SUMMARY KEYWORDS

drinking, feeling, husband, day, home, dinner, sober, wine, kids, daughter, starting, week, coach, nice, night, listen, son, bed, good

SPEAKERS: Casey McGuire Davidson

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Welcome to the Hello Someday Podcast, the podcast for busy women who are ready to drink less and live more. I’m Casey McGuire Davidson, ex-red wine girl turned life coach helping women create lives they love without alcohol. But it wasn’t that long ago that I was anxious, overwhelmed, and drinking a bottle of wine and night to unwind. I thought that wine was the glue, holding my life together, helping me cope with my kids, my stressful job and my busy life. I didn’t realize that my love affair with drinking was making me more anxious and less able to manage my responsibilities.

In this podcast, my goal is to teach you the tried and true secrets of creating and living a life you don’t want to escape from.

Each week, I’ll bring you tools, lessons and conversations to help you drink less and live more. I’ll teach you how to navigate our drinking obsessed culture without a bus, how to sit with your emotions, when you’re lonely or angry, frustrated or overwhelmed, how to self soothe without a drink, and how to turn the decision to stop drinking from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

I am so glad you’re here. Now let’s get started.

Hi there. So today is the two year anniversary of starting my podcast. 109 episodes, 350,000 downloads and so many incredible guests. 

 

If you’re listening to this, I am so glad that you’re tapping into resources coaching and support to change your relationship with alcohol. You should be really proud of yourself no matter where you are on your journey. Whether you’re sober, curious or questioning your drinking or in early sobriety or further along, I want to make the process easier for you. So in addition to this podcast, I have three other ways that I can help you drink less and live more. 

 

First, you can grab the free 30-day Guide to Quitting Drinking. In it, there are 30 tips for your first month alcohol free. 10,000 women so far have downloaded the guide. And it is really comprehensive. It’s rich, it’s 35 pages, it is jam packed with what to expect on day three and day five, what to do on day 16, tips and tricks and resources to tap into and it is 100% free. So you can find that by going to my website. HelloSomedayCoaching.com. And it’s the free 30-day Guide to Quitting Drinking. 

 

The second thing I have for you is my free masterclass. Five Secrets To Taking a Break From Drinking, you can find that sign up on my website or at HelloSomedayCoaching.com/class. I really encourage you to take one hour out of your day to learn how to stop making the mistakes that are setting you up for self sabotage. And instead start the practices that will help you succeed even if you’ve tried and failed before. It is the tips and tricks that I go through with my private coaching clients right as we start together and you can get it completely free. 

 

And if you’re ready to make this whole quitting drinking thing way easier and actually move through your first month, your second month, 90 days, 100 days, and do it in a way that you’re really improving your life not just for removing alcohol but actually growing and transforming and navigating the difficult parts that have tripped you up in the past, I want to invite you to join The Sobriety Starter Kit. It is my signature online sober coaching course for busy women to help you drink less and live more. In the course, I’ll take you through my complete sober coaching framework that I work through with my private coaching clients at a much more affordable price. You’ll get eight modules with over 50 video lessons, guides, resources and more. All available on an app so you can tap into support any time you need it when you’re walking the dog or at a coffee shop when you’re doing laundry, rocking your kids to sleep or tucked into bed. You get lifetime access to the course so you can go back to lessons and practices and exercises that you’ve had before when you need them. So if you want to enroll in that, or just check out all the details, go to www.sobrietystarterkit.com. 

 

And if you want to take advantage of any of these three ways that I can help you, everything is on my website. HelloSomedayCoaching.com. 

 

So, for the two year anniversary of this podcast, I wanted to do something special. And I was actually surprised about this. But my most popular episode ever, even more popular than my interviews with legends like Annie Grace, who wrote This Naked Mind and runs The Alcohol Experiment, or my talk with Katherine Gray, who wrote The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober. Or my interview with Anna Lemke, who wrote the New York Times bestseller Dopamine Nation. My most popular episode ever was my Diary of my First 30 days of Sobriety, literally what I wrote my coach in emails on day one, day two, day six, all the way through day 30, what I felt and what I did, and all the non-exciting parts of my life, literally, you’re going to hear what I had for breakfast. 

 

In those first 30 days, I guess as you’re starting out, it’s really helpful to hear step by step, and day by day, someone else’s experiences. Even if it’s different from your own situation, the emotions and the challenges we feel are often the same. So for my two year anniversary of starting this podcast, I am going to record the diary of my emails to my sober coach from days 30 day 60. And if you want to listen to my diary of days one to 30 before this one, just go back to Episode 97. And you can hear that first and then jump into this episode. You can find that one wherever you listen to podcasts, or go to HelloSomedayCoaching.com/97. 

