SUMMARY KEYWORDS

Sober, sober toolbox, self-development, health and wellness and spirituality and manifestation, emotional, green zone, sobriety, lifestyle, yoga, meditation, beliefs, mindset, sober curious, drinking, stop drinking, pressure on socializing, routine, non-negotiables, journaling, your body, eating good food, emotional support tools, community, connect, sober bubble, self-care, self-love, nervous system, journey, breathwork, Quit Lit

SPEAKERS: Casey McGuire Davidson + Michaela Horvathova

00:00 Welcome to the Hello Someday Podcast

01:23 Introducing Michaela Horvathova

02:49 Building Your Sober Toolbox

06:05 Morning Routines and Emotional Support

07:54 Navigating Social Situations

09:32 The Power of Journaling and Vision Boards

20:32 Manifestation and Acceptance

23:48 Sober Curiosity and Support Systems

28:40 The Role of Quit Lit and Sober Communities

36:06 Creating a Roadmap for Change

38:09 Embracing New Identities

39:11 Tools for Emotional Sobriety

43:06 Nervous System Regulation Techniques

49:12 The Importance of Supportive Relationships

57:12 Daily Practices for a Sober Life

01:00:23 Final Thoughts and Resources

00:02

Welcome to the Hello Someday Podcast, the podcast for busy women who are ready to drink less and live more. I’m Casey McGuire Davidson, ex-red wine girl turned life coach helping women create lives they love without alcohol. But it wasn’t that long ago that I was anxious, overwhelmed, and drinking a bottle of wine and night to unwind. I thought that wine was the glue, holding my life together, helping me cope with my kids, my stressful job and my busy life. I didn’t realize that my love affair with drinking was making me more anxious and less able to manage my responsibilities.

In this podcast, my goal is to teach you the tried and true secrets of creating and living a life you don’t want to escape from.

Each week, I’ll bring you tools, lessons and conversations to help you drink less and live more. I’ll teach you how to navigate our drinking obsessed culture without a bus, how to sit with your emotions, when you’re lonely or angry, frustrated or overwhelmed, how to self soothe without a drink, and how to turn the decision to stop drinking from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

I am so glad you’re here. Now let’s get started.

[00:01:21]

Hi there. Today, we are talking about

building your sober toolbox

 

and my guest is Michaela Horvathova. She’s a Holistic Wellness Coach and a podcast host of the Health with Michaela and the Two Sober Girls podcast.

Michaela guides women to heal, thrive, and unlock their full potential in all areas of their lives.

[00:01:44]

In her one-on-one coaching courses and podcasts, Michaela delves into a wide range of topics from health and wellness to beauty, skincare, parenting, manifestation, daily routines, all the rest. It’s all about empowering.

[00:02:00]

You to take control of your life. So, Michaela, welcome.

[00:02:03]

I’m excited to talk about this. Casey, I’m so excited. I love you. I love your show and I hope that your listeners will love this episode. Yeah, me too. And I wanted to have you on. We have been in the same podcast mastermind for a while. We’ve known each other and we got to hang out in DC at podcast evolutions.

[00:02:23]

One of the things I love about connecting with you and other people is that we have sort of different approaches to sobriety. I know that you are focused on health and wellness and spirituality and manifestation, and I’m all about practical tools and step by step block and tackling. And I think we need all of that.

[00:02:49]

So I wanted to have this conversation just to give our listeners, like, Hey, everyone,

when you are stopping drinking needs to build a sober toolbox,

 

[00:03:00]

needs things in their back pockets and practices and ways to, bring themselves down into the emotional green zone.

And I was hoping through this conversation, we could just give them lots and lots of options that they could customize to fit best into their life and their personality and what works for them.

[00:03:21]

I love that.

And honestly, that is how I learned to build my toolbox.

 

It was through listening to podcasts, having conversations with women who have a similar goal to me and reading books. And I love, love, love, love routines ever since I got into health and wellness, which was over 15 years ago. My gateway to wellness and spirituality and then later sobriety was through yoga.

[00:03:47]

And as we all know, it’s like, when we are introduced to something that is so life changing, you want to do it all the time, you know? So, I had this routine with yoga and that really, transition me from this unhealthy lifestyle that I didn’t even know was unhealthy. And I’ve learned so much along the way and I continue to learn so much along the way.

[00:04:15]

I love to try out different things. So I can’t wait to dive into all of these tools that I’ve accumulated over the last, like over a decade. And I can’t wait to hear about yours because I having conversations like this with women who are sober. I do notice that we are, we all have a completely different journey, and I learned so much from conversations like this.

[00:04:42]

Even my co-host Erinn, she got to sobriety through AA. I’ve never been to AA, but I can, you know, really implement a lot of these things that she has.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think whatever program works for you, a lot of the principles of what we’re doing to move through cravings, to, um, learn about sobriety, to change our mindset, they’re very similar, regardless of sort of the positioning.

[00:05:18]

Of what we’re doing right, in terms of, like, your beliefs and your framework and the approach that you’re taking. So maybe, we’ll start at the beginning when you are first stopping drinking night for you and for the women you work with.

A lot of it for me was just getting through the first 2 weeks like, you know, getting out of that drinking cycle, physically not drinking on day 4 on Friday or Saturday or whatever it is.

What were the tools that you used to help you in the very beginning?

So, something I like to focus on is having tools for my physical body, my spiritual body, and my emotional body.

[00:06:02]

So looking at my day through that lens. And so we begin our day in a morning. So just having a solid morning routine. If you’re in the beginning stages of your sobriety, keeping it simple is really important. So for me, I have my non-negotiables, those really things that like are non-negotiable.

[00:06:22]

I got to do. moving my body. So, even going for a walk, having a tall glass of water and actually like writing down these things, these steps to do and just follow them. You almost have to kind of be on autopilot. You have to follow these things, but I will say just keep them really, really simple.

[00:06:38]

Um, And so, yeah, so having a solid morning routine, having emotional support tools. So even though I was never an AA, I didn’t realize I actually needed a sober community. So we ended up creating one, and it’s, it’s based on wellness, spirituality, a little bit of AA principles from Erinn and just connecting with them daily.

 [00:07:00]

I realized I needed to have these conversations about self-development, about growth, about releasing resentments and about just different things that come up in life that are related to us in the sober world.

