Are you ready to crush Sober October?

Are You Ready For Sober October? with Amanda E. White, Gill Tietz, and Susan Warye

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

Stopped drinking, Dry January, without drinking, quitting drinking, limiting belief, stopping us from giving up alcohol, moments, therapy, taking a break from drinking, Therapist rock bottom, yoga teacher, recovery, stop drinking, journey, Life & Sobriety Coach, anxiety, influencer, success, shame, drinking, reap any benefits, hibernate, nourish myself, practice moderating, binge drinker, 4th of July, 30 days, mental state, 30-Day challenge, Dry month, get your drinking under control, Christmas, New Year’s, resolutions, get my life together, addiction, AAA, sober community, judge, brave, vulnerable, barrier, connection, relationships, friends, eating disorder, epiphany, getting approved, day one, one day at a time, accountability, motivator, sober littermates, online community, quit lit,

Sober October, sober women, sober, podcasters, Coaches, The Hello Someday podcast, Therapy For Women, Sober Powered, The Sober Mom Life, My Kind Of Sweet, Recovered-ish Podcast, Sobriety

SPEAKERS: Casey McGuire Davidson + Amanda E. White, Gill Tietz, Suzanne Warye

00:02

Welcome to the Hello Someday Podcast, the podcast for busy women who are ready to drink less and live more. I’m Casey McGuire Davidson, ex-red wine girl turned life coach helping women create lives they love without alcohol. But it wasn’t that long ago that I was anxious, overwhelmed, and drinking a bottle of wine and night to unwind. I thought that wine was the glue, holding my life together, helping me cope with my kids, my stressful job and my busy life. I didn’t realize that my love affair with drinking was making me more anxious and less able to manage my responsibilities.

In this podcast, my goal is to teach you the tried and true secrets of creating and living a life you don’t want to escape from.

Each week, I’ll bring you tools, lessons and conversations to help you drink less and live more. I’ll teach you how to navigate our drinking obsessed culture without a buzz, how to sit with your emotions when you’re lonely or angry, frustrated or overwhelmed, how to self soothe without a drink, and how to turn the decision to stop drinking from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

I am so glad you’re here. Now let’s get started.

Hey there! I think you’re going to love this episode for Sober October because it’s a little bit different.

 

I got together with 3 other incredible sober women who are also podcasters. So, you may know them.

 

We have Amanda E. White from Therapy For Women, the author of the book, Not Drinking Tonight.

 

Suzanne from The Sober Mom Life podcast and My Kind Of Sweet on Instagram, and

 

Gill Tietz from Sober Powered the podcast and the Instagram account.

 

And we all got together to talk about

 

Sober October.

 

So, in this show, you’re going to hear about who each of us are when we stopped drinking, why we stopped drinking, whether we personally ever did Sober October or Dry January, and why or why not, how it went.

 

We talk about all the things including, lying to your therapist about how long you go without drinking, why I threw up on myself in a cab with a director after a work event the next morning and thought that quitting drinking would hurt my career, which is kind of crazy.

 

We talked about what the biggest block or limiting belief or what was the thing stopping us from giving up alcohol when it’s so clearly it was dragging us down and for each of us, for me, for Amanda, for Suzanne, for Gill, it was something different.

 

We also talked about your first month, what helped you most in the beginning and why I think this is helpful. And why I really wanted to do this episode was we all stopped at different moments in our lives.

 

So, Amanda stopped when she was still pretty young. When she was in school to be in therapy. A therapist when she was a yoga teacher. I quit when I was 40. Climbing up the career ladder with two little kids. Suzanne stopped right before the pandemic with three little kids under the age of five. And Gill stopped also sort of around the beginning of the pandemic, but when she was working full-time and doesn’t have children. So, the things that helped us in the beginning were different for each of us. The reasons we stopped was different for each of us. What held us back from taking a break from drinking, and why we struggled with it was different for each one of us. And yet, we all came to the same conclusion. And for many of us, the same tools helped us. We had the same conditioning and thoughts about alcohol about why we didn’t want to leave a pint glass.

 

It is just a really fun conversation. I love these women. They’re funny, they’re interesting, they’re down to earth and we had a great time recording it, even though it was at 8am on a Saturday, the day after my 21st wedding anniversary.

 

So, I got up super early in my pajamas to record this. And the great thing about being sober is that I’m able to wake up at 7am. The day after my anniversary, after going out to a lovely dinner and I didn’t drink too much and I’m not hungover and I didn’t wake up 3am. So, that’s a win! But, I am going to head back upstairs right now and climb back into bed and go back to sleep for my daughter’s soccer game. So, I hope you enjoy this episode. If you do, please write me, send me a note. Tell me what you liked about it. Tell me if you like this different format. I usually have 1 guest, or I do individual episodes, but I do really love for special occasions or on big topics getting together with other women, who are therapists and coaches, and women in the sobriety field to talk about all of our experiences together? Alright, let’s jump into the show.

 

05:10

Happy, sober October, everybody. I’m really excited that we’re doing this collab. So welcome to Suzanne, Amanda, and Casey. Thank you guys for doing this with me today.

 

05:22

Yeah, excited to be here. Me too.

 

05:25

This is so fun.

 

05:26

I’m so happy.

 

05:27

I’m excited. And Suzanne did not get the memo. We are all, we have all chosen to wear black.

 

05:36

It feels like there was a group text that I walked out of. I’m not going to lie. 5th grade and B is coming up and I’m I have to remind myself I’m not in fifth grade and you are a style influencer. So, I’m right in lines.

 

05:53

Okay. Okay. Thank you guys. But yeah, none of us do that.

Remotely. I’ll see for myself.

I’m like in pajamas half the time, when I’m like showing my face on Instagram.

I’ve been kind of saying no.

 

06:10

Here, so from the waist down. I’m literally in yoga pants and booty. So, you know,

you get the award for like earliest weight.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  06:20

So, I really, really like you guys. Honored.

 

06:25

Yeah. So, I thought for anyone that doesn’t know, all four of us, we could just do a quick introduction. So, Amanda, do you want to?

 

06:35

Yeah, so I’m Amanda white. You might know me on Instagram as Therapy For Women. And my podcast is Recovered-ish. And I also wrote a book called, Not Drinking Tonight. I am a licensed Therapist, and I’ve been on everyone’s podcast. So, if you haven’t, I mean, I feel like we’ve all been on it.

 

Like, Yeah, mine just started. But yeah, you could listen to those episodes, too. I actually just recently celebrated 9 years sober.

 

That’s amazing.

 

Thank you. So, I was 24 when I stopped drinking. The significance also was like, the Monday after Labor Day or the Tuesday after Labor Day that I stopped drinking, because I had a particular rough Labor Day. And the “big”, I mean, I’ve had a lot of worse. You know, rock bottom, I would say, but that particular one, I was a yoga teacher at the time. I woke up at 6am that Tuesday to teach yoga, I was completely drunk. I don’t remember teaching yoga. And that was a really big wake up call for me, because I had never done anything like that before. I was really into being like, a “cool” yoga teacher that like, went out and would make drinking jokes in class. And the other ridiculous thing about it is, I was actually in Grad school to become a Therapist. So, I also worked in a rehab at the time and thought that I was so different than everyone I worked with, which was not the case. But the denial was sick.

