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Level Up Your Life With A Midlife Makeover with Wendy Valentine

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

drinking, life, love, change, people, midlife, women, live, good, thought, Portugal, talk, day, mind, god, podcast, step, Wendy, habits, stop, midlife, makeover, level up, FREEDOM at Midlife, Hello Someday podcast, following divine breadcrumbs, self-care, permission to change, creating healthy boundaries

SPEAKERS: Casey McGuire Davidson + Wendy Valentine

00:02

Welcome to the Hello Someday Podcast, the podcast for busy women who are ready to drink less and live more. I’m Casey McGuire Davidson, ex-red wine girl turned life coach helping women create lives they love without alcohol. But it wasn’t that long ago that I was anxious, overwhelmed, and drinking a bottle of wine and night to unwind. I thought that wine was the glue, holding my life together, helping me cope with my kids, my stressful job and my busy life. I didn’t realize that my love affair with drinking was making me more anxious and less able to manage my responsibilities.

In this podcast, my goal is to teach you the tried and true secrets of creating and living a life you don’t want to escape from.

Each week, I’ll bring you tools, lessons and conversations to help you drink less and live more. I’ll teach you how to navigate our drinking obsessed culture without a buzz, how to sit with your emotions when you’re lonely or angry, frustrated or overwhelmed, how to self soothe without a drink, and how to turn the decision to stop drinking from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

I am so glad you’re here. Now let’s get started.

Hey there! I’m really excited because today we are talking about

A midlife makeover when you stop drinking or are even considering stopping drinking.

There is a lot of fear around who am I if I am not, at least for me, the red wine girl. It’s really tied to who you are your relationships with your partner, your relationships with your friend, and even how you think about yourself. And my guest today is Wendy Valentine. I’m excited to have her here she is a speaker a professional certified life coach of midlife influencer and the host of the midlife makeover show. It’s ranked in the top 1% in the world and the top 1% in midlife on iTunes and Spotify. Her goal is to revolutionize midlife, for Gen X women and I am a Gen X woman. So, I totally connected with Wendy on this.

She’s going to share her break down to break through story of how she got from broke miserable, crying on the bathroom floor to debt-free, happy, and laughing in her brand new motor home.

She helps women with a step by step process of how to go from A of angst to point B of bliss. And that’s what she teaches in her FREEDOM at Midlife group coaching program.

What we’re going to talk about is whether or not you’re very happy with your life, your spouse, your friends, your job, and yet unhappy with your drinking and, and have a lot of fears around what you’re going to do with your time in your life and who you are without alcohol, how your relationships might shift. And what if you’re not happy with all of that? What if you’re drinking because there are parts of your life that you’re dissatisfied with? For me, it was my career and the pressures with my job. I know for some of the women I work with, it’s relationship struggles, either with their spouse, with their parents, with their kids, you know, all that kind of stuff. And then for others it they’re empty nesters, and they don’t know what’s next. And they’re drinking due to boredom, or loneliness or habits or all their friends do.

So, Wendy is here to teach us how to figure that all out and how to take the next step.

So, Wendy, that was a long intro, but I’m glad you’re here.

Wendy Valentine  03:59

Thank you, Casey. Hello, someday. I love the name of your podcast and you were on my show the other day and you were awesome. And it’s so great to make our mess or message. I will just have to start with that. Like you have to embrace your mess and we’re all messy and lots of different ways in life. And I think it’s so beautiful and gorgeous and embrace your mess and you can make something some beautiful out of it. So yeah, thank you.

Casey McGuire Davidson  04:30

Yeah, a lot of people don’t know this. The reason I named my coaching business and named my podcast the Hello Someday podcast is because so many women I know and so many women I’ve worked with in corporate, like, my friends and my colleagues and myself. What unquote, “did everything right”.

You know, we’re the Gold Star girls who went to college, maybe they went to Grad school, and they got married, they got promoted, they have the house, they have the kids, whatever it is, and yet, they’re unhappy. And they’re not sure why. And they’re going through life overwhelmed and overscheduled. And, like, Am I just supposed to grit my teeth for another decade? until I retire?

And my, you know, the idea around Hello Someday was like, you can start changing now. Like, don’t put off all the things you want in life for a decade from now, you know.

Wendy Valentine  05:35

You’re so right. And I realized when I was up 45ish, that I was living my life for everybody else. And I lost Wendy. I wasn’t really even connected with who I am – what I liked, what I didn’t like. And for me, I’ll tell you a little bit about my breakdown, which I’m so grateful. So grateful for my breakdown, right my mess. But yeah, 45 years young, I’ll say, I was going through a divorce. I watched my brother passed away, unfortunately, I was. I had horrible chronic illness. I had black mold toxicity, Lyme disease, oh my gosh, that was a blast. I was having panic attacks. Depression, I was unemployed. I had an empty nest, and I had over 150 grand in debt. And I found myself lying on the bathroom floor one day, bawling my eyes out.

I’m almost getting choked up thinking about that. Like, you look back at those moments, you’re like, Oh, my God, you poor thing. Like, come on. Um, but yeah, I was miserable, to say the least. And I remember laying there thinking, okay, something’s got to give. Like, something has to change. And what do I want my life? What am I going to do? And I knew that in order to create change, and my life, I had to change. I think I was always like, looking for other things outside of me to change, whether it was even a different house, or different friends or other, all sorts of other things that it was almost like an escape, you know, let me. Let me get, let me do this. A new hobby. Yes, that’ll work. And I was like, Wait a minute. I’m at I’m the common denominator in all of this. I am the one that needs to change. And then I thought, well, now what? What am I? I’m all alone. The birdies have left the nest, I have no job. I’m single, like, might seem exciting, but not really. And then it sounds so silly. But I had this vision of driving an RV across the country. And I had always had this dream. And then I thought, How in the world? Would I make that happen? Like, I have no job, I have no money, right. And the thing, the biggest thing, it wasn’t so much me driving an RV across the country, it was that. It was a new woman that was behind that wheel. It was a new Wendy.

And I started to think more and more about who would I be? Like, if I completely. And I was thinking about this earlier, when you were talking about all of this, like sometimes you do have to deconstruct your old life in order to construct a new life. And at that point, I was willing to do it. I mean, I’m like how much I mean, I was miserable. Like, there was no way that I was going to continue on that path. So, I continued to lay there on the floor, dreaming about driving an RV across the country as this new woman and a woman that was happy, that was strong, that was healthy, that was out of debt, that was actually doing something that was fulfilling, and not doing a job just to survive, but actually something that I can thrive, and I can be really proud of. And I thought about, alright, well, where am I going to start?

Like, I have like that one quote of it’s from Lao Tzu.

A journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step. – Lao Tzu

Yeah. And so, because I, I’ve always been, I used to get so overwhelmed with change, to the point where I would become so paralyzed because I’ve always been such a planner is like, I’ve got to plan this, I got to do this. This is like, and then I would go, Oh, my God, it’s too much. I can’t do it. So, I just wouldn’t do it at all. I wouldn’t even take the first step.

And so, I was like, Alright, I’ve got to do this. And so, my first step was get a job. And I sent my resume out all over the country, actually all over the world because I was willing to move on the other side of the world. And I got a job offer. I was living in Virginia at the time. I got a job offer in Chicago, selling new homes, like new home sales. And I’d never done it before, but I thought, What the heck, why not?

So, four weeks later, I moved to Chicago, and started this job. But in the back of my mind, I always will let me in the front of my mind, actually, I always had the dream of this RV, I was like, I’m going to make this happen. And I kept reminding myself, this job is temporary, this transformation. That the crappy part of change like that, really like, the bulk of it. It’s temporary. It’s anytime I felt like giving up. I just kept reminding myself it’s temporary, it’s temporary, it’s temporary, like, it’s going to be okay. And I just kept moving, moving forward.

And within a year is crazy. I went from making $0 to a half a million. And needless to say, I paid off all my debt. And I was able to order the RV that was in my vision. That was my dream. And then a year after that, I took off in that RV and I started the midlife makeover show.

Casey McGuire Davidson  11:21

Wow. Yeah. First of all, that’s a pretty amazing income from a job that you just got.

Wendy Valentine  11:29

That’s what you know. What I just want to say, that goes to show the power of a dream, a power of a vision, and your “why”.

I want to tell you, you have to have, you have to define your why, you have to know why you’re doing this and make that your main focus, like be laser focused on that one. Why? As to, why you are doing this?

Yeah, and keep reminding yourself, because if it’s not, if you don’t have a solid enough reason, you’re going to be so easily swayed to just like, be like squirrel, I’ll go over here, I’ll go do that. Like, wait, what was I doing? What change was I going to make? And then next thing you know, 5 years later, you’re still in the same boat.

Casey McGuire Davidson  12:15

That’s why I love vision boards. And people who listen to this always, you know, they know this about me. Some people are probably like, yeah, yeah. But the idea in my mind is that if you want something, yeah, and you put it front and center in your life, where you will see it a million times a day, or for me, it’s in my kitchen in my office.

So, I’m standing there early morning, drinking my coffee, just kind of take a moment. What it does is, it stops you from getting off track. So many of us have these, like brainstorms and ideas and inspiration. And then, like, life happens and you just move on, or you forget about it, or you decided it wasn’t that important. But even just an image of what you want, or what your dream, you know, you’re going to work every day and you’re like, oh, yeah, I want an act. I’m excited about that.

Wendy Valentine  13:14

You know, and yes, I totally agree. And also envision who you want to be. Yeah, not just what you want to have happen in your life. And I would say that was that was the number one thing that I did that moment, when I finally got up off that darn nasty bathroom floor, pulled up my bootstraps, and I grabbed my journal, and I started writing about that woman behind the wheel. And I was it was so detailed about what music was playing on the radio, the smile on my face, the windows would be open I could smell the desert air, you know, in Arizona and that I would have X amount of dollars in the bank.

I mean, I haven’t so detailed. And here’s the thing, it’s so important to step into the shoes of that woman. Now, you don’t wait until you’ve made all the changes and then you become that woman. You, I mean, act as if you just like you’d literally step up and go. This is the new me. And you have to I mean, it’s so cool. If you think about it. There’s any control freaks out there. Like I was, this is when you get to be a control freak because you have control of who you are. And how you live your life period.

Yeah. Yeah.

Casey McGuire Davidson  14:41

Yeah, absolutely. And you know, it’s interesting. I totally agree with that. When I was an early sobriety and I’m talking like my first year, my second year. I had to get out of that place first. And also, I was in an odd Line sobriety clerks at like 60 days alcohol free and they, you know, said, Okay, I want you to picture yourself even three months from now, I want to picture this date this day, what are you wearing? What are you doing? How do you feel? And I wrote that down in, you know, incredible detail. And it did really help me, and you know, then I have that vision. And I also, what I call, like, following divine breadcrumbs, because I am such a, you know, before I do anything, I sort of have this very security based need.

And you know, I think about doing something else with my career. Like, Coaching, and then I’d be like, Oh, my god, how am I going to make money? Will it succeed? Will people even like me, like, what if XYZ, and I had to just kind of take, figure out what lights me up, figure out what people like me up and just take a step forward? And then believe that that will lead me to another step? Yeah, to another step. But with the vision in mind. Yes, you are.

Wendy Valentine  16:15

Yes, you’re exactly right. You don’t have to have everything, everything figured out, right? Like all the duckies don’t need to be in a row. I used to think that, like, I would not leap until all the duckies were lined up. And I was and then I finally realized I’m like, wait a minute, I’m the I’m leading the ducks here.

Casey McGuire Davidson  16:32

And yeah, you’re following me?

Wendy Valentine  16:33

Like, yeah, wait a second. Like, take control of your life. And, and I would have to say to like, think back that Wendy that was crying and bawling her eyes out on the you know, the bathroom floor? What if I had not changed? So, you. Then, you have to think about, what if I do not change? What if there’s this one thing in my life that I do not change? What am I? What what’s my life going to be looking like 5 years from now? 10 years down. That’s like a broken record. And the thing is, is that we are creatures of habit for sure. But we’re also creatures of change, like you have freewill. You can change. You don’t need anyone’s permission. Actually, the only permission you need is from yourself. And yet, I’ll admit, I did not give myself permission for the longest time to even love myself.

Casey McGuire Davidson  17:34

It took me like at least four decades to finally love me. Why not? Why wouldn’t you give yourself permission for that?

Wendy Valentine  17:42

Good question. And a lot of that is fully embedded from childhood. Which let me just say, too, as you start to make changes, and you spend a little time and self-reflection and you’re peeling back, I don’t want to say peeling back the layers of the onion, because onions make you cry and stink, but going back the layers of the artichoke because that gets you closer to your heart, right. But as you peel back those layers, you’re going to discover some really great things and some really tough things. And for me, I realized that going back to my childhood, that I was I had this limiting belief that I was not good enough. And that windy needed to live for everybody else. As a matter of fact, that yeah, did I say this already?

The number one regret of the dying is that not living for its living for everybody else and not for yourself?

So that like I’m always like, Oh my gosh, I do not want to get to my deathbed and be thinking oh, my gosh, I lived for everybody. But Wendy. Yeah.