[00:07:15]

Because I feel like 90.8 percent of people just don’t get it. And I needed to just have that community to bounce ideas off of. And even though I’m a coach there, I also need it as a community. Um, it is my anchor.

And so, having those emotional support tools, so just finding your community. And again, there are different avenues.

 

[00:07:38]

It can be through AA, it can be through online communities. It can be, you know, people start sometimes just listening to a podcast and they feel like they, You know, they know us like they can, they can connect with us or send any of us a DM. We are open to, to help out.

And so, having that, and then especially in the beginning, one of the biggest things in my toolbox was not putting so much pressure on socializing so much because I used to be a social butterfly.

 

[00:08:07]

I was a party girl in my twenties. I traveled a lot and it did involve alcohol. And so, when I decided to give up alcohol, although I was in a different stage in life because my daughter was about 6 years old then. So, I was a mom, I was in wellness. I had a really great, solid, balanced life. I was able to even moderate at the end.

[00:08:34]

And we all know that that really doesn’t work. That’s, that’s, you know, I, I, didn’t even feel good when I had a drink or two. And so that what, that is what made me decide to quit was because I’m like, this is just not working. I’m into wellness. I want to feel good. It just does not align with, who I want to become.

[00:08:55]

So yeah, I, I pretty much had to remove socializing for quite some time and it was actually longer than expected. It takes some time. and it takes a little bit of patience.

[00:09:06]

Yeah. effort, you know, to get into the flow. Like I was just mentioning to you offline, I was out this weekend and everybody around me was drinking, not excessively, but was, having conversations and just kind of like learning how to, like, who am I in these situations and what do I want to talk about?

[00:09:24]

And, you know, when do I go to bed and things like that, just getting really clear on how you will move through life without alcohol. So a big tool for that is journaling for me. Is just writing down my day. Like we mentioned, figuring out your morning routine, your evening routine. What does the sober version of you think?

 

[00:09:46]

What does she do? What does she eat? Because all of that changed for me So just getting really clear and you know writing this down is not about like really just okay. This is set in stone.

[00:10:00]

It’s about figuring out what works for you and what doesn’t work for you. So there was a lot of transitions even within these, you know, it’s been over two and a half years of me being sober.

[00:10:09]

There’s been a lot of different versions of me, and I’m still becoming different versions of me and I’m excited about that because you learn that you have so much power and so much control in guiding your life. And that’s really exciting. And they’re also spiritual tools that I have, and that is meditation.

[00:10:31]

That is prayer. That is. people that I can have spiritual conversations with that has been a big one for me. And so it’s, it’s those areas and, um, it’s going to look different for everybody, but like you said, it’s, At the end of the day, it’s kind of like the same kind of things.

[00:10:51]

Yeah. Well, and, and you pull out what works best for you.

But what I’m hearing from you is when you went into this, when you’re stopping drinking, when you’re working with people, it’s really important for people to have tools for their physical, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing that do not make you turn to alcohol or help you get through those cravings.

 

[00:11:19]

So for you, that was a morning routine. It included moving your body, eating good food, emotional support tools. So, I assume it’s like check in with your community. Connect with people when you’re struggling, when you want to drink, when you need to work on your mindset about life without alcohol.

[00:11:41]

Uh, not putting pressure to socialize.

And for me, I call that building your sober bubble, building a safe space where you can hang out and not be surrounded by alcohol all the time.

Or even for me, I’m like, hey, get the alcohol out of your house. At least get your beverage of choice out of your house because you can only use willpower for so long.

[00:12:06]

And then journaling morning and evening routine, um, envisioning a different version of yourself and guiding your life in a new direction. And then meditation and prayer for your spirituals toolbox.

 

Does that sound like the tools that you’ve been using?

Absolutely. Absolutely. And I would always say, like, my day is designed almost like a, like a retreat.

[00:12:34]

I love to really infuse my day with a lot of self-care, self-love practices. I focus on what are the thoughts I have, what are the feelings, what needs to change? There’s this constant connection to myself and this deep desire for growth.

And so, you know, for anybody listening. It’s tapping into that part of you.

[00:13:01]

And even when you’re listening to this podcast, it’s like, what lights you up? Like what would you like to try on? Because following that nudge and that voice and that intuition is going to take you to that next level. And we’re constantly doing that. And so it does not have to be all of the things that you have mentioned on this list.

[00:13:21]

I know when I got started, I remember I was around 20. And I, I decided to quit alcohol for a couple of years and I remember picking up the secret, the book. And I was, I’ve lived an unhealthy lifestyle. I was partying, you know, not eating healthy, never exercise. I just like that was not even in my, in the picture.

[00:13:47]

And one of the things, one of the exercises, it was. It said, write down your ideal life and then break it down into what is your day look like in that life. And I remember writing down, I wake up at six, I have a juice, I have my water, coffee, I read, I exercise, and I was not doing any of this. So the power of tapping into what would feel good, even though you’re far away from that.

[00:14:18]

Let me tell you, Casey, I read that letter. 8 years after, and I was like, Oh my God, this is my life. It ended up being the roadmap to the life and the day that I desire to have. And yeah, it took work, but I think it’s like you, you fire up this neural pathway in your brain and it’s like something just fires up and it’s like, Ooh, let’s figure out how to do this.

[00:14:43]

How to get there. Your brain is almost like, it’s like Google. It’s like, if you ask the right questions, like how do I become sober? Your brain starts to look for solutions when you’re constantly focused on the negative and I don’t want to feel like crap and, uh, you’re constantly on the loop of saying, you know, I’ll never drink again, but you know, that’s not the truth.

[00:15:05]

Like, it’s just kind of like refocusing what you are focusing on has been like. One of my first tools that I’m actually just even realizing as I’m talking to you right now, like that, that is like the number one thing, cause it’s, it’s, it’s all in the mind. And if you can learn how to refocus and shift and have an end goal, everything before that is just going to come to you.

[00:15:29]

It’s like listening to this podcast. Next thing you know, you’ll change a little bit about the way you eat and the way you move and things like that. The purpose is for me, the goal is to just always feel better and feel better and do better. And it, that just ends up being on autopilot versus that hamster wheel of doing the same thing and expecting different results.