 

And yeah, and then I realized that, that I had a problem for sure. I knew I had an eating disorder that I’m in recovery from. So, I knew that was a problem. But the drinkie, I kind of justified to myself, it’s just normal. Especially because I did drugs in College. So, I was like, Well, I’m not doing that anymore. And yeah, it was very scary and overwhelming. And I didn’t think I had a problem. My parents didn’t think I had a problem. When I told them I was going to stop drinking. They told me that I was being dramatic. But yeah, it was 9 years ago. And it’s been an amazing journey. And my biggest fear when I got sober was really that I wouldn’t have friends and I wouldn’t be successful. And I just feel like the exact opposite is true. I’ve found such amazing community. So, we’re, and it’s like a part of my career, which is really cool.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  09:10

So, I’m Casey Davidson. I host the Hello Someday Podcast. I’m a Life and Sobriety Coach. I work with clients 1-on-1. I have an Online Course and I stopped drinking 7 and a half years ago when I was 40. So, I was you know, the woman climbing the Corporate ladder, drinking a bottle of wine or more a night while having a 2-year-old and an 8-year-old. So, that was kind of where I was.

 

I would come home from work, pick the kids up at after school care walk in the door and immediately opened a bottle of wine while cooking dinner and then getting the kids their baths and then sitting on the couch after they went to bed and often not remembering the end of shows and “falling asleep” on the couch, and my husband couldn’t wake me up and then getting up at 5:30 and doing it all again. And wondering why my anxiety was off the chart. But I, you know, stopped drinking, not thinking it was going to be forever because it would have freaked me out too much. I started with 100 Day Challenge, which was hard because I could never go more than four days, so I didn’t think I’d do it. And yeah, 7 1/2 years later, I left corporate 4 years ago, started Coaching full-time, started my podcast, and then met all these incredibly cool women, which is the best part.

 

10:42

Yay, yeah. Okay, I’m Suzanne, where I am an influencer of My Kind of Sweet. And I am the host of The Sober Mom Life podcast. I started as an influencer. And then I stopped drinking in January 2020. And I then became a Sobriety Influencer, not knowing what the hell I was doing.

 

My drinking is a little bit different. So, I was a party girl, for sure, in College, and I loved it. I’m from Wisconsin, I went to school in Green Bay, and it was like, Party Central. And I loved it, although I loved it. And then I didn’t, and then I loved it. And then I didn’t write. And then as I got, as I turned 30, I got married, I had kids, I was really able to moderate alcohol with what I think we’re told is success. But it didn’t mean that my shame around drinking went away, it actually got worse. And so, I never ever thought like, I qualified for sobriety. I just didn’t think it was for me. I didn’t think that I would reap any benefits. I thought it would be a cage until I stopped drinking. And then, the day I stopped drinking, so I had blacked out twice during motherhood. Once was when my first was a brand new baby. And then fast forward 6 years in, the second happened the night before I stopped drinking. And I, at some point, had to have nursed my 3-month-old baby, but I don’t remember it. And so, I was laying on the couch and like my full life was going on around me. And I just thought, like, no, like this. I don’t know what’s on the other side of this. But I want to find out because I know where this leads, like I have tried this.

 

And so, then yeah, I just went on a quest. And actually, so it was right before, obviously COVID in the pandemic response. And that really helped me then because I didn’t have to figure out like how to be social. In drinking, I just kind of was able to hibernate and really like nourish myself and I went on this like quest to find out what alcohol is and what it did to me and what life could be like without it. I have never ever, ever looked back. And I’ll be, Yeah, it’ll be 4 years in January.

 

12:56

Thank you guys. I’m Gill. I host the Sober Powered podcast, where I explain the science of how alcohol is affecting our brains and why it’s so hard for us to realize that we need to quit. And I was inspired to do that because I use my education and career as justification for why it was different from other people and why I didn’t have to quit drinking, probably similar to you guys. And even though I was drinking every day, and getting really drunk multiple nights a week, I still held it all together, which meant that I was fine. And it wasn’t until my mental health started getting really bad that I started addressing it and thinking that I needed a change. But I held on to this idea that someday, I’d be able to figure out how to moderate, kind of like, you were saying Suzanne. And even though I had never had any experience moderating, I felt like, eventually, I would be able to learn how to have an off switch. If I just practiced stopping once.

I started enough times is a very sophisticated dream. And the mental health kept getting worse, which we’ll probably get into later. And eventually, I let it go. But when I quit, I did say forever. And I feel like that’s what helped me the most. And I know that you almost never hear that.

 

And the advice is to do one day at a time, which I think is awesome. But I needed to say forever. So, I would stop negotiating with myself and thinking has it been long enough? Is it going to be different this time? And then I quit right before the pandemic and all the craziness, so I’ll be 4 years sober in about 6 weeks from now. Yay!

 

So less, when everybody’s listening to this. But same same with you Suzanne. Actually, I loved staying home because I didn’t have to go to any more FinCon Happy Hours because I quit right before the holidays. And there were so many happy hours and parties and drinking. And I used to go and cry. Because it was so stressful for me. And then we all got sent home and I’m like, This is awesome. I don’t have to. I don’t have to go to weddings that I was worrying about. I don’t have to socialize with work people at the bar. But then, it ma de it more stressful coming out of that too with no experience, but my brain can’t. Those are stories.

 

15:31

My brain can’t compute that it’s been for you. And I was like, why knows?

 

15:40

That all of it’s like a time warp and whole that whole period. Yeah. Crazy.

 

15:45

Yeah. And I feel like Casey and I, both our podcasts were working, because we started around the same time.

 

15:53

Awesome, Joe, I love the idea of you and me like we didn’t know each other then and so you’re a couple months ahead of me stopping drinking. So just like looking down, you know and seeing like our journeys, and it’s

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  16:06

like completely places. Totally you know, Tawny Lara, she wrote Dry Humping, she hadn’t recovered. Yeah, our sobriety dates are like five days apart, which is critical in New York City, different ages, different stories, different support path. It just, it’s sort of interesting. Like, if you’re out there picturing that world, like, there’s another woman different from you.

 

Exactly. Like, you literally in the same place that you are, and you can connect with her. Like you never know where your sobriety is going to lead and who you’re going to connect with.

And then you start to tell your story and say, oh, like, holy shit. We’re so similar. And I had no idea I, you know, yeah, it’s amazing. Yeah.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson 

Hi there. If you’re listening to this episode, and have been trying to take a break from drinking, but keep starting and stopping and starting again, I want to invite you to take a look at my on demand coaching course, The Sobriety Starter Kit.

 

The Sobriety Starter Kit is an online self study sober coaching course that will help you quit drinking and build a life you love without alcohol without white knuckling it or hating the process. The course includes the exact step by step coaching framework I work through with my private coaching clients, but at a much more affordable price than one on one coaching. And the sobriety starter kit is ready, waiting and available to support you anytime you need it. And when it fits into your schedule. You don’t need to work your life around group meetings or classes at a specific day or time.

