroix in it. But you know, I’m a drink snob now. So I you know, even if they do have drinks, they’re like some water or a seven up. I’m like, No, I want my sparkling water and I want it this way. And so I just bring my own drinks and

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  08:28

I know what I feel. It’s so funny. If people feel weird about doing that. I mean, I bring my own drinks to everything like right now I’m really into nonalcoholic beer, but it used to be groovy sparkling Prosecco. Before that it was Lacroix before that it was ginger beer. Like you go through phases. But I used to always bring two bottles of wine to every party and like you pretend that was for the hose, but you’re like, really, I want to make sure you have enough, right? Because I’m going to drink a bottle plus so like you guys may not have the stash. So you’re just you’re just doing the exact same thing. Like I would put the wine in my purse. Of course classy to give it as a gift, of course.

 

09:12

But now I’m not giving my Lacroix to anybody right now I’m openly stingy about that. Yeah, another thing was just navigating holidays and events that I was really nervous about because I know I enjoyed them so much. Yeah, so like Halloween, for instance is one of my favorite holidays and just kind of evaluating that event for what it was that I really loved about it, you know, and getting hammered was never on the checklist of things that I loved about a holiday it was usually getting dressed up seeing the kids in their costumes decorating the house, you know, eating way too much Halloween candy, all of you know making the cider Stuff like that. And so I would just list out the things that I loved about an event that I was looking forward to. And just focus on making sure that I did those things. Because usually, I would miss out on all the things I actually loved about an event because I was just drinking.

 

Yeah, and so this way, it was like, Okay, I’m going to head into this. And I’m going to really just exploit it and get all the things I love about it out of the event, instead of worrying about not drinking, one of my favorite things that you did that I recommend all my clients now is you created a seasonal bucket list, like for the fall. So we started working together in August. And so for the fall, like you said, like we as we drink all the time. So we have so many associations and sort of like the highlight reel of drinking, in the fall in the holidays in the spring in the summer, like every season tough. So you made a bucket list of all the sort of things you were looking forward to, or that were going to be awesome, about fall and kind of checked it off the list, which just keeps having you have things to look forward to something to do all that good stuff.

 

11:16

Yeah, it’s a list of anchor activities. And also, it gives you something to look forward to, you know, instead of dreading like, Oh, I’m not gonna do this, I’m not gonna do that. It’s like, No, I have this whole list of things that I want to do that I’m looking forward to doing. I’m busy. And none of them involve drinking. So it’s really planning, and we have one for the holidays, and had one for the Fourth of July weekend. It’s also great when you have guests in town, because you’re like, what are we gonna do? Oh, I have a list. I mean, go pick apples and go into coordinates and like do all the fun things that there is to do in the Midwest in the fall. So yeah, that really helped a lot. And I would also say, along with sober treats is as you get further and further into your sobriety, and your sober treats kind of get bigger because they’re bigger milestones. And going on Groupon and looking at all the deals and things that there are to do was one of the ways that I started to discover so retreats right so Oh, there’s this you can go do an escape room or I tried Reiki which is something I would have never done and some of my some of my sober treats actually turned into like future hobbies for me so I started to explore like new people and new places and new experiences that I would have never done before because they were me just kind of searching out in my community for things to do that were fun that I continue to do that kind of have become part of my lifestyle now.

 

12:59

I love that Groupon idea. I didn’t know that that’s how you found him. But that is I mean I found a bunch of random stuff on Groupon. That’s super fun. So I love the  random that you will never do. You’re like, Okay, I’m gonna go global bowling. like yeah, that I would plan on doing but here’s the Groupon you can do it for 15 bucks. And would you do it with your kids? A lot of times?

 

13:21

Yeah, right. Yeah, a lot of times Yeah. Dry. Like you can’t get out of an escape room alone. So I got a dragon with me.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  13:27

Yeah. And you know, what I love is that so many women who drink a lot are usually like the social Chair of their group of friends, right? You’re the one planning you know, for me like the trip to the wine country with all my friends and their babies. Because Yeah, that’s what you do. Or we’re going to go kayak camping. And that was a big drinking event. And you’re so worried that when you stop drinking, you won’t be able to do that, or your life is going to be without fun, or you’re going to miss out but all of those skills, those initiatives and, and desire to have fun and planning and bringing people together, like that can serve you really well. When you stop drinking, too. You just shift what you’re inviting people to and what the plans are.

