Are you thinking about taking a break from alcohol this Sober October?
Whether you’re curious about the health benefits or just ready to reset your habits, this episode is for you. I’m here to help you explore how a month without alcohol can change your life, and why now is the perfect time to give it a try.
Sober October is part of a growing movement, with millions of people worldwide taking on alcohol-free challenges like Dry January and Sober October. But what does it actually mean to join in, and how can it help you create lasting change?
In this episode, I sit down with Kate Baily to dive deep into how to thrive (not just survive) during Sober October. We explore everything from how alcohol impacts your health and mindset, to practical tips for staying alcohol-free all month long.
What is Sober October?
If you’re wondering what Sober October is—it’s a month-long challenge to quit drinking. This isn’t just about giving up alcohol; it’s about taking time to reflect on your habits, reset your body and mind, and see how you feel without alcohol in your life. Whether you’re sober curious or already on your sober journey, Sober October gives you the perfect chance to make a positive change.
Why Sober October?
Fall is a natural time for reflection. With the cozy season comes introspection, and it’s the perfect opportunity to set new intentions. We talk about why autumn is ideal for resetting your habits, creating alcohol-free routines, and discovering healthier ways to enjoy life. From sipping hot cider to spending more time outdoors, this season offers so many ways to embrace sober living.
Health Benefits of Sober October
One of the top reasons to try Sober October is the health benefits. You might be asking, “What happens if I stop drinking for a month?” Well, the rewards are pretty impressive! People often experience better sleep, improved mood, reduced anxiety, and even weight loss. Giving up alcohol can also significantly improve hormonal health, especially for women going through perimenopause or menopause.
Setting Intentions and Building New Routines
One of the best ways to succeed in Sober October is by setting clear intentions.
What do you want to feel this month? Peace, clarity, energy?
In this episode, I share how you can develop new routines that align with those goals. From journaling to walking, we explore ways to replace alcohol with positive habits that leave you feeling empowered and refreshed.
Managing Social Events and Triggers
I get it—fall is filled with social events, football games, and Halloween parties where alcohol is everywhere. But don’t worry, we’ve got you covered! We talk about planning ahead to handle these situations without feeling deprived. Whether it’s bringing your own non-alcoholic drinks, avoiding certain environments, or creating new traditions, we offer simple strategies to help you stay on track and enjoy the season sober.
Finding Support and Community
Taking on Sober October doesn’t have to be done alone. One of the best ways to stay motivated and accountable is by joining a community of like-minded women.
I talk about how The Sobriety Starter Kit and Kate’s Love Sober community offer a safe, supportive space where you can connect with others, share your journey, and find encouragement when you need it most.
Sober October as a Path to Long-Term Change
Sober October isn’t just a 31-day challenge. For many, it’s the beginning of a deeper transformation. In this episode, we discuss how the benefits of going alcohol-free often extend beyond October, leading to a lasting shift in how you live, feel, and engage with the world around you.
Key Takeaways:
➡️ What is Sober October? It’s a chance to take a break from alcohol and see how it impacts your health, mindset, and life.
➡️ Fall is the perfect season to embrace sobriety—cozy, reflective, and a time for resetting your habits.
➡️ The health benefits of Sober October include better sleep, improved mood, reduced anxiety, and hormonal balance, especially for women in perimenopause or menopause.
➡️ Setting intentions and creating nurturing routines can make your alcohol-free month positive and rewarding.
➡️ Support is key—find a community like the one for members of The Sobriety Starter Kit to stay accountable, motivated, and encouraged.
➡️ Social events during fall don’t have to be a challenge—plan ahead and create new sober-friendly traditions.
➡️ Sober October can be the first step toward long-term lifestyle changes.
If you’re ready to reclaim your time, energy, and health this fall, join me in falling in love with Sober October. This might just be the best decision you make all year.
In this episode, Kate and I dive into:
✅ How to reset your habits, improve your health, boost your mental clarity, and reclaim your time with Sober October
✅ Why autumn naturally aligns with introspection and coziness, making it the perfect time to embrace a sober lifestyle
✅ The importance of creating new rewards and alcohol-free routines during Sober October
✅ Why the sober curious movement is embracing month long breaks from alcohol like Dry January and Sober October
✅ The ways you can use Sober October to set new intentions, discover new ways to enjoy life, create lasting changes, and improve your physical and mental well-being
✅ Resources, support, tips and tricks for your 31 Day Sober October alcohol-free challenge
✅ The physical and mental benefits you can experience in 31 days alcohol free during Sober October
✅ How to replace drinking with new habits and routines to decompress without alcohol, create comfort and experience joy
✅ Strategies to prepare for and navigate drinking events like football games, Halloween and the Holidays alcohol-free
✅ How to use Sober October as a launchpad for lasting lifestyle changes and alcohol-free life
Links Mentioned in the Episode:
Ep. 136: How To Love Your Sober Year
Ep. 47: Love Yourself Sober – Self Care For Busy Moms
Ep. 181: Everything You Need To Know To Crush Sober October
Ep. 34: Stop Drinking with Identity Based Atomic Habits
Ep. 35: Break your habit of drinking in 4 simple steps with Atomic Habits
Ep: 36 When Does Not Drinking Get Easier? The Atomic Habits Tipping Point
4 Ways I Can Support You In Drinking Less + Living More
❤️ Join The Sobriety Starter Kit Program, the only sober coaching course designed specifically for busy women.
🧰 Grab the Free 30-Day Guide To Quitting Drinking, Tips For Your First Month Alcohol-Free.
📝 Save your seat in my FREE MASTERCLASS, 5 Secrets To Successfully Take a Break From Drinking
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Connect with Kate Baily
Kate Baily is a ICF Accredited trauma-informed Integrative Sobriety & Behavioural Health Life Coach specializing in sobriety, holistic well-being for women in midlife, perimenopause transition and stress management. She has co-authored two books – Love Yourself Sober and Love Your Sober Year and is the co-founder of Love Sober.
Kate was a finalist in The International Coaching Awards in 2019 and she is a SHE RECOVERS® Coach, which means that she is trained in and her work aligns with the SHE RECOVERS® Intentions & Guiding Principles. Kate is also a Specialist Coach Trainer for The Coaching Academy in Addictive Behaviors & Habit Change. She also holds certificates in The Science of Happiness and Counseling.
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Learn more about Love Sober at www.lovesober.com
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The Positive Planner Bullet Diary
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“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” ~ James Clear
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Want to read the full transcript of this podcast episode? Scroll down on this page.
ABOUT THE HELLO SOMEDAY PODCAST FOR SOBER CURIOUS WOMEN
Are you looking for the best sobriety podcast for women? The Hello Someday Podcast was created specifically for sober curious women and gray area drinkers ready to stop drinking, drink less and change their relationship with alcohol.
Host Casey McGuire Davidson, a certified life and sobriety coach and creator of The 30-Day Guide to Quitting Drinking and The Sobriety Starter Kit Sober Coaching Course, brings together her experience of quitting drinking while navigating work and motherhood, along with the voices of experts in personal development, self-care, addiction and recovery and self-improvement.
Whether you know you want to stop drinking and live an alcohol-free life, are sober curious, or are in recovery this is the best sobriety podcast for you.
A Top 100 Mental Health Podcast, ranked in the top 0.5% of podcasts globally with over 1.5 million downloads, The Hello Someday Podcast is the best sobriety podcast for women.