This course is not a 30 day challenge, or a one day at a time approach. Instead, it’s a step by step formula for changing your relationship with alcohol. The course will help you turn the decision to stop drinking, from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

You will sleep better and have more energy, you’ll look better and feel better. You’ll have more patience and less anxiety. And with my approach, you won’t feel deprived or isolated in the process. So if you’re interested in learning more about all the details, please go to www.sobrietystarterkit.com. You can start at any time and I would love to see you in the course 

 

16:48

So, we’re here for Sober October, obviously.

 

So, the first question that I have for you guys is,

Did you ever do one of those?

Did you ever do it? Dry July? Sober October? Dry January? And if you did, how did it work out? And if you didn’t, why did you not do it?

 

Amanda, I’m starting with you.

 

17:11

I had a challenge for my therapist to not drink for 30 days in July. I said I would do it. I did about 2 weeks, because I like, cut off the first half of July because I was like, it’s 4th of July. It’s my birthday. That doesn’t count. And then I had like, friends that I was hanging out with like, the last week of July, and I lied. And I told her that they did it. But I did. I think about 10 days. So no, I didn’t do it.

 

I thought I also did it, kind of, even though again, it was only 2 weeks. I did it as like, this way to prove that I didn’t have a problem and that I could go back to her with evidence that I didn’t have a problem. And a lot of it was really, I related a lot to what you were saying, Gill, about how you just thought you had to practice moderating. I really thought that too, especially because I was much more of a binge drinker. So, I was like, it’s only a problem when I’m bingeing. I’m not a daily drinker. It was very easy for me to justify. And that’s why I was like, I don’t even need 30 days, I can do that. I’ve done that before, even though it’s been probably like a few years since I’ve done that.

 

18:23

But yeah, I think it would have been a good exercise for me. And in hindsight, I think if I would have allowed myself to be more honest, I could have seen that. Not doing it and saying I was indicative of something. But I really thought I didn’t need to and that I wasn’t lying, which shows my mental state.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  18:47

I kind of love that you’re a Therapist, and you’d like your therapist, because it makes my therapist all the time. Like, you know, Oh, yeah. How would you drink? It’s so great. Couple, you know, a couple of nights a week. I’m like 40 drinks a week.

 

19:06

It’s so common and it’s just such a I just yeah, it’s such a thing. It’s so hard because I think that we not only do we lie to ourselves, right, but we also want the therapist to feel like they’re doing a good job with us.

 

19:25

Yeah, and don’t therapist know, we’re lying to like a lot of the times? Don’t you kind of get it lit like You’re like me. Wonder if that’s all that’s there to give you? I’ll give you a peek behind the curtain in that if your Therapist keeps doing like, they’re confused. Like, they keep being like, I’m confused, tell me this again. Oh, did you only do this, or you said this but now you’re saying that that’s typically our way of being like this isn’t adding up. There’s a big piece of the story missing. You know, we can. It’s how I just.. Yeah, that.

 

20:03

That’s so funny.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  20:04

I love the peek behind the curtain. That’s all.

 

20:07

I know I want more of those.

 

20:10

Amanda when she challenged you to do those 30 days, I know you said that. I felt like you didn’t need to do it, which that totally resonates with me. But were you scared of doing it? Like did you have any anxiety about it? Or did you already know that you were going to kind of dance around it?

 

20:29

I really don’t think I had anxiety because I wasn’t going to do it. Intention.

 

20:41

So, I wasn’t scared because I was just like, This doesn’t count. Like, obviously my birthday like my birthday is July 8. So, it was like, obviously the first 15 days, this doesn’t count.

 

20:52

And I really thought that my justification also was like, well, it doesn’t matter when I do the 30 days. So, like, she’s just giving me the challenge to do it for July, but I could do it July 15 to August 15. And that’s fine even though I reported back to her on August 1 being like complete

 

21:16

so yeah, I think I was just bad.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  21:19

Slice anything. Like, when you’re drinking literally can rationalize anything.

 

21:26

Yeah, I would have said the same though. Like, birthdays. You got to drink on your birthday. I mean, come on. Casey, did you ever do any of those like, 30-Day Challenges, Dry month?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  21:41

House and I think like, I was at New Year’s resolution girl. Like, every year, I would make the exact same resolutions for like, a decade.

It was always like, drink glass / get your drinking under control / take a break.

It was never stopped drinking, grow my hair out, stop biting my nails. Like, for decades, it was like, basically become a better human being. Like, that was 5 year’s resolution. And I would not make it very far at all.

 

I mean, I was I was sort of a 365 nights a week drinker unless I was trying to not drink consciously. So, I was like, hungover on Christmas morning and New Year’s Day in every job interview and you know, all the things. So, I would make the resolutions. I would write myself all the notes about like, why I needed to get my life together. And then you know how it goes like four days, seven days later, I don’t even think I ever made it 2 weeks.

 

The one time I took a longer break was, I did also, Amanda like you. I went to a therapist. I looked up, I looked him up specifically and was like, Alright, he’s anxiety and addiction. So, it was like, awesome. I’ll go into my anxiety. He’ll help me a little bit with this. And I was like, you know, my husband, my job, my life, my kids, and I drink a bottle of wine at night. Let’s talk about your drinking. And I was like, no, no, let’s talk about my boss. But he told me to stop drinking. And so, I get that, he was a guy. This was like a decade ago, he recommended I go to AAA. It was kind of the only thing out there at the time. So, I went. I joined an online group. I made it about 4 months, which was, for me, incredible and amazing. And then, I got pregnant. And so, I was like, I’m fixed. So, I stopped going to all comedians, I stopped counting, I did the slow shuffle back and then I went back to drag it, so I never did. I did New Years, I did moment of crisis, you know, go to your therapist, because you seriously feel like your life is going to fall apart. And then, I did the, every 3 days. I have to stop. This is going nowhere. Good. This is bad cycle. So those were my, I never did something so exciting. And it’s like, Sober October, but I wish I had.

 

24:08

Yeah, I didn’t know that those were a thing. Really. I feel like, I was very isolated from the whole sober community. I thought that it was very shameful. And that it was just a bunch of people who didn’t want anyone to know and hid and went to AAA anonymously and and now it’s so cool. I mean, look at look at Suzanne like Suzanne when I think

 

24:36

I know, right, like, Well, I’m not cool.

 

 

24:40

I did. I did do Sober October and it’s so funny because it was my husband’s idea. And he was so proud of himself for calling it, Act Sober. Right and I don’t know, I think this was like before like, Sober October. I got, like really big. So, he was like, Let’s do October and I was like, what is that? And he’s like, we’re not going to drink, and I was like, okay, and we try to go to Mural Hall every October. And it’s so funny now looking back because my complaint in sobriety about Mural Hall is that there’s so much alcohol there. And you know, we’re like cleansing our auras. And like, god forbid, you eat some honey from the store and not from the miracle bees that are on property. Like, you know, like, and there’s like, equine therapy and like, it’s just like, every single part of you is taken care of.