Casey McGuire Davidson  18:51

Yeah. And I think that’s, that’s something I totally resonate with. And that, you know, it takes a while to break out of it. Because every single one of us has that inner critic voice that we’ve internalized from when we were children. By the way, when we had very little power over our own lives and our security, you know, somewhat dependent, whether it was emotional or approval or physical on making other people happy, right? Typically your parents but probably your social circle as well. And then you grow up and you still retain those same ideas because you think you them to keep you safe. And you know, I remember when I was in college, this is kind of funny. I wanted to be a Sociology major, like, and it’s fascinating to me, because I feel like my job now is Sociology, right? It is sort of the study of what influences groups of populations to behave in a certain way. And for me, that’s Analy. I think the society we live in and why women feel the way they do and how they’ve been conditioned, and also the influence of alcohol, you know, advertising, marketing, and the substance itself on women.

But when I was in college, I told my dad, I wanted to be a Sociology major. And he just said, Oh, dear God, I’ve never known anyone who ever majored in Sociology, whoever amounted to anything, Oh, God. My father adored him. And then he said, God bless him. He passed away. 17 years ago, I still adore him. But concerning the luck with you women, he said, at least I don’t have to tell my friends. You’re a Women’s Studies major. And that like arrows through the heart that kept me in a freaking business career that I did not, you know, cause me anxiety and just dissatisfaction and for 20 years, that one comment, you know, what an amazing Yes.

Wendy Valentine  21:04

Yeah, I know. And I can totally relate to that. Because I was like, Oh, my God, I wanted to study sociology. I loved sociology, though. They’re in Geology.

Casey McGuire Davidson  21:14

It’s possible. You’re meant to be a Coach, possibly a part. Exactly. Yeah.

Wendy Valentine  21:21

Yeah, I’m a team believes, I mean, they are strong. And you will still get triggered by them. I did two days ago.

Casey McGuire Davidson  21:30

And what happened two days ago?

Wendy Valentine  21:32

2 days ago, I had someone that had been speaking very poorly about me my entire life. And then a friend of mine actually called to let me know that they were still saying really horrible things. And I was like, I was like, Oh, my God, I’m like, I could feel it. You know, it’s like, the number one thing I do is like, where am I feeling this? Like, I feel it in my gut. I’m like, Oh, God, like, why is this keep happening? You know, but then I, I tried to get underneath it. And like, why are you upset with this? Yeah, what does this mean? And really connecting with the deeper part of it, and not letting it get a hold of me? So, I think when you get triggered, it’s, it’s a signal to you, you do have more healing to do.

Oh, yeah. But you find that you get through it quicker now when I’m like, Okay, let’s sit with this for a minute. Uh huh. It’s pushing me off. It’s pissing me off. But then I remind myself, then there’s that cheerleader in my head that says, Yes, you are worthy. Yes, you are loved. Yes, you are amazing. And whatever.

Casey McGuire Davidson  22:51

Like, people are going to be like what other people think of you has 90% to do with whatever is going on with them, and very little to do with you.

Once, and you do have to overcome those embedded beliefs and fears. And they’re usually around like, if I don’t do X, I won’t be loved, I won’t be accepted.

I actually had a sign on my vanity, I just taped it up there that said,

Stop taking directions from people who aren’t going where you’re headed.

Oh, that’s good. You know, just like, got to put that hat on your head. And it’s also like the idea of like, if you don’t change direction, you will probably end up where you’re headed. And that was a fear for me, too. Because I remember telling my husband, after a particularly long, Black Friday, I was an E-commerce. I was like, I don’t want to do this job. 10 years from now, I don’t want to do it. 5 years from now, I don’t freaking want to do it tomorrow. And part of that recognizing that is like, do you want your boss’s job or your boss’s life? Because for me, it was hard. No. And I knew that for years. And so, I could keep going for another decade. Building to a life I didn’t want, you know.

Wendy Valentine  24:15

Exactly. Yeah, you do have to think I’m not. I don’t plan as much in detail as I used to. But I do try to like, okay, Wendy, where are you going to be when you’re 55? Where are you going to be when you’re 60? What do you want? I mean, very rarely, I mean, at least it especially in the first few decades. For me, I never stopped and asked myself, What do you want? And actually, to think that I could do whatever it is that I wanted to do for my life. Yeah, that I had to consult with everybody else. And no, I mean, you can’t be all things to all people, but you can be all things to you.

Casey McGuire Davidson  24:55

Yeah, well, so tell me. Imagine that. Someone’s not quite there. They’re point where they don’t have a job and they’re divorced and they’re on the floor and their kids are gone. But they are not happy. They’re drinking to numb out some part of their life, or drinking because that is the only thing, their only reward the only way they have fun the only way they connect. And they’re also really scared of who they would be and how their life would change if it, they let that go. So, I know you’ve got a process for how to help women step into their freedom and take that, can you tell us what a few of those steps are? How you get started?

Wendy Valentine  25:43

Yeah, and I would have to say first, like you. Number one, I know we’ve talked about this already,

you have to give yourself permission to change.

And don’t look at the whole picture of change. Because it can be overwhelming. And again, like you have to just take that one step. And what’s that? That riddle are what are how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time, right?

Casey McGuire Davidson  26:11

But I’m like, Why the hell would you eat an elephant? No.

Wendy Valentine  26:15

Why would you eat an elephant? You eat it one bite at a time? It’s easier, like little bitty bites. Yeah. Right. But you have to imagine, again, if you don’t change, what will your life look like? How will you feel? What will your friends be like? And really, what it comes down to, it’s self-care.

I know that term gets thrown around so much.

But self-care is just literally caring for yourself. It is loving yourself. It is doing those things that are a priority to you.

And no matter what, like I don’t know, if you notice, but like as you’re going through life, people are doing their thing. You cannot be in control of what they’re doing and how they’re going to react. And what they might say, what they might do. They’re doing their own thing. Everyone’s like, in their life doing their own thing. And I feel like, you make that first step. And you remind yourself, you’re doing it for you. All the other stuff just falls into place. Just trust me on this. Trust me. Trust me, trust me.

Yeah, everything falls into place. If you trust yourself, and you leap and trust that the net will appear. Everything will fall into place. Will it be easy? No. Can you do it? Yes.

Casey McGuire Davidson  27:43

You know, what’s interesting is we so often limit ourselves on the smallest things that is crazy that you would not allow yourself to have so in my Sobriety Starter Kit® Membership group.

A woman was talking the other day about, Alright, I’m going to do things differently now. So, she’s like, I finally got myself an unlimited yoga membership. And they have these meditation classes at night. that I think would be amazing. So, that’s an anchor activity. That’s when she would normally drink. Yes, she had to talk to her husband about like, I’m going to be gone X nights. You can be with the kids those nights, whatever it is. She was like, I hate cooking. I hate thinking about cooking. Trust me, I hate it, too. So, she’s like, I finally ordered HelloFresh. It’s expensive, but a couple nights a week. I don’t have to deal with this. And a couple of different things. And I’m like, I know the first month I stopped drinking. I spent but I saved $550 on alcohol. And I asked the women in the group I’m like, how much have you saved some of the women are like, I’m at 113 days. I’ve saved three grand not drinking that many you get to reinvest that but I’m like, Yes, I was going to say, “do”.