[00:15:51]

Yeah. You know, it’s funny. You were saying that and I, I think what I do is, I just, in my mind, based on my personality, phrase things in different ways, but you were talking about the secret and writing down your ideal life and breaking it down to what it looks like every day. And for me, one of my big Biggest sober tools and I’ll talk about sort of the ones that came 1st or in addition to, but I’m very in vision boards.

[00:16:25]

Although, I do love the idea of manifestation, but in my mind, it is keeping the messages that you need to see keeping your bigger goal in mind every day so that you don’t say, Oh, my God, I want all these things. I want to be healthier. I want to stop drinking. I want to be happier. And then when life gets busy, when your boss is terrible, or when your schedule gets busy, or when you get invited out to a drinking event, all of that slips away and you forget what was so important to you. So when you were talking about your ideal life and breaking it down, what that looks like in a day, the first thing, like literally the first step I took was I printed out this quote and created a mini vision board and I put it on the inside door of my pantry.

[00:17:16]

So, I’d see it all the time. But it said, Hey, Create a list of things that make you happy, create a list of things you do every day, compare the lists, adjust accordingly, and when you were talking about writing down your ideal life, to me, it’s like, yes. So I went through and I was like, okay, waking up at 10 You know, here’s what I do.

[00:17:37]

I wake up with a hangover. Yeah, beat myself up for drinking too much I’m tired and defensive and resentful and I look like shit and then I go to work with anxiety Coursing through my body. I churn. I sit at my desk through lunch. I feel all the stress then I stay to the very end because I’m behind, I rush out of the office with 10 minutes to pick up my kid at daycare.

[00:18:04]

So I’m rushing in there under the gun, feeling like the worst mother ever. And then I get home and I start drinking again. And in addition to that, in the morning when I was feeling like total garbage, I also would watch cable political news, which is just designed to make you angry and fearful, resentful and all the stuff. And so, I went through and I would work out, but I would be hung over in the mornings. So, I was like, okay, that’s a list of what I do every day. Here’s a list of what makes me happy, which was, feeling good about my body and sleeping through the night and connecting with people I love and listening to music and getting away from my desk midday and going for a walk and getting a latte and all these things that were just not in alignment with the way I was living.

And the adjusting accordingly, happened suddenly, but it was like, okay, I’m no longer listening to political news. Okay, I’m locking off my calendar to go for a walk. Okay, I am working out without a hangover and a big step that took me a long time to get rid of was not drinking at night.

[00:19:16]

Because that was something that. Made me happy for a little bit, but it’s sort of like, I mean, when you think about the anxiety and the stress and the 3 am wake ups and the, you know, constant thoughts that don’t bring you any peace. That was a key component. But even just like you had your letter.

[00:19:34]

I had my quote having that top of mind reminded me that that was my goal. You know? Yeah. Yeah. And there’s such power in writing things down and I’m nowhere near it. Like I don’t journal every single day, although there are some things that I’m working towards in my life and my career and my relationships and things like that.

[00:19:58]

And I love to, because I know that it works. I write it down and there’s this process called scripting and scripting is when you are writing down things. Let’s say you want a certain lifestyle, you are scripting as if you’re already living that reality.

[00:20:17]

So it’s something like I wake up in the morning, it’s 6am, I see the sunshine you know, getting really specific with the details and just almost luxuriating in the process of what that life would be. look like. But the thing about manifesting it’s what does it feel like? So it’s a two level process.

[00:20:39]

And when I was writing that, um, that lifestyle thing that I did in my early twenties, I was tapping into the feeling of it. And there was always this, like, when you connect the feeling to the vision, That’s when things happen rapidly, you know, and another part of this is acceptance, right? So even Casey, you had to accept like, Oh my God, my life is nothing like the life that would bring me joy.

[00:21:09]

In fact, I thought that alcohol is giving me joy, but it’s actually giving me anxiety. It’s giving me depression. It’s giving me, you know, not being productive at work and all of those things. And same for me. I was. in the direction of creating my life, right? Let’s say even three years ago, my life was great, great work, you know, parenting was great, had great relationships, lifestyle, all of those things.

[00:21:35]

But when I would drink on the weekend I would have anxiety and depression for like the next three days. And that would affect my work. It would affect the things that I ate, it would affect how I was thinking. And so, I had to come to the acceptance of like, this is not healthy.

[00:21:52]

It’s not healthy for me. And that was like the breaking point. When I drank that last drink, it was a glass of Prosecco that came, it was around Valentine’s day. There was this knowing , this is going to be your last drink. And it was, it was so profound. Like it took over my whole body and I , I took a sip and whoever I was with was like, are you not going to finish?

[00:22:15]

I’m like, no. And I didn’t tell anybody anything for months. And then I met Erinn actually three months after that. And I actually told her and you know, now the rest is history, by the way. So we met at a wellness, Erinn is the cohost of the girls podcast. Yes. Yeah. She’s like, she’s, Oh my gosh, she’s my sober sister, my bestie, my work wife.

[00:22:37]

Um, we talk all day, every day. She’s like that one person that I can tell anything to. She’s in my toolbox basically got her in there. Um, but we met at a wellness event. And I remember, we almost just like magnetized towards each other and as I mentioned, I never, I didn’t really speak about my sobriety.

[00:22:58]

I knew I was going to be sober forever. That’s one thing I did know. I just, it took me a while to talk about it. Um, because I was still trying to navigate that, but I did mention it to her and she was like, Oh my gosh, I’ve been an AA for, I don’t know, I think it was like two or three years at that time.

[00:23:16]

And we really connected on that. And that to me was like, okay, like I can talk to you about anything because I know the people who are deciding to be sober. There’s so much depth in that person. So I know I can talk to you, Casey, about so many different things, right? It’s like, you’ve been there, you know, you’re like, I want deep conversations and, and that to me is really important.

[00:23:43]

So, um, yeah, that’s, that’s how I met Erinn. You know, what’s funny, and, and I love that we, Are so different because I know some people listening to this will feel one way and some people will feel the other but you said with your last drink, you had this knowing. And you knew that you would be sober forever. And as opposed to me, I had been trying, I mean, I had tried to do Dry January.

[00:24:14]

I ended up stopping drinking on February 18th and, you know, made all the New Year’s resolutions, made all the promises to myself. By the way, I had that quote in front of me since January 1st. So it only took me 6 weeks to actually have my last day one, but I had to add. A lot of more sober tools, but as opposed to you knowing, I had no idea that my last day one would leave me eight and a half years in the future.