 

But then, it’s also like, nobody drink wine, obviously, you’re obviously going to drink wine, but we’re going to tell you where it’s from, and all this fancy stuff. And, and I hate that now in sobriety, and I really can see that, but I went there, during sober during our act sober. And I remember it was instead of, I totally did the thing of focusing on why aren’t we drinking? And like, why, like, I’m not even going to have a glass of wine at miserable how, how could that be? And I just I remember that being like a sticking point and feeling like I was missing out and really focusing on not drinking, rather than, you know, what, what else can we experience when we’re not drinking? And I made it, I think it was 28 days. And I drank because I met my mom and Madison to see Anne Lamott speak, and we love her. And we drank a lot of red wine. And I remember thinking, like, Oh, God, not really, that I didn’t make it the month, but that I had, like, fuzzy memories then of AMI, and she’s like that, right? That’s what I was saying. That’s her whole, Let me drink and why.

 

27:06

And like, we drank before he like, like, not like a crazy amount, right? But but when I wasn’t drinking that whole month, and I had, even if it was like three glasses of wine. I mean, I was like, you know, it was fuzzy. Yes. And now I’m like, No, I’ve seen him talk, but like, it’s very fuzzy. And that to me, felt very sad. So I remember waking up the next morning being like, Oh, shit, I, I didn’t connect it. I still I still did not connect it like, sobriety is an option. I just connected it like I have to drink in a more orderly fashion. Like, obviously, I just I haven’t figured this out yet. And I will continue to try. What are the fashion?

 

27:50

Yeah. Drink like Lady.

 

27:54

Like, obviously, everyone else knows the rules. And I just don’t Yeah.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  27:58

Best friends. Her mom, her little sister, like came home just drunk as a skunk. And you know, denial is lovely, especially in some families. And she was like, she was overserved to her. She wasn’t a participant at the time. It was always over. Sorry, I don’t know who was serving me. Even at home, were served when I was 5.

 

28:37

Yeah. So, I never did a dry month. I actually had a friend asked me if I would do dry January with her, because she was also struggling and she wanted to be accountability buddies. And I was horrified at that. And I still feel bad about it. I just told her no. And I don’t think she did it because she didn’t want to do it alone. So, I totally ruined her opportunity to do 30 days. And I just couldn’t imagine not drinking for a month. I was like why would anyone want to do that? How is that helpful? I’m trying to moderate here like why would not drinking be helpful in that? But like Amanda said, I also received a challenge from a therapist, but it was for seven days. And while you were talking I was thinking like Did she try to challenge me to a month and then we changed it, but I can’t remember. But we did 7 days.

 

So, it was basically like don’t drink for a week. And then we’ll come back next week and talk about it. And this was like 2 and a half years before I quit for good. So, this was my very first dabble and I thought like, okay, I can do seven days, not because I’m interested. But because if I do the 7 days, then it means I’m not an alcoholic. So, I’m okay to prove that point. And I actually had a good time not doing it for 7 days, I found other things to do. And when I went back and told her, I did not drink, I’m proud of myself. It wasn’t even that hard. And we both agreed that an alcoholic Oh, wow. Yeah, unfortunately, she, she told me I don’t think you’re an alcoholic. And then in my mind, I’m like, yeah, if a professional doesn’t think I’m an alcoholic, then I’m good, then I must not be, and I’ll be able to figure it out.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  30:51

And then I was just like, being like, Oh, you feel so good. Why don’t you do another write? Right? You’re like, can I get that in writing? Yeah.

 

30:58

Yeah, exactly. So, I just needed that little permission. And then I continued about my business for a while, I would not take another break for like 2 years, almost like a little bit less than 2 years, until I felt like I had to take a break, because the suffering was so intense. But that little permission from her. Let me just go and go and go. And so, I also think it’s sad that you guys lied to Sam Harris, Amanda, and Casey. Because that’s like my whole argument. I tell people, that therapy is good accountability, because you don’t want to lie.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  31:43

So, I found that therapy. And Amanda, I am not the expert. Like once I stopped drinking therapy was hugely, hugely helpful for me. Well, I think it was, I mean, I also think it was helpful when I was drinking, but I just didn’t want my therapist to know how much I was drinking, because I didn’t want her to tell me to stop. So, I minimize that and was like, Oh, I have insomnia. And my stress is off the charts. And we went around and around about like, good. It was like, I don’t know why it stopped getting better. But once I stopped drinking, I was really able to, like, take advantage of therapy and get honest and find solutions. So that’s I love therapy, too.

 

32:32

I obviously love therapy, too, as a therapist, and as someone who still goes to therapy, I think it’s interesting, I think there are people that can fall into patterns early in the like creation of the bond with a therapist, where they want to present themselves this way. And then it becomes this like trap that is hard to get out of. Yes. So my recommendation is to start by calling yourself out early. Or if you struggle, to be honest with other therapists, one of the best things you can do is say like, this is my pattern. I’ve done this before. Just so then the therapist has some wiggle room to kind of, you know, hold the mirror up a little bit. That was what really helped for me was I had to be like, Look, I’m lying a lot. I’m so afraid of being judged. You know, all of that stuff. And once the seal kind of breaks and you can like talk about what’s happening in the therapy room or what’s holding you back from being honest. That’s when like, really deep work can happen with that. But it’s hard.

 

33:41

Asked, yeah, I once asked my therapist to give me a grade. Like how am I doing? So, would you give me like an A in therapy or remind more of like a B. Client? Like, it’s a thing, like when you want your therapist to like you? Yeah, especially if you like and respect your therapist. And like even in couples counseling, I would be like, so. Like, how do you, couples that you’re right, I’m like, so what do you think how, you know, like, if you had to tell us, like, if you had to judge us on how we’re at it, he’s like, that’s not I’m not doing that. Do you like us? That’s really amazing. Do you?

 

34:29

I did not. I did not give a grade and I’m really I still want to go back and like I’m like, can I just get a report card please? So, I know where I stay on.

 

34:40

I struggled a lot with wanting therapists to like me too. So, I’m glad that you mentioned that Amanda and that the therapist did challenge me to the one week that was actually my first appointment. And I think exactly what you said is it’s easier if you just start with all of the stuff Because once you build that relationship, you’re going to worry about them not liking you anymore with what you have to say. So, I just like, I’m worried I’m an alcoholic. Can we talk about it?

 

How do you know I was looking for her to basically tell me whether I was or not. And unfortunately, she said, I wasn’t. But I think opening up with it in the beginning, is so helpful. I struggled with, that was my current therapist, and my shameful drinking memories. I didn’t want to tell her the worst ones, because I was afraid it would change her opinion of me. And I struggled for a really long time to tell the stories to her. And I don’t. I mean, they’re probably not going to tell you what their opinion of you is. I don’t think that therapists are very judgmental, even though we worry that they will judge us. And it’s always so much better to when you leave. And you, you feel that relief that you said what you needed to say.

