SUMMARY KEYWORDS

drinking, alcohol, people, life, sobriety, women, sober, podcast, listening, reach out, stop, habits, celebrating, Hello Someday, One Year, episode, feel, big, wine, day, starter kit, reward, helped, long, surprised, amazed, happy, grateful, thank you, tools, lessons, real conversations, alcohol-free movement for women

SPEAKER: Casey McGuire Davidson 

00:02

Welcome to the Hello Someday Podcast, the podcast for busy women who are ready to drink less and live more. I’m Casey McGuire Davidson, ex-red wine girl turned life coach helping women create lives they love without alcohol. But it wasn’t that long ago that I was anxious, overwhelmed, and drinking a bottle of wine and night to unwind. I thought that wine was the glue, holding my life together, helping me cope with my kids, my stressful job and my busy life. I didn’t realize that my love affair with drinking was making me more anxious and less able to manage my responsibilities.

In this podcast, my goal is to teach you the tried and true secrets of creating and living a life you don’t want to escape from.

Each week, I’ll bring you tools, lessons and conversations to help you drink less and live more. I’ll teach you how to navigate our drinking obsessed culture without a bus, how to sit with your emotions, when you’re lonely or angry, frustrated or overwhelmed, how to self soothe without a drink, and how to turn the decision to stop drinking from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

I am so glad you’re here. Now let’s get started.

Hi there. I wanted to start off this podcast today by saying thank you. Seriously, thank you. It was one year ago that I put out my first episode of the Hello Someday podcast. And in the last year, I have been surprised and a little bit scared every time I release an episode. But mostly surprised and happy and grateful and amazed to see women listening to this and reaching out and telling me that the podcast is helping them and connecting over it. Launching this podcast has been incredible and one of the most exciting and satisfying projects that I’ve ever done.

 

I’ve released 57 episodes with 46 incredible guests. And we’ve just hit 70,000 downloads, I’ve been lucky enough to be able to reach out to some of my absolute favorite authors and leaders in the alcohol free movement for women, the people who inspired me, and helped me when I was walking away from alcohol, and have real conversations with them about all the things in life. And I’ve talked to some incredible healers, and basically gotten an hour of free therapy, and coping tools and inspiration from other coaches on topics that I know have helped me and I hope to have helped you too. And in this last year, I’ve also released 13 solo episodes on the topics that I think are really important in helping women walk away from alcohol, stuff like strategies for your very first week, and the mistakes a lot of women make when quitting drinking, the mistakes that I made before I was able to figure out the shortcuts, and the tips and tricks to leaving drinking and walking away, both successfully. And happily, I have an episode on how to deal with feeling blocked or feeling bored when you’re stopping drinking, and all the tools you need in your sober toolbox. And also the things I’ve learned in the five years since I quit drinking, the things that have surprised me, and what I didn’t know when I got started. So in this episode, I pulled together to share with you some of my absolute favorite moments of the podcast of the last year, the things that my guests have shared that really stuck with me, that gave me new coping tools, and maybe rethink my own ideas, my perceptions and the approaches I’ve taken not just in the beginning in life without alcohol. But also now with everything we deal with every day. I feel like a big part of this journey is just continuing to grow, continuing to learn more about yourself, continuing to connect with bigger ideas and learning and that is something I love.

 

04:28

But most of all on this podcast, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing it. Thank you for reaching out and telling me the parts that helped you and made you laugh or helped empower you or feel less alone or just realize that it’s all going to be okay. I can’t tell you how much it means to me.

 

04:52

And as part of this episode, I really wanted to give something back to you. So I’m going to tell you about two things. I’m doing this

 

05:00

This week, to hopefully help you a bit more on your journey to drink less and live more. So the first thing is for this next week from today, which is May 13. through next Thursday, which is May 20. I’m taking $50 off the price of my sober coaching course, to celebrate the one year of this podcast. So you can get it right now for $299 Instead of the usual $349. That’s for a single payment, and there’s also a payment plan. So you can get started for less and pay over three months, the course is really good. And I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t believe it. And I truly think it will help you on your journey to feeling better and getting out of the drinking cycle.