 

14:15

Yeah, that’s exactly right. I mean, you know, you touch on friendships a little bit too and, and kind of how you interact with people. And you know, I definitely the way I build friendships now is very, very different. It used to be let’s go out and get hammered together and then we’re going to be best friends. It takes a lot more time now for me to invest in build relationships, but they’re definitely so much more genuine and they’re built around, doing things that I enjoy doing, that they also want to tag along to and like I can still be that person that coordinates fun events, but they’re usually you know, if you’re the kind of person that wants to go to a An event and get hammered. You’re not going to want to show up to my event, right? Because we’re going to be doing something, we’re going to be hiking something that’s really difficult and drinking is going to make it worse.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  15:09

And I know you did have friends who you like invited to go hiking with you, and they didn’t really take you up on it, right?

 

15:15

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I’m, to be completely honest, I lost friends. I did, I lost friends when I got sober. And that was a really difficult part of quitting drinking was watching those friendships fall away, and just being sad and grieving the loss of a friendship, that was really fun. But also, it wasn’t me it was them. You know, it wasn’t, it wasn’t that I wasn’t a fun person or a good friend or anything like that it was that they weren’t interested in not drinking. Yeah, and if the event that I was doing did not have alcohol in it, then they weren’t interested in going and that says something about what our friendship really was, you know, and it was a tough pill to swallow. It really is. And like, losing friendships is a bummer. But some survived. And the ones that did were my ride or die, you know, that ended up being a friendship that was just kind of there and I would kind of spend time with them to Wow, they just showed up for me over and over and over again, and deep end and have just such a genuine actual friendship.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  16:29

And that’s probably because you’re so much of a better friend, right? If you interacted with them before but all you cared about was drinking and getting hammered and couldn’t carry on a conversation or actually remember what they shared with you. They probably were less interested in investing in your relationship and once you took that away, they were like, oh my god, I love hanging out with Christie. This is good. I feel more energized afterwards.

 

16:59

Right? And we like similar things you know, because before it was an event, but alcohol was central to the event and now it’s an event that we’re doing like we’re golfing and we’re having a great time and like maybe now we’re I’m at a point where like they can have you know, people can have drinks around me and I don’t I don’t mind anymore, but like those friends knew what I was doing and so they were like, okay, I just wondering Cobra golfing. And that meant a lot to me. Yeah, that was, that was a big deal. And yeah, it was just much more present for them to and I could remember things I could remember. You know, their kids’ names and what they had done last time we talked and all of it wasn’t just gonna round out with alcohol.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  17:48

 

And I know that you know some of the friends that you used to drink heavily with, you know you they were not interested in going hiking with you. Doing things if drinking wasn’t involved, but you told me that they were also when you were both drinking kind of worried about their drinking, too. So it’s possible, that in the future, if they’re ever ready to stop or to talk about it, or to get some tools, like you’re there one person that they know, who used to drink like they did and stopped, and is saying, I’m actually happier without it. So, I mean, I’m just saying that because I’ve had that happen. And you never know when someone’s going to be ready and want support or need support. So some friendships fade away, and you know it, it’s sad, and you know, your interests change. So you’re no longer interested in just going and getting hammered and talking to them when they repeat themselves five times and like, oh my god, I love you. You’re the best friend ever. I mean, I think I, my husband, every time would be like, what the fuck were you? Like, a girlfriend and I had like, decided we were going to buy a boat and go into it together. And we were like, running up to her husband’s like, we’re buying a boat. I mean, God bless it for like, put up with that shit, right?

 

21:16

Yeah, it’s like, that’s never gonna happen. Yeah, and you’re totally right. And, like, those relationships could circle back, they could resurface again and be stronger than ever, but everyone’s on their own journey. And this is mine, and that’s theirs. And I can’t push it, or internalize it, and probably don’t want to right now, like your relationships that Yeah, you know, build you up and make you feel good.

 

21:48

Exactly. I mean, I’m open, but I’m also you know, my life is pretty full now. And so, you know, when you take drinking out, and you change your lifestyle, everything changes and in a good way, and you just get really busy and so you don’t have time to go to all those drinking events and do all of those things. That being said, like I still do a lot of really, really fun things. Yeah, I was telling you before the call, I just went to Oktoberfest and you know, did the whole thing got dressed up in Dirndl and later hosen. And everyone there had like two Stein’s full of beer, and I had to fiscal butter. And it was super fun. It was super fun to watch everyone. act crazy and dance and be able to go home and wake up the next day and feel perfectly fine.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  22:44

And like drive home today. My God, yeah, drive me home, not worrying about it.

 

22:50

I can’t wait to get pulled over and be like, this car smells like alcohol. It’s like, Yeah, it does, because everyone else is drinking, but I’m not.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  22:57

Yeah, yeah. And I think that that’s, you know, I would never, and I think we talked about it right? Like, do not go to Oktoberfest, you know, or two months sober, or whatever it is. Or if you go like plan for it. And you know, tell people you’re not drinking all the things. But it’s true. I mean, I go to bars for live music now, and have no issues with it at all. So in the early days, don’t torture yourself or make it harder, but like don’t think also that the way you feel right then is going to be forever because it won’t.