 

So, right now, I’m going to start off by reading you the last entry of that 30 Day podcast, which is what I wrote to my coach, who was Belle at Tired of Thinking about Drinking on day 30, about six and a half years ago. 

 

Hi, Belle, Today is Day 30. I really liked your one-minute message from a few days ago. I’ve listened to it lots of times. For some reason, it makes me cry. But I think in a good, hopeful way. In any case, it definitely speaks to me. You said, Tell me that’s better. Tell me it’s worth it. Tell me it’ll all be okay. Yes, I needed to hear that. Below is what I wrote on the BFB group today. 

 

And by the way, if you’ve listened to this podcast before, you know the BFB is a secret private Facebook group that I’ve been a member of for nine years now. It’s my favorite place on the internet. And I have a guide on my website of how to find and join the BFB because it’s totally hidden. It’s just a few steps, but totally worth joining. So I wrote to Bell. I posted this on the BFB this morning after my morning workout and dropping my daughter at school. 

 

30 days today. Just before the New Year I saw this photo and it spoke to me. It said make a list of things that make you happy, make a list of things you do every day, compare the lists, adjust accordingly. While I started making adjustments to the things I do every day, wherever possible, based on whether they made me happy or they don’t. I cut back on my drinking a lot starting January 1. But it wasn’t until February 18 when I woke up feeling terrible at 3:30am after drinking a bottle of wine the night before and said I can’t do this to myself anymore. This has to stop. This is unsustainable. 

 

The difference between that day and the week before where I woke up seeing the exact same thing. And all of these similar mornings over the past year is that on that day, I signed up for your 100 day challenge and started your jumpstart class. I hired a coach. It helped me stop the cycle of saying I’ll stop tomorrow, or I’ll start next week. Or drinking just twice a week is way better than every night so I’m making progress. I’ve listened to all your audios, your One Minute Messages, and I love emailing you every day, and also reading the posts on the BFB. And listening to the bubble hour. 

 

I’m trying not to think too far in advance, just staying here. But for now, I’m proud of the last 30 days. I will not drink today. I will not drink this weekend, I will not drink for the next 70 days, waking up each day feeling good. And operating myself is definitely on the list of things that make me happy. So I plan to keep doing it. 

 

So that’s what I posted on the BFP. And here’s what I continued to write to Bell. 

 

So today, this is Friday. I have an hour and a half meeting with my boss at the end of the day. So my goal is to stay calm, and not get too triggered by it on a Friday. I’m going to breathe deeply. I’m going to stay the course. I’m going to not take it all too seriously and try to not get overwhelmed. I plan to see a bit of my husband’s baseball game after work with my son. I’m going to pick up a pizza and a salad and my daughter and get started on the laundry and cleaning. My husband’s out tonight for work. I plan on watching some mindless show or reading after the kids go to bed. I’ve got running club tomorrow. The goal is five miles. So I’ll wake up rested for that. I have a friend coming over with her new baby on Saturday. And then my husband has another baseball game. He’s coaching. And then my son has baseball practice. And then my husband is chaperoning a dance at school on a Saturday night. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna need a treat in there. On Sunday, I’ll work in the garden, maybe take my kids to the gym and enjoy the quiet of yoga or the steam room and get a smoothie. We have a call on Monday. Happy 30 days to me, Casey. 

 

And then I wrote her a couple of days later. 

 

Hi, coach. Here I am on Tuesday day 34 Just checking in. I liked the email today. That makes sense to me. I can totally see making it to 30 days having wine to celebrate and waking up from a personal party in my living room and starting all over again. Drink one drink to wow. Drink one was gone fast. Drink three. I want more. Drink four. It’s a party. Whoo hoo. This is fun. Drink five. Well, I might as well finish the bottle. There’s so little left. Huh? I want more. I shouldn’t open another bottle. But I want just a bit more. I’m having so much fun. Just do it quickly. My husband won’t notice. Drink six, drink seven. Oh, I better get to bed and get some rest or I will feel like complete shit tomorrow. Up to bed. Wake up at 3am feel like shit berate myself barely make it through the day. Repeat. Yep, that’s about how it would go. I think I’m gonna skip that tonight and instead waking up feeling good for my 5:30am workout. Work today is busy. My husband is out tonight. But otherwise I’m doing well. Happy Tuesday. 