 

05:53

It includes my entire coaching framework that I work through with my private one on one coaching clients. Everything you need from how to get through your first two weeks, step by step and day by day, to moving all the way through day 100 and beyond. It will help you take a look at your habits, how you’ve set up your schedule and your environment to help you succeed and not self-sabotage. We’ll help you figure out what your triggers really are. Because they may not be what you think they are, and how to add support just when you need them. So you don’t trip yourself up and have to restart again. There is a whole module around navigating sobriety challenges, milestones, and vacations, Fuckit moments and emotions like overwhelm, frustration, boredom, loneliness, resentment.

 

06:51

In the course, we talk about how to navigate the mommy wine culture, or the drinking equals female empowerment culture, and how to talk to your partner about what you’re doing without labels in a way that makes you comfortable. But that lets you ask for the help you need, including how to ask that your drink of choice, the one that makes you want to pick it up and have a glass or have a bottle not be in the house for a period of time, so you can get some sober momentum. There’s also a big section on how to apply the principles of what works for long term positive habits and behavior change specifically tailored to stopping drinking. And it’s based on the work in the book atomic habits. by James clear, there are lessons to help you work on emotional sobriety, setting healthy boundaries and how to say no, without feeling like a bitch, or a slacker how to protect your sober momentum, and let go of what’s been holding you back or weighing you down all your fears and assumptions. And that really loud inner critic voice that tells you that you’re not good enough, or that you need to hustle all the time. And we also talk about how to build the new specific steps to start creating the life you really love, and how to figure out what you actually love. What lights you up more than one. It includes 50 videos in eight modules with a ton of supporting PDFs and guides and audio downloads. So you can listen to it on a walk or why doing dishes or in your car while you’re commuting. So if you’re stuck in the drinking cycle, with deciding not to drink, saying fuck it and drinking again, and waking up and feeling like crap, if you’re in that cycle, you really deserve to add the course to your toolkit. And if you’re past the beginning part, but you’re still kind of dealing with how do I go on vacation? How do I talk to my friends? And my sure I really want to do this for longer. Could I moderate again, the course will help you to

 

09:04

the women who’ve invested in the sobriety starter kit have told me that it’s often the last piece that they need to kick the drinking cycle to the curb. And you can read what some of them have said about it at the website, www dot sobriety starter kit calm, but I wanted to share a few things that they’ve said. Morgan said that she wished she’d found the program earlier because it’s 100 times easier to stop drinking with the resources, the guidance, the prompts and the information in the course. She knew she wanted to stop drinking so that she could be the best wife and the best mother to her two kiddos that she could be. But she said that the course also helped her dig deeper into her triggers and her behaviors so that her choice not to drink isn’t coming from a place

 

10:00

where she felt like she was missing out or depriving herself. She had actually gone 100 days without drinking without any support, or any mental framework on how to do it. And she happened to drink again and said that coming back and adding the sobriety starter kit was a game changer for her. And she also said that she really liked it that I was laugh out loud funny in the course, and kept it real, and made the whole process of walking away from alcohol, something she really enjoyed.

 

10:36

And Sara said that after many years of trying to stop drinking this time, felt different. She loved the tools in the course, she said, they were amazing, and that the framework made so much sense. She’s doing everything I suggested in the course. And she said it’s really working. She said, I couldn’t be more comfortable and proud of myself, and even my husband, an everyday drinker, for the last 30 years. He listens when he’s in earshot and has stopped drinking as well. So for the next week, I want to offer you $50 off the course, if you’ve been on the fence about adding it to your sober toolkit, I hope you’ll take the chance to do it. Now. It’s a small investment that you get lifetime access to. And to put the price in perspective. In my first three weeks without alcohol, I saved more than the cost of the course at full price. I was drinking a bottle of wine a night, or a bottle and a half. And I actually saved $550 Just in my first 30 days. So if you want to jump on that go to sobriety starter kit.com. Okay, second thing that is absolutely free, is I wanted to send you a special invitation to something that I have never done before. I have been invited to be a part of an amazing lineup of speakers at Camille cancellers. Think through the drink challenge. It’s this coming Sunday. So if you’re listening to this on release day, which is Thursday, it’s this Sunday, May 16. And if you’re around, please join me for a live zoom webinar on five secrets to successfully take a break from drinking, even if you’ve tried and failed in the past. So this Sunday, May 16. It’s at 3pm. Eastern, or 12pm Pacific. I’ll take you through the secrets live. And we can chat during a question and answer period afterwards. I gotta tell you, I’m excited. And honestly, I’m a little nervous. I get nervous on live video. So if you want to show up because you’re trying to get out of the drinking and not drinking cycle, or maybe just because you want to say hi to me and make me less nervous. I would love to have you join me. So the URL is a little long to register for the challenge. So I’m going to put it in the show notes of this episode, which is hello someday coaching.com forward slash 57. Or you can just go to hell of Sunday coaching forward slash podcast and this episode will be at the top. There are other amazing speakers as part of the challenge as well. There’s a speaker portion or presentation every day, along with something Camille’s doing in the morning. And if you love Mandy and Kate from the love sober podcast, they’re going to talk about what we’re getting wrong. When we talk about self-care. Amanda CUDA is going to talk about why you’re not creating the life you want. And there’s a whole bunch more. Join me in the free session I’m doing on the five secrets to take a break from drinking, even if you’ve tried and failed in the past. It’s this Sunday, May 16 at 3pm Eastern and the registration link is long. So it’s in the show notes of this episode. Hello someday coaching comm forward slash 57. Okay, so to recap, I have two things for you, as my thank you to you for listening to this podcast for the last year. This week only you can say $50 on the sobriety starter kit course and come to my free session and join the challenge. There are great speakers and great resources completely free to help you take a break from drinking.