 

23:32

Right, right. I mean, there were things that I said no to a lot in the beginning. Because it didn’t sound like fun. I didn’t want to deal with the social pressure. I didn’t want to answer all the questions about why I wasn’t drinking. I did not like my sober firsts the first time around, right? Like I didn’t like my first sober, you know, friend event, or pig roast or whatever it was. I didn’t like those, because they were uncomfortable, and it was new. But now I can I look forward to sober first. And, like, I still haven’t done a silver wedding yet, but I can’t wait. I think it’s gonna be so fun to actually be at a wedding and be sober because it will definitely be the first time, I had my first sober concert. A few months, like a month ago, and that was amazing. I remembered every single song. I didn’t leave their district concert was it? I went inside Green Day. Oh, fun. Yeah. And they were great. And definitely a lot of drinking happening around me. But you know, I was just really present and enjoying the music and the nostalgia of the whole thing and watching everyone dance and it was okay that I wasn’t drinking. I felt fine and clear. And then the next day everyone’s like, oh, how do you feel you’re at a concert last night. Like I feel great.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  24:53

I remember I went to one of my absolute favorite singers. I’m gonna date myself and people are gonna be like, wow, you’re playing Billy Joel, right when I was in high school, like adored Billy Joel, I went with my best friend. And I wasn’t drinking, which is a first and I noticed that the people in front of me and next to me were drinking heavily like groups of women. And they kept getting up to go to the bathroom getting up to get more drinks, talking to each other really loudly, like they missed half the concert, you know, and I’m just like, oh my god, I get to, you know, when you listen to music, and it’s sort of overtakes your body and you get that like, Oh my God, I’ve never felt this emotion as deeply as I’m feeling right now. Like, you don’t get that when you’re drinking.

 

25:42

Yeah, you kind of miss out like I think back on all the concerts I’ve been to and I remember like one or two songs, you know, I remember the entire concert and it was fabulous. And I never waited in line for 30 minutes to pay $10 for a beer or like had to go to the bathroom, constantly right? Yeah. Yeah. All over people when you’re trying to go out of the row, and I mean that I did that it like sports games that everything right? You go to a major league baseball game, and you know, you’re Miss half the game because you’re in line for beer. Go into the bathroom.

 

26:16

Yeah, that’s exactly right. And, you know, it’s just, it becomes more fun and it becomes a totally new event. like going to a concert silver is like, just try it. Time even if you are a drinker. Like it’s a completely different experience. And you know, same with like Oktoberfest, it was completely different. sober and you went on a trip with your son recently, right? Or rafting.

 

26:43

That was my one-year sober treat. I love my one year sober was six days in Idaho, on a river. It was amazing. I loved every moment of it. I didn’t drink. I wore my sober AF t shirt the whole time I was there and had really great conversations with family and, you know, big thing was like educating my family on this journey. Because it took them a while to get there. They didn’t understand it. They didn’t think I had a drinking problem. They thought everything was fine. Like, why are you doing this? Why are you quitting drinking. But I think when they started to see the changes in my life that were happening, and they were happening in a really big way. I mean, the last year of my life has been you I left a really, really toxic marriage, I changed jobs, I moved to a new house, I lost 40 pounds, I changed friends, I started new hobbies, like my whole life has changed. And it’s not a coincidence. You know, it’s not that I turned 40. And my life got insane and changed it was that I took alcohol out. And it’s not just about that I stopped drinking alcohol. It’s that I started feeling my feelings, I started to set healthy boundaries, I started to really evaluate what I wanted to say yesterday and what I wanted to say no to and step into my truth. And what do I like to do? What do I like to spend time with who do I like to spend time with and when I’m feeling feelings, like I’m uncomfortable, or I’m frustrated, things that you would normally drink over, you don’t have that option anymore, you just have to dig into it and see what’s going on inside you and see where you’re not aligned, and make pivots and changes, maybe I hate my job, well then look for a new job, you know, you just have that presence of mind to make those changes and to dig a little bit deeper and start building a life that you care about. And that is genuine to who you are. So it’s so much more than like, I don’t drink beer anymore. It’s I set healthy boundaries. I do what I want to do when I want to do it and prioritize the things that matter to me. Yeah, I

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  29:08

mean, I think what we drink, we drink, and we drink to tolerate a lot of shit that we don’t love in our life, our job, maybe our partner, maybe our schedule, maybe our parents, whatever it is, and sort of grit our teeth to get through or numb out or basically get unconscious about your life. And then you’re also so stuck because you have no energy and bad memories and don’t feel confident and can’t count on yourself. So you drink to tolerate stuff. And then because you’re sort of so diminished, you don’t have the energy to change it.