 

36:01

Absolutely. I mean, the best thing that that my hair has done at the time that told me it’s such a funny story, because I was telling her that I was really nervous about her judging me. She was in recovery. And it really inspired me to become a therapist and be open about being in recovery. Just like Amanda, I used to do crack. You’re like, you’re like you’re my therapist. Yeah.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  36:28

That’s one of the reasons that it actually helps with Coaching that, you know, people have worked with me, and they’ve been like, oh, I basically know you. And I’m like, Oh, you do? You literally know everything about me. But then they’re like, Oh, but I know you won’t judge me because you get it, which I do, you know.

 

36:47

And also hearing someone’s most shameful moments. I think, like I hear this in our groups all the time. And like, when someone tells me like, what they’re most ashamed of in their drinking past like that, you have to be an asshole to judge them. Like, like that just to me Bond’s us so much closer. And like I fall more in love with all of these women who are just so brave and vulnerable. And like just showing up and being like, yeah, talking about our shame, you know, and that I think is where the connection and sobriety is.

 

37:26

I feel the same way. Suzanne, that’s why we just talk about all the hard stuff.

 

37:31

So, we’ve mentioned this kind of off and on that we had a lot of denial, and that even though we had breaks, it still didn’t get through the barrier of that we needed to stop drinking entirely. Amanda, what do you think, like the biggest block for you was to realizing that your drinking needed to go.

 

37:55

I was young, when I was questioning it. So, I really think my age was the biggest barrier. I was like, I just turned 24. I was all my you know, I had friends who I like lived in the city. I had friends who had just graduated from college, I really had felt like I had such a miserable college experience because it was super in the depths of my eating disorder. I was like addicted to Adderall. I left college really without any friends. I like, destroyed all my relationships with my friends. So, when my eating disorder got better, and I got into recovery from it after college, I really felt like I deserved to live it up and like recreate my college experience in my 20s. Like, I literally thought I deserved that. So that was a huge thing for me, because I was just like, I have the rest of my life to figure this out. I don’t, you know, I don’t drink every day. It’s not really that much of a problem. I know.

 

You know, other things are a problem of mine. But can I just live a little? Can I just have this vise? And it wasn’t until I when I taught yoga drunk that morning I was hit with this very big realization that because I had known, like, if I want to be a Therapist, I can’t have like an active eating disorder. So, I was like clear about that. And then when I did that, that was so out of character for me. I didn’t remember I had this pretty big epiphany of like, oh my gosh, if I keep doing this, I’m going to be like a drunk Ferris, like, this is not going to work. So, that was like the big kind of epiphany for me that I think I was able to listen to because I had already been doing some of the like work with the eating disorder and had been like really wanted to be like it was really important for me based on you know, the that I said that therapist I had she was in recovery. So, once I kind of saw that I had a problem, I like couldn’t unsee it. And I was like, I don’t think I can be a therapist. And still drink and stuff. So, I didn’t know whether I would stop drinking forever. I didn’t know what that would look like. But yeah, I would say my age and just my experience with that. Yeah.

 

40:20

Yeah, I think that’s a big barrier for a lot of people, when they’re in their 20s. They feel like what you said both that you’re supposed to do it, and that you have time, I think that we hear about a lot of people growing out of it in their early 20s towards their late 20s. So, there’s always the hope that maybe you’ll grow out of it someday. Absolutely.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  40:43

I think that’s something my husband even said to me, you know, I was like, well, you knew who you married, right? You got it. What you got into we just celebrated yesterday. 21 years of marriage. So, we’ve been together a long. Yeah, yeah, we got together when we were like, 2223. And he was like, I kind of thought you’d grow up. Literally said that to me. Oh, well, no. I think what held me back most in the beginning was being like a red wine girl was so much part of my identity. It like I would introduce myself, I mean, not literally, but pretty close. Like, I live in Seattle, or work, conditional marketing. I’m married, I have two kids. I’m a red wine girl. I went to college in Maine, like that was, yeah, equal to the other parts of me.

 

And so, it was just I bought into all the limiting beliefs that, you know, we’ve been conditioned to believe. So, I thought that I would never have fun. If I didn’t drink, I thought that I would be miserable. I thought that I would just, I didn’t think I’d lose my friends. But I thought when I hung out with them, it would suck. I thought that like somehow it would hurt my job. Like if I stopped drinking, that people would see that I stopped drinking and then think I’m either not cool, or they don’t want to hang out with me or that I have a problem. And therefore, I wouldn’t get promoted, which is hysterical because I was like, going out to dinner with colleagues and like tripping and skinny my knee on the way home. We’re like, waking up brutally hungover. Like, or like sharing shit, and bitching about like the VP. So, I’m like, Oh, my God, I stopped drinking. That’s going to be career suicide. And my husband, I thought that, you know, he never wanted me to stop drinking. He wanted me to what was it drinking in an orderly fashion? That was he wanted that he wanted me to drink in Italy and on a date night, but on the couch, which is so adorable. Yeah, so I guess like, I did not know who I was going to be like, it was so much a part of me that I was like, it was it was like a metaphor for being fun despite being a job being a mom, you know?

 

43:17

Mm hmm. And can you see I when you were telling like the the work stories like I have to bring up what are you?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  43:35

Waiting for you to?

 

Yeah, dammit.

 

Yeah. So, I went down. Sorry, this is so bad. I was like, Oh my God, if I stop drinking, I won’t get promoted. I went down to LA for my company’s entertainment business. So, I was the Director of Marketing for Entertainment. God knows how now. And you know, you’re in LA with all your colleagues, you go out to dinner, or you go out drinking, it’s super fun. It was before I had kids, which I’m not sure makes it better because I certainly did shit like this after. But you know, first night, drank a ton came into the LA office and was like, throwing up in the bathroom trying to throw up really, really quietly because like, what? Like, wait till people leave the bathroom. And this is a former believer.

 

44:26

Nice. No. Just kidding.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  44:30

We were going to visit. We were doing customer visits with Entertainment Tonight and Extra TV. And like I was most concerned with not throwing up in the car to visit them because I was a puker the day after. And then, the next day, I, of course, went and drank a lot again and I was taking a cab with a very straight laced Director who is in like Finance Accounting. He was married and have a kid. He was clearly much more mature than I was. And we were taking a cab to LAX at like 8am. And we were getting close, but it was like stop and go traffic. I started so sick, like, just like, oh my god, oh my god, I was like rolling down the window. Gopi Nair had nothing. And right when we pulled up at LAX, I basically puked all over myself. And when I say basically, I did. And he was like, Oh, my God, and the cab driver was like, What the hell? And I was like. So, the guy was like, I’ll pay. So, I led to show you that.

 

So, where to find, what can you say? Grabbed my bag in the trunk. I had my New York Times bag, I was like, Where was this? In the car. So, I ran to the bathroom, changed out about my clothes, put it all in the New York Times bag, sealed it, and like, threw it in my roll away and like, got out. But then, I called my husband, and I was like, Do you think he’s going to tell anyone? Like, he was like, you puked on yourself. I’m sure he’s going to tell someone and like, somehow they didn’t bite me. Nor did I consider that a low. I mean, I was like, you know, I talked to my mother and my sister. And my sister said, This is why you never share cabs with anyone. That was her answer. And my mother said, You should carry those airplane throw bags in your purse. Which, by the way, to say I do. I’ve got an airplane pro bag in like, every purse but did not think that was a reason to stop drinking. I even said, if I think I’m pregnant, and he was like, Dude, you’re so drunk. Anyway.