 

14:45

So now I want to share with you some of my absolute favorite parts of the podcast episodes from the last year. It’s my personal highlight reel. So hopefully you can take away some more inspiration for the past

 

15:00

that you’re on. We’ve been talking about drinking less and living more, of course. But what we’ve been talking about for the last year is also all the other things in life, our joys and our challenges, and how to navigate life with more ease, and more self-compassion, and less stress. We’ve talked about joy and perfectionism, boundaries and people pleasing self-care, and the challenges of being a mom. We’ve talked about working and drinking and trying to be a first world woman in the workplace, and additional challenges of working in a male dominated workplace. We’ve talked about aging, and sobriety, and self-esteem, and overcoming self-sabotage, on how to find friends on the alcohol-free path, so that you’re not lonely, and codependency and how to quiet your inner critic voice. We’ve talked about what you can do if you’re feeling bored, or if you’re feeling blocked, and how to deal with anxiety. And we’ve also talked about changing negative behavior patterns. And everything else you deal with every day in this world, the good and the bad.

 

16:21

So here you go. I hope you enjoy listening to some of these highlights from the podcast over the last year. And I hope you take away some fresh inspiration to keep on going to walk away from what’s dragging you down, and starting to take really good care of yourself, because you deserve to be happy.

 

If you’re listening to this episode and have been trying to take a break from drinking, but keep starting and stopping and starting again, I want to invite you to take a look at my on demand coaching course, The Sobriety Starter Kit®. The Sobriety Starter Kit® is an online self study, sober coaching course that will help you quit drinking and build a life you love without alcohol without white knuckling it or hating the process. The course includes the exact step-by-step coaching framework I work through with my private coaching clients, but at a much more affordable price than one-on-one coaching. And The Sobriety Starter Kit® is ready, waiting and available to support you anytime you need it, when it fits into your schedule.  You don’t need to work your life around group meetings or classes at a specific day or time. This course is not a 30 day challenge, or a one day at a time approach. Instead, it’s a step-by-step formula for changing your relationship with alcohol. The course will help you turn the decision to stop drinking from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life. You will sleep better and have more energy, you’ll look better and feel better, you’ll have more patience and less anxiety. And with my approach you won’t feel deprived or isolated in the process. So if you’re interested in learning more about all the details, please go to www.sobrietystarterkit.com. You can start at any time and I would love to see you in the course.

 

16:58

You don’t have to know that you have to stop drinking, to quit successfully. Knowing or believing that you have to stop drinking isn’t required. Instead, you just need to trust that your life will be better without alcohol than it is with it in it. I know that for myself. When I started this journey on my last day one, I didn’t know or believe that I had to stop drinking. I just felt like crap and believed that drinking was a big reason I was waking up at 3am Feeling immense anxiety, that alcohol was why my face was puffy. And my eyes were watery and bloodshot that alcohol was why I had gained so much weight and why I felt resentful and angry. I wanted to feel better. And I knew that the way I was living wasn’t the way I wanted to live.

