Do This Not That – How To Keep Your New Year’s Resolution To Take A Break From Drinking

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

drinking, alcohol, triggers, day, January, sobriety, body, new year’s resolution, wellness, week, feel, sober, Dry January, walking, celebrate, support, bottle, eat, habits, stop, white knuckling, take a break from drinking, do this, not that, abstain from alcohol, stop drinking, alcohol-free, well-being, mental health, self-care, support, community, accountability, sobriety starter kit

SPEAKERS: Casey McGuire Davidson 

00:02

Welcome to the Hello Someday Podcast, the podcast for busy women who are ready to drink less and live more. I’m Casey McGuire Davidson, ex-red wine girl turned life coach helping women create lives they love without alcohol. But it wasn’t that long ago that I was anxious, overwhelmed, and drinking a bottle of wine and night to unwind. I thought that wine was the glue, holding my life together, helping me cope with my kids, my stressful job and my busy life. I didn’t realize that my love affair with drinking was making me more anxious and less able to manage my responsibilities.

In this podcast, my goal is to teach you the tried and true secrets of creating and living a life you don’t want to escape from.

Each week, I’ll bring you tools, lessons and conversations to help you drink less and live more. I’ll teach you how to navigate our drinking obsessed culture without a buzz, how to sit with your emotions when you’re lonely or angry, frustrated or overwhelmed, how to self soothe without a drink, and how to turn the decision to stop drinking from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

I am so glad you’re here. Now let’s get started.

Hey there, today we’re going to talk about

How to keep your New Year’s resolution to take a break from drinking.

And I’m going to break it down really clearly for you.

So, we’re going to talk about

Why to do this. And not that.

Here’s the thing, this last year, about 41% of US adults surveyed intended to take part in

Dry January.

And that is amazing. But only 16% of them actually manage to abstain from alcohol all month long. And there’s a whole bunch of reasons why that may be true. Now, I, for 1am, raising my hand as a person who 8 years ago, made a New Year’s resolution to stop drinking. And for anyone who’s been listening to this podcast for a while, you may know that my sobriety date is actually February 18.

I tried to stop drinking on January 1, but I was going it alone. I was doing it through motivation and willpower. And honestly, through negative motivation of what I wanted to stop happening, or what I feared. I made it about 4 days. And then I drank a bottle of wine. And then I made it another 4 days. And I drank a bottle of wine. And I rationalize that by saying well, 2 bottles of wine in a week is way better than I don’t know, 8 bottles, 9 bottles. And it was but I was still in that drinking withdrawal cycle. I still was constantly white knuckling it and craving a drink, and deciding it wasn’t worth it and quitting on myself. I couldn’t even get to the end of dry January.

And then, on February 10, I started again, and I did something differently. And now I am almost 8 years alcohol-free since that day.

So, I want to take you through really, really simply

what to do to keep your New Year’s resolutions to take a break from drinking

or to stop completely and what not to do.

So, you can learn from all the mistakes I made when I was doing this thing. And also, the mistakes I helped my clients and women in my course of void so they can start actually enjoying life without alcohol rather than constantly starting over.

So, when we talk about why New Year’s resolutions fail, I am a huge fan of James Clear’s book Atomic Habits and I will link to in the show notes. 3 different episodes. I did around

Atomic Habits and How to apply his behavior change and Habit change approach to quitting drinking.

But James said,

You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems. Your goal is your desired outcome. Your system is the collection of daily habits that will get you there.

And in my Course, in the Sobriety Starter Kit, that is what I teach you. I teach you the system, the system to use on a daily basis on a weekly and monthly basis to stop drinking and build a life you Love.

So, there are a lot of factors that contribute to the challenges that people face when trying to keep a New Year’s resolution to not drink or doing Dry January.