 

29:47

That’s exactly right. And you don’t have the time, like drinking takes up so much time. You’re up late at night, you’re hungover in the morning. You know that the days are just shorter and First all that time that you have is horrible, right? Your first 100 days

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  30:06

when you quit your game and you’re like, how so bored.

 

30:12

I mean, I’m pretty sure you sent me something like boredom in early sobriety, like, I have a blog on my site about like, yes, board and it says thing, and, and it’s a bummer in the beginning. But then once you get into the groove, after 100 days, after 200 days, you realize that you have so much more time to invest in the things that you love. And now I have these big full days, I have early mornings, I go to bed early, because that’s just what I like to do. And I filled that whole day with stuff that I want to be doing not dealing with a hangover or getting drunk. It’s, you know, what I dog hanging out with my kids, building my career, you know, things that I’m proud of. I don’t wake up and say, I hate myself anymore.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  31:02

Right? You don’t wake up during the day. That doesn’t happen. Now, yeah. One thing I wanted to share, because this is an example that I feel like a lot of women don’t realize, like your first week, your first two weeks, your first 30 days, is going to be the hardest of any period of time when you’re not drinking like that just is it’s really difficult. And the goal is to get through that and not say screw it and drink and not do it over and over and over again. Like so many of us live where we’re like, Fuck, I hate my life when I’m not drinking. And it’s like, No, you hate the first two weeks of sobriety, you actually don’t know what your life is like without alcohol because you haven’t gotten through the worst part. But one of the things you wrote me when you hit 30 days, I held on to because it showed that it does get better, and it does get better quickly. So are you okay, if I read it? Yeah, I can’t wait. Yeah. So you wrote we emailed often, every day, I think. And so you said, date 30. I’m still shocked I put this many day together. It’s hard to believe how much my life has changed in just a few weeks. In the first week, I was anxious about not drinking, about how to get through the weekend, and about my job. I felt sick and exhausted just by getting up going to work and not drinking.

 

But the days actually feel easy now. I feel good. I’m happy and productive. I had a great hike with my dog last night, I got a lot of work done during the day, I am killing it at work. I used to dread looking at my schedule, and I don’t anymore. I’m less anxious than I used to be about everything from opening my mail to meetings with my boss, to kicking off new projects at work. What began is boring days not drinking are beginning to evolve into simpler days, which is actually a pleasant balance from the madness I’m used to. And I’m amazed at the difference I already see in my body just after a month. My stomach is in bloated and I stopped taking my altar medication. I thought the reason I felt like garbage meant that I needed to take amino acids and supplements. But the truth is I was just drinking way too much. I used to have a pill container full of vitamins and now I’m down to just a few not drinking is the best thing in the whole world. And that was it 30 days, four weeks and I know there are ups and downs and hard parts after that but like if someone’s listening to this and on day three you could feel that much better in a month compared to where you are now.

 

34:05

Yeah and I think those reminders you know in our for early emails of you don’t want to do day one again, you don’t want to do day five again, you don’t want to do day to day like in you are right like looking back at those emails. I was like I did not want to do that again and again. And I think looking back at it like it was very uncomfortable those 30 days. felt bad to me at the time.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  34:33

Oh yeah. Yeah, like you’re walking around without your cutter layer of skin.

 

34:36

Yeah, so you’re just you really do have to cocoon up because you feel so vulnerable. But what it really was, I wasn’t feeling bad. I was just feeling different. I was feeling something different that I wasn’t used to feeling. And now I do feel the same way as I do feel different, but I like feeling different. I Like that I have changed. And I think just, you know, kind of shifting your mentality a little bit in those first 30 days to, I feel uncomfortable, I feel isolated. I feel bad, too. I’m feeling something that feels different than what I’m used to. And I’m not comfortable with it. And I don’t know how to how to react to it. But it’s not necessarily bad. It’s, it’s just different. Yeah. And difference what you want, right? On day one, when you’re like, I’m gonna quit drinking, it’s because you want something to change. And then you start changing and you’re like, Ooh, this feels weird.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  35:36

Yeah, you know. Yeah. Like you’re even. You’re used to your life, even if you’re living in this like, kind of shitty just okay. Place. And anything different. The fear of the unknown. I mean, that’s real. But I’m always like, you know, what your life looks like when you’re drinking. I mean, I knew I’d been doing it for years. I knew what the fall looked like, I knew what Sunday morning looked like. I knew what Friday night looked like. I was like, don’t you want to see what a longer like? Who could you be in 100 days? What could change in your health in your life? What adventures could you have? Like, Aren’t you curious?

 

36:17

And if you hate it, if you’re like, after 100 days, you say, Oh, no. being hammered was way better? And go drink again, I guess.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  36:29

Yeah. Like the alcohol isn’t going away, like promise. Yeah, they’re four months from now.