 

18:06

The first week, the first two weeks and even Week Three are absolutely the hardest and the most important ones as you try to take an extended break from drinking. So knowing what to expect and setting yourself up for success can be the difference between feeling good or feeling miserable. And the difference between continuing on your alcohol-free journey and starting to feel better versus giving up on day four or day five, here’s the thing you may not realize day one is actually going to be a good day you are brave for getting started on this journey

 

18:56

start to realize like drinking is everywhere. And that’s what started me noticing. Well there’s Rosé everywhere in Whole Foods in the summer like it’s on all the end caps all the prime merch space and all the billboards for booze and all the feminist messaging, not yoga, wine.

 

19:16

There will be wine to get you there and I was like this is just sip like you should not be going to yoga and 100 again degree room and then drinking wine afterwards. I don’t care if you have a drinking problem or not. That is just stupid. Just know. I just started to get angrier and angrier. And then I realized I was sort of angry at women and then I was like, well wait a minute, you’re angry at the wrong people.

 

19:38

Women are in the system that’s just fucking them over constantly and then lying to them about what will make them feel better.

 

19:45

Then I start getting mad at you know, more appropriately.

 

19:49

In society patriarchy, essentially. And I was like, you know, we’re never gonna tear any of this down until women get their fucking heads clear and get really mad.

Gray area drinkers, the way I define it is they have the physical capacity and ability to stop drinking. And many gray area drinkers do that many, many times they drink heavily and excessively and stop drinking, they pull themselves in and say, I can’t keep doing this. And they do they stop for weeks, months, sometimes a year or more. And then they’re like, I can be a social drinker, why am I being so restrictive, and they go back to drinking. And so that is such a common characteristic of gray area drinking. And like I said, often for years about back and forth, excessive drinking, pulling it in stopping drinking again, and it’s just a miserable Groundhog Day, which is a little different profile again, then what we think of stereotypically is like what we’ve seen in the movies of just that whole crash and burn. And it’s a problem. You know, sometimes they’re like, oh, they are drinkers, they can take it or leave it. No, it’s absolutely a hot, that’s why I quit drinking, it was 100%. Absolutely a problem. And that back and forth with it is misery.

 

21:27

When you remove alcohol, your brain starts to heal. And it gets easier and easier, because you’re abstaining from a toxic substance that was messing you up, right, so your body actually has the equipment to heal, and it can actually get better and go back to normal. So we learn in quitting drinking that absolute abstinence from the substance allows your body and your brain to heal. And it becomes easier and easier and easier to live without it with food. And that includes artificial crap food and sugar, right, because these are just calories, it’s just energy. It’s what your body is designed to want. If you restrict it, there is this process that kicks in in your body to slow your metabolism down to make you crave that thing to stop you from restricting or abstaining diets are like a rubber band that you’re just pulling and pulling and pulling until eventually your body which is going to say nope, and you stop, whereas abstinence from alcohol is hard at first, but it gets easier and easier and easier because it’s a foreign substance that you’re getting rid of. It’s completely different physiologically.

 

22:40

That’s the work isn’t it. It’s not just like stopping something that you really want to do. And then leaving yourself in a state of deprivation and trying to cope. We were trying to cope in the first place. You know, that’s why we sort of started drinking too much. And it’s so it’s like, okay, let’s just get really sort of skillful at looking after ourselves and building our toolkit of different things. You know, what, what do I need, when I’m angry? What do I need, and it doesn’t matter what other people think it doesn’t matter, you know, if no one else does it, if it works for you, and it like helps you and it calms you down, or, you know, I mean, I put on my headphones, and I dance around listening to you know, drum and bass in sort of really sort of loud hip hop, but that gets my emotion sorted, you know, I can flip my emotions with music, and what a tool that is just sort of asking yourself those questions of like, what do I need? What’s going on with me? And how can I see that you know, and that’s why you know, you work with a coach or you make friends and communities

 

23:55

three buddies, everybody should ask themselves these questions, because otherwise you end up living a pretty unconscious life. A lot of times what people discover is not that they need to do this big thing, need to have some grand accomplishment. And it’s not about hitting the eject button on their life in a big way, whether it’s their relationship or their career. You know, a lot of people think that’s what they want. And what they really want is to find meaning in what they have, like appreciate what they have and to be more intentional with how they’re living. And I love when that happens. And so I was writing every day. This suck. This is hard. This is easy. This is what I did. This is what I learned. What do I do about this?

 

 

25:00

How do I cope with that this stays rotten. And I did that for as many days as it took. I didn’t know how much I needed the feedback of other people who are further along than me, not someone else on day three, but somebody on day 300, who could come in and say, yeah, that part’s normal watch for that thing, have a high protein snack at four o’clock, the blood sugar thing is actually more important than you realize. And I go, Oh, okay, I gotta, I gotta do that too.