In each episode, Casey will share the tried and true secrets of how to drink less and live more.
Learn how to let go of alcohol as a coping mechanism, how to shift your mindset about sobriety and change your drinking habits, how to create healthy routines to cope with anxiety, people pleasing and perfectionism, the importance of self-care in early sobriety, and why you don’t need to be an alcoholic to live an alcohol-free life.
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READ THE TRANSCRIPT OF THIS PODCAST INTERVIEW
How To Fall In Love With Sober October with Kate Baily
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
drinking, drinking alcohol, sober, alcohol, sobriety, love, talk, month, habit, October, people, life, work, routine, started, reward, fall, women, seasonal, change, kids, Sober October, fall in love, reset, intentions, habits, routines, alcohol-free, love sober, neurodivergent, self-discovery, refocus, goals, changes, keep going, keep growing, stress hormones, dopamine, cortisol, serotonin, coping skills, no alcohol challenge, socialize, sober space, curating, creating, nurture yourself, put you first, recenter, menopause, Doula, perimenopause, self-care, Hello Someday podcast, sober curious women, ritual, reflection, Fall Season, Autumn, equinox, journaling, planner, set intentions, early sobriety, secret to success is in our daily routine, mantras, cues, rewire, rewards, sober treats, friction to alcohols, start romanticizing sobriety, mindset, transitions, triggers, 30 days sober
SPEAKERS: Casey McGuire Davidson + Kate Baily
00:02
Welcome to the Hello Someday Podcast, the podcast for busy women who are ready to drink less and live more. I’m Casey McGuire Davidson, ex-red wine girl turned life coach helping women create lives they love without alcohol. But it wasn’t that long ago that I was anxious, overwhelmed, and drinking a bottle of wine and night to unwind. I thought that wine was the glue, holding my life together, helping me cope with my kids, my stressful job and my busy life. I didn’t realize that my love affair with drinking was making me more anxious and less able to manage my responsibilities.
In this podcast, my goal is to teach you the tried and true secrets of creating and living a life you don’t want to escape from.
Each week, I’ll bring you tools, lessons and conversations to help you drink less and live more. I’ll teach you how to navigate our drinking obsessed culture without a buzz, how to sit with your emotions when you’re lonely or angry, frustrated or overwhelmed, how to self soothe without a drink, and how to turn the decision to stop drinking from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.
I am so glad you’re here. Now let’s get started.
Hey, there. Today we are talking about
how to fall in love with sober October
and how to reset your intentions, habits and routines, to take a longer period of time off from drinking alcohol and really enjoy the fall season alcohol-free.
I asked Kate Baily, the host of the Love Sober podcast, and the co-author of Love Yourself sober, and the co-author of two books, Love Yourself Sober and Love Your Sober Year, A Seasonal Guide To Alcohol-Free Living, to join me in this conversation.
I hope that like me, you are going to love her energy and her approach, the way she grounds herself, and encourages you to look at sobriety as an opportunity for reflection and to center yourself, and I think we have a great conversation with lots of tools and tips and ideas and inspiration so that you can fall in love with Sober October.
Hey, Kate, I am so glad that you’re here, and we are going to talk about
how to fall in love with Sober October.
Kate Baily 02:49
We are indeed. This is super exciting. So, we were talking, aren’t we, that we haven’t seen each other for a while, and it just feels like a really nice sort of got that back to school feeling yes time of year, great, sort of fresh start. Really perfect to kind of, I kind of galvanize your sobriety or staff start it. If you’re not, you know, great. It’s great. I love.
Casey McGuire Davidson 03:15
Yeah, I love the fall time, because during the summer, it’s an awesome time to be sober, because you have so much to do outside. But I was traveling a lot. There’s so much going on if you have kids. And fall has always been my time to refocus on whatever goals or habits or changes I want to make in my life.
Kate Baily 03:37
I totally agree, and I think summer’s a lot actually, so I’m always really relieved when Autumn comes. Okay, I got the “it might be” because I am neurodivergent, and I noticed it in my because I didn’t know this, by the way. I had no idea, or was, until my kids got diagnosed. I thought I was like, Huh, okay, but that sensory thing so very bright, very busy, very hot, you know, and all of those can ramp up stress. And I, I think that’s quite pertinent for a lot of sober people who might not actually realize they have some sensory needs. So, all I guess, is kind of so interesting, isn’t it, to have a look at? And for me, I know that the journey to all of that self-discovery started when I stopped drinking before I did that, I didn’t know. So, it’s such a gift.
So, if you’re listening and thinking, maybe I’ll give it a go, Really, do you. You’d be amazed. It’s the best kept secret, right? We know that.
Casey McGuire Davidson 04:37
Yeah, and I totally agree.
I think so many of us are drinking, and it changes our mind and our body to such a great extent, in terms of just hangovers and being checked out and kind of blaming yourself, I’m talking about myself for feeling awful, meaning like I’m not going to go to a doctor, because this is my own fault.
It wasn’t until I stopped drinking and kind of got a new baseline, not only like, wow, this is what being healthy feels like. This is what it’s like to not have additional anxiety or depression or bad sleep. But once I did that, I was going to therapy, and I also discovered that I had a mood disorder, which I had never known. I always blame myself for when I was down or anxious or felt like I couldn’t cope. And it turns out it was something that I could actually fix with medication, and it was just really incredible not to have that anymore.
Kate Baily 05:45
Yeah, it’s so interesting, isn’t it? Um, it’s like, like, you say it’s such a good way of putting it about having a baseline to a reliable baseline. It doesn’t go up and down with those fluctuations of I’m either inebriated or I’ve got a hangover or I’m recovering, it gives you this kind of reliable witness and solid ground space to actually kind of properly, and I think it takes a while, because, yeah, at the beginning, we’re just rinse and repeat, aren’t we, and we’re reaping the benefits. But the opportunities to feel better, I think, is what you’re saying, and to identify the real thing, sort of keep going and keep going and keep growing.
Casey McGuire Davidson 06:30
You know, yeah, absolutely. And, you know, we know. And anyone listening who isn’t aware that the results of hangovers and drinking are not just at that moment, like alcohol spikes your stress hormones, your cortisol, for at least a week after drinking it, you know, you’re suppressing your dopamine and your serotonin for a month, and then also, you’re putting in all these new coping skills that you probably haven’t had before.
So, we’re talking about Sober October, and we’re talking about the fall. And if you are embarking on Sober October, or a no alcohol challenge to start with, or to keep going, it takes a month to get to a new normal, to be sleeping well, to have your body recover from being so tired from ingesting alcohol on a regular basis.
So, this is a great time to get to your new normal to then say, Okay, this feels great, or I need additional support, or I need to talk about medication or nutrition or whatever it is.
Kate Baily 07:37
Yeah, 100% 100% and I love that as that, that kind of where we talk about the seasonal aspect of that, I feel like it’s a really nurturing time to do that as well. Because, like you said, right at the beginning, summer is this kind of super social time, and we’re naturally sort of retreating a little bit more indoors. We’ve got maybe less sociable.
A lot of people find the socializing part of being alcohol-free really challenging. That’s often the biggest worry is, I find with clients, and so there’s almost we’re afforded that opportunity to kind of retreat a little bit.
Yeah, I like to think of it as curating and creating and then curating a sober space. And I think it’s a perfect time of year to kind of put you first in the picture and do a little bit of draw bridging and above.