 

36:34

No, prohibition is in our future. Yeah. So you know, you can take the chance and, and see what happens. And in my case, you know, I know that everybody is different. But in my case, after 30 days, after 100 days, after 365 days, I would have never guessed that it would have been this good without alcohol. Oh, never guessed it. Yeah, I would have thought it was boring. And that my life was over. I would have thought those things. And so, you know, people ask me like, are you going to keep going or you’re going to keep going, and I don’t like to future trip too much. And that’s a 12-step thing as future tripping, where you start worrying about the future and what it looks like without alcohol. I don’t, I try not to do that. So I try not to say, I’m going to be sober forever. I just say right now, I don’t want to drink right now. It is not a coincidence that things are going well for me. So the choice that I make today is like I’m not going to get hammered today. Probably not tomorrow, either.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  37:38

Because you know, it’s going to drag you back down to that place. Like it’s not like you didn’t spend years trying to keep it in your life without having all the crap that comes with it. I don’t future trip either. Like I have no intention. Clearly, I have a podcast. I’m a sober coach. You know, I’ve been sober for five years. But I, but I don’t sit here and spend time being like, oh my god, I am never in my life. Going to have a glass of wine again. Like, I just don’t spend time on it. But I’m like, Yeah, I used to drink a lot. And I liked it. And it made me feel like shit, and it was really hard to quit. And it, you know, hurt my anxiety and my physical health and my mental health. So I don’t do that shit anymore. And that’s kind of like how far I take it. Right? I don’t spend time envisioning four years from now. But I’m like, Yeah, I used to drink it. I quit. I don’t do it anymore.

 

38:37

Yeah. I mean, it’ll trip you up. If you start thinking too far ahead. It’s gonna mess with you. So when you don’t need it at all? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, it doesn’t know it. You don’t need to put that pressure on yourself. Like, I just I don’t know, probably not. I don’t you know, I don’t need to think about that right now.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  38:59

But what is cool to imagine is not to think about like, 10 years out not drinking, I do not recommend that. But it is really cool to think about like, oh my god, what could my life be like, if I keep going on this positive trajectory for another two years for another five years? Like, I did imagine I also quite right when I was 40. I know you did, too, right around there. And I did do the sort of sliding door of if I keep drinking for another decade, my son was eight. What would his life be like in my life be like, if I kept going drinking a bottle of wine a night or a bottle and a half, like, would he even want to bring his friends home in the evenings if I was basically getting drunk on the couch every night because it doesn’t get better, or 510 years from now. What if I was a person who hadn’t had a drink in five or 10 years, and I was healthy and moving forward with my life and had this close relationship with my son? And what adventures would I have? You know, like, my mother in law, like, hiked the El Camino in Portugal. I’m like, oh my god, would I do that in the next six years? Like, that’s pretty fucking cool. So I think that forever is tricky, but envisioning what you could possibly accomplish in your life? That’s awesome.

 

40:34

Yeah, I would agree with that. 100%. There’s a lot out there. today. Yeah. Yeah.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  40:40

Well, so let’s talk briefly about like your husband and your kids. Because I know that was a big change, like, did your kid have they noticed or said anything about like, what it was like before? What it’s like now? Or are they proud of you?

 

40:57

I think I mean, it was a big year of change for them, too. So you know that that’s a lot for them to process but they definitely noticed a change in me, right? And that I completely changed who I was hanging out with, and how I was spending my time. But more of the time was spent with them. So before where I was, you know, spending time with neighbors and drinking and bubble blah, well, now we’re like going on these adventures together. Now I’m can always drive them to school events and drive them home, as they call me. Because, you know, they need a ride. It’s not Oh, I’ve had a couple drinks, I’m not driving sorry, called, see if you can get a ride to someone else. So I’m just much more present for them in the sense that, like, I’m, I’m a sober mom, and I’m not drunk and unavailable. I think they’re old enough, they’re teenagers, that they understand that I’m not drinking. And, you know, there’s been a lot of questions about that, like, Are you an alcoholic? Are you, you know, people are gonna think you’re an alcoholic, if you tell them that you don’t drink. And so there’s a little bit of insecurity there with my teenagers. And it’s just opened up a dialogue about, you know, social norms around drinking and things like that, that I think it’s been really helpful for them as they head into years where they’re going to get social pressure to drink, and they’re going to have to make decisions about whether or not they want to drink. And I think if anything, it has shown them like there’s an alternative to drinking and that it can be really, really positive.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  42:38

What do you say to them? When they say stuff like are people can? Are you an alcoholic? Are people gonna think you are?