 

25:38

And so it truly is learning to do everything for the first time without alcohol. So there’s a relearning period, there’s are getting to know each other period. And there’s also that period of, I don’t know how to be around friends, I don’t know where I could be. I didn’t know if I could ever go to a bar again. Like, I didn’t know, you don’t want to test that out too quickly. I didn’t know if there were certain people I could be around, there’s an adjustment. And so what I always say to people is like, don’t judge anything in the first year. At least, that sounds like a long time. But our relationship has a fault so much. I think in any big life change, you know, cancer treatment. I mean, at the death of a loved one, there’s so many things that can happen in a marriage that are going to change the dynamic of the relationship. And overall, it’s made it so much better.

 

26:42

There is a quiet time between drinking and your life after drinking. And that quiet time is normal. The days feel long and dull. You sleep a lot and you feel a little down your body and your mind and your emotions are adjusting to life without alcohol. But it will lift little by little and new interests and joy will come into the picture. Trust the process. Just stay with it. During the lows, you’re becoming something more beautiful, and suddenly more interesting than you were when you were in the drinking cycle. You’re on the right path. So grab a Lacroix and a good book, sit in the sunshine, paint your nails, go for a walk, watch the sunset, get up early and watch the sunrise eat some popcorn call a friend go for a bike ride, cuddle a kitten borrow a puppy go window shopping you were doing just fine.

 

28:00

Also, we get to this stage of life where it’s kind of like my I’m going to give zero fucks about things. And you know, I think a lot of women are still not people pleasing because that’s huge with people who women who come to me and say, you know, but my husband drinks or you know, Aunt Sally drinks or my best friend’s drink. It’s that people pleasing cycle. Now it’s time to please yourself. And that’s where you step back and go, wait a minute, wait a minute, what am I going to do for the next 30 years? I want to choose. I want to live my life. I don’t care what other people think anymore. So that’s why I celebrate midlife. I think that it is a wonderful time. And I know that I wouldn’t be here talking to you if I hadn’t quit drinking.

 

28:53

If it’s not fun to me, it doesn’t stick. If it feels like deprivation and punishment and it feels too hard. It’s not going to stay like it’s not it’s not something that’s going to be easily acclimatized.

 

29:06

So I needed to create something, an idea of how to make it fun. And this was something that I sat down and I’m a bit of a list geek. And I started to brainstorm of like, what could this even look like? And I think the danger is when we’ve been drinking for so long and for me it was 20 years. Just having alcohol as my social or fun outlet. You don’t remember what you used to enjoy. Like I really had to think back of like before wine came along. What sort of activities did I use to enjoy?

 

29:57

We call this the sober lash a hidden

 

30:00

In this guide to living a decadent, adventurous, soulful life alcohol free so it’s basically a really eccentric little book, Amanda and I’ve called it an ode to the Technicolor playful side of sobriety. We’ve also called it a roadmap. So it’s a hybrid of things. It’s, it’s a little bit of a manifesto, it’s a little bit of a collection of ideas and tips. And mainly, it’s meant to just evoke the pleasures and the feelings of connection and the feelings of deliverance from the ordinary, which is something I’ve gotten hung up on.

 

30:51

Things that are in your sober toolkit should be in your back pocket, they should be things that you are able to pull out, both on a daily basis in early sobriety, and later on when you’re stressed or angry, hungry, or tired, or when you’re going to a dinner party, and think that you’re going to be tempted to drink in this world, where we are surrounded constantly by messages, that drinking is a good idea that drinking is what helps you cope with everything around you, the drinking is the reward that you deserve, just for getting through the day. Your sober toolkit will remind you that there is so much else out there, things that won’t leave you with a hangover, but will relax, you reward you, entertain you, make you happy and healthy. And that will remind you that you’re not alone on this path. The truth is that there are a lot of cool women doing this, this is a good decision for you. And life is better on the other side.