Wendy Valentine  29:10

You can take that and do something with that. Like, that’s an exciting all of those things. And I do agree. I think it’s important to change your external, your environment, to support the internal to support what you’re needing to change for your life. And just like me, remind yourself, it’s temporary. This is temporary, this is temporary. If there’s something that’s a little uncomfortable might be in a relationship because you’re making this change in life. So be it. Like that will work its way out and you will find that the people that truly love you for who you are, they will be there.

Casey McGuire Davidson  29:50

The others yeah taught me and it’s okay if the people who are closest to you in your life don’t understand what’s going on, or why you want to change. I think a lot of times they unconsciously or consciously try to undermine the changes, you’re making even positive changes, because they’re afraid of what it will mean for them. Right? If you’ve stopped drinking, they’re like, I’ve heard directly partners say, will she still love me? Will she still be interested in me? How will our social life change? Do I need to stop drinking? And you can say to them, this is really important to me, I’m unhappy, I need this. And yet, they’re like, Oh, you’re being too hard on yourself. Maybe you should just cut back. Don’t be dramatic. And so that’s why you need other people. That’s why you need a greater vision, right? Yes.

Wendy Valentine  30:49

Yeah. And that’s about creating healthy boundaries, that is taken a stand for yourself. And you don’t have to explain yourself, you don’t have to get nasty about it be like, Yep, this is what I’m doing. Yeah, that’s it, they take it or leave it right. And it is. It’s for you.

I was the queen of being a chameleon. I would change who I was, to make sure that this person was let’s still stay around. I always had a fear of abandonment. That was one of the things I got as a child. And so I made sure that I would change who I was, how I sounded how I acted. What I did what I did for a living, I didn’t want to shine too bright, that might scare them away that Oh, good. God, it’s exhausting. You know? Yeah, it’s exhausting.

Casey McGuire Davidson  31:39

Trying to get approval for everyone else versus, and you never know, what it is you’re interested in and finding people who like that version of you and support you and will stay with you.

Wendy Valentine  31:57

Hmm, yeah, there will be people and I still have these people in my life, kind of sort of, that they, they’ll be allergic to your happiness, they will not like that you are actually happy and healthy in your life, and that you did it. Because what the what pisses them off is that they want to make those changes.

But the thing is, like, you just be you. And actually, you will make such a greater impact on the world. And I mean, look at you, oh my gosh, like just the impact that you’re having with the entire world of make you made that one change in your life. And it’s like this view.

Casey McGuire Davidson  32:38

I feel like undermining alcohol for anyone is like the lead domino to positive change. I don’t know if you love Atomic Habits by James Clear. That’s one that I love. But it’s the idea of this 1% improvement that you’re making that compounds over time, like a 401 k curve.

Yeah, two significant positive change in your life. And so, you know, the other thing that I that I talked about is, if you want to stop drinking, it’s like you deciding to run a marathon, and I am not a marathon runner, but I have a lot of friends who’ve done it, your partner, your best friend, your mother does not need to do that with you. They don’t even need to understand why you’re doing it. No, but they do have to some extent, support you or at least not undermine you.

So, to some extent, maybe they take the kids on a Saturday morning when you’re doing a run maybe they you go to bed early, because you have something in the morning, maybe they pick you up on a training run if you’re going 13 Miles like all of those things are something the seriously the very least they can do. And then you find other people like a running group or online guide or something else that yeah, there’s so many.

Wendy Valentine  34:06

Yes, yes. We are so blessed right now with having there’s so many resources out there. I mean, you could go on Instagram and on YouTube, anything. There’s so much to learn. There’s so much joy, there’s so much happiness, and then you can go and join a class do something different. It would be it would be something just to get your mind away from thinking about drinking, right? It would help you to go oh, let me I’m going to join a pottery class and then your mind is thinking about making this piece of pottery, whatever. I mean, do like if like the evening is rough for you.

Casey McGuire Davidson  34:47

Go join a dance class do something that’s, just think. Yeah, just begin. Yeah.

Wendy Valentine  34:51

So, first step was, what was first step? Allow yourself to change? Yep. A lot. You Give yourself permission to change, and then decide who you want to be. Or you really, really, really tap into this new woman that you’re creating. And knowing that you have the power to do that.

Yeah. And I would have to say too, is to actually become your own best friend. That was the number one thing I needed to do for myself. And I always say your mind is either your best friend or your worst critic. And when you get quiet enough, and you are mindful of those thoughts, like it’s a ticker tape running across your mind, pay attention to what you’re saying, what you’re thinking, most importantly, how you’re talking to yourself. And hatch that like if you if you catch them, like, I can’t do this, or you just stop it immediately. And you replace that thought, like, of course, I can do this. I’m awesome. Whatever, like, Oh, I hate myself for doing this. I did it again. I love myself, it’s totally okay. Like, really, really become like your best friend. And constantly coach yourself. And, and you’ll get there. I mean, again, like we’re creatures of change, like it takes 30 days to create a habit, right? And yes, you still have to continue on. But if you continue to tell yourself these good things, you will, that will become habitual. Yeah.

Casey McGuire Davidson  36:33

And I used to, you know, in terms of overcoming that negative voice in your head, like, not good enough. This is ridiculous. I’ll never be successful. I literally had something. I had a couple things in front of me all the time. One was a quote. I love Amy Porterfield. She’s like my Entrepreneur Goal, goal. And it, she said,

There are people less qualified than you doing the things that you want to do simply because they decided to believe in themselves. – Amy Porterfield

Yeah. And I had a picture of my podcast art with that quote, because I was just like, I just need to believe myself. And I can do it. And then I had pictures of other people who, underneath I just said, if she can do it, so can you. And I just needed that reminder that it was possible, and that I could do it. And that doesn’t, you know, you don’t have to start a podcast or a business or leave your job. It just means if you want something in your life, it is possible for you. But you do need to make some effort to make it. Yeah. And you can’t just dream that it’ll happen and not do anything.

.

Casey McGuire Davidson 

Hi there. If you’re listening to this episode, and have been trying to take a break from drinking, but keep starting and stopping and starting again, I want to invite you to take a look at my on demand coaching course, The Sobriety Starter Kit®.

 

The Sobriety Starter Kit® is an online self study sober coaching course that will help you quit drinking and build a life you love without alcohol without white knuckling it or hating the process. The course includes the exact step by step coaching framework I work through with my private coaching clients, but at a much more affordable price than one on one coaching. And the sobriety starter kit is ready, waiting and available to support you anytime you need it. And when it fits into your schedule. You don’t need to work your life around group meetings or classes at a specific day or time.