 

42:46

Yeah, I will I say, Well, you know, me, like, I’m not an alcoholic. I don’t drink. I haven’t had a drink in 13. Yes. And so they can think that I have a drinking problem, but I don’t drink and so that doesn’t make any sense. That always

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  43:02

cracks me up. Like when people are like, Oh, you stop. Do you have a drinking problem? Like, dude, I haven’t had a drink in four years or whatever. Like you were hung over yesterday. So like, No, I have no issue with drinking.

 

43:16

Exactly. And you know, I kind of throw it back on them. I love to use, like the smoking crack example, like, you know, if someone offered you crack, and you said no, they wouldn’t be like, why not? You know, why would you not want to smoke this crap? And that’s just such a stupid question. But with alcohol, it’s so different.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  43:37

And I think that’s part of the drinking to it, right? Even for them and their kids like, and their friends and their friends, parents. It’s like, no, because so many women who want to stop drinking are scared of it or worried about it, they were like, I don’t want to be in that bucket. I if I stopped drinking, people are gonna think I have a drinking problem, or I’m an alcoholic, and that’s so negative in their own minds that they’ll just keep drinking, because they don’t want other people to think they’re in that category. And I think the more that we share, like, yeah, I used to drink, and I quit, because that shifts bad for you. Or it was bad for me. Like, it’s just not healthy. It’s bad for your body and your mind and all this stuff. And you don’t need it. It shifts. Like it gives more people permission to be like, Oh, she quit drinking. And I don’t think of her in that category or in a negative way. I actually, you know, it’s like someone running a marathon. They’re like, Fuck, I wish I could do that. You look great.

 

44:41

Yeah, that’s exactly right. I mean, that kept me from wanting to quit is not what being able to quit. I was worried about the perception about what people would think of me, you know, because I am a leader in professionally and I am also you know, pretty outgoing and volunteer a lot. And I’m just very, like, very involved. And I was like, everyone’s going to think I’m an alcoholic, and I can’t have people think that about me. But then yeah, like, it’ll hurt me in my career or my community or my church.

 

45:19

Yeah. If I stopped drinking, exactly, and so when, you know, when I, when I went through the year, and there’s a lot of education and self-discovery that you do, and because you have a lot of time, because you’re not drinking. And when I went through that exercise of the being sober for a year, I realized that it was really important for me to say out loud, that I was a sober person, and that you are allowed to be a sober person to, you know, to ball to my kids to random people in the community that asked me about it, you know, I tried to just be really, really forthright, I don’t tell my whole story to everyone, because it’s personal. And, you know, there’s a lot of stuff in there that I’m not proud of, and that I don’t like, and it’s not required, like, no, it’s easy to just say, I had a lot of goals that I wanted to accomplish. And drinking just didn’t fit with those goals. Yeah, no, I, I wanted to grow in this way and that way, and I wanted to be healthier, and I had weight I needed to lose, I had stomach issues. And I wanted to fix all those things. And alcohol was keeping me from doing that. So I stopped drinking.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  46:36

And like, that’s so positive and also 100%. True. 100%. Right. And yeah, yeah. And everybody gets that everybody would be like, Oh, yeah, good for you. Right, which is where I think it needs to shit.

 

46:54

Yeah, and the majority, 99% of the feedback was positive. And people cheering me on there. There was one individual that like, reached out and asked if I had, if I was okay, if I had a drinking problem, and you know, that person? I like I just educated them a little bit and let them know that no, like, lots of people quit drinking, and it’s normal. And, and was that on your one-year post? Well, yeah. So tell us about that. About the person that really just about like, what happened after you post because you did say like, most of it was really positive. But some of it, you know, wasn’t was kind of annoying. Are you? Yes. Yeah.

 

47:39

So I mean, when I posted, you know, one year sober, AF. It really was, Hey, this is me, I did it, I made it 365 days without a hangover. And, you know, everything that wasn’t meant for me fell away. And my life started to change and beautiful ways. And, and I can, you know, I can do it. Anyone can do it. And it’s just so unexpected. What, what, losing one little thing like drinking can do to your life. And a lot of people were like, way to go, I’m so proud of you. This is amazing. Some people reached out and said, I was thinking about quitting drinking. Can we talk more about it? Or, hey, I quit drinking six months ago, I just haven’t told anybody and good for you. And then there was one person that was like, do you need help? Like, now I don’t need help. I haven’t

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  48:37

had a drink for a year. I don’t haven’t had a drink in a year refer back to the post. And so like there was it was really well received. And I vetted it through my family first before I posted that because I wanted to make sure they were comfortable. You know, that? Like my mom was okay, fielding questions from my aunts about whether or not I was healthy, and whether she would be embarrassed, you know, because I can’t, I can’t single handedly reverse everyone’s opinions about drinking norms. Right? I can’t do that. And so a lot of that narrative was going to be out of my control once I put it out there. But they were all supportive. They all said yes, we’re proud of you do share it, you know, we’ll handle any questions that come our way and, and it’s been really good.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  49:30

Also, about your marriage, because I know that some women listening to this will be like, oh shit, I’m worried that if I stopped drinking, you know, my husband and I will no longer have things in common or we won’t stay together or whatever. And I would say lots of people stopped drinking, even if their partners are drinking and do stay married and their relationship gets way better and it’s good and then you That wasn’t your story. And I know that’s not the story for everyone. So do you want to tell us? Do you feel like drinking? was the thing that pulled you apart? Was there other stuff there before that you just weren’t dealing with? Or like, how do you feel about all of that?