Casey McGuire Davidson 08:35
It’s the perfect time to, like, nurture yourself and get cozy and recenter. And before we jump in too far, should we just tell a little bit about ourselves? Why don’t you go first, just who you are, your family, all that good stuff.
Kate Baily 08:52
Oh, you’re so good. You’re like, I go, I kind of go diving off into topics. And you’re like, you come back to the point. You’re such a good podcaster. I mean, I’m in awe a few cases.
So, I, my name’s Kate. Kate Baily, and I co-founded love sober, and we’re a community that, really, I feel like it was a get stay in love being sober. That was the kind of, that’s what it’s that was the clever strap line, right? And it’s kind of grown over time to be that kind of stay sober and love sober piece. So, all the stuff we’re talking about that kind of adding in the self-care, then this the seasonal stuff.
I found that we’ve got women who are like, you know, 4 years sober, some are starting out. Some are reaching 1000. You know, it’s just like, because of the internet, like going off again, we have this kind of bit of a longevity now, and so we’re staying sober together, which is so beautiful. So, we’re doing, we’ve, that’s what I’m doing at the moment. I’ve got a focus on our community. Um, I’m a Coach.
I’m also an author of two books. So, Love Yourself Sober was the first one. It was very much around mums and mommy wine time and the feminization of alcohol. And the second one was, Love Your Sober Year, which is very much my kind of, my happy place, which is that seasonal stuff.
And I’m also, now I’m in the menopause, so I’ve got 2 kids who are teenagers, and they’re getting grown up. I live in West Sussex with my husband. I’ve got 2 dogs, a tramp in the woods. Do a lot of yoga. I just trained as a yoga teacher, as a menopause Doula. So, you know, like we talk about adding in, it’s like the learning. And so, as I’ve grown as a woman and got older, I’ve ended up kind of adding things in that work for me, and so that’s kind of what I’m up to. But I guess my main job is still love sober and coaching.
Casey McGuire Davidson 10:57
Okay, so I have never heard of a menopause doula. Can you tell me more about your patios and what you do?
Kate Baily 11:05
Yeah, well, it’s very much coaching, but I trained with the menopause school in the UK, and so it’s very much looking at Hormonal Health and the physiological stuff that’s happening with women as we go through perimenopause and menopause. So, you know, the home, we call it the hormone highway, what’s, what’s going on, looking at symptoms and how to manage those so, so for me, what I realized that was a lot of women clients coming who were, they had lots of sober time, and then were suddenly really struggling. And I know I fell off. I relapsed the first time around 10 years ago when I hit perimenopause. So, it was like, okay, we can have all the mindset in the world, but if we suddenly get out of whack and really dysregulated in a hormonal sense, we’re going to start having problems. So that’s why I trained to them. So yeah, it’s that kind of the hormonal piece, and how to manage that.
Casey McGuire Davidson 12:03
Really, to support you talk about hormone replacement therapy, or is it more?
Kate Baily 12:09
Yeah. Because in the UK, there’s been quite a shift. And so, it’s, yeah, I don’t know if it’s the same in the States, but it’s become much more widely available. We also get it on the NHS, so it’s free, so, and it’s a really individual choice, you know, and there’s still, there’s quite a lot of myths to unpick about that. So, there’s a lot of Psych Ed around your choices, around HRT, or the kind of, you know, holistic, non HRT route that go to.
Casey McGuire Davidson 12:36
Okay, I feel like we could do an interview. No, let’s stop on this topic, and we probably should. I’d love to do that with you.
Kate Baily 12:46
So, tell me about you.
Casey McGuire Davidson 12:49
Okay, now, well, before I jump in, you were so kind in talking to me about podcasting.
I just wanted to say that your two books are fantastic. So, How To Love Yourself Sober and Love Your Sober Year. And I have interviewed Kate and her co-author, Mandy twice.
So, if you’re interested, you can go to hellosomedaycoaching.com/47 and then
hellosomedaycoaching.com/136 to hear both of those episodes and hear from Kate and sort of dive in depth on loving yourself sober and loving your sober year.
I know we’re going to talk about Fall and Sober October here, which is perfect for the season.
You asked about me, so I’ll just do a quick intro. So, Casey McGuire Davidson, I live in Seattle, Washington. I’m the host of the top 100 mental health podcast. It’s the Hello Someday podcast for sober curious women. I’m a Life and Sobriety Coach. I work with high achieving, successful women who want to take a break from alcohol, who have been trying to moderate for months, sometimes for years, and haven’t been able to get out of the drinking cycle. I have a course. It’s called the sprite starter kit with a community and a membership and group coaching. And I also have done one-on-one private coaching, and it’s cool. In the US, there is so much interest around this. I know you’ve been in the news a ton, Kate, and I love it. I’ve also, like, been lucky enough to be featured in The New York Times and Good Morning America and NBC News. So, that has been really cool. To see all the interest around Dry January and the sober curious movement and dry months and all that good stuff.
Kate Baily 14:55
Oh, well, yeah, it’s amazing. I can remember seeing that thing on what is it? What was the TV?
Casey McGuire Davidson 15:00
Thank you. Good Morning America. I mean, hello freaking pinch me moment.
Kate Baily 15:02
That’s amazing.
Casey McGuire Davidson 15:08
And what was really cool is the correspondent, the guy also was sober, and so that was just a cool connection to talk about.
Kate Baily 15:19
Yeah, and like, you are such a brilliant advocate and so positive, you know that that whole positive focus to start having that on television, rather than in the UK, it was always like rock bottom, like there was no nuance, there was no positivity, it was all it was that kind of real sensationalist reporting and seen a massive shift. So, to get on like TV like that, and to be able too well.
Casey McGuire Davidson 15:47
You as well, I love your approach. I mean, it’s very cool, and that’s why we’re, for instance, definitely.
So, let’s talk about how to fall in love with Sober October. If anyone doesn’t know what it is, it is a month long Dry Challenge. It’s very similar to Dry January in that people participate and try to not only notice your drinking habits, but also take a full month away from alcohol to see how you feel without it. And as part of Sober October, it is so helpful to not only remove alcohol, but to add in other sources of joy and comfort and other interests. And so, that’s what we’re talking about today, like how to actually fall in love with sober October, to take this time away from alcohol and truly enjoy it and appreciate the season, and then hopefully, if you love it, you will keep going, because it gets even better after 31 days.
Kate Baily 16:58
I love that. In my mind, there is a mantra, which is, don’t quit till the magic happens. And I feel like this is a really, real opportunity to start that process. And like you said, really important to just start with the intention of taking a space so rather than kind of this, you know, like, oh god, I’ve got, I’ve got to do this awful thing. So almost like, mind flip it to this, I’m going to create some space in my life to get curious about how I tick. What I really like, what do I What does Kate like? What does Kate not like? What does Kate find comfortable? What does she actually not really like? You know, to it’s almost like having a little audit.
Yes, absolutely being curious. That’s how I think that for me, would be the baseline kind of mindset to go into it with.
Casey McGuire Davidson 17:59
Yeah, I completely agree. And I think one of the things that hit me when I stopped drinking was I had a Sober Coach, and she asked me, in the beginning, I was a red wine girl. I kind of drank a bottle of wine a night, sometimes more. I was sort of a 7 days a week drinker. And she asked me, What do you love more than wine? And at that time, I’m embarrassed to say My mind went blank. I mean, obviously my husband and my 2 kids. I forgot to mention, I’ve got a 16 year old son and a 10 year old daughter who just you know, are back in 5th grade and 11th grade, which is really cool, but obviously that, but I had paired alcohol with everything I did, right? So, going to a concert, hanging out with my girlfriends, going on a date night sports games, you know, fire pit camping and so it was hard for me, you know, to think about that. I was like, obviously, I love working out without a hangover more than with a hangover.