[00:24:43]

I had, had lost so much trust in myself. Like, despite all the promises, I had never made it. In two years past four days, so I would make all the promises. I’d white knuckle it I’d tell myself I’d get rid of all the alcohol and then on day four My mind would tell me all the reasons, you know, screw it whatever And then I’d go another four days and drink a bottle of wine and I was like well Two bottles of wine in seven days is a lot better than seven or eight, which is true, but I was still not happy.

[00:25:17]

So, you said you knew you would be sober forever. I yeah, but it took a while. Yeah, but it took a while. There was like two years, like when my daughter was born, I didn’t drink for two years, but it was a never, it was not a solid, like I’m never going to drink. I just didn’t drink because we didn’t get any sleep.

[00:25:35]

I was a full time single mom and there was just no way I was going out to have a drink. Right. And I was never a drinker who drank at home by myself ever. And, um, you know, occasionally maybe a glass of, Prosecco or champagne or something like that, if I had friends over, but, you know, then after COVID happened and, and, and, you know, I started to drink.

[00:25:57]

The thing is like, I always say I was sober curious for like 10 years. Yeah. But it was never with a plan to stop drinking. It was always with a plan to figure it out, to either moderate or to be super healthy and then, you know, be able to let loose every once in a while. And so I had that and I, I would say maybe like a year before I decided this.

[00:26:25]

I was never going to drink again. It was a process. So, you know, and, and it was possibly just becoming more aware and realizing, okay, this is not working. And it was not like, okay, this is not working. So I’m never going to do it again. It was like, this just doesn’t feel good. This doesn’t feel good. And I was listening to that because of my practices of being mindful and all of that.

[00:26:46]

And I was able to tie that to my moderate drinking. Um, and that’s why I think I kept it to myself for, you know, a few months because I was like, this doesn’t make sense that like, if I told this to somebody, they’ll like, even to this day, they’ll like, you never had an alcohol problem. I’m like, I know, but I just hated the way I felt.

[00:27:11]

And what boggles my mind is like, people still don’t get that, but they do because they will wake up the next day and they’re like, oh my gosh, I hated the hangover and all of that. And I’m like, how do you not piece it together? You know, and, and, and I know it’s a process for everybody. It’s, it could take years or it could be instant, whatever that is.

[00:27:30]

But having that goal in mind and my goal in mind always is to wake up every single day of my life and feel refreshed, feel alive, feel happy doing things that bring me joy. And so that doesn’t mean every other day or once a week I want to feel like crap because I want to have a drink. So that to me was like that.

[00:27:52]

Like it’s time to break up. Yeah. You know what? So you said you were sober curious for 10 years. I was, worried about my drinking, but terrified to tell anyone about it. God forbid, they should, you know, tell me to stop drinking. That’s my worst case scenario. So, but what’s interesting when you’re talking about this in being sober curious, like, When I was gearing up to stop drinking, I listened to all the sober podcasts.

[00:28:26]

I read the Quit Lit. I was a member of a group where lots of people were trying to stop drinking. I’d had some periods of sobriety when I was pregnant with my daughter, where I knew I felt better. And so what I would say is that, Right now this podcast or another podcast or the Quit Lit books or the group like that is part of your sober toolbox.

[00:28:52]

So, yes, if you haven’t stopped drinking yet, you are building up your sober toolbox by listening to this right now, if you’re in sobriety. Listening to this podcast and reading the books and being part of the groups, that’s part of your sober toolbox to maintain, your sobriety, meaning it reminds you of why not drinking is a good idea.

[00:29:15]

It inspires you by seeing other people who have made this lifestyle change and say they feel better. It reminds you of the things that you should do. To continue with not drinking or to stop drinking. And so podcasts and books and groups, they were a huge part of my sober toolbox. Absolutely. I think it was eight months before that decision.

[00:29:45]

Cause I remember it was summertime. I was at our pool. And I, something told me to pick up the book, um, quit like a woman and I’ve never read a quit lit book. And I think to this day it was like the only one

[00:30:00]

I really kind of finished. And there was just really to this day, well, Yeah. Cause I think, I mean, I think I had so many other tools and, and, and things that like that was the one that I remember I was reading.

[00:30:14]

I remember taking it to the sauna and I was just so amazed at how authentic she was at explaining her, her journey. And I was like, I’ve never. You know, I read a lot of books and they’re usually self-development or spiritual or sometimes wellness and nobody gets like so raw and real. And I was like, Oh my God, I never even thought about like some things that she would write.

[00:30:41]

I’m like, Oh my gosh, I did that. Oh my gosh, I did that. And I’ve never talked about it. I’ve never like expressed it. I’ve never read about it. And so, it took me a while of thinking like, Oh my gosh, so she’s been through that. And that’s something that I’ve been through. And she had a journey and it was just like the desire, like, Oh, I wonder what my life would be like completely sober.

[00:31:06]

Cause now, I started like reading the statistics and things that, like that would just come through again. Once you open up a certain thought in your brain, like you’re just going to start attracting more of that. So, having that curiosity and openness and willingness to try different things and just look at things differently is such a superpower and yes, I was able to do that, but it took a while.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson 

Hi there. If you’re listening to this episode, and have been trying to take a break from drinking, but keep starting and stopping and starting again, I want to invite you to take a look at my on demand coaching course, The Sobriety Starter Kit®.

 

The Sobriety Starter Kit® is an online self study sober coaching course that will help you quit drinking and build a life you love without alcohol without white knuckling it or hating the process. The course includes the exact step by step coaching framework I work through with my private coaching clients, but at a much more affordable price than one on one coaching. And the sobriety starter kit is ready, waiting and available to support you anytime you need it. And when it fits into your schedule. You don’t need to work your life around group meetings or classes at a specific day or time.

This course is not a 30 day challenge, or a one day at a time approach. Instead, it’s a step by step formula for changing your relationship with alcohol. The course will help you turn the decision to stop drinking, from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

You will sleep better and have more energy, you’ll look better and feel better. You’ll have more patience and less anxiety. And with my approach, you won’t feel deprived or isolated in the process. So if you’re interested in learning more about all the details, please go to www.sobrietystarterkit.com. You can start at any time and I would love to see you in the course. 