 

Hi coach, here I am on day 35. For some reason I got all squirrely with Wolfie thoughts yesterday. If you haven’t listened to my days wonder 30 audio Wolfie is the name that my coach and I use to describe that voice, that whisper we always hear in our heads that tell us that drinking is a good idea. Wolfie was talking not so much about drinking on that day, but rather thinking about next week, about the future, about future events, about forever. My husband was out last night coaching a baseball game and it was a hard, stressful aggravating day, picking up both kids getting dinner on the table with my two year old screeching to be held, doing homework with my son while my daughter tried to rip up his papers screen, make a mess, repeat, getting them both down to bed and then cleaning up after dinner and prepping for the next day. On my own. It was just one night. But I’m definitely pre stressing about next week when my husband is out fishing all day this Saturday. And then gone Monday morning at 8am to Friday night at 9pm with a school work trip. So that means I miss all my workouts and then I have to do mornings and nights and everything in between all alone. And then he’s going to a fantasy team draft at a bar the next day all day while I’m left to take the kids swimming and to baseball practice etc. 

 

I’m feeling stressed out about doing it all myself with the kids for the week while he’s out of town and then be feeling resentful that he’s taking two personal or fun Saturday’s to himself on either side of it. And it is totally activating my Wolfie voice. This is going to be hard. Why do I have to do it all myself? This isn’t fair. So what am I going to do about it? I don’t know yet. But I think I need to figure out something. I told him I have to run both Saturday mornings, so he can’t leave to go fishing, or to the fantasy draft until I get back at 9am. But that doesn’t feel like enough. Maybe I need some me time on Sunday. But I also need to do the laundry and go grocery shopping and prep food. So the next week is not a total disaster. But me time definitely does not sound like grocery shopping and Food Prepping. I know the week after I have a vacation week, and so does he. So I have some treats scheduled for myself in a week and a half to look forward to. But that feels too far away for now. 

 

Anyway, I’m trying to figure out that resentment and stress and worry. So it doesn’t set me off this sober course. And I also have this promotion celebration dinner tomorrow night with friends. And I need to focus on not drinking that. I get to eat whatever I want. But I won’t drink. And then his 41st birthday is April 15. I’m really glad I had a call with you that morning. Last night I asked him to see about getting a babysitter that night because I felt like we should celebrate or mark his birthday. And dinner at home or out with a two year old is not much of a relaxing celebration. I said, think about what you want to do. And I mentioned maybe the Ipek, which is a fancy movie theater with recliners. I’m trying to think about something fun, but not too drink-focused or tempting. He came back and said, Great, there’s some new breweries I’d be super excited about trying. And I said, okay, but I’m still doing the 100 day no alcohol challenge. So I won’t be drinking. So I’m hoping we can find a place where there’s something more to do other than just drinking, like food or music or movie. He said something negative about it, which of course made me feel bad because it is his birthday, and he should be able to do something he’s excited about. But I don’t want to set myself up to fail. I don’t think he meant it in a bad way. But it totally activated my insecurities and guilt and self doubt. I think I have some work to do on myself and my mindset before this Saturday and next week. Suggestions are very welcome. I was reading month two of your blog last night and I saw you had a temptation or Wolfie voice or I just wanted to drink one around a 49. At least I know what’s coming. I didn’t get beyond that. I was too tired last night. But I’m hoping there are some good strategies you use to get past it other than just don’t drink tonight no matter what. Back to work now, Casey. 

 

Hi, coach. Today is Day 36. I’m excited to listen to some new podcasts today. I’m leaving work early to take my son to his practice at 4:30. That means I can put on my cozy boots and a coat and listen to podcasts. While I watch him play. That’ll be good for me to focus on and regroup before I go out on my first dinner date in the last 37 days. We’re going to go to a nice dinner with another couple to celebrate my husband’s new job and promotion. I think I’m going to order a cranberry and a club soda or seltzer. Is that the same thing? I really don’t know; my outlets are a ginger beer. I was trying to pre plan a drink order. 

 

I was texting with the woman going out with us. And I told her in advance that I’m doing the 100 Day Challenge so I won’t be drinking. And she said, Will it be too tempting for you if I brought over a bottle of champagne for Mike? I guess you guys could save it for day 101. Fuck. I said you’re welcome to bring it if you want and open it and drink it before we go out or not. I’ll just need your support to help me not be too tempted. I have a 5:30 workout tomorrow too so that should keep me on track. I think it’s better that I put it out there in advance. Rather than feeling surprised that she shows up with champagne and wants to open it to toast and not being prepared for it. It is a promotion celebration. And I do have sparkling apple cider at home too, but that’s really too sweet. Anyway, I need to check in with you sober tomorrow on day 37 so I’ll focus on that. 