But when you talk about curiosity, and you talk about, what does Kate like, I think, like you said, it’s an opportunity to discover that. And if you’re thinking about Sober October. If you’re thinking about the fall season and you’ve associated so much of your life with drinking events, this is a chance to experience the season in a different way, but it takes brainstorming and it takes creativity, and that’s what we hope to bring you today.
Kate Baily 19:42
Yeah, but yeah, totally. And when you said that it took me back, and I thought I actually did as well. It was like everything. All roads led to wine, like it was impulse response, impulse response, impulse response. And that was like 2. To uncouple that was. It was hard work. Actually, it was really hard work. But like you said, there are things that make it easier. I.e. having a plan that I like the idea of having a menu and in, Love Your Sober Year, at the beginning of each season, there is actually your seasonal planner and Reasons to be Cheerful about that season. So, having a little think about key dates coming up just it’s almost like we’re just taking a moment, aren’t we, to scope it out to see what’s coming up. Do a little bit of planning, because diary is weapon of choice often, I think, yeah, any in any manner of any woman’s life, right? Diary is weapon of choice, clearing some space and having, like you said, a bit of creativity and thinking about what are the Reasons to be Cheerful? Like? Do you like the Autumn colors? Do you actually, like, is there a I’m sorry, I’m really obsessed with Bridgerton again, but I think Autumn’s a great time to dive into Bridgerton again.
Casey McGuire Davidson 21:08
Oh my God, I absolutely I love all of them. And after the first one came out, I read the entire series, literally every book in the series, and also Julia Quinn, the author, lives in Seattle, came to a book signing at my good friend Ingrid’s bookstore. So, I feel like a little connection, even though I’m totally, you know, unconnected. But I was like, Oh, she’s a Seattle girl, 100% that’s like, super exciting. And so, just obviously, your connection is deeper, sure.
Kate Baily 21:44
Do you know, though, I went to see this a really, a really dear friend of mine, who I actually – she was, is part of the Love Sober group, and our friendship has blossomed. And I was going through a bit of a tough time a couple of years ago, and she reached out and just said, Do you want to go to a garden center? And I was like, Yeah, okay. Anyway, this was the start of this really beautiful friendship. And can’t believe how old I sound. Shall we go to a garden center?
Casey McGuire Davidson 22:15
Oh, my God, I love in early sobriety, was going to this gorgeous garden store, and they had a cafe, and I would look at all the plants, and they even had free classes on different topics.
Kate Baily 22:27
And so, there’s something you can do if you’re so bored, and that is a great place to just be safe but be creative.
Casey McGuire Davidson 22:30
But be inspired. All those good things.
Kate Baily 22:38
Yeah, and so, but, but my point was Bridgerton related where, when I we went for another sort of day, day outing. And she lives near the place where it was filmed, where the bridge is and where they go for walks when they do Menards is in this stately home gardens. And she was like, there, that’s where they did that scene, and that’s how they did that properly. Fan girls, my way anyway, North Bridgeton, enough.
Casey McGuire Davidson 23:06
Oh my gosh, never enough. And by the way, anyone listening to this binging through a show is a legitimate way to get through early sobriety and to be entertained and distracted. And there are definitely some shows and some series that completely romanticize alcohol and highlight it, which can be super triggering. And so, finding something to binge that is not centered around alcohol is a great way to enjoy that time, but not be triggered. And Bridgerton, as we all know, is centered around extraordinarily hot men. And I think that is a fantastic thing to do, all that 100% for women too, such beautiful and those, yeah, Queen offs are just so brilliant, so brilliant.
Kate Baily 23:56
And there is a point in there as well that you know when, so some people love that kind of nurturing and intro, you know, going introspective and the rest of it. But there is something to be said for when you get involved in a net in a series and you feel like you care about the characters. There is something that does something with our mirror neurons, that makes us feel less, makes us feel like we’re connected, which I find fascinating.
So, if you’re like, oh God, but you know, so how much do I go out? How much do I go out and connect with people? Talk about safe ways to do that. Can’t we curating our social lives slightly differently. But there is that thing as well. If you do binge watch, there’s a Netflix or whatever, there’s a bit of you getting that routine, and so you’re changing, maybe changing up your routines around trigger times, and it’s a bit rewarding. But also, there is a bit of that connection, like we end up caring about the character.
Casey McGuire Davidson 25:00
Yeah, absolutely, yeah. In terms of looking at the Fall and looking at October, one thing I love to do is to think about like, setting that intention of how you want to feel. And I usually start with the idea of, like, what are 3 words that capture what you want to feel this fall, and it could be peaceful or cozy or inspired or active or healthy, whatever that is, it can be loved but thinking about setting your intention in a positive and proactive way, and then building out from there.
Kate Baily 25:47
Oh, I love that, yeah. And that is, I mean, it’s, it’s interesting, that isn’t it, because it’s like a coaching approach, where we begin with the end in mind, which is, yeah, helps us to focus positively and think, and then they become like possibilities, don’t they? So what? When you think about Autumn, how do you what are your 3 words?
Casey McGuire Davidson 26:09
They are. Let’s see cozy. I love sitting by the fire. I love bundling up at the side of my daughter soccer game, or my son plays Ultimate Frisbee. I love family in the fall. I have to say, I love being alone as well, but I really enjoy my kids sports games. And I’m, you know, I know for some people, that’s triggering, right? If there are definitely, you know, the parents who drink on the sidelines of football games or soccer games and all that. But in my mind, there are so many things to enjoy without that, and it’s easy to get distracted and excited and have conversations that are not centered around alcohol, so cozy and family and then beauty. I really enjoy the beauty of every single season and just looking at the leaves when they’re falling, going for a hike, putting my garden to bed in the fall, like that sort of seasonal thing. So, you know, those are my3. What about you?
Kate Baily 27:30
What you mentioned there, though, is, I just want to dwell just quickly on that is the when we’re looking at seasonal and the riches of the season. There are, you know, I feel like we’ve got to, we feel like we’ve got to do all the muscle work ourselves. And we do like, you know, the alcohol piece is right? But there are natural rhythms in nature and natural abundance that can really support us. And it’s almost like there’s already those rhythms.
So, if you can, reminds me of Finding Nemo, where the turtles are, like catching the Atlantic drift, dude. It’s like, if we can catch those bits that are there, there already, that can really kind of support and cheer us. I think comfort and cheer. And I love what how you pick that out.
So, for me, I want to feel nurtured, creative and present. I love, like, I inherited, accidentally inherited, a dog about a year and a half ago. A big dog to go with my little one.
Casey McGuire Davidson 28:37
Oh my gosh. What kind of dog he is, a sprocket.