This course is not a 30 day challenge, or a one day at a time approach. Instead, it’s a step by step formula for changing your relationship with alcohol. The course will help you turn the decision to stop drinking, from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

You will sleep better and have more energy, you’ll look better and feel better. You’ll have more patience and less anxiety. And with my approach, you won’t feel deprived or isolated in the process. So if you’re interested in learning more about all the details, please go to www.sobrietystarterkit.com. You can start at any time and I would love to see you in the course 

Wendy Valentine  37:54

You’re exactly right. You have to take action. And it’s so much easier to be proactive than reactive. Yeah, it’s easier to prevent than repair. So, it’s like once you start to make that change, then it’s like the momentum really gets cranking. And that’s what’s exciting. And then you realize, oh shit, like I went 30 days without drinking. What else can

Casey McGuire Davidson  38:17

I do? Yeah, that I always think that because if you can, yeah, stop drinking, if it is something you struggle with, if it is an addictive habit that you’ve tried to break off and have it? Yeah, if you can do that you literally can do anything. And you’ll be more able to do it because you’ll have more mental clarity and more optimism and more energy and time and money to make other changes you want in your life. And I do want to talk to you about even if you don’t know what those changes are, because here’s something I hear a lot. I don’t know. I don’t know what I want. Like, literally My mind is blank. I have no idea. So how do you start there?

Wendy Valentine  39:07

If you don’t, you got to know something I don’t like okay, let’s just start with, okay, you know, you need to give up drinking. Right. There’s one. You have clarity with that. That’s it. Yeah, you start there.

There were so many things I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t have that I had a good idea of the endpoint. I wanted to go from point A to point B in between that I wasn’t quite sure of everything. I didn’t know how to drive an RV. I didn’t know how to start a podcast. I didn’t know how to like to get rid of Lyme disease or Black Mold toxin. Like I didn’t I was like, Okay, how about I start here? I’m going to, I’m going to get a job. Okay, I’m going to do that first, and then a little by little, then I would change something else. Okay, now I’m going to start eating more vegetables. Let’s try that and did it. It all it just, it just all unfolds. Without, it’s like the law of least effort. And sometimes I feel like we try too hard, then we make it more difficult and challenging for ourselves you, like, follow the KISS principle, keep it simple, silly, just one step, like stop drinking, the rest will fall into place, you don’t have to figure out all your relationships and how you’re going to change your whole life.

And your every single day, none and enough, just start here. And then because life is changing at the same time, you’re changing, the whole world is changing. And like, if you think about it, like zoom out, like we all think, like our little world is like right here. But like, zoom out, like everyone’s doing that, like the whole, everything is changing. But the main thing you have to focus on is yourself. And I know that that’s really hard for a lot of women to actually focus and prioritize themselves.

Casey McGuire Davidson  40:56

Yeah. I start with women a lot of times in just our first session, say, Okay, what do you want to stop feeling or doing? There is a reason you’re here, there’s a reason that you’re talking to me, you may not actually want to stop drinking, but there is a shitload of stuff that you that are a result of it, that you will stop me. And for a lot of people, it’s like, I don’t like the way I look. I don’t like the way I feel. I feel defensive. I think about it all the time. Hangover suck. I, you know, I crushing anxiety, I feel overwhelmed by life like that is enough to begin and I say what do you want? instead? Picture yourself 100 days from now? How do you want to feel? What do you want your life to be like, etc. And a lot of times they’re like, I want to feel more confident. I want to feel proud of myself. I want to be healthier. I want to feel calmer. Like again, that’s enough. That’s enough to begin.

Wendy Valentine  42:06

Yep. I was just thinking to a lot of people, especially on my show, they’ll state that they need courage. They they’re lacking courage to actually make changes in their life. Well, here’s the thing, I cannot give you a jar of courage. Right? Like you, Casey has to fill up her own jar of courage. And how you do that is by taking action. Yeah.

So, when you go 30 days, for example, without drinking, bam, that like your jar is already filling up. And then maybe like, maybe the second or third week, you’re like, Man, I feel really good. I should go for a walk today. Boom, there’s more courage in your jar. And you keep filling it up and keep filling it like the more action that you take. You’re like that jar is going to be overflowing. So, and you just, you’ll, you will look back one day and be like, damn, I have really transformed my whole life. And it just started with that one step. Yeah.

Casey McGuire Davidson  43:08

I have to tell you, because when we were talking earlier, I am so inspired by what you’ve done in your life. And I am, I’d say at least 10 years behind you, because I happen to have a nine year old, not an empty nest. But my husband and I, for years have had this vision. So, and it’s great that we have a shared vision. But it was one that we had even before I left corporate and was an incentive to leave corporate because I was like this is not going to happen if I stay there. So, the vision is that we want to travel to actually live in different places of the world for 4 months at a time. And my husband’s a baseball coach. So, he wants to come back to Seattle because he loves coaching in March. Right. So, in theory, like October, November to February is the idea and we literally have a list of places we want to go like Alkmaar outside of Amsterdam, Melbourne, Australia, Portugal, is on the list. Croatia.

So, you live in Madeira, Portugal, which is an island, right off near the African continent. Yeah. And I was picking your brain because I was like, Oh my God. We’re going to Portugal in a year and a half because we want to scout it out. Like Tell me all about it. We just have this vision including, hey, we have an apartment under our house when the kids are gone. We’ll move down there we’ll run to the big house will like to come back in the summer. See all our people, you know, take care of we have an acre take care of our yard. We love that. But just even planned out the money. Yeah, how we would do it. And so, in my mind if I’m podcasting and I I’ve got courses and doing some teaching like we get a two bedroom. I’m living in Alkmaar. I work three days a week, all that stuff. But that is a vision, and I were going to do it.

Wendy Valentine  45:11

You know what to? I mean? Yes, you are going to do it. We’re going to be neighbors, as well. Yeah. When I’m not RVing back in the states that I live in Madeira, Portugal, and it’s amazing, but, you know, dreaming next to the ocean. And you told me.

Casey McGuire Davidson  45:24

Oh, yeah, like, the ocean right there. Yeah, we’re nice. Yeah.

Wendy Valentine  45:30

But you know what? Dreaming is fun. I feel like is kids like, we would dream all the time, we would lay there in bed and think about what we went for Christmas or birthdays, or? And then we become adults, and we give up on dreams. Yeah.

Casey McGuire Davidson  45:46

And we know, yeah, this is not quote unquote, “practical”. No. Yeah. Like college and you have kids and yep, whatever. Yeah.

Wendy Valentine  45:54

You know, I think you had mentioned earlier, the freedom at midlife program. And when you had mentioned about Portugal, maybe think of So freedom is an acronym. and the E, the second E and that is experiment and explore. And which is my favorite, because I love to experiment and explore. But one way kind of like what I was saying earlier, with, being able to make a habit stick and change in your life is experimenting and exploring and finding different you never know unless you try something. I didn’t know I’d like living in Portugal. I’ll be honest with you. I didn’t even know where it was in the map. I was like, where’s Portugal? But, but I think of life is like, it’s a buffet. You go up you sample what you want. If you like it cool. You can try it again. If you don’t like it, then you know, but there is so much out there to see and inexperience in. I mean, why hold yourself back? Like if you’re getting caught up in like, I mean, we know like habits can be so strong, right? But what is your mind is focusing on that damn habit like, but what if it wasn’t? If your mind if you would let go of it, and surrender and release it? Oh my god, the life that you can live? Yeah. And if I can do it, anybody can do it. Oh, my gosh, that was a hot mess.