Number one, unrealistic expectations. So many of us set overly ambitious goals that can lead to early discouragement, when individuals realize this shit is hard. And so, for that one, I see either the thought that, okay, I’m going to stop drinking. And at the exact same time, I’m going to start a health kick. I’m going to do whole 30. I’m going to start lifting weights, I’m going to work out 5 days a week, it’s too much when you remove alcohol, that needs to be your singular focus for a while because it impacts so much of your emotions and your habits and your body. You need to slow down before you spring forward. And I’ve said this many times on the podcast, but in the first 2 weeks, you are going through withdrawal, your body is healing. So, it is normal, to be extra sensitive, to be irritable, to need to bubble up, build your sober bubble, practice extreme self-care, this is good, and January is the perfect time to do it. Read some books, go to bed early, sit by the fire, wake up and have coffee early in the morning without a hangover. Don’t combine quitting drinking with a huge health and wellness and lifestyle overhaul you will get there. But not drinking is the lead Domino and it needs singular attention in the beginning. So, number one, unrealistic expectations.

The second thing that trips us up is lack of planning. So, you are not making a concrete plan for how you’re going to achieve your resolutions. You don’t have a clear roadmap. So, it’s really hard to translate your intentions into actionable steps.

And in my Course, in the Sobriety Starter Kit, a huge part of the beginning is talking about what to expect and how to plan for day 3, and day 5, for your first weekend, In week 2. We have a weekly planner, we have a daily planner with tips and tricks, including setting your alarm and eating a protein stack at 3:30 or 4pm. Including getting the alcohol out of your house and stocking up with all the best nonalcoholic beverages, including shopping on Saturday mornings after you’ve eaten when your resolve is high. Not during the witching hour after a long day. When your willpower is at its lowest.

The third thing that can trip you up is impatience. It is so normal to expect quick results and become discouraged. If you don’t see immediate changes. But the changes in your behavior and your emotion, it takes time. And it takes consistency.

It will happen. You are removing this toxic substance from your body that, by the way, is addictive and has totally fucked up your nervous system and your sleep. So, alcohol causes a spike in your cortisol levels. So, even if you drink just on the weekends or anything, you will be more stressed out and more anxious than you would be without alcohol. It takes about a week for those cortisol levels to even out alcohol also spikes your dopamine, which is your happy hormone. So, your body automatically suppresses your natural level of dopamine, meaning you are less happy than you would be without alcohol.

Drinking alcohol also leads to the suppression of serotonin, which is your mood stabilizer. And so, it is not your imagination that in the beginning you are more irritated and more sensitive and less happy than you are when you’re drinking.

Here’s what I want to tell you. This is your body healing. And I need you to be patient with it because I promise you, you will sleep better and be happier and feel better and have that ticker tape in your mind go away, but you need to give it a little bit of time. I had my first really good night of sleep on day 12. It was probably the best type of sleep I had had in years. And you, years, and years, you don’t realize it. When you drink even 2 drinks, it decreases the quality of your sleep by 40%. And trust me, I was drinking way more than 2 drinks tonight. It takes about 30 days for your dopamine and your serotonin levels to even out to where they would be before. If you were not drinking at all. So, you will be happier. Have some patience. Behavioral changes often take time. They take consistency to see the benefits. A lot of women and myself included stop drinking 2 weeks in was like, What the actual fuck? I used to drink a bottle of wine tonight. I have not done that in 14 days. Why is the scale not budging? Again, it takes time to change your body to change your systems around your body is healing.

Here’s what I want you to do. Instead, we have probably all taken those selfies of ourselves on our brutally hungover morning, I did it as sort of a shame practice. Look at how shitty you look. Look at how bloodshot your eyes are. You need to fucking stop drinking. That’s what I would say to myself, What is wrong with you? When you stop drinking, I want you to take a selfie of yourself. At the end of each week, week 1, week 2, week 3, week 4, I promise you, you will see the difference. It doesn’t matter if your scale bulges at all, you will be less bloated, your face will be less puffy, your eyes will be brighter, no more bloodshot eyes, your skin will look better. I have so many clients who say at six weeks, people are coming up to them and being like, Oh my God, you look amazing. What are you doing? The only thing they’ve done is remove alcohol. And yet they look so much better.