Kate Baily 28:39
So, spring cock across, but he’s very big, and he needs a lot of walking. So, it forced my hands, and I have to go and tramp in the woods every single day. And he’s bit of he’s quite naughty. So, I have this patch that I go to, and so I walk this, these woods. I live an extra beautiful nature reserve. I’m really lucky in Sussex. So, we walk there, and I’ve become intimate with it, because I do it, I notice it’s almost like, become like that. My like a bit of a mindfulness practice, yeah, because I really do notice day to day what happens. And that’s really lit up my life over some really quite challenging times over the last couple of years, I have to say, so all of these things I feel are not just like us going, Oh, and it’ll be really nice, and you can live this beatific life, and it’s all it’s actually these come really help to uplift us, cheer us, comfort us when things are tough. Yeah, that’s the part of the toolkit that has the, you know, the, yeah, the Welly behind it. So, really English thing.
Casey McGuire Davidson 29:50
Wait, what’s the Welly? I don’t even know.
Kate Baily 29:53
Give it a bit of Welly. It’s a Wellington boot, you know.
Casey McGuire Davidson 29:59
Oh, okay, that makes. More sense I have like, Hunter booths and then totally gardening bogs boots that you just want to trample on. So that’s awesome.
One of the things in your book, Love Your Sober Year, which is a seasonal approach. You talk about in Fall, in Autumn, how to use the autumn equinox as an opportunity for ritual and reflection. Can you talk about that a little bit?
Kate Baily 30:28
Oh, I love it so much. It might not be everyone’s cup of tea, because I think when you start talking about the moons and the equinox, people can kind of go, Oh, that’s really woo for me. I, again, I love the, I feel like we are nature and we’re part of it. And so, why not? Why not use it? There’s also I feel like web, if we do use those, it’s a bit like just an opportunity to pause, reflect, do an audit, gather data and make it a bit fun. Why not do it on the autumn equinox and go, Oh, the light is equal. So therefore my, my, my brain goes to, okay.
So, what does that mean for I put everything through the sober lens? That’s another thing we could talk about. So that, what does that mean? That means that I’m going to have a little intentional look at maybe the balance in my life, because it’s all about balance, right? So, so I could use that. I could use that to inspire me and reframe something. So, if I’m feeling bad on that day, or if I feel really low, what might I need to bring a bit of balance? And then probably going back to some of your beautiful intentions, because often the thing that will be bring balance is, is what we crave, right? What we’re really, really wanting.
Casey McGuire Davidson 31:47
Yeah, I love that, and I love. One of the things I like about fall, when the kids go back to school, is, you know, it’s really a chance to focus on habits and routine. And you talked about nurturing, more nurturing habits. And so, whatever that is for you, especially if you’re an early sobriety, it can be a chance to add something into your life, you know, add meditation, or add hot yoga or just add a walk every day. You know, I don’t recommend we always do this when we’re trying to stop drinking or take a break where we’re like, I’m going to work out every day and I’m going to eat healthy, and I’m going to do all these things that are way too much. Quitting drinking is plenty in the beginning, but even something like simple and you can have it stack after that, like I want to take a walk three times a week outside or twice a week, or I want to take a nap on Saturday or Sunday, or I want to have a cup of coffee or tea 30 minutes before everyone gets up or my job starts, just to be quiet in my home, like those kinds of things can be a routine or a habit that you add your life again, not trying to do everything, and almost I think it’s helpful to add things that will actually simplify your life or remove things so that you have time to reflect.
Kate Baily 33:27
Yeah, 100% I’m a fan of kind of bookending the day, not like if you’re a real fan of journey, because part of this, part of this, we’ve set this intention for this period. Part of metabolizing and experiencing this is the reflective process as well. I think so.
I’m a fan of but if you love journaling, knock yourself out. But if you’re like not so much, there’s a great, there’s a wondering, if we could put, I could, we could put links on the show notes to it. There’s a great, there’s a great planner called the CM, the positive planner. And I don’t know if they sell it in the US, but we could look, and they really helped me to establish what I mean by bookending the day is just having setting like that intention. I get up and go, what’s my intention today? How can I support myself to be alcohol free today? How am I feeling? What’s my self-care moment? Right? Simple. About 3, 4 questions, and at the end of the day, how did how was my day? How would I sum it up, three things I’ve done well, and that gets again, our just, it’s like a men, it just reminds us, and also gets us to spot what we’ve done well, and it also gets us to go, Yes, I did it. Alcohol-free. Gold Star me, which is very good for our habit, building our habit, right? Yeah. Yeah.
Casey McGuire Davidson 34:59
And also, in early sobriety, it can be hard during the dinner hour or after dinner. I know that was a big time when I was drinking, I had no idea what to do with myself after dinner. And in the fall, when you talk about book ending your day, that is a great time to take a hot shower or take a bath or get into your pajamas early. I love essential oils, and I got myself an essential oil diffuser in early sobriety, and my bedroom was a safe space. I always drank downstairs so I could get a cup of tea or hot chocolate put on the essential oils, binge a show what, read a book and go to bed super early, and when you think about the health benefits you’ll get just from making that change for one month. I mean, see how you feel after doing that, and your mind will be so much quieter, you will be less anxious and more peaceful. But it’s also a really good way to change your routine, so you’re not just sitting on the couch not drinking when you’re used to drinking, like even those habits and those locations can be cues to drink. So, switching those up can make it easier.
Casey McGuire Davidson
Hi there. If you’re listening to this episode, and have been trying to take a break from drinking, but keep starting and stopping and starting again, I want to invite you to take a look at my on demand coaching course, The Sobriety Starter Kit.
The Sobriety Starter Kit is an online self study sober coaching course that will help you quit drinking and build a life you love without alcohol without white knuckling it or hating the process. The course includes the exact step by step coaching framework I work through with my private coaching clients, but at a much more affordable price than one on one coaching. And the sobriety starter kit is ready, waiting and available to support you anytime you need it. And when it fits into your schedule. You don’t need to work your life around group meetings or classes at a specific day or time.
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Kate Baily 36:24
Yeah, that the secret of success is hidden in our daily routine. That was one of the how a mantras that I really like.
I was all about the big picture and when I like to motivate me, but so, like, I was like, Okay, that’s it. I’m never drinking again, and then we’d get thoroughly overwhelmed by that thought, but quite sort of into it, because it was like, Okay, I’m going to go for this. But actually, we’ve got to almost like, come really simply down to our days, haven’t we, and down to, like you said, those trigger times. So would you like to, you know, just have a different drink. If your thing was, okay, I usually drink one when I start the dinner Okay. Well, what can you play with? You can start, shake up the dinner routine. You can change the ingredient. Have some nice kombucha or something lush that you might, you might like experiment. Yeah, it’s loads of alcohol free drinks now, um, like, you said, like, I love the pajama armor.
Casey McGuire Davidson 37:27
Like, literally, oh my God, that’s the perfect way to describe it.
Kate Baily 37:31
Pajama armor and the duvet fortress. That’s what we decided. It was called the duvet fortress and the pajama armor watching a show, and go, yeah, and go, I love what you’re saying. And you could go to bed early, and if you’re like, oh, I don’t want to, it’s like, well, try it and see it doesn’t have to be forever, and you might find your day, start finding a different rhythm. And then the other thing is, when you get up without a hangover, go outside and get that first bit of the bit of chill on your face first thing in the morning and breathe it in and say to yourself, I don’t have a hangover, right? And that is that’s everyone says, not just me. Everyone says that’s less. That’s like, gold, yeah.
Casey McGuire Davidson 38:18
And then you’ve got, yeah, yeah, the idea that you were trading those boozy nights for quiet, peaceful mornings, and until you experience it, you can’t know how good it is when you were talking about routine and habits, and I want you to repeat that mantra again, but I love a habit change approach to quitting drinking. And one of my favorite authors is James Clear, who wrote the book, Atomic Habits. What I love about that which seems similar to you, is he always says, You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.