 

[00:31:31]

Yeah. You know, it’s interesting. I am feeling my age here because, um, as you were talking about that, about Quit Like A Woman and you reading it. So, I was part of Holly Whitaker’s like 3rd Hip Sobriety School group. And that was 2 years before she wrote the group. So I met her. Virtually, and online through her home podcast with Laura McKowen and then joined her group.

[00:32:00]

But I think you stopped drinking 6 years after I stopped, but 8 years after my initial try. So, the world of sobriety support was, was very, very different.

Yes. And at the same time, the, inspiration was similar. So, the first book I read was Drinking A Love Story by Carolyn Knapp. And that, you know, has a picture of a woman with red wine on the cover.

[00:32:31]

And I just, you know, that, even that phrase, drinking a love story, I was like, oh shit. And that is an incredibly compelling memoir and then also Glennon Doyle, who a lot of people know through the, we can do hard things podcast, wrote a book very early that was called, Carry On, Warrior. And. It’s all about motherhood and different parts of her life.

[00:33:00]

She’s very raw and honest in the way she writes it. But there was one chapter that basically was saying to my sober friend on her day one.

[00:33:09]

And I wrote a whole blog about it. I’ll link to it, but it was just so powerful and so inspirational. That really helped me.

[00:33:20]

And when you talk about journaling, the minute I finished drinking a love story, I wrote myself a letter in a word document that I hid and buried in my docs and like, and I was like, Oh my God, I have a drinking problem. This is a big deal. Like, I need to stop. I wrote that on a Tuesday. On Thursday, I came back over the top of it, like pushed it down and literally was like, just kidding.

[00:33:48]

Nothing to see here. There is no problem. Like talk about like, it was such a of that, but journaling the fact that you like capture. Those emotions of, oh shit and keeping that those things build up.

Yeah, yeah. It’s returning to yourself over and over and over because it’s about not abandoning yourself.

[00:34:16]

So that version of you that has Spilled her guts out and her thoughts and emotions like yeah, you needed to spend time with her and a lot of times it’s easier to shut her out and You I’m studying a little bit about like parts work. And so this sounds to me, it’s like different parts of you, right? We all have different parts of ourselves and spending with different parts of ourselves in this way allows you to have compassion and also move towards something that You are desiring let’s say right, but it’s a process and it’s not one of those things like once and done Okay, I’m going to write this letter to myself and that’s it.

You have to have this commitment to keep returning back to yourself to that truth. Even if it feels ugly, even if it feels shameful. You got to do it. You. There’s no other way. Otherwise, it’s you’re going to be living in it, with it, until you face it. You. And there’s always ways to transform that energy, but not if you are just numbing it.

[00:35:26]

So, would I recommend a tangible tool that our listeners can do today? is get a piece of paper and write down all of the tools that came up in this conversation and then continue to list. Take a deep breath, put your hand on your chest and just close your eyes and just take a deep breath and connect to your intuition and ask, what Um, other tools or things do I need to do to get to the desired state that I want to be and then even take it a step further and, and describe that desired state.

[00:36:06]

How do you want to feel when you wake up, you know, use one of our exercises that we shared that we’d done personally that, that really helped us to get clear. On where are we going? Because it’s not enough to just say, I don’t want to drink. You, your brain needs a roadmap and it needs something to get excited about.

[00:36:28]

So, dreaming big. It’s not about like, Oh, I’ll never get there. Like when I write down a big dream and I do this all the time, like I train my mind to get really excited about it and figure out what do I need to do in my day to move the needle forward. So I can be that person. So I can reach that goal because nothing is permanent.

[00:36:55]

We are fluid beings, energies constantly flowing and moving.

And of course, when you are doing the same thing, you’re thinking the same thing, you’re doing the same thing, you’re eating the same thing, you’re drinking the same thing, you’re going to have the same life. So it feels like things can feel a bit stuck when you’re in that, when you’re in that zone.

[00:37:14]

But when you begin to explore and try things like you’re going to start shifting your energy, you’re going to start healing your brain, healing your gut, improving your relationships. And it’s those little, like just little things. Now, when I wake up, like, I can’t believe this is my life. Like I can, because I, I’ve worked at this every day in my past.

[00:37:36]

Like I have really journaled on the life that I want, and now I’m living it. You know, it’s amazing. Like I never would have thought if you knew me when I was 18, 19, I was wild. I was a wild girl, you know, still good hearted, did crazy things and I didn’t care about my body. I hated my body.

[00:38:00]

I spoke so negatively about my body, like most of my young adult life, you know, had an eating disorder.

[00:38:07]

Like, I mean, when All of the things. And it wasn’t until I found yoga where they talked about self-compassion and, you know, breathing in love and exhaling gratitude. I’m like, okay, that’s weird, but okay, I’ll try it. It was like a solo journey because I was like the only person in my friend group that has done that.

[00:38:31]

And, I joke, like I live to. I live double lives. I had this like spiritual girl who would go to Barnes and Nobles for an entire day and read. And then, I would go out at night and like, you know, till like three, four in the morning, drinking, partying, going to the city. Cause I thought that was like the life that I wanted.

[00:38:53]

I thought that was fabulous. That’s, I was creating that because I thought that was fun. I thought that was desirable. I thought that was, that meant that I have the time freedom to do anything that I want. And like, I just went for it And I went hard just like I’m going hard in the wellness. You know, my own wellness journey, you know, when you’re talking about that, it made me think of the idea of like, you need some tools to maintain emotional sobriety to manage your emotions so that you don’t get too angry, resentful, tired, overwhelmed stress, you know, too high.

[00:39:36]

And so, for you, it definitely sounds like it’s that personal improvement, meditation, spirituality, like ways to regulate your nervous system. Yes. For me, it was a lot of the same. I am not spiritual, just don’t happen to be, although I’m like, yeah, karma put it out in the universe. You could talk about it.

[00:39:58]

Yeah. No, no. But it wasn’t a huge part of my journey. Neither was meditation. But those emotional sobriety tools I used was therapy. Better boundaries, medication for anxiety, exercise, which helped me get that out of my body. And yeah, listening to podcasts, not even sobriety ones that would reset my mindset around what was important and how to view life from a place of hope versus fear, because I was very, so, you know, regardless of your choice, I think, putting in your toolbox some, some things that help you maintain emotional sobriety or sort of in that, in that green zone away from anxiety and depression, um, away from like sort of manic celebration. You know, like you were saying, going out till four in the morning, something that keeps you balanced in the middle, whatever that tool is for you is really important.