 

Oh, and in the spirit of getting shit done. My desk area at work has been a total paper month seriously awful for six months. I went over to another girl’s cube yesterday. She had just moved desks. So I’ve done a purge. And her area was so clean and pulled together and minimalist and happy. So I spent the last two days sort of intermittently cleaning up my desk area and ditching tons of paper and junk and it looks so much better. Although I didn’t get much work done during the hours I typically work because of the cleaning but it makes me happy. 

 

Happy Thursday, Casey, day 38. Hi, coach. I thought I’d share a picture from my run this morning. I’m training for 10k on April 24, which is also my son’s eighth birthday. So for my running club, I had to do six miles super slowly at 7am on day 38. There are 12 of us in the running club. And I was the only participant to show up. Even the group leader had to get home at 8:30am to relieve her babysitter. So she ran with me for two miles and turned around to head home. Look at me, actually showing up each fucking week and doing what I said I was going to do. Of course, I went to bed at 1030 last night. I was really tired after this week. Likely other folks in the running club didn’t do that. My husband is off fly fishing today. So I’m taking the kids to swimming and baseball practice. I’m feeling okay. My daughter is refusing to nap in her crib so I’m fucking trapped underneath her in the rocking chair. It’s not all bad, but I do have other things I’d love to get done during her nap. Just checking in. 

 

Happy Saturday, Casey, day 39. Hi, coach. I had a nice calm, fun Easter. With my daughter’s first Easter egg hunt at my friend’s house. They were serving mimosas at brunch, but I felt fine with just orange juice and sparkling cider. Here’s a picture of her watching all the big kids including my son playing basketball. My husband is headed out of town tomorrow, but I’m feeling peaceful and happy tonight. I’m hoping the feeling lasts. Have a good weekend. Good night, Casey. 

 

Day 40. Hey, Coach, I’m checking in today on day 40. Since Mike is out of town this week, I’m trying to keep life as simple as possible. I get to work from home tomorrow morning, which is nice. Then I’ll come into work for a few meetings, and then have a last minute dinner party with three high school friends and kids since one is in town from Boston on Tuesday night only. I’m going to bring my daughter’s PJs. Grabbed my kids from after school and daycare and headed into Seattle to my best friend’s house for dinner. Even though two of my good friends from high school live in town. We don’t get together more than once every two to three months just because work and kids and life. Normally, this would be a huge drinking occasion. But I’m going to decline. I’ll just bring an out bed and say I can’t as I have to drive my kids back over the bridge. Easy, right? Anyway, I’m hoping it’ll be fun tonight and great to catch up with friends and not a temptation or a trigger. Helpful encouragement for keeping my mind right. Tomorrow evening is welcome. I think the biggest help will be just me not showing up hungry, and leaving enough time to get there. So I don’t show up stressed out and focusing on catching up with friends like actually listening and having good conversations and having fun, not drinking. Thanks, Casey. 

 

Day 41. Hi, coach. Just checking in at home sober. I drove safely, quietly and uneventfully home with the kids. I saw my friends from high school and college and had good conversations. It was good to catch up. I was the only one not drinking. But everyone else had two glasses. I would have had three and really wanted more. And we’d be heading back downstairs now to have just one or two after getting my daughter to bed. It’s never enough, right? Anyway, I’ll have tea instead. I still definitely wanted wine sitting around the dinner table with the open bottle in the middle. I’m not really sure I believe the wanting will go away. But it would be nice to think that it does. Good night, Casey.

 

Day 42. Hey, coach. You brought me back and said there is no enough. There’s only more and then more after that. How grim so much easier to have none. Yeah, agreed. I always want more and it’s never enough. So I’m moving on on day 42. I missed my workout this morning because my husband is out of town. But I got over seven hours of sleep for the first time in forever. So that’s not all. It’s sunny and bright out here in Seattle today. I’ve got a ton of meetings, but really just want to skip outside and walk and listen to a podcast. Have a good day, Casey. 

 

Hey, Coach, I’m checking in on day 43 here. I’m busy at work. I’m about to head to Seattle for a half day conference. And so far I’m surviving Mike being away and having both kids and doing work pretty well. The weather was so nice and sunny yesterday when I got home from work with the kids. And Hank almost ate, took Lila almost two out on the trampoline to jump on it. They were giggling and having so much fun. When I was drinking, I would love this. I could open a bottle of red, pour it, have a glass or two while starting dinner, and peeking out the window to see them on the trampoline. I enjoyed it yesterday too but to have a moment to eat something quickly I was starving, and to start dinner and listen to a bit of an audio while they were outside. Without Lila grabbing on my legs and my ankles and Hanks talking nonstop. But Wolfie’s crazy. I saw that the conference had an open bar happy hour at 4:30 to 6pm for networking. In my drinking days, I would love this. Even if the lines are long, and the wine is crap and in plastic cups and I’m standing around alone, trying to make bad small talk. Just so I have an excuse to have a drink too. And drink three. This was me right before I quit drinking at my conference in Arizona. Awkward. Not very tasty, not very enjoyable, not even enough to feel a buzz. And yet I did it. I have to leave for 30 anyway to get back across the bridge to pick up my kids after school. Not today, Casey. 