And in my mind, the systems are the habits. It’s the routine. So, we always set up these motivations and goals, you know, in the same way that we’re like, I’m going to work out every day. I’m going to eat, you know, I’m not going to have any sugar for the whole month. I’m going to do XYZ. But you can break that down, because motivation and willpower fades to your routine, your habit, and that’s what’s going to support you beyond 4 days, 5 days, 7 days.
Kate Baily 39:34
Yeah, I love that. The systems totally and this goes back to what we talked about right at the beginning, almost about this opportunity to create and curate your sober space. It’s like your environment.
So, yeah, like, you know, James clears, work is so helpful, right for sobriety, it’s just genius. And it, you know, he says, Make it rewarding. So, make sobriety rewarding for that month. How do we make things track progress? Get have a treat work. You know, we will. I love work. The idea of him, you know, you work with the dopamine loop, right? You work with its Ancient Physiology. We need to remember, and we need our rewards. So, it’s like, okay, we’re not going to make ourselves miserable and live like a monk. We’re going to think about how we reward ourselves like, you know, do you like that? You know what is, and that’s going to be different for everyone. So, this is your opportunity to go, oh, actually, that really did float my boat, that gold star in my diary. I don’t care about that, but my hot chocolate at the end of the day now that cut it for me.
Casey McGuire Davidson 40:45
Yeah, and I know we’re both into sober treats, and one of the things that James talks about is the idea of a cue creates a craving, creates a response, creates a reward, much like Pavlov’s dogs, right? You know they at some point, first it’s the food and their mouth salivates, but then it’s just the ringing of Bell and they salivate. So, the idea is that you can minimize your cues, and that could be getting the alcohol out of your house doing something else at 5pm or 6pm as opposed to going straight home, taking a different route home from the office or home to school, like interrupting those cues, but also replacing those rewards. So, you’ve got your rewards planned. And for me, my reward was alcohol at the end of you know, oh my god. It’s been a hard day, a hard week, a good day. I’m bored, I’m whatever, but replacing that, you know, for me, it was like sushi in a movie on Friday night, or getting a pedicure, or what, hot chocolate, putting on essential oils, like those new fuzzy slippers, like all those things can be shifting your reward structure. And in the beginning you’ll be like, fucking hot chocolate. I want a bottle of wine. But as you go on, you will be amazed at how suddenly you crave that new reward, and it becomes your new normal.
Kate Baily 42:18
Yeah, yeah. It was so very articulately said Casey, it’s, I find it. I mean, I could nerd out on this for hours, but when you talk about the big, you know, the sober treats, it literally is rewired. It helps your view to be alcohol-free. It helps habit, because it rewires your brain, your dopamine pathways, which is Yeah, your reward centers away from that kind of, I used to call it the m1 which is the major motorway in breath, which was basically my neuropathy, the highway that was the biggest highway, yeah.
So now, I’m down all the little a roads, looking at all the nice, beautiful woods, and not on that stinky, horrible highway, yeah. So that’s what you’re doing. If you’re adding in your treats, you’re creating friction as well. You basically create friction to alcohols. So, get it out of the house, changing up your routine, and then you’re oiling the system to with rewards towards alternatives for yourself.
Casey McGuire Davidson 43:21
Yeah, yeah. And what we’re talking about there at the very base level is so many of us romanticize drinking, right? You look at the Fall and you cannot imagine in the US, it’s football games in the fall, often you cannot imagine watching a football game without a drink, without, you know, a beer in your hand, or having a fire around the fire pit without a drink in your hand.
And the goal is with falling in love with the Autumn, with Sober October, is to start romanticizing sobriety.
So, thinking about, you know, there’s, there’s a star rover app, so you could look under the stars and check out all the constellations. You know, Starbucks, there’s the pumpkin spice latte. There’s having a fire with hot chocolate or joining a running group or going. You know, here we pick pumpkins and go on a hayride. But the other thing so definitely romanticize sobriety instead of romanticizing drinking.
But I think we should talk about how important it is as well to identify and minimize those triggers, those cues. So, you know, there are certain things for every single person in every season that triggers you to drink, or that are hard to get through without. Ranking. What are those for the women you work with? What are some of the hard things that are difficult to get through?
Kate Baily 45:06
I think the wine clock. You know that that routine thing, I think, as Anne Dowsett Johnson said, Brilliant.
Anne Dowsett Johnson in her book, Drink. She said, alcohol is the steroid that keeps the women doing the heavy lifting, right?
So, I think it’s with most of the women that I work with. I think all of us, it’s been stress, overworking and diet and trying to be all things to all people, yes, and then trying to dial it, and then basically coping, because there’s that false quit at the end of the day, which, like you said, that, and what wipes out all our neurotransmitters, makes us feel worse the next day, so it’s not effective stress relief. But I think that is the trigger for, if I’m to put, you know, one.
Casey McGuire Davidson 45:58
Absolutely and some of that in terms of reducing triggers, is actually looking at your schedule and simplifying it, or removing things from your list. I have to admit that I do not volunteer at all at my kids school. I almost think of it as a point of pride. I do lots of other good stuff in my life. I don’t enjoy that at all. Other people might, but for me, that would be one more thing on top of work and kids and life.
So, if you’re normally the head of the Parent Teacher Association, stepping back from that, stepping back from taking on new responsibilities. If you have kids in 17 sports, maybe reducing that a bit, or finding another parent who can carpool through that, maybe asking your spouse to do more.
I know, when I was in early sobriety, I started going weekly to therapy and asked my husband, which he had never done, to pick up both kids and get them dinner. And at first he was like, How long are you going to be going to therapy? Like, this is crazy, even though I did it all of baseball season, all he was coach and basketball season. But then I felt guilty, I felt anxious. And I remember one of the first days I came home after therapy, and he and the kids were sitting around the fire pit roasting hot dogs and marshmallows on a Tuesday night, and they were so freaking happy. And I was like, Oh my God, I need, like, this was a great change, because they’re used to me being like, All right, we have to the dishes, we have to do this, we have to do that. And they were so joyful. And I was like, and I got my therapy, so lowering the bar, but also asking other people to do more. Yeah, can’t be a great seasonal change.
Kate Baily 48:00
It’s like, Yeah, fun, dad, he bought the fun and that is, that’s that is annoying too.
Casey McGuire Davidson 48:05
I’m not going to lie to you, you’re like, Oh, dude, you’re the fun dad. But hey, I don’t mind it if I’m going to gym or I’m getting a massage or I’m going to therapy. So, like, yes, it’s annoyed, but you have to release the you’re going to make a casserole, because that’s what I used to do, yeah?
Kate Baily 48:23
Just if you’re going to hands over, you have to hands over the bit of the reins and the control too, yeah.
Casey McGuire Davidson 48:28
Yeah. And if they don’t eat what you want, or they don’t get to bed on time, you’re like, Yeah, but I got my two hours.