So, we talked about unrealistic expectations, lack of planning, impatience, the fourth thing that can trip you up: lack of accountability. Without support. Without accountability measures, you will find it super easy to abandon your New Year’s resolutions. And I don’t want you to do the really hard part, and then say screw it and get back into the exact same place that you were before. So, strategies to use for that.

Number one, tell people, if you look at those stats 41% of American adults intended last year to take place in Dry January stats for recent years say somewhere between a third and a fifth of American adults actually start Dry January. You are not alone. You will not be alone. When you do Dry January.

So, tell everyone. Tell your partner and your girlfriends. Tell your work buddies, tell the people you work out with say, I’m doing Dry January this year. I am detoxing from the holidays. I am doing a health and wellness kick to start the New Year’s off right now. For me, I’d like you to tell them you’re doing 100 day challenge but do Dry January to start. And then you can always say I feel so good. I want to keep going. So, tell people. Telling people helped. And you probably need more.

Casey McGuire Davidson 

Hi there. If you’re listening to this episode, and have been trying to take a break from drinking, but keep starting and stopping and starting again, I want to invite you to take a look at my on demand coaching course, The Sobriety Starter Kit.

 

The Sobriety Starter Kit is an online self study sober coaching course that will help you quit drinking and build a life you love without alcohol without white knuckling it or hating the process. The course includes the exact step by step coaching framework I work through with my private coaching clients, but at a much more affordable price than one on one coaching. And the sobriety starter kit is ready, waiting and available to support you anytime you need it. And when it fits into your schedule. You don’t need to work your life around group meetings or classes at a specific day or time.

This course is not a 30 day challenge, or a one day at a time approach. Instead, it’s a step by step formula for changing your relationship with alcohol. The course will help you turn the decision to stop drinking, from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

You will sleep better and have more energy, you’ll look better and feel better. You’ll have more patience and less anxiety. And with my approach, you won’t feel deprived or isolated in the process. So if you’re interested in learning more about all the details, please go to www.sobrietystarterkit.com. You can start at any time and I would love to see you in the course 

So, one of the things that I added to the Sobriety Starter Kit last year was a Course Community. And in there you get support every single day. Right now, it’s about 200 women, the benefit is that we’re all working through the same habit and behavior change model, the same curriculum.

So, when you post a question or when you need support, you are not getting a million different opinions of how to do this, someone is not going to suggest that you go to a 12 step meeting. Or you consider a that is awesome if that is your jam. But the women in this course are working through my habit and behavior change sober coaching approach that’s positive and empowering and focused on sober treats, and everything else.

So, there you get daily support, you get daily accountability, I’m in there every day. And that makes it a lot more likely you are going to keep with your New Year’s resolution with your goals.

The last thing that can trip you up is external factors. Unexpected life events, work, stress, anything that can derail your efforts. I would say in there having alcohol in your house having your alcohol of choice in your house, because you’re good. When you have a stressful day, you just are, it happens. And if there is a bottle of wine or a gin and tonic, or whatever your jam is at arm’s length, it will be very easy for you in that moment to grab it and drink without pausing. On the other hand, if you don’t have alcohol in your house, if you were to have to go get it to have to drive to the store, you will probably get through that moment, you will probably eat something, maybe you post in a group and get support. Maybe you vent to someone about how awful your day was. Most cravings last about 20 minutes. And in that moment, because alcohol isn’t there, you have time to do some breath work to go on a walk, to scream, to cry into your pillow to bitch, I don’t care what you do, as long as you don’t drink, eat a fucking brownie to that usually helps. You can do this. But when stuff comes up, it helps to not have alcohol, right there. So, when you break, you grab it, you don’t even take a breath, other stuff can come up. And in terms of keeping your goal front and center, I am a vision board girl, you can do a virtual vision board on your phone, you can do it on your computer, I love a bulletin board with quotes and images in my office or in my kitchen so I can see it every single day. Put some words and some messages up there to remind you and crown you about what you’re doing, and why it’s good. Why this is something you want for yourself. One of the quotes I had up there that helped me was,

I know what giving up feels like, I want to see what happens when I don’t.