 

50:16

Yeah, I think, you know, I, a lot of the reasons that I drank and started to drink really heavily, was that I had a really tough marriage that I got married very, very young. And it was a tough marriage to be in. And alcohol made it easier for both of us, that was where I mean, we’ve added a bar, we, our entire first year of being together, we were just drunk together. And that’s what we did. That was what we had in common. And there were a lot of issues that were just buried under me coping in unhealthy ways. So when I stopped drinking, and that really, really clear, it just became obvious that we needed to work on our marriage. And I knew that I did, when you and I did our session at 100 days, that was the next thing. I was like, I’ve got to work on my marriage, I’ve, we are struggling, and we’re not going to make it if we don’t work on it. And once we got to that point, and had started having conversations about that, unfortunately, my husband just wasn’t willing to meet me there. He didn’t want me to continue to stop drinking, he was started, you know, getting upset that I wasn’t drinking, he didn’t want to put in the work and like go to counseling and do all of that. And so I really got to a point where I could make the decision to end the marriage, which is something I’ve been thinking about for a really long time. But I was able to make that decision from a point from a position of complete clarity, and head into what would be the most difficult thing that I’ve ever done in my entire life, which is and a marriage of 16 years. Which was incredibly hard to do. But I did it completely sober. And I never made bad decisions or got blackout drunk and called my axe or anything like that I, I was able to go into it with intention, with purity of heart, like knowing that this was what was right for me and what was right for my family. And that was a gift. So it wasn’t like me getting sober, ruined our marriage, it was me getting sober, realized that something needed to be fixed. And I finally was in a position to fix it. And that, I mean, hopefully it doesn’t play out like that for everyone. But you know your story with your spouse, you know, you know how strong you’re going to be and how much they’ll support you. The majority of women that I know that are sober, have supportive spouses, even supportive spouses who continue to drink, that they understand that this is their journey, and they support them on it. That just wasn’t the case for me.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  53:22

But can you imagine spending another five years 10 years married or in that relationship?

 

53:29

No, I wouldn’t have stayed sober. Yeah, you know, it was too much to bear every single day. And not just the pressure to drink. It was having to deal with the stress of that marriage. And so the stress of the marriage was not going away. And there was no cooperation to fix it go to marriage counseling. Just an adamant refusal to go to counseling. And so then I said, Okay, like if we’re not going to work on this, I’m going to leave and he said, I’m not going to work on it. And I said that I’m going to leave and that that was that we were divorced six months after that. It was the fastest divorce ever. I can’t believe how fast it went. But I think it was because like, we both knew it was so broken. Yeah. Yeah, long before I got sober. And so if you’re, you know, if you’re worried about your marriage or anything like that, like you know, your marriage, and you know how strong it is, or how broken it is. And being sober is just going to put you in a position to make a decision about what you want to do about that.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  54:45

And I know you’ve told me many times that you’re much happier now. Is that right?

 

Yes, I’m much happier now. So living in my own space. is a beautiful thing. I love it. I love my independence, I love having my life organized in a way that makes me happy and makes me feel fulfilled. I love that when my kids are with me, we have 5050 custody. And when my kids are with me that I provide a home life and an environment that is positive, that is loving that is nurturing. And, you know, I couldn’t give them that 100% of the time while I was in the marriage, but now I can give it to them 50% of the time. And that’s enough, you know that they have this time with me, even if it’s half their time that his mom hugs and love and support, and no yelling and no raging and none of the madness that happened when you have a really toxic relationship and the household. So I’m complete, I’m satisfied and happy. The kids are still, you know, in their adjustment periods, but are doing really, really well. I don’t have any regrets. Which is crazy. Because its big decisions were made. But I am completely happy and satisfied. I started dating recently. Was that dating sober? That’s a whole nother episode. Talk about that, we should do that. Because it’s crazy. But good. But really fun. Because people are interesting. and meeting new people is exciting. And being 40. And single. It’s just bonkers, but no, I’m just having fun with it.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  56:39

Well, you have a whole new evolution and a whole new part of your life to go live. And that’s exciting. And you’re not being held back.