Kate Baily 48:35
Yeah, it’s worth it. It was worth it, yeah? Um, what was that? As was interesting. I loved what you said about not, yeah, there’s a real thing, I think. So, there’s that cultural narrative of, we’ve got to do too much. This whole, Oh, I’m so busy. How are you? I’m so busy, you know, like this, like, Oh my God. Like, a legend on that. And it goes back to me as diarrhea as weapon of choice again, and I one thing I worked with a coach on is whatever I think I can do if I dial it down by a third, I’m about in about the right ballpark, because I am too I’m over ambitious and unrealistic about and then I was getting very dysregulated, so then I was going to whine To try and calm myself down. So, there’s that, and there’s the other thing is to have the phrase handy. I don’t know. I’ll get back to you. Thank you so much. I’ll Chet madari, I’ll get back to you, because half of us were or not, I don’t know which are just impulsively. You know, you get caught into things, don’t you, so anything that’s going to give you a buffer. And I learned that from my kids, actually, because my son was very good at upping the ante, upping the drama, and then asking me for something. And I was just like, fine, fine. So, learning that kind of, I don’t know, I need to think about it.
Casey McGuire Davidson 49:59
Let me take. Pause.
Kate Baily 50:00
Let me take a pause. It’s such a power tool, because in the pause, we get to settle, take a moment like go off to our room or something, remove ourselves from whatever the busyness or the demand is, and then we can make possibly a better choice for us in that moment. Yeah, definitely.
Casey McGuire Davidson 50:19
I also think that it’s really important, you know, we I talked about, you know, football games and fire pits and stuff like that. When you think about events that are really hard for you to get through, one that we have that’s really big in the United States is Halloween. I don’t know if you celebrate it there or not.
Kate Baily 50:41
Yeah, but not like you.
Casey McGuire Davidson 50:46
But anyway, that’s how, yeah. It’s ridiculously huge here. It’s a whole thing. It’s also a really big drinking holiday for parents. You know, people will carry around tumblers of alcohol while they’re trick or treating with their kids, or at least people I know used to or stay home and drink while they’re handing out candy. Or the parents and the kids will all get together before trick or treating in it will be a big drinking event for parents.
So, for some of that, I think for any big drinking event you are going to go through, it’s really important to prepare in advance. And there are lots of tips. And you have other episodes, and I have other episodes on how to do that, how to talk to people about why you’re not drinking, how to opt out of drinking events. You won’t have to do it forever.
But in early sobriety, I mean, we’re talking the end of October, 31. If you are doing Sober October, it’s really easy to think, all right on Halloween, my reward for not drinking will be to drink and get through the first part of the month first, but then really guard against drinking at the end of the month, on Halloween, like, really think it through and think through how your body feels and how your mind feels, because it’s just a couple of hours, like, you can get through a couple of hours not drinking. You can opt out, just for this year, for this month, you can decide to stay home and hand out candy, but with no alcohol in the house, with cider, or, you know, hot cider, apple cider, not alcoholic cider, or cocoa or tea or just, you know, enjoy.
So, if you get past sober October, please extend it. I promise you, even after you’ve done the hardest first 30 days, the next one is going to have even more upside and benefits. So just in terms of events, parties, you know, big sports watching, events, Halloween, things like that, really try to not attend, to opt out, to have someone with you who knows you’re not drinking, to bring nonalcoholic beverages. Just prepare for those, because those are the things that can throw you off your game.
Kate Baily 53:13
Yeah, definitely. It’s like that with the way you were talking about Halloween, and we don’t have that in the UK, we do celebrate it. But it’s not right. It’s not like that. A big boozy thing. We do the trick and treating. And then there’s also the kind of historical it was, so aim. So, there’s a, you know, a Celtic element to it, which was the kind of the last of the harvests. And that’s, that’s my kind of germ.
So, I like, like that and the but it you’ve reminded me of kind of high days and holidays, and it had that vibe about it, and you have that it’s almost the this is just one more day is important that resizing it and then casting in the stone just a little bit further. Imagine waking up on November the first having done a whole month, and knowing you started another month, crisp and clear, and then who knows, right? Who knows, but you haven’t, then just gone, oh man, I started another new month like Jay did.
Casey McGuire Davidson 54:13
Yes, and it’s really there is nothing better things like that. There’s nothing better than waking up on New Year’s Day Without a hangover, not starting the new year, recovering or behind the eight ball. And same thing for November 1, what you said like waking up feeling good, waking up feeling peaceful and clear. If you have kids, not you know, forgetting the end of the night, not being embarrassed or boozy at this moment, where you know our kids are a lot older, that that goes away. Or if you don’t have kids, there are lots of parties, and I can’t tell you how many times I have regretted stuff that. I have done at parties I was a big blackout drinker or gray out, so I don’t remember the end of a bunch of but just waking up the next morning with peace and pride is pretty incredible. 100%.
Kate Baily 55:14
Yeah, and that yeah for me, you know, when we’re talking about the kind of gifts of keeping going, like even like having a go, and then keeping going. I do I feel like that kind of peace that starts to come and that clarity. It’s for me as an anxious person. I’ve struggled with anxiety I’ll meet here for a long time, and knowing that it’s like, there’s like, just a solidity that was not there before, there’s a solid foundation that I know that whatever I’ve done, I’ve kind of put my best foot forward. I know that I can kind of rely on you get I know what I’m trying to say is there is a beautiful, inevitable consequence of doing that day. You know your daily sobriety is that you end up. Your confidence goes up because you catch yourself doing what you set out to do, and that you trust yourself. And that, for me, is priceless. That confidence that I never knew that I could have, I never knew. I just thought I was flaky, rubbish, yeah, like, you know, like, whatever. And I don’t know I could have huge respect for myself now. And I was like, okay, that’s who is that?
Casey McGuire Davidson 56:30
Yeah, like, you get in the habit of quitting on yourself when you say you’re not going to drink, and then you do it again, even if it’s like, four days later, seven days later, you get in the habit of quitting on yourself, so that is your routine, and you get in the habit of not trusting yourself, and it is really beautiful to break that and to just follow through. I remember when I was about my I quit in February, so two months it was my son’s birthday. That’s the only reason I remember it. Two months after I stopped drinking, I signed up for a 10k and I ran it on my son’s eighth birthday, and I got up early. I ran it by myself. It was rainy in Seattle. We have lovely summers, but the fall, winter and spring are not so great. And I finished the 10k my only goal was to not walk, but I remember passing that finish line, and I was in tears, and the only thought going through my mind was, I am now a person who does what I say I’m going to do? Yeah, that’s beautiful, because I hadn’t been that person in years.
Kate Baily 57:51
Yeah, that’s super powerful.
Casey McGuire Davidson 58:00
And that’s the power of changing our habits, yeah, because they become our new normal, and then they become who we are, and you have pride in yourself and confidence that even if you are extremely successful, high achieving, do everything to keep it together, just the act of not quitting on yourself, in your resolve to change your relationship with alcohol, It boosts you to a completely new level.
Yeah, yeah. I know as we, as we talk about Sober October, as we talk about falling in love with autumn, with fall, one of the things I wanted you to share was your mantras that you have that are really powerful for helping women sort of change their emotions, change their mindset, get them through tough times. Would you share some of those?
Kate Baily 58:49
Oh, thank you. Yeah, I would love to. I think mantras are really powerful. You know that that mindset piece, we’ve talked a lot about habit, haven’t we? And these mantras are like, they can just be like mentor hooks, that can cut through the noise.
So, there’s a few that have really helped me over the years. Now, one of the I’m trying to think what will be relevant for people just starting out. I think so, if you’ve got to the middle of the month, oh, we’ve actually starting off with the sit. I’ve got the secret of our day. Of Your success is hidden in your daily routine.