 

46:37

Oh, my. Sorry. I know. Sorry. Well, that it’s so funny that the fallacy that we were like, no, if I stopped drinking, I’m not getting approved. I think so my barrier was always I just did not think I was qualified. I thought that I didn’t. I thought that I hadn’t lost enough to kind of have it makes sense that I would stop drinking. I thought that. You know, I didn’t get a DUI. My marriage was happy. My kids were happy. I there was no like, outside, like wreckage that was like a flashing red light to say, yeah, like this, this. So yeah, from the outside, it looked like, I just thought and now it sounds insane. From where I sit. But I thought that it wasn’t for me. And I also really did think that I had to go to AAA. Like I thought that that was the only option I didn’t know this other world existed. I didn’t know. I just didn’t know. And so, I imagined, you know, because I wasn’t a daily drinker, because I didn’t think about alcohol all the time. Because I could go weeks or months, you know, without drinking.

 

But it was kind of like Amanda. Like, then it would be a binge kind of more than a, it just wasn’t a part of my daily life. And so, then I thought that I wouldn’t be like more tied to alcohol, if I were to stop drinking it. And I thought that, then I would have to, like declare myself powerless all the time. And I didn’t feel powerless all the time. If that makes sense. It just, it was all twisted in my in my head. And I’ve only come to realize that that’s very common, I think, with women who are, you know, who have what would seem like success moderating or success drinking in an orderly fashion. But I didn’t, I just didn’t know that I could, like completely be free of it. And still, like reap the benefits of sobriety. So, it wasn’t just that. I wouldn’t drink alcohol, but like I would live this like full sober life. I had no idea.

 

49:14

From over here, it seems like you’re saying that you thought giving it up would make you more chained to alcohol? Yes.

 

49:24

Yes. Like it would be. Like I remember feeling so bad for people who didn’t drink because I thought that they were constantly white knuckling and in a constant kind of battle against it. And I thought about how hard that would be since it’s everywhere, right? And I was like, God, I feel so bad for them. They must really be in this like, daily struggle not to drink. And so, then that just wasn’t me and I didn’t want that to be me. But I didn’t realize that I It was in a daily struggle thinking about alcohol and how to have it be in my life without being in my life too much, but being in my life just when I want it and not overstep its bounds and all of the mental games that we play when we try to moderate. And so yeah, I thought I thought it was I thought it would be a cage.

 

50:21

So, you thought everybody was just like you then? Like, if they had the same experience with alcohol as you did? No, I thought, I thought that the people who stopped drinking, were like Nicolas Cage, or Meg Ryan, right? Like I thought like it was like, oh, obviously, obviously, they have a problem with alcohol, right? That’s not me. And so, if that’s not me, then there’s nothing to see here. What I didn’t know is that alcohol is just a problem, like alcohol is just a problem. And so. Yeah, and so I thought that there were like two categories of people, like alcoholics. And the ones that it was very clear, like, of course, you need to stop drinking alcohol. And then people who don’t have to stop drinking alcohol. I didn’t know that I could stop drinking alcohol.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  51:22

I love that. That’s changing. I really do feel like it is. Yeah,

 

51:26

I do. I feel like it’s yeah, we’re catching. We’re catching women. I think it’s majority women who probably feel this way. I don’t know. Maybe that’s just because I’m not a guy. And I talk with women all the day, all day, every day. But I think that we’re catching women before they get to that point, because you could wait, right? Like, you could wait until you lose more. Like I guess it’s just how much are you willing to lose?

 

51:55

I was really similar to you, Suzanne, where I thought that there were two categories, alcoholics, and regular people. And if it and the alcoholic, so it was obvious, like you said, but I think the difference for me was that, I thought, if I did quit, it meant, I was one of those really bad alcoholics. And that alcoholics didn’t have. I’m just going to say it the way that I used to think it. I thought that it was purely a choice and a weakness, and something that only happened to losers. And people let it happen to them, because they weren’t strong enough. And if I had to stop drinking, it meant that that was all me. And I didn’t want any of that I didn’t want people to think that I was weak, that I can’t control myself. So now, I can never drink ever again, that I must be a loser, all of these things. And I fought so hard to moderate. So that didn’t have to become my identity.

 

Like Casey, you were talking about your identity of being a red wine girl. But I thought quitting men, I would take on this whole alcoholic stereotype identity, and then everyone would associate that with me forever. So, I didn’t know that there were people. I mean, first of all, that’s not very many people in that category. And they’re also not losers who let it happen to them, or weak. But I was really convinced of that. So, I fought really hard to not let that become me. And eventually just had to give in. But that was my biggest block was the stereotype and taking on that identity of what society thinks, and alcohol now is that I feel like I truly believe that more people are believing that like people who quit drinking are just bad acids like now that the app and the you know, the marketing and the addictive substance that we’ve been told that we’re supposed to somehow keep in our lives and like, you know, that’s a county that is health and wellness choice.

 

54:16

Yeah, like we left the cult. Yeah. Like, like, you’re free from the cop. We’re like Leah Remini. Free. And drinking is like Scientology.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  54:27

It took me a second to figure out who you’re talking about. I was like, was it all about? Yeah, I’m all about 90s or early 80s pop culture, yeah.

 

54:37

So, what do you guys think helped you the most when you first started like if you if you had to reflect back some of you have to reflect back further than others. That Amanda if you have to look back all the way into your first month. What do you think made the biggest difference for you?

 

54:58

The biggest difference for me It was community, it was so paramount to me, especially because I was young. So, I mean, back then, like, Instagram was so young, there wasn’t like, I don’t even know if there were hashtags on Instagram. But I did have friends that were in AAA, and I didn’t know whether I thought I was an alcoholic or not. But I was just like, I’m going to stop drinking, and I’m going to go to meetings, because this is where people are. And I’m just going to, like, follow these people around, like, make it my social life. And that’s like, what I did I like had one friend and I was just like, what meeting? Are you going to? Where are you going to be, you know, she, like worked at a recovery house.

 

So, I just like hung out at the recovery house with her and was just like there to kind of fill up my time. And that was so like, I would not have gotten sober if I wouldn’t have had, if I wouldn’t have known people my age-ish, who were doing it because I would have felt so isolated, I think just like sitting by myself. And the big thing for me, especially because I think there could have been a time where maybe I  stopped drinking for six months or so. And I think because I was able to, because I had had the experience of losing so much like during college and like losing friends. And I was on that track already. After graduating.

 

Because of my drinking, it led me to be like, Oh, I actually need to stay sober. So, I can keep these people in my life, which wasn’t like authentic at first. But it was like what I needed to kind of be like, Okay, well, so when I was like, questioning it, or I was like, maybe I don’t need this. It led me to come back to well, like this is this is now I have like friends now I have people and I want to keep coming to these meetings. I want to keep spending time with these people.

 

56:53

I love that. That’s really nice. And thinking about that. You want to keep them as friends. And then if you go back, I like that. I never thought of it that way.