 

Hi, coach. It’s a sunny Friday on day 44. My husband comes home tonight and I survived the week alone with the kids and with work. I know other people do this all the time but it’s definitely an accomplishment not to return to old bad habits of opening a bottle of wine when I’m stressed out and tired and alone and bored. Or when just no one is watching. I went to a work conference where the happy hour started at 4:30 for networking. All the wine was lined up ready for the taking. I totally started to get my Wolfie voice in my head so I left and I ate a sandwich. I can’t deal with the Wolfie voice when I’m hungry. I walked outside in the sunshine. And I missed some of the speakers and looked into the little shops. I felt a little guilty about not listening to all the speakers in the conference folks. But the wine was calling to me all lined up on the counter. I came back, listened to another 30 minutes of the panels and then left early to get my kids; networking can wait. I was tired last night and a bit overwhelmed by the amount of stuff to do with the house and the kids’ dinner, dishes, stories, bedtimes, lunches, breakfasts for the next day, laundry, Jesus, but I thought it through with a cup of tea. Mike comes home tonight and I’m going to running club tomorrow, and I’m on vacation next week. Thanks, Casey. 

 

Day 45. Hi Coach. Husband is home today. But he has a pre planned baseball fantasy draft annual thing. He told me it was from 11 to four and I was somewhat okay with that. Not totally since he went fishing with friends last Saturday and was gone a week. So we got home late last night. I went running this morning. And then I took the kids swimming, played with them outside, got them lunch, took them to baseball practice. And then it was four and he was supposed to be home. And I’m tired. And I’m done from today and last week and last Saturday. And then our tenant, a very nice Normie is having family over for dinner in the sunshine and our grandson is playing with my son. And she offers me red wine that she says is the best. And I can smell it and it does smell really good. And I say no thanks. I’m doing this 100 Day Challenge health thing where I’m not drinking and I’m on day 45. And she says Oh, okay, but I always have this wine because it’s so good so I’ll get some after your challenge. 

 

So now it’s 4:40 no husband and I text him ETA? And he texts back just wrapping up, but the bridge is closed. So it’ll be an hour and a half. So I texted him back that I need a kid break, and I’m expecting him home at four. And he says, Sorry. Yeah, he’s sorry, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m done. And he’s far away and he could have left early or at least told me in advance that he was going to be late. So I feel like I’m gonna cry. And my daughter is tired and screaming at me and I’m starving. And Wolfie is totally telling me this is hard. Why do you have to do everything while he’s out with his friends? He’s been drinking beer and hanging out and relaxing all afternoon. The house is a mess and nobody helps you. So the husband gets home at six. I had shrimp to make a nice dinner for his first meal back but that was when I thought he’d be home at four. I wolfed down my dinner and bolted from the table and I’m now hiding in the guest bedroom by myself because our bedroom is a total mess, filled with laundry. And it’s a beautiful day out. And it’s a Saturday night and it should be a lovely night. But I feel like I’m just wasting it being upset. But I am upset and I know if it was 45 days ago, I’d just drink away my resentment and get way into a bottle of red. And my husband would probably be happier if I just did that tonight, instead of hiding away but I’m not doing that shit now. But it’s harder. And I feel like a total bitch but I’m also super tired and spent. Good times, Casey. 

 

Hi, coach. I’m checking in on the morning of date 46. The feeling passed. I watched a rom-com, nothing special, up in the guest bedroom, then came down and had some tea and went to bed early. I felt like I had a temper tantrum in my head and in my email to you. Sorry about that. But I think I spared the family most of it other than putting myself in a timeout. I didn’t drink and I’m moving on. I hope you’re having a good weekend. Casey. 

 

Hi, Coach checking in on day 47. I had a really great first day of my staycation. A good morning workout. I took my kids to school and camp. I came home and hubby and I tackled cleaning up the living room, the office, and we created a kid’s toy closet. The place looks so much better. We talked about painting their bedroom and had afternoon sex. Is that TMI? When we got back taking piles of stuff to the goodwill, I picked up my son from camping and got him a haircut. We got my daughter and cooked an early dinner and watched Harry Potter movie number three as a family. My son was in heaven. I’m getting a massage tomorrow. Sober treat, Casey. 