Yeah. James Clear, getting specific about our routines, transitions, triggers, pacing of the day is really valuable Intel. And also getting up and saying, You know what, what, how, what’s How am I feeling today? What might I need today? So that’s one.
Casey McGuire Davidson 59:43
What was that one? Will you say that one? Again, secret of your success is hidden in your daily routine.
Kate Baily 59:45
Okay, yes, so that is then another one. So, if you’ll get, you’ve been going for a little while, and then you just kind of, you’re starting to get that, oh, you know, you know. Well. One won’t hurt. And one thing that got me through at some point on in the early days was,
I haven’t come this far to only come this far.
Casey McGuire Davidson 1:00:09
Oh my god, I say that all the time. It helped me so much and completely like you’re finally at day 17 for the first time in two years, and you haven’t gotten to day 17 to not be curious enough to see what 18 feels like, to see what 20 feels like, to see how good you can be on day 30, like you have not come that far, to be like, yeah, 17 days was cool. I don’t care what day 20s, like, like, no, keep going.
Kate Baily 1:00:44
Yeah, they so beautiful that one, because we know what, we know what the drinking was like, but we don’t know how we’re going to be with the not drinking going forward. Very exciting. One thing that really helped me as well was when I sort of started to level out, like, so something about very early days, it was kind of like, okay, I’m really going for this. But then when I sort of kind of hit a bit of a flat line, a bit of a level, that would throw me. I felt a bit disorientated about that, and I didn’t realize that that’s because I was going to about to go through a change and ready for the next bit.
So, Lucy Rocca, who founded Soberistas, total legend. She in her book The Sober Revolution, she said, trust the path and keep going. Trust the path and keep going, because at some point the mist will clear, because the mist will descend, and you’ll get all like, oh, I don’t know why I’m doing this. And then trust the path. Keep going, the mistle clear. And then you’re like, Oh, my God, I’ve got my sober mojo back again. Yeah?
So that, for me, was like, okay, trust the process, yeah. Just, just don’t worry. Don’t overthink it. Just carry on, one step front the other, go to bed, wake up, rinse, repeat, and it will clear. And then you’ll be like, yay me again.
Casey McGuire Davidson 1:02:04
Oh my gosh. So, every time I say this, I get it stuck in my head, but so I apologize to anyone listening. But you know that song by Wilson Phillips that’s like, hold on for one more day, if you like, I apologize. Going to be able to stop singing it. But that was, that was something that helped me, like the idea, just hold on for one more day.
Kate Baily 1:02:29
Yeah, definitely, definitely. And I think that’s yeah, I’ve got some, but I think,
Casey McGuire Davidson 1:02:36
I think it’s a great place to start having helpful Yeah, yeah, that’s wonderful. I’m so glad that we had this conversation. I have to say that you’re I tend to run a little high. I talk really fast. I think really fast. And I’ve always found you like, extraordinarily calming. Just your whole the way you are. So, I feel very Zen, or Zen as I get after this conversation.
Kate Baily 1:03:09
Oh, that is lovely. It’s really funny, because I feel like I talk really, really fast. No way, really fast. And I find you very, very chill to be around. So, it’s really funny. Maybe I was trying to, like, bring both.
Casey McGuire Davidson 1:03:21
Yeah, well, that means we’re good. We’re good talking to each other.
Kate Baily 1:03:28
We are and thank you so much for suggesting this. It’s just been so lovely. And, you know, it does, I think one of those, I mean, this is probably just a comment for us, but that I think so much about I know what I was going to say.
The last thing is, if you want to do it, like do a challenge with other people, like this is online, right on Instagram, you can find challenges. Because what I was going to say is, one thing I love about podcasting is that community, and a community is a really big part of this, isn’t it? So, finding some other people who will be doing the challenge. And, yeah, Instagram’s a great place. I think in UK, we have Go Sober for October, there’s a website. So, I think maybe you could join one of those challenges. Um, if that’s your jam, because it can, it can be more fun if you’re doing it with other people.
Casey McGuire Davidson 1:04:16
Well, and I know that you have a community, and I have, you know, the Sobriety Starter Kit with the community, and we’re doing a big Sober October kickoff. We’re doing support for the entire month with tools and resources. So, if anyone’s interested in that, you can go to hellosomedaycoaching.com or the sobrietystarterkit.com, to learn about, sort of the support that in the kickoff that I’m doing for sober October. But Kate, what do you have if people are interested?
Kate Baily 1:04:53
Yeah, so we’ve got the we’ve got a real seasonal focus with chain. Changing, just really doubling down on the seasonal and the self-care in love sober. So, the new membership space is called beautiful days, and we have a creative focus each month, a self-care focus as well, and a creative medium that people can try or a tool. So, for September, it’s about planning interesting that we’ve been talking about, about that, and then just sort of setting our kind of sober space, like we’ve been talking about, actually. And then we’re going to be looking in November, oh, in October, we’re going to be looking at phone, just going out and noticing and taking photos and sharing. Oh, and that’s about noticing the colors of autumn and our beautiful days. And a bit of a look at Hugo, which is the Danish art of self-care. So, we’re really we’re looking at those. And we have two week meetings a week. Peer. We’ve got a peer LEDs connect and reflect session, creative coaching with me, and I also do the yoga, yoga and journaling from love you sober year. So that’s what we’ve got going on. And you can find that at Lovesober.com and we’re just running that through seasons.
Casey McGuire Davidson 1:06:10
So, that’s what was great. That’s great. That’s awesome. And mine is more taking you from day one or early sobriety, first two weeks, first month and beyond, with like practical step by step systems. So whichever one appeals to you that you know they’re very different, which is kind of nice. I think people can find sobriety support that appeals to them. And, of course, Instagram, other online groups, you know, whatever works for you, but if you’re doing Sober October or the Fall season, or trying to trying to do three months, six months of sobriety, it really helps to not rely on willpower and motivation, but to find tools and resources and community to do it with.
Kate Baily 1:07:04
Yeah. 100%. 100% I’ve just thought of something else that I’ve I’m so bad at signposting what I do, but I have a three month group coaching program starting on November the third. Oh, perfect. And that is a course, love you, love you Love sober life, school, lots of tools, and we go through, um, November, December and to the end of July, January. So, if you’ve done October, if you’ve done your Sober October, and you want to keep going, that might be, you know, that might be a good fit, but perfect.
Casey McGuire Davidson 1:07:40
Alright. Well, so for anyone listening, definitely try Sober October, definitely dive in. I hope we’ve given you lots of different ideas and tools and inspiration and practices to help you succeed. And please let us know how you feel at the end of the month or how it went. We want to hear from you. We totally do.
Yeah, okay, where can people find you?
Kate Baily 1:08:05
Lovesober.com is the easiest way.
Casey McGuire Davidson 1:08:08
Yeah, perfect. And for me, it’s hellosomedaycoaching.com or the Hello Someday podcast, tons of content there. So, all right, it’s so good to talk to you, Kate.
Kate Baily 1:08:18
Oh, so lovely to talk too. Thanks.
Thank you for listening to this episode of The Hello Someday podcast.
If you’re interested in learning more about me, the work I do, and access free resources and guides to help you build a life you love without alcohol. Please visit hellosomedaycoaching.com. And I would be so grateful if you would take a few minutes to rate and review this podcast so that more women can find it. And join the conversation about drinking less and living more.