For me, that was very motivating because I did know what giving up felt like. And to me wanting to know what happened meant that I was approaching this with curiosity and excitement and doing this as a gift for myself.

I also had a quote that said,

Create a life that feels good on the inside, not just one that looks good on the outside.

And you know, to be honest, waking up and rolling over and asking myself what the hell is wrong with me and telling myself to get it together and not liking putting on eyeliner with my bloodshot eyes. I don’t care how many times I smiled or got promoted at work or picked up the kids on time or made sure the dentist appointments were made or went on a date with my husband, that life really didn’t feel good on the inside. And I knew deep down that removing alcohol was step number one to doing that. So, in order to counteract those external factors that can derail you, I really like having those reminders, front and center so you can see them every day.

I’m going to talk about do this, not that.

But I wanted to also just remind you how embracing an alcohol-free lifestyle. It aligns with all of the big wellness trends of 2024. I truly believe that going alcohol free is the best resolution you can make for your mind and your body for your physical health, for the way you look for the way you feel in life. It hits every aspect that will make your life better.

So, number one, mindful consumption. Wellness trends are all about mindful consumptions and choosing an alcohol-free life. It reflects a conscious decision to be more intentional about what goes into your body, and also how it impacts your ability to be mindful to think clearly. Another big trend is holistic well-being and that encompasses physical and mental and emotional health. When you don’t drink, you’re addressing both the short term and the long term impacts of your overall of your overall well-being. Mental health is a big wellness trend in 2024. And reducing or eliminating alcohol does so much for your mental health. I used to struggle quite a bit with anxiety I would say. I still do a little bit but 60% of my anxiety went away when I stopped drinking. Drinking is really like pouring gasoline on your anxiety and you’re doing it because you think it helps and it doesn’t. I talked a little bit about what happens in your nervous system when you stopped Thinking, you will have an improved mood, less anxiety and better stress management. It will also help you sleep better. It improves your gut health, it improves your nutrition because you are not putting a toxin in your body, you will eat more balanced and a better diet, I highly recommend that you set your alarm for protein snack at 3:30 or 4pm. Because hunger is a big trigger to drink. So, in my daily plan, in my weekly plan, it’s important to get enough protein so you don’t have those triggers.

So, in terms of nutrition, you will eat better when you are not drinking, even if you eat more sugar in the beginning, even if you eat cookies, and brownies and ice cream in the beginning because you will crave that because of the fact that sugar spikes your dopamine in a similar way that alcohol does. And you are dopamine deficient for a little while. And also, because a lot of alcohol has a great deal of sugar in it. So, I recommend eat the sugar in the beginning, no judgement you are removing a highly addictive substance that really hurts your overall health and wellness, you will be able to get out of that. And you will not eat all the cookies and brownies forever. You just need to do it until you’re stronger in sobriety. Another big wellness trend is elevating personal growth, personal growth and self-discovery is a huge part of walking away from alcohol. It’s an opportunity for you to learn about yourself to learn about the people in your life to tap into what truly gives you comfort and gives you self-soothing, to try other habits that have been sort of crowded out by a lot of your activities being centered around drinking. So, I believe that embracing an alcohol-free lifestyle aligns with all of the hot wellness trends of 2024 – mindfulness, holistic well-being, mental health prioritization, more energy, better sleep, better gut health, social connection, nutrition, and the elevation of personal growth. So, when you think you need to do it all, just do this one thing, just do Dry January, and keep going. You’re doing the best possible wellness resolution you could make.

So, let’s jump into what to do and what not to do to help you keep your New Year’s resolution to stop drinking.

Number 1. Do set clear and achievable goals. Instead of overwhelming yourself with vague or unattainable goals like I’m never going to drink again. Or I’m going to try not to drink this week that can set you up for frustrations and feelings of failure. So, your specific measurable goal can be I am doing Dry January. And then once you celebrate that milestone, reflect back on everything you’ve achieved in January. The big wins the small wins the things you’ve learned how you feel, and then set your next clear, achievable goal.