 

Yeah, I mean, it’s really cool and interesting. Like, just how, I mean, I met a lot of my best friends on the program. Like there’s like a group of us. We’re still all like best friends. Like my maid of honor was the first person I called when I was like freaking out about whether I was, you know, that day after Labor Day and stuff. So, we’re still really close. And we all still don’t drink. You know, not all of us stayed in the program necessarily. But yeah, it’s really cool. Because the longer also you stay sober, especially when you see young people. A lot of people come in and out. People die. Like, people don’t make it, you know, and people definitely relapse. So, it’s like pretty miraculous that so many of my friends, we all have around like the same amount of time. We all came in around similar times. And we’ve all stayed friends.

 

57:54

Casey, what do you think helped you the most in your first?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  57:57

Yeah, I mean, I needed someone to hold my hand I needed like a reason to draw a line in the sand and just stop rationalizing should I? shouldn’t I? Drink isn’t a big deal. Should I start on Monday? And I needed someone to like, you know, like horses have blinders on. Just like, keep me really, really focused. So, I had been trying had been a member of online Facebook groups of people quitting drinking for a very long time. You know, when I was drinking, I would go silent. I would occasionally pop up and be like, Alright, I’m doing this and then go silent again. And I try day, like 3 years before for a while. But what you know, I had plenty of lows that I should have, you know, should have been that moment that weren’t, I don’t know, throwing up on myself. That could have been one, but nope.

 

You know, so basically, I woke up at 3am. one day, I was on the same Facebook group I’ve been on for like three years. Someone was posting about day one again, someone in the comments recommended and sober coach. And I just went into work that day at 10am and signed up. That was my last day one, which is crazy. But and that night I wanted to drink and four days later I wanted to drink and 16 days later, I was like in tears, so angry that I wanted to drink, but I’m also a gold star girl, like you said, and I am a people pleaser. I want that A, so I was like I’m going to be the best freaky Sober Coaching client ever. I’m not going to like, call her and tell her that I drank. Like, I needed that external accountability. I needed her to get you know, on my first call.

 

I was like, here’s what I’m worried about. I’m going to Venice, with my family like Italy. I’m a red wine girl and she’s like alright, alright, when is that and like, four months from now. Alright, let’s talk it 3 and a half months. But I needed at that. But once I got going, I did meet some of my very, very best friends. In online Facebook groups, we all have, sort of like, we’re sober littermates our dates are right around the same time. And once they became very important in my life, I did think if I go back to drinking, I’m going to lose these friendships and it might not have been them, it probably would have been me like, pulling away and being like, I don’t deserve to be friends with them or whatever. But, I think, what many of quit drinking are like, the coolest and so funny and so real. And yeah, that was also a big motivator as I kept going.

 

1:00:51

I love sober littermates. Oh, that’s like the cutest, like you guys. littermates

 

Yeah, that’s so cute. Also, the idea of the what ifs. Like the Italy trip, like that’s coming and stuff. I have, like, so many women are in my group were like, well, what if, like, you know, what if I can’t drink when I go to Italy? Or like for my daughter’s wedding, and I’m like, well, when is she getting married? They’re like, she’s 2. Okay, like we were 5. I, so when I quit. I was like, right before the pandemic. So, community was kind of out of the question. I didn’t even know about any sort of online community, I would say now, that is what helps me the most. But right away, I dove into every Quit Lit podcast. I mean, everything I remember getting to a point that I was like, there are no more quick flip books like how are they? How have I reached the end? And by women like Amanda, yours, like, like, I had reached the end of the line of Quit Lit. And I was like, can we get more Quit Lit books because this is what’s helping me. And like, I just, I really did. I mean, all day, every day.

 

So, I had, I had a 3 month old, I had a two year old and I had a five year old. And we were in the pandemic. And so, it was just me, my husband was still working. And so I was also going crazy. And in order not to go crazy. I had one air pod and like, all day long, and I was listening to all Quizlet. And yes, when I was like playing with my kids, and I use that very loosely because I hate to play with my kids to like, let’s normalize and mom’s not playing. Because I’m like, yeah, oh my god, like Barbies are Oh, my God, and then I always do it wrong.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:02:50

Micromanaging. I’m like, oh my god, they’re so controlling. And I’m like, then you do it. I don’t even want to be doing this. But like arts and crafts, I’ll do you know, like, well go for bike rides and stuff, but I am not playing. So, I would just be I would be listening. It was a lifeline. And like, when I quit, I didn’t know anything about alcohol. I didn’t. I was I’m a Gen X girl. So, I grew up. This is your brain on drugs like, and that’s the fried egg. Like, I thought alcohol was fine. I didn’t know anything about it. And so, then yeah, that was like my, that was my quest. And my favorite part of the day was when I could, after dinner, after we all ate. My husband would take the kids upstairs and get them ready for bed and I would clean our kitchen and like, cleaning our kitchen and listening to you know, podcast or Quit Lit, like was my “It”, was like my sanctuary. And it was my time, that I could like, really like closing up our kitchen for the night, felt very like nourishing to me and my family.

 

It was like, it felt really good. Because I knew that when I got up in the morning, like my coffee would, I would just have to push a button and like, it would be all ready and there would be no debris from the day before. Like it would be a very fresh start. And so, it felt really good to me to do that. Yeah, and that just became. I still do it. I still do that. That’s like, my time. And I still listen to a lot of stuff. I now, I go back to true crime, too. Because there’s nothing like a good murder. But yeah, yeah, definitely want to hear.

 

Suzanne what your favorite Quit Lit book was from early.

 

1:04:40

Right, odd. So, I really liked Of course, I liked demand as we’ve already talked about. Yeah, yes, I’m not drinking tonight.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:04:51

You guys should check it tonight by Mandy White.

 

1:04:56

Just saying that it’s really no, no.

 

1:04:58

It’s Oh, it’s Amazing. I really loved I mean, of course I love to Quit Like A Woman, and We Are The Luckiest, but I really loved blackout. There are happy to like, list if anyone here says, I want to interview Sarah Bla. Yeah, on my podcast. So, if anybody knows her, I have one. Katya knows her, but Oh good. You know, have you reached out on Instagram? And she answered no, but I need to because that book was written earlier. It’s how I… Yes, yes. It’s, it’s out in the universe. Okay, moving on.

 

1:05:35

Manifest manifest. I love it. That one was really it was it’s just beautifully written and the imagery and blackouts as I was a blackout drinker in college. And so, I really like she really got to the heart of what it feels like to blackout and really taught me about blackouts, and that people just kind of are blackout drinkers, or you’re not like the biology and stuff. And so yeah, I loved that one. Good.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:06:05

All right, Gill, what helped you. I was like Suzanne, where I just started devouring everything, reading all the books, listening to all the podcasts. The podcasts that helped me the most was Craig Beck’s show the happy sober podcast, he also wrote, alcohol lied to me, all manifested to I’m trying to get him on manifests overpowered. And he doesn’t. He has not responded to me and knows exactly where the – Yeah, please. But he helped me the most in the beginning. And I really isolated myself, I didn’t know that there was very much community beyond Facebook. But what I did was I just started learning about it. Like I said, Before I thought that I would be taking on this identity of a weak willed loser with no self-control. So, I wanted to understand is that true? Or is something else going on?