 

Day 49. Hi, Coach. Staycation continues to go well. Yesterday I got a massage, which was lovely. And I did a few errands and got stuff done around the house. My husband and I are finally cleaning up our bedroom. We’ve lived here for four years and fixed up every other room in the house except our master bedroom. Piles of books. I haven’t read some. Magazines from 2013. Whatever. I got rid of a giant near across from our bed I never liked and we hung up and moved a picture from our guest bedroom into our room. I really liked the picture and it covers up three giant holes in the wall. So why was it up in a room we never use? Lots more to do there but it’s already looking nicer. Today I got an early morning workout. We took our daughter to school together, we took our son to rock climbing camp and we went to the garden store with the start for our summer garden. It was really nice to do family things together with my husband. I love our summer garden. It’s one of my favorite things. Today we got lettuce and spinach and swiss chard and strawberries. We got corn and broccoli and sugar snap peas. We got radishes and carrot seeds, basil, rosemary, green onions and beets, tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchinis and peppers. We’ll have to wait a few more weeks. We want to do potatoes and pumpkins and melons too but we need to clean out a new bed for that. And we have great blueberries and raspberries every year. That’s all for now. I need to get to planting. Tomorrow is day 50. That is crazy. Thanks for all your support. Casey. 

 

Hey coach checking in on day 50. It has been a really nice day. My husband and I visited some preschool options for our daughter. We had lunch together and we looked at birthday cakes for our eight year old. I got my hair cut and I did a little shopping. Nothing momentous. My husband doesn’t even know it’s been 50 days, but I do. Well poop, Casey. 

 

Hi Coach chugging along on day 52. A sunny Saturday here and my daughter just woke up from her nap. She’s screaming in her crib now, so I have to run. But I just signed up for three more calls with you. I want to keep working with you on a regular basis to keep the accountability and the sober momentum going. Thanks, Casey. 

 

Day 54. Hi, coach. I’m closing out my first day back at work post-staycation. I’m feeling pretty good. A little tired from the early wake ups with my daughter and an early workout. But less triggered and stressed than my last vacation. I just ate a rice cake and peanut butter so I’m not starving during kid pickup and cooking dinner. We have a call on Friday. Thanks, Casey. 

 

Day 55. Hey, Coach, busy day at work these days. Lots of meetings and I’m fighting a cold. I’m not feeling 100% but I went to bed at 10pm tonight after taking Benadryl, which knocked me out. Otherwise, okay. My husband’s birthday is Friday, and we’re trying to find a babysitter. I was hoping to book the fancy movie theater tickets, less temptation than a bar restaurant, but the movie he wants to see isn’t playing. So I’m not sure what we’re doing yet. But I have a call on Friday morning with you. So I’ll have it figured out by then. Casey. 

 

Day 56. Hi, coach. It was a busy day at work. And I’m running out the door to pick up my kids. But I didn’t want to miss my daily check in. I’ve had coffee with my former marketing intern. She left last week as her internship was up, and I was on vacation for her last day. She’s 25, really smart, great and a hard worker. I feel like I did my best to give her a great experience. And she worked really hard for me and made my life better and easier. It was a win win. I gave her a great reference for a new job and helped her with her resume and interview prep. I wanted to hire her and lobbied for it, but we just couldn’t get the headcount. So she’s off on her way to bigger and better things. Funny thing is she gave me a bracelet as a gift and a card, I definitely wasn’t expecting that. 

 

The card said, I can’t put into words how grateful I am to have had the opportunity to learn from such an inspiring role model. You not only shared your marketing and business knowledge, but you showed me how to be a strong, compassionate and trustworthy leader. Thank you for your support and your guidance through the past year. Your motivation encouraged me to always challenge myself in order to grow and learn. I would not be where I am today without you. And I’ve been truly lucky to have had you as my manager, as my mentor and my friend this past year, and I simply can’t wait until we work together again. Thank you for everything. 

 

How nice is that? You know what the crazy thing is? I was doing my nightly bottle of wine through 85% of that year. And the other 56 days I’ve been in early sobriety. I was doing my best at work, but also stressed out and dealing with work and home and kids. And I was still drinking. But I think all of her words are actually true and heartfelt. And I took a lot of pride in working with her and teaching her and giving her opportunities because I felt like she had a lot of potential. It was nice just to get such a kind of unsolicited feedback. Even when I was going through a really tough time. It felt good. And with that I’ve got a run so I’m not late to pick up the kiddos, Casey. 