Number 2. Do cultivate a support system instead of trying to do this on your own. I spent years thinking that I just did not have enough discipline, and enough self-control, and enough willpower to stop drinking. And we live in a booze centered world. Anywhere you go. You are offered a drink as an adult, if you sit down in the restaurant, they bring you a drink menu. And that is the first question they ask you. All of the marketing around us tells us to drink as well as our ingrained beliefs that everyone has from years and years of socialization. You need to add your social life, a support system, a community of other people where your desired behavior to go alcohol-free to do Dry January is the behavior that celebrated within the group. So join a program, join a community you can join the sobriety starter kit and get a two month jumpstart in our Member course community with group coaching. Whatever you decide to do, surround yourself with other people who are doing this as well. Now with your partner, your best friend, your mother may not want to stop drinking. That does not mean that you cannot take a break from drinking that you cannot be successful. But it does mean that you need a support system that can cheer you on and remind you why what you’re doing is good.

Number 3. Do prioritize self-care. This is a time to invest in yourself, you don’t want to neglect your mental and physical well-being. As you are walking away from alcohol. This should not feel like deprivation in isolation, it should feel like you are taking care of yourself for the very first time in a long while. I encourage you to plan sober treats every day, in the beginning and every other day as you go along. To know what they are in advance to plan treats or things you will enjoy, especially during the times where you would normally drink, you will save a lot of money not drinking, I saved $550 in my very first month, alcohol free, I also did not ingest 40 bottles of wine, which is crazy, because I’m only 5’3. That said, you may not drink as much as I did, but you will still save a lot of money. Repurpose that money if you can, and you probably can invest it in maybe hiring a babysitter. So, you can go on a walk or go to coffee with a girlfriend. I joined a gym with a kids club. So, I could sit in the hot tub or go in the steam room while my little kids went and played. And then we all got protein smoothies afterwards. And it was a great day. I went to a garden shop and walked around and picked up a beautiful journal and a plant I went to a coffee shop and read a magazine by myself. I took walks during lunch. And that was a period of self-care and prioritizing myself, I bought new running shoes.

All of these things are ways that I prioritize my mental my emotional my physical self-care, so that I could continue on with not drinking, feeling good. So, explore activities that bring you joy and relaxation. You can try meditation or yoga. Spending time in nature, making your bedroom a beautiful sanctuary. Anything that keeps you committed to sobriety and to feeling good.

All right, here’s number 4, do identify triggers and coping strategies do not ignore potential triggers, that can lead to unexpected challenges, making it difficult to keep going. So, a trigger is anything that sets off a desire to drink. So, in the very beginning, a trigger can be 5pm. It can be driving home, it can be cooking dinner, it can be going to a restaurant or a bar, or anything else. So, in the beginning, avoiding triggers may mean driving a different route home or not bringing your idea your credit card to work so that you can’t stop and pick up a bottle of wine. It may mean going to the grocery store on Saturday or Sunday morning. Instead of during the witching hour when it’s really easy to pick up a bottle of wine. It could be not walking by the alcohol section in the grocery store. I used to put in my earbuds and listen to a sober audio while I was in the grocery store to keep my resolve high. But other triggers. It is very helpful in the beginning to meet your girlfriends for brunch, or for a walk or for yoga instead of happy hour, or a boozy dinner out with my husband, I would change our date night, so I went to a coffee shop with him that had an open mic night and live music. Instead of going to a brewery. We went to a movie in a bookstore and Alper sushi instead of an Italian restaurant, because Saki was never my champ. And other triggers can be emotions. So, your boss being really difficult can be a definite trigger.