Casey McGuire Davidson  47:22

Well, the other thing, sounds like you’ve done amazing things. So not sure you certainly have the potential even if you were in a bad place, and so many of us get there. But even the idea of, you know, I’ve talked to so many women, and you are so stuck in this drinking cycle of like, regretting drinking too much. And then deciding to not drink again and beating yourself up in this negative place. And then rationalizing that it’s not a big deal, or it’s no problem, or everybody drinks, or your life will suck without it. And then saying Oh, fuck it, I’m going to drink and then doing it again. And that constant noise, the battle is debilitating, it takes up so much energy. And when you let it go, when you get some distance from it, one, you’ll be amazed at how much time and energy and peace you have in your life. But that empty space needs to exist for new things to come in. And it can start with yoga or running or pottery or painting. It can start with anything that doesn’t have to be your thing. It’s a step. Yeah.

Wendy Valentine  48:42

There is a yeah, very, very, very good point. There was on Instagram, I did this reel, and it was about this like old Indian tale or something like that, where the kid goes up to his grandfather and the grandfather had said he was I have this horrible fight going on inside of me. It’s between these two wolves. And the one wolf is very mean and he’s all about greed and anger and frustration and nasty habits and sadness and depression and and then there’s the good wolf that is about happiness and peace and joy and fun and, and harmony. And then the kid asks his grandfather, he’s like, Well, which wolf will win? And he said, whichever one you feed, and point is like you like you have a choice of which one you feed. We all have this fight going on inside of us every single day. But the more mindful you become and decide like okay, which 1am I going to feed because that’s the one that’s going to take over your life. Yeah, it’s true, though, right like that.

Casey McGuire Davidson  49:51

I was laughing and smiling when you were saying that, and I have to tell you this so people who drink who struggle Go with it. They have this addictive voice in their mind, and it is the constant thought of like drinking and pulling yourself sucking yourself back into drinking. I think of drinking as a magnet. The closer you are to the last time you drank Hmm The stronger the poll, so you actually have to get some like time distance away from drinking for the hold to really himself in the point of the reason I’m saying this is because I call my addictive voice Wolfie it’s what I fell from tired of thinking about drinking, but it’s related to that parable. Because in the idea of every time you drink, you’re feeding the bad wolf.

Wendy Valentine  50:47

Yeah, that’s so I have goosebumps.

Casey McGuire Davidson  50:50

Yeah, I know. Literally, I call it Wolfie like I used to have a, I had a bracelet inscribed on the inside, like a cuff that said, fucky, Wolfie, I had a leather keychain that I used to rub. So it said fu W, like that was the name and recognizing it and be like, Oh my God, my wolfy voice is telling me x now some people call it the wine wedge. Some people call it you know, Shara champagne, or whatever it is. Some people call it the wine bitch. Or they have an alter ego, but the idea is the same. And there’s actually a podcast. That’s huge. I was thrilled to go on it. It’s called the one you feed. And it is all around that parable. So that parable is so meaningful to me. I love that you said that. Like what are the odds? Now?

Wendy Valentine  51:45

Do you have a name for the Good Wolf? I don’t, it’s just the addictive voice that I’m like, That is bullshit. He’s lying to me. And I need to shut the fuck up. And it can you’re exactly right. Because and it can be so loud. Like I was saying earlier watching the you know the ticker tape of thoughts going across in your mind. And the key is you want that cheerleader to drown out the voice of that critic. You want the you know, the warrior to drown out the voice of the wolf. Right? And like mine is actually so I have wonder windy and wimpy windy and a chin doing it you know? And then there’s one Do you wonder when do you go? And yes, you can girl you pull up your bootstraps. Let’s go like,

Casey McGuire Davidson  52:32

I love that. And the other thing when you said that I actually have them right here I’m looking at my like for bracelets that I used to wear all the time, I don’t know, because they make noise when I type and I’m recording, but they’re right next to me. And I used to wear them whenever I went out like to happy hour at work or to the honest so I could touch them and be reminded with this tactical reminder every day of the path I was on. But I also thought you know how Wonder Woman had those like cuffs that like someone was coming at her? It was like, Yes, that’s what I thought of them. Like, you know, I could repel? Oh, yeah.

Wendy Valentine  53:14

And it’s true, like you have, and you have to do that too. You have to protect yourself. You have to take care of yourself, that kind of goes back to the boundaries. Yeah. And you have to protect this amazing woman that you are creating.

Casey McGuire Davidson  53:29

And to be that Wonder Woman. Now, like not and I’ve also, I totally you know, believe that it is, it is hard or harder to live a happy, empowered life. If you are surrounded by negative people, negative thought pattern, negative news, negative energy, the scarcity mindset. And a lot of people live with those kinds of people, which is hard. But you can to some extent, edit the time and energy you spend with them. You can also set boundaries, like I cannot have you talk to me about this. It is not good for my mental health like and then also supplement that.

So, if you are listening to this podcast, if you are listening to Wendy’s podcast, if you are listening to any messages, reading books for me, it was like Jen Sincero, You Are A Badass. Like, for me. That was the voice that resonated with me. It can replace those pessimistic thoughts in your mind, even if that person is your father, you know? Yes. Yeah.

Wendy Valentine  54:38

And I find that you become like when you really, really step into change in your life. You become like a student of your own life, which is exciting. Like, you really learn what you like, what you don’t like, who you like, who you don’t like, and it’s going to change, like what you thought worked for you. It may not work for you now. Oh, yeah, it’s exciting, I think, because it just it’s okay to start small, too.

Casey McGuire Davidson  55:02

It really is. It’s okay to take the first step. And as you change, your relationships will change as you change. You will feel more confident to do more.

You know, you don’t. I, at one point, had some messages on my vision board when I was on corporate like the Mary Oliver.

What are you going to do with your one precious, precious life? – Mary Oliver

Yeah, it was stressing me the fuck out. I was like, oh my god, that is a lot of pressure, you know. And so I did change it to like, take joy in the moments, you know, people are about as happy as they decide to be. And then it evolved. Like right now on my phone. I’m a huge fan of like screen savers that that helps you remember, I know to replace thoughts, but right now on my phone, I’m showing it to you, I have a quote and it says 20 years from now, you would give anything to be this exact age. Exactly this healthy in this moment with these people enjoy it, and then go do some main character life shit while you can. Oh, I’m saying to my husband all the time. Like I’m going to Provence with girlfriends and I’m like, You know what that is? Hashtag me main character life shit. Like everything because I’m finally at that point. I’m like, I want to do some main character life shit. I don’t want to be like, Oh, I don’t want to spend that money to go to Provence at age 48. With girlfriends. I’m like, when the fuck am I going to go to for bonds? Yeah, exactly. I know. Like, do I want to do it when I’m 68.