[00:41:00]

Yeah, and the other thing that I really focused on, and I really embrace in my life, which I think a lot of times people are scared to do, and I don’t know why, is, um, Um, working on shifting my identity and right. And you know, I identified as this really fun party girl, right. Pretty much my entire twenties from like, from when I was 14, when I had my first drink till I was about 28, 29, when I became pregnant.

[00:41:33]

And while I, I did have certain moments, like a year or two here and there that I didn’t drink, I was still partying. I was still out. I was still, I was like, I I’m this party girl. Like, so being, becoming a mom really helped me to lean into a different identity. And it was almost like an excuse of like, Oh, I can go out, I’m home.

[00:41:51]

And I really leaned into that. And then there was this season where I was like, I miss my party version self. Like I really was like, is this going to be my life? Am I just going to be a mom and a business owner? And while that’s great, I just didn’t feel fully fulfilled. And I think I was like yearning for, I didn’t really have proper closure, you know, like I didn’t work through that.

[00:42:16]

So, what I’m, what I’m trying to say is honor different parts of yourself or different identities that you’ve had in the past and, and find a way to close that chapter, whether it is through journaling, whether it is through talk therapy or meditation, because we have to energetically shift from that state into another embodied version of ourselves again.

[00:42:41]

Mm-hmm . It’s the one that we desire to be, I, there’s a specific list and specific things that I desire to embody, and that part of me accepts that party girl version of me and loves her. And, and, you know, I can still have a great time and go out, but it’s, it’s, for me, it’s like. It’s in a more classy way.

[00:43:03]

It’s in a more sophisticated way. And, um, the other thing I was going to say that I wanted to touch on was that nervous system regulation. It was through working on my nervous system that is, that was the key that I needed to do. And so this entire year, that is something that I’ve been focusing on is regulating my nervous system, making sure I’m in that, you know, whatever you call it, the green zone, right?

[00:43:30]

Yeah, the emotional green zone. Right. But that’s for everything in life. So even when you become sober, , there will be other things that we are working through. This is, this is not it for us. Right. So for me, it was the emotional regulation. And so how did you do that nervous system regulation?

[00:43:46]

Cause I want to give listeners an idea of like specific tools they could try. Yeah, I, uh, I talked to, I had conversations with Erinn. I was able to explore that and it was a safe space. So that was one tool. So finding, finding that one person, like it doesn’t have to be a group. It doesn’t have to be like, it has to be somebody that you fully trust that sees you in your highest.

[00:44:14]

So Erinn knows my goals and dreams. So she sees, she already sees me as that. I see her as that. And anybody that I work with, I see them as that highest version of themselves. So when they come to me and they’re dysregulated, I try to, you know, so same with me when I was dysregulated, she would bring me to a state of like, okay, but where are we going with this?

[00:44:33]

What, what tool do you need? What do you need to work through? And for me, it was things that would come up that I went through as a child, like traumatic things.

[00:44:41]

So it was just being with myself, hard emotions, knowing that they will pass. So that’s, that was my tool. So it was just learning different ways to cope.

[00:44:52]

Learning ways to sit through hard emotions and realizing that they will pass. And do you use breath work or movement conversations with Erinn? I do breath work all day long. literally all day long. I focus on deep belly breaths. I focus on relaxing my body. I, in the past, I used to have even like alarms, like silent alarms on my phone.

[00:45:17]

It would be notifications that pop up and it would either have a mantra or, you know, deep breath connect to God. I that’s, it’s what I connect with. And I still have a few throughout the day. And now even before it, you know, I have one at 10 a. m. Uh, let me, let me tell you what it says. Yeah. I like to get really specific.

[00:45:36]

Um, so I have one at 10 a.m. and even before it rings, so it’s like a little vibration I have, it says stay in the vibration you prefer, stay in the appropriate frequency. And what that means to me is stay connected to. the state that you want to be in. And 10 a.m. is usually the time where I transition from my self-love, self-care.

[00:46:00]

You know, I get my daughter to school. I, I usually do my workout and then I’m transitioning into like work mode and it’s like a full day. And so I need that transition reminder and that connection to breath. So anytime I have these pop up, I take deep breaths, sometimes two to three. And I do about, I do them like 20 times a day, all day.

[00:46:23]

Sometimes I do a specific breath work practice, like four, seven, eight, or a box breathing or a psychological breath. Um, there’s so many out there, but I recommend breath is, is, you know, I should have said this in the beginning. Breath is like one of my number one tools. We breathe every single day. We take a lot of breaths a day and when we just take that shallow breath that gives your body a certain response and that’s either fight or flight or that rest and restore.

[00:46:54]

So, you’re either in the parasympathetic nervous system or sympathetic nervous system. And so, we want to be in the parasympathetic nervous system, which is the rest and digest. And no matter what’s going on around you, even if it’s chaos, even if it’s loud, even if you’re socializing, get connected to your breath.

[00:47:13]

When you deepen the breath, you’re telling your body that you’re okay. And I like to pair that with, I am safe because I never really felt safe. I realized that as well is, and I tell myself, I am safe. We are safe all as well, deep breath. And I begin to feel my body to relax and I’m able to, whether it’s an emotion or whether it’s something that I actually physically have to do, like I do it in a more present state.

[00:47:42]

And so, the outcome is very different. When I, you know, Um, when I sit down to eat again, making sure I’m hungry, blessing my food, connecting with my food, taking a pause to take a deep breath. When I do that, I digest [00:48:00] my food and I, I can, I can feel the difference from when I eat like quickly on the go versus actually savoring the meal and actually putting the phone away.

[00:48:10]

That was another thing I had to do was less phone time during the day. Um, my digestion’s never been better. Yeah. So, it’s things like that you’re able to digest life in such a more, it’s in such a better way.

Yeah. I, you know, when I hear that sort of as your emotional sobriety tool, talking about mindset, talking about breath work, You also talked about finding someone you trust who sees you at your highest level, sitting through hard emotions, knowing they can pass.

[00:48:45]

I totally agree that those are fantastic tools for emotional sobriety. I also, when I get really anxious, I do box breathing just because it’s a really good way for me to, get those feelings out of my body or I go for a long walk. That is huge. I mean, we were talking about last week on our mastermind call, like, while it’s important to share your feelings, right.