Overwhelm at work can be a trigger of resentment, because maybe your spouse isn’t doing what you would like them to do around the home. And you feel like it’s all on you. That’s a trigger. I hate to say it but when my kids were little when they were two in a If they could be a trigger, it is really hard to come home from a long day of work, and have your two year old just screaming at you, and you’re already at your wit’s end. So, identifying triggers and identifying coping strategies is a key part of keeping your New Year’s resolution to not drink and getting out of the hard part. Now I have a million strategies of how to do that they’re in my sobriety starter kit course, you can probably find them all through different podcast episodes, on anxiety and parenting and sort of all across the board. But that can really help you move through some of those moments.

Number 5, do celebrate milestones. So, don’t forget to acknowledge and celebrate your achievements along the way. For example, getting to your first week, alcohol free is incredible. Notice that celebrate that write in a journal post in a group. When I hit day, 12. That was longer than I’d been without alcohol, other than my pregnancies in probably a decade. That was big, that was important. And the only people who got how big that was, were other people on the path of walking away from alcohol. My husband didn’t get that it was a huge deal. My friends didn’t get it because they didn’t have the same relationship that I did. I highly recommend when you hit 30 days, by yourself a milestone gift and what I love the 30 Day one to be as a touchstone, a bracelet or a necklace, something meaningful to you, that you can touch and feel as a daily reminder of the path you’re on the work you’ve done, and why it is good. And take moments to reflect on. Wow, I’m on day 21. Here’s how I feel, as opposed to when I was in the drinking cycle and trying to get out of it. Here’s what my moods like. Here’s the little wins I’ve had, here’s the physical differences I’ve noticed same at 30 days, same at 50 days, celebrate those milestones, they matter.

Do learn from setbacks. Now, I’m a sober coach and with the work I do, my goal is to provide you with all of the support you need so that you don’t have a slip, so that you don’t need to start over. But that said, if you do slip, learn from it. All that it means if your intention is to do Dry January, to take a break from drinking, to stop drinking completely, you didn’t have enough support. In that minute, you didn’t have enough accountability, maybe you didn’t plan ahead, maybe you should have set a boundary that you didn’t set. And you let sort of the death of 1000 cuts of difficult things pile up without taking a moment to reset your energy and your mood and your resilience and ability to cope. So, if you have a slip, don’t use that as a reason to quit your New Year’s resolution. Don’t use it as a reason to say oh my god, I already screwed it up. Forget it. I knew it would never work. I suck. I might as well drink. No. Take that moment to learn from it. And to keep going.

Number 7, do embrace positive change. Don’t resist and cling to old habits that are going to hinder your progress. You are allowed to evolve. Get curious and excited about what your life could look like without alcohol. I want you to use this period to explore new interests, make new friends rediscover the joy of living without the influence of alcohol. Binge On books you never read when you were drinking. Join a morning workout group because you’re not hungover.

There are a million beautiful, wonderful things in this world to enjoy that don’t come in a bottle. So that was a lot. I hope I gave you some tips and tricks. So, when you are setting your New Year’s resolution, you can set yourself up for success.

I want to go through those 7 things that you should do to keep your New Year’s resolutions one more time.

So,

1. Do set clear, achievable goals to do.
2. Cultivate a support system.
3. Do prioritize self-care.
4. Do identify triggers and coping strategies.
5. Do celebrate milestones.
6. Do learn from setbacks. And
7. Do embrace positive change, because that’s what this is.

This is a positive step forward, for your health, and your happiness, you are allowed to evolve, you are allowed to transform. And if you have wanted to stop drinking before, and haven’t been able to do this, whether it’s because of fears you have about being able to socialize without alcohol, or not being a connect with your partner, or how will you attend sales dinners on business trips, or you’re scared, you won’t be able to relax, or you’ve tried and failed so many times that you just don’t believe in yourself again, I want you to know that all that means is that you need more support, and you need a new approach.

So, if you want to join me, I would love to have you join the Sobriety Starter Kit. This January, I would love to kick off the new year, and take you through January and February and March and April. To support you when things are hard to celebrate you when things are good. And to help you to give you the step by step system I use with my private coaching clients. Because you do need a plan. You do need support. You don’t want to do this on your own. All right, I hope you have a wonderful new year. I hope this episode helped. And 2024 It’s going to be awesome.