Wendy Valentine  56:49

Now, I know it’s like, it’s today. It’s like you get you really have to start living for today. And surrender. I used to think that waving the white flag was a sign of weakness. But it’s actually not. It’s a sign of strength. And to just surrender and let go. I think I was talking to my Aunt Annie the other day who is 90 years old, 90 years young. She’s my hero. And I had asked her. I was like, you know, don’t you think the hardest thing in life is letting go? Like, we will clean to shit.

Casey McGuire Davidson  57:20

Especially habits you’re already like, her life is just okay. And kind of average and good enough. Oh, my God. Good enough. That is that is the enemy of improvement.

Wendy Valentine  57:34

Yeah, well, think about this. Like, if you had, if you had a plant and a little bitty pot, that plant will only grow so big. But if you were to put that plant and report it right and a larger pot, it would grow. And it would flourish even more. So, if you think about for yourself, like are you keeping yourself small? Like, are you keeping yourself in this tiny little pot? Or do you need to be replanted? And there’s things in your life that are holding you back that are not allowing you to grow. So, it’s like, go get the like the largest pot ever start making a big life like this.

Casey McGuire Davidson  58:14

I mean, yeah, what would you do with this one wild and precious? Like, like, within the parenthesis of time? Yeah, like whatever. But start. When also part of that is like, you can start with therapy, like, Oh, yes. Through some or coaching, like some of those limiting beliefs that are holding you back, which are usually fear based about change. And, you know, a big part for me is like, what are people going to think of me? If I try to do this? Are my former coworkers going to laugh at me? Are people not going to like me? Are they going to think I’m quote, unquote, getting too big for my britches, you know, like, Oh, my, that shit is real. Yep.

Wendy Valentine  59:05

I think I was telling a friend the other day, because she asked us she was actually she was a coach. She’s like, Wendy, how do you do it? Like, you’re you put yourself all over Instagram, and you’re everywhere, and you just don’t seem to care? And I’m like, I don’t. It’s just like, but how do I do that? I’m like, you have to care so much that you don’t care. In other words, you have to care so much about your soul and living out your life’s purpose and having more meaning and fulfillment that you don’t care what anybody else thinks. Because I promise you like when you get to the end of your life, not everyone’s gonna be going I can’t believe that she did that. I can’t believe that she actually went for a happiness and joy. No, like, nobody thinks that like, no. So you do have to just care. So and I know that that I mean again for me, I didn’t care about myself. But then that’s where I ended up though me not caring for myself and caring for everybody else made me miserable. And so, I was like, Well, what am I? Like? What is it George on Seinfeld? Like have opposite day. I was like, maybe I’ll just try the opposite.

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:00:20

Oregon comfortable and do it anyway. Yeah, I spent so much time worrying about what people thought and I finally had to embrace this quote that was like, if you’re ever talking about me, please send it with. She’s doing her own thing though. Yeah,

Wendy Valentine  1:00:35

Yeah actually, yeah, there’s that quote, I don’t know who said it. Maybe it was me.

A comfort zone is the beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.

And honestly, like we think about it, like drinking and making that part of your life. That can be very comfy. Yet. Are you growing? Are you evolving? Are you truly being you and everything that you want to be in life?

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:00:57

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And when, you know, the other thing, I think, with people who are afraid of change is just the idea that there are seasons in your life, and they may be really good. And yet, I mean, I know for me, I had college, high school, then early 20s, in DC dating, having fun, then living with my boyfriend in Seattle on the houseboat like kayaking everywhere. And with all my friends that had no kids, you know, dual income, no kids, that was a phase. And then the early parents phase, and now I’m in the freaking drive my kids everywhere to every sport event and every dance class phase. But you know, who do I want to be?

I stopped drinking when I was 40. I’m 48. Now, I was like a decade from now knowing that I spent a ton of time feeling hungover a ton of time, feeling defensive and irritated. You know, defensive about how much I was drinking, irritated that I was worried people were judging me.

Yep, a bunch of time not remembering the evenings. I was like, mapping that out a decade from now first five years than decade. And it was easy, because my son was 8. I was like, when he is 18. Knowing that drinking you consume more does not get better, in progressive when he is 18. Is he going to want to bring his friends home at 9pm. And I just was like, that was my worst nightmare. Because I was I wanted to have a close relationship with him. I wanted him to love me and respect me. And when he was eight, he didn’t really notice me passing out on the couch. And my husband not being able to wake me up. But like that, that was going away pretty quick. Yep. And so, he’s almost 16 now and we have a great relationship. You know what I mean? And he’s proud of me for not drinking and, and I just, it was that idea of positive change versus a negative slow descent?

Wendy Valentine  1:03:13

Yeah, that was a strong why for you? Yeah.

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:03:17

So, what else is in the freedom acronym? Can you tell us what it is for freedom at midlife.

Wendy Valentine  1:03:23

Um, so the F is free yourself. And that’s basically where we gain clarity and kind of know, like, where you’re going to start your transformation.

R is reset your life. So, you’re literally like, pressing the reset button on your life, and dropping the baggage that weighs you down in life, which is huge.

E is envisioning the future – that we talked about, which I love. We actually do make a vision board and that one is my friend yet.

E is experiment and explore.

D is detach from tomorrow to live for today. So important.

O is own your badass self that you’re creating. You got to own it. And then,

M is master by yourself. And we all are right. Like, even if you make a big change in your life, you’re still like, evolving and changing. You don’t ever want to get too comfy. There are times in my life where I’m like, Okay, we’re going a little too campy, we need to like change some things up here. And again, it’s just amazing. Like what happens just from one tiny change and so cool.

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:04:34

Yeah, yeah. And just know that if you try something and you don’t love it, that’s just good information that feeds into like, Okay, I didn’t love that for that reason. That’s great information. Let me try something else as opposed to thinking you’re gonna love that thing for a decade and never fuckin doing it so you never get to move on. From that. So in your group, tell me about your group and your course. Because how do you help women? Do that? Right? I found, I have a vision board starter kit, I will link it in the show notes. So you can get it because it’s the, you know, 100 different quotes and categories that like helped me. Yes. They were meaningful to me in walking away from alcohol. And I think they’ll help other people too. Yeah, I don’t know. Women are like, yeah, got this kid feels like a lot of fucking work. I have a work deadline. I’ve got, you know, kids to do XYZ, like, time for this.