[00:49:12]

And we preach that because like, don’t keep feelings in. You got to make sure you’re talking to a spiritually fit person, because if you’re talking to a person who doesn’t see you at your highest, you know, secretly, they might be happy. You’re going through something bad and, and, you know, their words might be different than their energy and, it’s all synergy here.

[00:49:32]

Right. And so people who see the best in you and who make you come alive. Like when you’re like, who do I feel my best around? Who sees the best in me? Yes. Find, spend more time with those people, people who drag you down, try to edit them into smaller parts of your life. Usually people that you hung, hang out with and just have like drinking buddies, like those are not it.

[00:50:00]

Probably. And it could be your mother or your spouse or your sister, just people who bring you down. Yeah. And that’s right, make you feel like you’re not enough. Um, you may not be able to totally not spend time with them, but you are allowed to edit the impact they have on. Well, because I dream so big, I’ve learned not to share my dreams with.

[00:50:24]

Um, most of the people in my life, and so be really discerning with who you share your dreams and goals with, whether it’s about sobriety, whether it’s about where you want to travel to, like really do that inner work of being solid with certain things and then just finding that one spiritual fit person.

[00:50:43]

Like that is like, that is key in that sense. Yeah, and it’s, it is very hard to have a positive life if you are surrounded by negative people. It just is.

So definitely, in terms of your emotional sobriety toolbox, concentrate very hard on who you are spending your most time with. Time with, and by the way, it doesn’t have to be a physical person.

 

[00:51:08]

It can be books and podcasts. If you don’t have those people in your life or in addition to it. One of the things I listened to on repeat is, Jen Sincero’s book. You are a badass on audio because I just needed that voice in my head. That was a great book. Right. I love it. And so what, you know, some people like Gabrielle Bernstein’s, the universe has your back?

[00:51:35]

Yeah. She’s a little bit too woo woo ethereal for me. For me, I’m like, dude, I need Jen Sincero, but whatever it is that like makes you. I like both. Way. I’m both. Yeah. I like the woo woo. And I also like the practical and I love to.

You know, always, whether it’s a podcast, whether it’s a book, whatever that takeaway is, I always take like a little bit of time after listening to something to be like, what is my action step?

[00:52:08]

So, again, for the listeners, like asking yourself, what is your action step? Perhaps the action step can be writing down a list of tools that we’ve talked about. Like we just mentioned that an action step can be writing yourself a letter or. You know, even look up scripting, scripting on how to do it. Uh, look up how to do a vision board, do a Pinterest vision board.

[00:52:29]

If that’s what interests you, if you like a digital one, like there’s so many fun things that we get to do. And that’s the best thing about sobriety. I was like looking at my day today and my week in general, the things that I get done in a week, I used to get done in two months. Yeah. And on top of it, I have thriving relationships.

[00:52:51]

I, I don’t really start work to like 10 because I love a slow morning and I love to, you know, walk into my day, work day, like feeling relaxed. I don’t want to be stressed. But yet at the same time, everything gets done. Even with a leisurely way of living. That was another thing I was like, I need to stop rushing to things and rushing around.

[00:53:13]

And like, what, where’s the race that, where are we racing to into the last possible moment? I was like triggering my, my stress hormones. That’s right. Yeah. So actually that was, that’s another nervous system regulation tool is, um, I did a podcast episode on feminine energy. So I’ve been really studying that the last like four or five months.

[00:53:38]

So, something that I’m studying right now, like, I’m always learning something, but like studying about the attachment styles and then leaning more into your feminine energy. And I’m practicing these things. Uh, and it’s through books, it’s through podcasts, it’s through just. whatever it comes to me. Right.

[00:53:55]

And it’s so beautiful. Um, but something about feminine energy tapping into that, because a lot of women tend to live in the masculine because we’re these boss babes and we, you know, we’re running households. We have kids. It’s, it’s, it’s a lot. Even mothering can be masculine because you’re like so diligent, right.

[00:54:14]

Versus allowing yourself to be in the flow. So allowing myself to be more feminine and do things that Like just savor the day and not rush has been so enriching for my nervous system. Like it just even talking about it now, it’s like, Oh, it’s like a velvet. It feels so good. You know? Yeah. Yeah. All right.

[00:54:37]

I am here. Do you mind if I summarize some of the tools? that I’ve been hearing you talk about and that I’ve chimed in with, cause I think it’ll help people. Um, so we talked a lot about emotional sobriety tools and went through, you know, the idea with this is like, pick one, pick two that resonates with you, and then you can add on, right?

[00:55:02]

Don’t try to do everything at once, but you want to build on your support. So we talked about. Therapy, meditation, breath work, um, nervous system regulation, uh, people who support you, finding people who see your best self and who lift you up, which means editing the negative people around you, um, having positive messages in your ear, either through those people or through.

[00:55:32]

Books or personal development work or people who resonate with you? The ability to move to be outside to get some fresh air, to not rush. Not triggering your stress hormones by your schedule or overloading your commitments and then, also, being careful about what you eat and drink. Was there any other?

[00:55:58]

I would say, journaling, connecting to your vision, crafting your new identity and get really excited about it. Like, I get really specific with like, you know, how does she feel when she wakes up? What does she think when a problem arises? How does she react when somebody offers her a drink?

[00:56:20]

What does she say? How does she say it? What’s her body language? What does she wear? Cause things have evolved. Like everything has evolved for me. Once I quit drinking, it’s like my wardrobe has changed. My, my workflow has changed.

[00:56:34]

I, I make sure I’m, I’m working with people that I truly want to be working with and I have those boundaries and just having deep love and respect for myself. Like, and so, yeah, crafting with that version of you, of woman that you want to be. Curate a way that you can connect with her every single day versus connecting with the older version of you and thinking what you have done wrong and what you could have done differently.

[00:57:02]

We need to stop doing that. We need to stop focusing on the past and start, being in the present moment, but have something to look forward to. Um, and aligning to that every single day. So through breath work, through meditation, like you can breathe her in, I mean, you could, you could do all kinds of things, you know, like step into her, you know.

And last thing, I know we’re almost done here, but the other thing that I’ve been focusing on is, you know, Um, every single day, whether I have somewhere to go or not, I dress up and I do my hair and I do my makeup.