 

32:08

A big part of this is reframing the whole treat and reward concept because for years, we have told ourselves especially as women, that wine is our treat, it’s our treat, it’s our reward for a hard day. It’s our reward for being hard working women, though we take away our ultimate treat and reward we feel really bereft. So it’s about reframing that because ultimately why there’s not a reward, it’s a numbing deadening. Once you’ve had that initial dopamine hit, basically, it’s a depressant. So it depresses your central nervous system, it cuts you off from yourself that cuts you off from the people around you, if you’re stressed, it does nothing to alleviate the stress other than a temporary numbing, and then the stress comes back, usually with even more anxiety added on top. So it is a really flawed treat and reward. reframe that concept and really think about what is a really good treat or reward for you that’s going to nourish you ground you actually make you feel better.

 

33:21

When you stop drinking, you become much better at listening to your own instincts. And because drinking masks all that, you know, when you stop thinking you’re sort of you’re more able to listen to that voice that says yes, I should do this, or more of this and no, I should do less of that. And you can act on that. You know, I think it’s really worth every now and again just taking stock of your life and thinking what are the things that give me joy? And what are the things that I ate and doing more to give you joy and less of the things that you hate, you know, and keep rebalancing like that, you know, that’s the secret to living a happy, fulfilled life.

 

34:10

I think you know, if you have healthy boundaries, and trust yourself thin, you’re likely not going to have issues with codependency but if people are really having a lot of difficulties with boundaries, they’re probably going to be some codependency underneath that, you know, that validation that you need from others about yourself, maybe that you didn’t get when you were young from your parents. And so it’s just like this excessive dependence on what other people think and I’ve heard it referred to as manipulative or controlling. But I really think it’s just this not knowing who you are outside of other people’s perceptions.

 

35:12

We all have core beliefs, these are things that we developed from a very young age, they shape us, they become part of who we are. And many times we didn’t pick them, it’s something we’ve heard, it’s something that someone said to us, we have to learn to target those core beliefs to identify them. Most of us don’t even know what they are, we are on what I call the shit show autopilot. And everything is a shit show. And we’re doing it just on repeat. And so step one of any of these processes is awareness, you have to get your head out of the sand, and you have to see. And that’s hard, because that’s what we’ve been avoiding. If you’re drinking, you’re avoiding seeing, you don’t want to say you want to just tune out.

 

36:13

So I think over time, we end up with these very perfectionistic tendencies that really shut down who we are. And what can also happen around that is that we start putting off things that we don’t want to do and are things that might we think might seem hard, or especially if we have anxious tendencies, we put things off. And because we’re like, I have analysis paralysis. I don’t even know where to get started. I don’t know what the first right step is, I don’t even know if this is the right direction for me. So we end up in these cycles of procrastination. What does society tell us about procrastination, it tells us that we’re lazy, that we’re not being good managers of our time that other people are doing it way better, that we’re not very on top of things. And so then on top of all of this messaging about like, who we should be now, we also have messaging about like, I should be doing it better and faster and sooner and without so much decision, fatigue, and it all just adds so much pain and mental anguish to us. And then we’re like, well, maybe I should just take a drink and like let that be the cure for this particular day.

 

37:25

Biggest transformational habits we talk about is acceptance. Acceptance precedes change. You have to accept yourself before you can kind of go through a change. And acceptance is not in the cheap sense of everything is fine. It’s not acquiescence. It’s not allowance, that I should just be this way, and this is just the way I am and there’s nothing I can do about it. That is not acceptance. That is acquiescence. Acceptance precedes change. Acceptance is an acknowledgment of what is being honest about where we are, but it also includes that we can change but it’s just that the path to change is a path of grace. There is no other way to do it. Because acceptance takes you out of the world of trying to force change, which a lot of people do. I just have to will and buck up and make myself change, right. A lot of people who have gone through sobriety note that solution did not work.

 

38:37

People who’ve self-sabotage or the people who don’t have the self-esteem, they get close to their goal and then they sabotage. I don’t the people who are overachievers financially have disastrous relationships with food, or with men. It’s because they don’t have the right self-esteem. You know, when you when you change your self-esteem, it changes the outcomes of your relationships, what you feel you deserve as far as what size you are, like how much money you have, the type of love that you attract, it changes everything it determines that is the one thing that affects your money, relationships and your health is how you what you believe you deserve.

 

39:34

Midlife is a great time for transition. It’s sort of a time where you are kind of standing in the middle of your life if we’re lucky, right? And you kind of get a good assessment of what’s happened before what you’ve already done, what you haven’t done. And then it’s also you know, you’re kind of staring down the road in the future. And I know for me, I felt a little bit of a sense of urgency like

 

40:00

Wow, I have things I want to do. And it’s time to get going on them. If not, now, when am I going to do it?