 

56:47

No, yeah. And I just speak my truth. You know, I just say what I want and what I don’t want, and it’s a beautiful freeing thing. And you don’t, I don’t worry about I don’t worry about other pleasing other people or making sure that so and so’s entertained. And so and so it’s comfortable all the time. It’s really just me living my life and making sure my kids are loved and supported and that they’re going to be healthy human beings. And so I got that under control. Yeah, and you like you’re right. I do. Yeah, I like the person that I am. It feels like me. Like those first email that I sent you were, you know, I don’t like who I am. I don’t like the life that I’m living. And I have this like journal entry that I wrote when before I quit drinking. And it was I can’t I want to find it really quickly. Um, hold on, I’m gonna pause for one second. I find it Oh, this is what I wanted. I want to wake up with a clear head and a clear heart. That means no piecing together the previous night or feeling shame I want to lose the extra weight that is 100% tied to my overconsumption of alcohol every week. I want to spend my time doing things I enjoy that are healthy for my mind and body I want to meet my real potential at work. I want to be honest about everything no more lying about why I can’t remember a detail or why I’m late or why I’m tired. I want to be able to assess my life and goals with clarity and intentions that do not concern covering my tracks are compensating for everything that alcohol is taking away from me. And that was before I even met you and got sober like that was what do I want to accomplish by getting sober and I have all of those things. Now I wake up with a clear head and a clear heart. I don’t have to piece things together anymore. I live from a place of honesty. Like all of those things came true for me. Which is insane. That’s beautiful. I would have been happy with 50% of those things.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  59:07

Yeah, no, that’s awesome. And I wrote myself a very similar thing before I stopped drinking like I had a little notepad in my phone I just kept when I kept waking up feeling like total garbage and being like I need to stop drinking I kept writing down like I need I want this to go away I want that to go away I want this instead. And if you’re doing that, that’s a sign hold on to that because you know you go further along and you’re like oh maybe I can moderate maybe it wasn’t so bad and just looking back it’s not always external stuff. It’s how you feel and what you want.

 

59:49

Yeah, I totally agree with that. And it’s possible right like you write down those things like I will I you know will those things actually happen for me and they can, you know, assign, it’s worth work. But it’s totally worth it. It’s totally worth the crazy journey. And I would say to anyone that is like thinking about getting sober or thinking about doing 100 Day Challenge, like, buckle up. Yeah, life is gonna get crazy good.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:00:23

That’s awesome, I think and then crazy, crazy. And then crazy good. Well, so if someone’s thinking about it any last pieces of advice or suggestions you want to offer,

 

1:00:36

I would say, don’t make too big of a plan about how you’re going to get sober. Like Patrick, recovery is a term for a reason there are, there are a lot of different ways that women get sober. And my path was a sobriety coach, some people you know, are able to just go online and meet people and get sober with an accountability partner. There are so many different ways to get sober that don’t just try one and think, Okay, well, sobriety is not for me, because that didn’t work. Like keep trying, keep trying until it sticks. And then I would say, don’t let your fear of never drinking, again, of what is my life going to look like? What are people going to think of me, don’t let that get in the way of experiencing what it’s like to have a silver life, because that’s like, that’s a big gift. That is a huge gift. And I, that was in my way. And I it was hard to get past. But if you can just set aside the worry, and the apprehension and the unknown, and dive into something and try something new. It’s worth it. It was totally worth it. For me, it changed my life, it changed my children’s life. And who knows who else like that I that I might have touched that saw my post, you just never know how it’s gonna play out?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:02:13

Well, and I know by you coming on here and talking that you’re going to help so many women, women who are listening to this and can relate to exactly what you were feeling and exactly what you were going through. And you’re you’ve given a lot of really helpful practical tips and tricks and ways to get through it. So I want to thank you so much for like, contacting me, I mean, first for working with me, because it was such a joy and such an honor, but also for reaching out and saying, Hey, I just had a year and I’d love to share my story in case it helps someone because I know you have. Yeah, absolutely.

 

1:02:55

I mean, thank you, Kate. I mean, where do I even start to thank you. You’re definitely the reason that this ended up, all coming together. And I’m so glad I reached out to you. If you would have promised me everything that would have happened, I would never have believed. But, but it did. And it’s been amazing. And I’m looking forward to the next year. And if anyone resonates with this, and they want to contact me like I’m sure that you can find a way to get us connected. I’d be happy to talk more about my experience and or just be there to say me too, because that helps. Yeah, just to have other people in your circle that know what it feels like.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:03:38

Yeah, I mean, that’s so generous of you. So if anyone’s listening to this and wants to reach out to Christie, just contact me. And I’ll put you guys in touch. Yeah, I’d be happy to do that.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:03:51

All right. Well, thank you.

 

1:03:52

Of course. Thank you. This is amazing. I love it.