[00:57:36]

Now, it’s not like a full on glam. Um, I have a five minute routine of this. I keep my hair really simple. I have, you know, almost like a uniform that I wear, but I’m always polished and put together because I don’t want to feel off on, let’s say Sunday just because I’m not going anywhere. I want to feel on.

[00:57:57]

I, if I go to the grocery store and I run out, like, I want to. I want to feel presentable. I want to feel good. To me, that’s a level of self-respect. And so, that’s shifted my week where, you know, instead of waiting till my daughter gets off the bus and then showering, I make sure I shower and do my hair and makeup as I’m before I drop her off.

[00:58:15]

So I, I can have time to work out. And then I’m not like, you know, it’s not like 12 o’clock and I’m like, Oh my gosh, I got to start my day. So, it’s like shifting little things in your day. Um, But again, that’s connecting to that version of me that I want to be and that I am now. Can I read you something that I was thinking about as you said this?

[00:58:37]

Yeah. So, uh, she wrote in, Carry On, Warrior by Glennon Doyle

Day one, and it starts with a greeting to my friend on her first sober morning. And when you were talking about doing things that make you feel good, like doing your hair and get up. She, she wrote, she said, these are the steps you take. They are plain as mud.

Get out of bed. Don’t lie there and think. Thinking is the key for death for us. Just move. Take a shower. Sing to yourself while you’re in there. The stupider you feel, the better. Giggle at yourself alone. Joy for your own sake. But then this part. Put on some makeup. Blow dry your hair. Wear something nice that makes you feel grown up.

If you have nothing, go buy something. Today is not the day to worry too much about money. Invest in coffee, caffeinated or decaf. Read your daughter a story. Don’t think about other things. Pay attention to the words. Braid your girl’s hair. Clean the sink. Read good, like it just like, I love that so much. To be your thing, but, it just helps. And the line I like is she says, don’t worry about whether you like doing these things or not. You are going to hate everything for a long while. And the fact is, you don’t even know what you like or hate. Do these things regardless about how you feel about these things, because these little things done over and over eventually add up to a life, a good one.

[01:00:13]

That’s right. That’s right. It’s all those little steps.

Oh, my gosh. That’s really beautiful. I love that. It is my favorite. And there’s a lot more to that.

So, as we wrap up, we gave you a ton of tools, different ones, depending on who you are. The big ones that, that I heard that if you’re like, okay, I heard a million things.

[01:00:36]

Um, a lot of it is around mindset. A lot of it is around physical body and schedule. We talked about audio books, podcasts, messages of sober support, like really focusing on positive and support messages around sobriety specifically, and journaling, vision board, scripting, that’s around the life you want to live, the person you want to be.

 

 

[01:01:02]

You know how you get to evolve. We talked about food and beverages that will help you get through a craving, help your body feel good, help you feel satisfied and indulged. We talked about community and support, connecting with people who get it.

[01:01:17]

Michaela said stop socializing for a long time. She drank outside of the home. For me, I drank at home a lot. So, for me, I needed a safe space in my home to retreat, and I needed to remove all of the alcohol out of my house. That was the way I avoided it. We talked a ton about nervous system regulation and tools you could use for emotional sobriety, new evening routines.

[01:01:47]

I think that was it. But we went through all of those ideas.

So just breaking them down into categories,

what you are trying to do is to remove alcohol, to add things into your life that help you cope with the triggers that made you drink. Shifting your mindset around getting away from drinking and making it a positive and empowered choice and connecting with people who give you accountability and working through all the shit that’s underneath why you drink, which is where therapy and meditation and sifting through trauma if you have it or whatever it is comes in.

 

[01:02:30]

Beautiful. And I’ll add, lastly for me, it’s, uh, it’s connecting to my higher self and having that to guide me. Cause even as, as we’re speaking here, all the things that I do, it’s We’re not by ourselves. Like we’re not alone. Like it’s just whatever you call that higher self for yourself for me. It’s God just connecting to that and that step like I know it can feel so overwhelming.

[01:03:00]

The next step will be provided to you, you know And then the next step and then the next step you just have to be willing to allow yourself to be led to that.

[01:03:10]

Yeah, absolutely. So I’ll just say, thank you so much, Michaela. Thank you for coming on. This was incredibly helpful. And I loved having your tools and your perspectives.

Uh, thank you so much for having me on.

Well, so tell us all how people can find you, work with you, follow up, if people are inspired and want to, want to connect with you, what’s the best way to do that?

So, I love Instagram. So you can find me @healthwithmichaela on Instagram, and I also have health with Michaela website and health with Michaela podcast.

[01:03:44]

So that’s my own thing. And then, my other podcast, 2 sober girls podcast, that’s more tailored towards sobriety and wellness. And we are @2sobergirlspodcast on Instagram, and we just started a website at 2sobergirls.com. And we have a really amazing blog and you know, if you want to sign up for our newsletter, there are tons of amazing things that we are doing.

[01:04:08]

And so yeah, connect with me, send me a DM. I love to hear from you and you know, if there’s a way that I can help, I do take one on one clients. Um, Depending on what season I’m in, um, but you can inquire about that if that’s available. And, um, yeah, I wish everyone, you know, an amazing journey because it is a journey and it is a lifestyle.

[01:04:35]

All of the things that we just talked about, take it in. Start one to two things and build on it. Like Casey said, cause that’s truly how I was able to create my life. And now I can tell you like 50 things that I do in a day and that’s how you do it. Because I started with one thing.

[01:04:54]

Yes. And, your partner in 2 Sober Girls is Erinn O’Neill. She was on my podcast earlier, specifically talking about Al-Anon. So how it can help you if you’re living with a partner who drinks problematically and Also, she talked about rehab because she went to inpatient rehab, and that’s something I don’t have experience with.

[01:05:24]

But if you want, you know, she gives a lot of advice of what to look have at in rehab if you’re interested, what her experience. Is and was and how that helped. And Erinn is also, she participated in a 12 step program, AA.

So, if she still does, yeah, so if you want any of that perspective, it’s episode 227 and you can go to hellosomedaycoaching.com/227 to find it. Erinn and Michaela do all the 2 sober girls podcast and work together and it’s fantastic!

And we have our private community as well. So you get both of us, you get the perspective of, we’re both wellness coaches, and she, you know, any questions that any of our members have in terms of AA and some women do really need that, you know, and so she’s an amazing resource for that as well.