 

So, I just started educating myself and reading about why this happened to me. And I learned, like, I think one of the first things I learned is why I woke up at 3am with anxiety. And then it was like, wow, that’s a thing. That wasn’t just me. And the more I learned, the more it helped me let go of that identity and feel better about sobriety. And like, it wasn’t this life sentence of doom. That meant everyone was going to judge me and not invite me to things. And yeah, so I think understanding why this happened, and why I drank the way I did is what helped me the most. And if you guys could think about one, like quick little nugget of advice for anyone listening, who is they’re wanting to start sober October, but maybe they’re nervous about it, or they’re excited about it. I feel like there’s two different reactions that can happen when you think about it. Amanda, what would you say to someone who’s getting started right now? I wouldn’t say,

 

1:08:11

Regardless of which camp you’re in, treat it like an experiment, and just really come from Curiosity rather than shame or judgment. Like it’s just data collection. And you can learn a lot about yourself, maybe we’ll go back to drinking, maybe you won’t. But I think too many people come at it like a challenge like white knuckling that we’ve kind of all talked about, rather than being open to like, this is a really interesting experiment that can show you a lot about yourself and your relationship with alcohol.

 

1:08:46

Can you see what would you say to someone who’s struggling? Amanda said, because I love the idea of curiosity and noticing, and noticing the good and the bad like, you were saying, Gilly, you were like oh yeah, it wasn’t even that hard. I really enjoyed it. So, I’m going to go back to drinking.

 

My biggest piece of advice because there is “Sober October” and it is a thing, like, tell everybody. I mean people always talk about they’re like, I’m training for a 10k. Like, you know, got a new peloton, whatever it is. Be like, I’m doing Sober October. I’m doing 30 days with no alcohol. Tell your workout friends, your work friends, your best friends, your spouse, no shame. Just be like, Yeah, I’m doing a health challenge that accountability is huge.

 

1:09:33

Mm hmm. Yes, I think both of those are amazing. Also, I would try to avoid the countdown trap. Because I think then you really are missing you’re kind of missing the point.

 

Yes. Right. And so, if you’re spending Sober October counting down to when you “can drink again”. I think that you’re really allowing alcohol into Sober October. And it’s kind of living in the shadow of alcohol. And that’s it is your, you’re missing the magic. I always say like, and I think 30-Day challenges are great. And any break you give your mind and your body from alcohol is amazing.

 

But I think that it can be like, I’m a runner. And so, these 30-Day challenges are kind of like the first mile of any race. And like the first mile, if you’re a runner, you know that it doesn’t matter if I’m running three miles, or if I’m running a marathon, that first mile. Everything in me is saying, Stop, this sucks. You don’t have to do it. This is horrible. This is why you’re doing this. It’s just you have to get into your stride, and you have to get used to it. And so sometimes I consider those 30 day challenges, like you’re doing the first mile over and over and over again. And you never get to see the glory. And like when those endorphins kick in and around when you feel like oh, I could run forever. Like that’s why we run I would never want to run one mile over and over and over again.

 

1:11:06

I love that Suzanne that was really nice. I got it. I got it. Well, I think because when you think about like the mile challenge in like school, you know, like we used to have that I’m like, Oh, I hate it I score that is like that’s a way to make a whole generation hate running. Because that is a mile is the worst it feels to have to do the time mile like every single week and I kept going to my coach like why you compete she was like get out of the for I hate the first mile of every single run.

 

1:11:46

And I think it’d be like the first because I’m not a runner. But I really love to work out and to me like the other rate is like it’s the first 10 minutes of like, whenever I’m like, I always want to stop. I always say to myself, Okay, do 10 minutes and then if you hate it, you can stop. They don’t really ever do that. Because you get into it by then. Totally. Yeah,

 

1:12:07

Yeah, your brain catches up and your body starts like you work out the kinks and you start to feel comfortable. And then you’re like, oh, okay, I’m not crazy for doing this. Yeah,

 

1:12:18

I will add you guys kind of covered what I was thinking. But I will also add, change up what you do. I think that a lot of people, we quit drinking, and we try to just not drink. But then we end up sitting around watching TV every night in the same seat that we used to drink in or if our spouses or friends or family members drink, we sit around and watch them drink all weekend. That’s going to be very triggering, and that’s going to make you feel FOMO and it’s going to make you feel like sobriety is boring. So, I would encourage you to change your routine.

 

In my very first month, I stopped watching TV completely and I didn’t go in my living room at all because I used to just sit there and get drunk every night. So, just go somewhere else. Sit in a different room in your house and watch Netflix on your computer, if you have to, but change up your routine. Don’t feel like removing alcohol is the only thing that should be changing in the month of Sober October or into like 90s things so Lindsay Lohan would be like I’m not sure Socktober is going to be a thing like you might yet fascism. Yeah. Okay, yeah. Okay, fine. I’ll stop trying to make that happen.

 

1:13:49

This was amazing. Ladies, thank you so much. This was really fun to record this all together.

 

Amanda, if we would love to connect with your work and learn more about you. Where can we do so?

 

1:14:03

You can follow me on Instagram or Tiktok @therapyforwomen. You can find my podcast it’s called Recovered-ish. Or if you’re interested in therapy, my practice is called therapy for women center and you can find us at therapyforwomencenter.com

 

1:14:22

And you have an amazing book do I do I know this on my website too, which is Amada E. White. But I have a book called, Not Drinking Tonight and I also have a workbook companion for it which are independent of each other by the same name. Very cool.

 

1:14:40

Thank you Amanda. Casey, where can we learn more?

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:14:43

Please to find me as my website hellosomedaycoaching.com. There I’ve got a free 30-Day Guide so 30 tips for your first month alcohol-free and a free hour long masterclass on Secrets to Quitting Drinking, Even If You’ve Tried and Failed Before.

 

You can also find me wherever you listen to podcasts at Hello Someday Podcast. So, I follow Amanda and Suzanne and Gill on Instagram and get tons of inspiration from them.

 

1:15:20

Thank you, Casey. Suzanne, where can we connect with you?

 

1:15:23

Best place is mykindofsweet.com that was my like, OG influencer and I still have it. Also, my kind of sweet Instagram is where I share my full sober life. So, you’ll see everything there. And then The Sober Mom Life podcast, wherever you get your podcasts, we also have a membership called, The Sober Mom Life Cafe, where you get to connect with just the loveliest women on the internet, who are all examining their relationship with alcohol and finding freedom and sobriety. And we would love to have you.

 

1:15:57

Thank you, Suzanne. And if you want to connect with me, my podcast is Sober Powered. That’s where my best stuff is. And my website soberpowered.com is kind of the hub. You can find all my resources on there, join my community, learn more about the brain and stuff like that. And thank you guys again for doing this. I really appreciate you showing up on a Saturday in your

next time.

 

Next time I’ll look at the memo.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:16:31

Yeah, this is awesome. And now, I know.

 

1:16:38

And thank you everybody for listening, and we will talk to you in our own respected in the future.