Wendy Valentine  1:05:38

So, one thing I’ve learned about myself, and even my audience is that and probably everybody, I think we all like steps. We all do X, Y, and Z, right? Like, less fluff and more formula.

So, even like this year on the show, I’m trying to do like the 8 happiness hacks. Like, how to overcome a bad day, like I do this, this, this, and this. When I think back of where I was, which actually is matter of fact, the freedom at midlife program. Those seven steps are the exact seven steps that I took, and how I literally changed. I didn’t know what at the time was like, oh, did I do?

Yeah, but it’s a seven week program, we meet live once a week. You’ll have seven modules that you get to go through like one per week. So, they’re dripped one per week. And then, but it walks you through step by step. It’s like the first two steps. It’s like, oh, kind of heavy, and then we get lighter and lighter and lighter. But we focus on one thing on one change throughout the entire seven weeks. And we determine that by I call it my wheel of midlife. So, it’s eight different categories – friends, family, fun, faith, fitness, finance, fulfillment, and flame. Flame, meaning like, your partner in life, that you determine which category that you want to work on. Which one like on a scale of zero to 10.

if you were a rank, where are you at now with your friends, like, Okay, I would probably rank myself a five might need work on my friends, or finances, okay, that’s a seven or faith that’s down to two. So, you pick whichever one is your lowest rank category, and you pick one thing that you’re going to change. And then we even do like, you create your, your superhero. So, we reactivate your, your strengths, again, because a lot of that stuff gets lost. When you’re covered up with trying to get everything done every single day and take care of the kids and the family and the job and all that stuff. You’re like, Wait, what was I good at? I forgot. But yeah, and then, little by little, we just kind of like create this whole new life, a whole new vision. It’s exciting.

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:07:59

It is, is and sometimes it’s helpful, to have a dedicated time to work through that I know we all get so busy, that it’s hard to step away and even take an hour to think about how you’re doing, how you’re feeling what you want, what strategies you can use to change. I mean, that’s one of the reasons I love therapy and coaching is because as busy women, we don’t take that time very often it’s hard to carve out. So, I think that’s wonderful. Are your groups big, small?

Wendy Valentine  1:08:38

I keep them small. I like to keep it under 50. Because otherwise, I feel like it takes away. I mean, I’ve been in some where there’s like 500 people and you’re like, Do they even know I’m here? Yeah.

Yeah. Like a little buddy system. So then that way, which I’ve always liked that too. I mean, even as many retreats as I’ve been to in my lifetime, and online programs always love having a buddy and oh my gosh, like I learned so much from them from even what they’re going through. Yeah, it’s pretty fascinating. And it goes back to the Sociology. Yeah, yeah.

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:09:12

Yeah, completely. Awesome. Well, it’s so good to talk to you. I’m so glad we’ve met. Absolutely. We will keep in touch. So, when I go to Portugal, if you happen to be around I’d love to come say “hi”.

Wendy Valentine  1:09:29

Oh, you have to. It’s a big little island. Yeah, I’ve actually next year I want to start teaching retreats here.

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:09:35

So, that’ll be fine. Oh, very cool. Very cool. I want to go to retreat. I don’t want to teach recreate. You know, because I just I need that time away and nurturing and time to think about all the good things and in terms of main character life shit. I’ve decided I’m investing in it. Like I was terrified to ask my husband like The cool go to pro bots like and leave you with the kids because he would love to go, and we love traveling together. But I’m very excited to go just with my girlfriend, and they’re all summer. And there’s a former client who is now like four and a half year sober. And what is my sober bestie? We’re 60 days apart. We both live in Seattle. And one is a woman who I’ve gone on a couple of retreats with. And she ran alcohol-free adventure retreats all over the world. She’s not doing it right now. But she did. Croatia and Greece and Iceland, if you’re interested in on the pod twice. Her name is Margaret Ward. But just the four of us are going and it’s just going to be I want to point out though your proof that you find your tribe.

Yeah. Right. Like your life will change. But for the better. Oh my God, these women are incredible. And inspire me every day. Yeah. Yeah.

Wendy Valentine  1:11:03

And I’m the same way. Like I’ve found this whole new tribe that I just didn’t even know existed. You know.

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:11:09

You know what someone said to me in Coaching school, and it was something someone said to her, it wasn’t necessarily about me, but she was like, I feel this for you, too. Someone said to her, you’re a unicorn, and you’re going to attract other unicorns.

And the reason I liked that was, I was like, I want to fucking be around people who talk about unicorns like, those are the people on like, that’s fun. I don’t want to talk about people who are like, Oh my god, I’m so busy. And you know, exactly, yeah, like stuff. I’m like, I get this so busy. I talked about the kids. I talked about the life I talked about the next vacation, but like, I’m going to talk about unicorns and rainbows, sprinkle, and cupcakes, and dreams, even if they’re a decade out. Like, that’s cool.

Wendy Valentine  1:12:04

I was going to tell you earlier that my favorite quote, Marianne Williamson, I think it’s kind of fitting since we’re closing.

But our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. – Marianne Williamson

I could say the rest of it, but let’s end on. Yeah.

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:12:28

I love that one too. Yeah. Did you tell us where people can find you?

Wendy Valentine  1:12:32

Oh, yes. wendyvalentine.com. That’s probably like the central hub. Or they’re the Midlife Makeover Show. Everywhere. Where’s that app? Who’s out? Um, you know, Apple, Spotify.

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:12:47

You can find that Instagram.

Wendy Valentine  1:12:48

That’s probably like mine. I’m also on YouTube and Facebook. But Instagram is like my main jam. I have a lot of fun on there. But lots of inspiration. Lots of unicorn stuff.

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:13:00

Lots of nice. Tell me tell me you post pictures of Portugal?

Wendy Valentine  1:13:04

Oh, I do. Yeah, you have to go on there. I just, Yeah.

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:13:08

You know, every January and I just did it. I needed to hold my feet on Instagram of you know, they’re just people who make like spike, you’re less than spike your, you know, competitiveness by your, all the things, whatever it is. And I called it to very good friends. And which includes a lot of sober people, a lot of podcasters. But people who I know. And beautiful places in Europe, like France and Portugal and Italy. I just wanted to see gorgeous places in Europe on my feed. And then inspirational sites like both female empowerment.

Wendy Valentine  1:14:00

And you know, you know what’s interesting, you almost have to kind of think of your life, like an Instagram feed. And what do you want to see? What do you want to feel? What do you want to experience, and you get to decide. You get to choose what you want?

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:14:16

Yeah, well, it will change your life like the energy you surround yourself with the people who have access to you. How you spend your time, it will change your life.

Wendy Valentine  1:14:26

Yeah, because you’re well and you’re changing your vibration. You’re putting different energy out there, but not rainbows.

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:14:34

Love it. Alright, so good to talk to you. Thank you so much.

Wendy Valentine  1:14:39

Thank you, Casey. This was awesome.