 

40:23

When the pain of staying the same outweighs the fear of change, that’s when change happens. Once you put the bottle down and really take a look at what’s going on, then you are empowered to either say, Okay, I’m, I’m a sticking around here, but there are some things that need to change in this role. And maybe there are some boundaries I need to create or some conversations I need to have with my boss. Right? You could you could do that or down the road, you could say, you know, maybe I’m going to take this time to get some clarity on what’s right for me, maybe it’s not this, but all those things, you need to feel that clarity of mind, and it really empowers you. It gives you confidence and courage to say, wait a sec, I thought I only had two options, stay and be miserable and have a glass of wine or, you know, whatever else. But no, I have like 10 Different options it’s in and I get to choose and what a gift that is.

 

41:37

Our day one isn’t the day that we actually start 100 days, it’s really the day that we listen to your first podcast interview, or we reach for the first non-drinking quit lit memoir. And what we’re doing at that point in time is we’re reframing, we’re working at the subconscious level, we’re creating new neural pathways to really get us to the point where at one day, we’re going to be ready to take that folder daybreak. And that 100 day may lead to then two years or four years. But I think that what the a society is really perpetuated is this day one and you’re starting over every single time that you have a drink. And in reality, I’m like, let’s just put that aside. And let’s say that we’re retraining our brain and that takes a long time, we cannot break and make habits in 21 days, you know, it takes a lot longer and even up into a year for our neural networks to really change and for us to lay good solid ones again.

 

42:53

And the beautiful thing about habits, about shifting your habit from someone who opens a bottle of wine every night, to someone who opens a ginger beer or Lacroix of shifting your habit of boozing on a Friday night to going on a bike ride on Saturday morning of shifting your identity from being a red wine girl like I was to being a woman who used to drink, but quit that shit because I feel better without it is that you let time work for you. It’s a long game of compounding benefits. Self improvement is the compound interest of the things you do every day. And when you let time work for you. The thing is that your outcomes are the lagging measure of your habits.

 

43:56

In five years, I have loved by life without alcohol. It is an adventure. So if you’re on this path, here’s a few things to remember. It’s going to be okay. You can do hard things. You have to take care of yourself. You deserve to be happy. Keep growing. Go after what you want. Dream bigger, try new things. Keep looking forward. Take time to envision your ideal life. You can manifest the shit out of life. Look for your divine breadcrumbs. Find your people take some risks. Trust the process. Stay the course. Know that small changes lead to bigger ones. And not drinking is not the goal. But it is the foundation to that happy, healthy, beautiful, exciting life that is coming for you

 

45:12

Wow, I loved listening to those speakers and those guests again. And I hope you did too. If you want to go back to any of the earlier episodes, go for it. You can find them at Hello, Sunday coaching.com forward slash podcast, or anywhere you listen, a lot of you have written me, or written in reviews of the podcast that you feel like you know me that I feel like a friend or even a new BFF. And I want you to know that I feel that way to women who have figured out that drinking isn’t working for them and have taken the brave step to actually look at that and do some work and make a change. And I mean this regardless of if you’re alcohol free yet, or if you’re sober, curious, or somewhere in between, we get each other, we cut through the small talk and the surface stuff and get real and honest and compassionate. I think women who stopped drinking or are working on it are total badass is your my very favorite people. So I want you to know that I’m proud of you. And you’re doing this, and you’re doing great. So I’m sending you all the hugs. So to wrap up, if you listen to the podcast, thank you. If you have shared this podcast, with another woman who is reevaluating her relationship with alcohol, you are seriously my hero. And if you have rated or reviewed the podcast, you have no idea how much your words mean to me. I read and love every single one. And if you want to check out the sobriety starter kit, and grab the discount, head over to sobriety starter kit.com. And you can save $50 Just in the next week. I would love to see you in the course. And if you want to jump on that zoom with me and hear what I think the five secrets are to successfully take a break from drinking. Even if you failed in the past. Go to the show notes of this episode for the registration link. It’s at www dot Hello someday coaching.com forward slash 57. Or just go to the podcast page on my website. And you’ll see the episode there. If you join the challenge, there are tons of great speakers there too. And it’s completely free. My session is this Sunday, May 16 at 3pm Eastern 12pm Pacific, so set your phone alarm to remind you I would love to see you there and to say hi live if you’re up for it. Thank you for all your support, you are the best.