 

Day 58. It’s tax day and my husband’s 41st birthday. It feels pretty good. But I’ve been sick for the last week with congestion and sinus stuff. I’ve been keeping up the workouts and life but just going to bed early. I remember when I was drinking a lot. I was always congested. I’ve occasionally had thoughts not of drinking but worries about wanting to drink or falling back into drinking, worried about a weak moment. But I tried to reset and focus on today or this weekend instead. I haven’t really felt at any one moment other than on day 16 with my boss that I would drink. But I’m worried about forgetting why I’m not drinking and saying oh sure I’ll have a bottle of wine and awaken the beast. I’m afraid of not being as vigilant or forgetting and falling back into drinking. I’m trying to ground myself in don’t drink on a fuckup moment. And you’re doing this for a reason. And just hold on. I don’t want to restart again because I know each time it’s harder if I drink. It just makes it too easy to give up again. I remember that I was approaching life from a place of fear and anxiety and sadness, even though I have a good life. Whereas now, even with a cold, I do feel like I have a sense of peace and optimism and hope for the future. And my husband’s been saying nice things to me like you’re a good mom, or I love you. And I actually can’t remember if he always said things like that, and I just discounted it. Or I was super defensive. Or if he’s been more complimentary now, and I’m just finding it easier to hear it and not reject it. 

 

Tonight, it’s my husband’s birthday, and we were trying to find a babysitter. But originally, my husband talked about going out to a brewery. And I was worried about that. I thought I could handle it, but it wouldn’t be great. But we couldn’t find a sitter, so we’re just going out to an early pizza dinner. They do serve wine and beer there, but it’ll be fine. I’m trying to make better choices and just not put myself in a really tough situation. And I hope I kick my cold soon, because I run my first 10k in five years next Sunday. 

 

What am I doing to stay on track? Well, my morning workout group, and I’m emailing you every day. I’m getting in shape, but still eating anything before I drank. I’m not depriving myself. I’m on the BFB and posting and reading. So I’m getting that sober support. And I eat something before I leave work and I’m not starving when I get home. I drink all the sparkling waters and put it into a wine glass so it feels fancy. Before when I quit, people told me that using a wine glass could be triggered. But I found out that I actually resented not having a wine glass at dinner, I felt like I was a kid. So putting sparkling water in there doesn’t bother me, and it feels nice. And when I rock my daughter to sleep, I put in my headphones and I listen to soap or books or podcasts or meditations. So I’m remembering why I do this every day. Two days until I hit 60 days. I booked a few new calls with you and I booked one for 100 days. My husband and I still haven’t really talked about me not drinking much at all. But I told him that my goal is 100 days. And I told my work people that my goal was 100 days. I plan to keep going after I hit that milestone, and I don’t think it’ll be a huge deal. My husband’s been really supportive about what I’m doing. Hugs, Casey. 

 

Day 60. Hey, Coach, it’s day 60 here and it was so nice to talk to you a few days ago. I had a pretty good weekend. We went over to a good friend’s house for dinner on Saturday, and I had a little panic when I saw the bottles of wine sitting by the outdoor dinner table. But I bought my own drinks, and I poured them into a wine glass and I was fine. I vaguely wanted the wine that evening, but I knew I wasn’t going to have any. And I felt good driving my family home safely on a Saturday night with zero worries about if I’ve had one too many. On Sunday it was a beautiful day, but also a long one of doing house and yard work, chasing around the two year old and keeping my almost eight year old on track. And I’ve been fighting a sinus infection for over a week. I was tired. By Sunday afternoon I was feeling pretty blocked about all the cleaning and laundry and dishes, and the resentment or thoughts kicked in like they sometimes do have like, This is no fun. Where’s the party? This is a lot of chores. I work a week, where’s my treat, kind of like how I used to drink wine as my treat or my personal adult party in my house. Definitely starting at four or 5pm on a Sunday and would finish the bottle before Monday morning. But I didn’t have any wine. And the feeling somewhat passed. Although the weekends are good, but definitely long with the little kids and the chores. Instead of drinking I tried to start thinking about our trip to Venice and Croatia in June. And we need to figure out if we’re taking a bus to the capital of Slovenia for two days. And I decided that my eight year old who’s coming on the trip needs a big boy backpack for his birthday to hop on and off the buses and ferries and to walk to the train station in Venice. So that’s exciting, more research to be done on how to get to Slovenia from Trieste in Italy, and where to stay. 

 

I had my final assessments of my eight week session with my workout group. The assessments from the first session of the year started when I was on day four. I remember running my time to mile and thinking, the next time I do this, I’ll be on day 60. I’ll feel so much better, it’s gonna get better. Well, today is Day 60. And I actually didn’t feel that much better this morning than I did on day four, because I’m still sick with my sinus infection and cold. But I’ve lost 10 pounds in the eight weeks, 19 pounds down since January 3, and 60 days without wine, I also lost some inches. And my eight minute 34 second mile went down to eight minutes and one seconds. I feel proud of myself too. Because lots of times when I’ve been on day four, I’ve said to myself, in two months, I’ll actually be here. I think weight loss progress projects, and I haven’t followed through. But this time, I actually did it. I actually follow through. I’m actually at day 60. Not day five or day 10. So that’s positive. Back to work now. Thanks, Casey. 

 

So if you ended up listening to that entire piece, that’s crazy. Apparently, I do a lot of laundry. And I have to say now that my son’s 14 and my daughter’s eight, my weekends are way more relaxing and exciting. And apparently they were when my daughter was two, and my son was eight, six years ago. I actually really like it when my husband goes away fishing or for the day or for the night now. Because I get time to myself and I can just chill out and my kids love to chill out. But I know if you’re quitting drinking, and you’ve got little kids or toddlers, or whatever the mental and physical load on you is met because you do have to be around them all the time. And they do throw tantrums and they do scream and you still cannot drink. I know what the hard parts are like. And I know if you live alone, it can be hard not to drink too because no one’s watching you. And if you live with a partner who’s a big drinker, that’s hard too honestly. 

 

Not drinking is hard for everyone. Some people find it hard because they’re stay at home moms. And some people find it hard because they’re business women on road trips. But you can do it. You can and you take it day by day. But getting support and getting a framework makes the difference. If you listen to this, I probably could have said fuck it about six times during days 30 through 60. And from day zero to day 30, it was probably 10 times that I could have or would have or might have drank. But I didn’t. And it was because I finally drew a line in the sand. And I finally tapped into all the support. And I finally lowered the bar. And I finally made just not drinking a priority. And I finally took steps to protect myself in advance, not relying on willpower, like telling people that I wasn’t drinking at my husband’s promotion dinner. Or telling people like, yeah, you can bring the champagne and toast but I’m not going to drink it, right? That made a big difference. Because if I was just trying to play it off, and they brought it, I would have been like a deer in headlights. 

 

And you can see that after a really hard day or after a really hard couple of days, I had some really good days. And I gotta tell you during the week my husband was gone, it was really difficult. If I give into that really justified resentment and irritation and self pity and drank, I would not have had that lovely week off with him. I would have hated myself, I would have been pissed I was starting over. I would have drank the whole week he was gone and been in withdrawal on day two or day three or day six when I was supposed to be getting my massage and having afternoon sex. TMI. And feeling good about myself and going into the garden store. So just holding on makes a big difference. I truly believe that if I drank during any of these times, I wouldn’t be at six years now because it’s hard to start and it’s hard to get super momentum. And if you are on day seven, or you’re on day 14, or you’re on day 45, that is good and valuable and worth protecting. So plan ahead. 

 

Again, I’ve got three resources for you that can help you if you are ready to do this thing. The first is my free 30-day guide to quitting drinking, 30 Tips for your First Month Alcohol-free. Go to my website, enter your email address to grab that guide, it will be sent to you in a PDF right to your inbox. The second is, and I encourage you to do both of these, take my free masterclass. It’s Five Secrets to Successfully Take a Break from Drinking. It will really help you not keep  making the same mistakes you’ve done before. I put a lot of work into it and I promise you, it’s worth an hour of your time, you can find it on my website, it’s completely free. Or you can get it at HelloSomedayCoaching.com/class. 

And if you’re ready to dive in, and just fucking do it and make it way easier on yourself, join the Sobriety Starter Kit course. It’s my complete framework, it will serve you from the day you start to years in the future. It’s about getting through the first two weeks, but also about lots of stuff after that, including how you quit drinking with a behavioral change and habit change model, how to build the new, how to look forward and envision what you want out of your life other than drinking, how to explore that, how to change the way you work on identity based habits, how to plan for vacations, and parties and holidays without tricky and how to come back from a slip or a relapse. And also how to identify when you’re about to drink before it happens and what to do. So if you go to my website HelloSomedayCoaching.com, get any or all of those three sources of support. You are worth it. It will get better. It won’t always be this hard. I promise you that. And thank you for listening to this podcast. I can’t tell you how much it means to me. Hugs.