SUMMARY KEYWORDS

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SPEAKERS: Casey McGuire Davidson 

Welcome to the Hello Someday Podcast, the podcast for busy women who are ready to drink less and live more. I’m Casey McGuire Davidson, ex-red wine girl turned life coach helping women create lives they love without alcohol. But it wasn’t that long ago that I was anxious, overwhelmed, and drinking a bottle of wine and night to unwind. I thought that wine was the glue, holding my life together, helping me cope with my kids, my stressful job and my busy life. I didn’t realize that my love affair with drinking was making me more anxious and less able to manage my responsibilities.

In this podcast, my goal is to teach you the tried and true secrets of creating and living a life you don’t want to escape from.

Each week, I’ll bring you tools, lessons and conversations to help you drink less and live more. I’ll teach you how to navigate our drinking obsessed culture without a bus, how to sit with your emotions, when you’re lonely or angry, frustrated or overwhelmed, how to self soothe without a drink, and how to turn the decision to stop drinking from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

I am so glad you’re here. Now let’s get started.

Hi there. This podcast episode is coming out the week before New Year’s in 2021. And it’s all about how to manifest the shit out of life.

 

Today’s podcast is one I really wanted to bring you before the end of the year because as we look to 2021, it is a great time to think about what you actually want in your life, what you want more of and what you’ve been settling for so far, and you need to realize that you deserve more. There’s a Brené Brown quote that I absolutely love, where she writes about what she calls not a midlife crisis, but she calls it a midlife unraveling. And here’s what she writes. Midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pose you close, and whispers in your ear. I’m not screwing around; time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life, worried about what other people think. Courage and daring are coursing through your veins. You were made to live and love with your whole heart, it’s time to show up. And I know that’s easier said than done. Because there’s a reason that our lives are the way they are. And your life honestly, is probably not that bad.

 

A lot of women in midlife live pretty good lives where they love their families and their friends. They’ve grown up and worked hard and achieve some measure of success that they’re really proud of. I mean, sometimes they’ve climbed the corporate ladder, or built businesses, or raising beautiful children or having adventures, we all have a lot to be grateful for, and a lot to be proud of.

 

But if you’re at all, like me, or more specifically, the way I was living 5 years ago, I was not completely in love with my life. I loved a lot about it. But day to day, I was running from one place to another, trying to meet the needs of my work and my boss trying to take care of my family, trying to manage my responsibilities and my schedule and my to-do list. So, my rewards and dreams at that time, were something like a vacation I was looking forward to, or happy hour with girlfriends or a date night with my husband or to sleep in or to sleep through the night. And a lot of times my reward, and what I wanted was a bottle of wine at night after work.

 

And I hear this a lot from the women I work with in Coaching. They say, I have all these great things in my life. I have so much to be grateful for, you know, first world problems, like my life. But why aren’t I happy? And whether it’s their job or their schedule or just the day to day mundane shit in life? They look around and they’re asking, is this what adulting is? Is this how it’s supposed to feel? Am I meant to just grit my teeth and put my head down and plow forward for another 10 or 15 years? And I hear this not just from women who drink a lot. I also hear this from so many of my friends from college the women I’ve worked with in the corporate world, or my girlfriends from high school.

 

It’s not that life is bad. It’s just that you feel like you’re settling for a life that feels good enough. Rather than one that feels awesome. You’re not living the life you imagined you would, when you were young, and you were looking 20 years ahead. So that’s what we’re talking about today. I want to show you, as we’re finishing 2020, as we’re headed into a new year into 2021, I want to show you how to manifest the shit at life. And I use this phrase very specifically, because probably a year or two after I stopped drinking, I got really into vision boards. And I used a vision board when I first stopped drinking. And I’m gonna tell you all about that and what I did and how it helped me. But a year or two, after I quit drinking, I got really into them. And first, I created one and then another. And I’m not talking about gluing pictures from magazines onto poster boards, like I am serious about my vision boards, I get beautiful, equally sized cork boards, and clear push pins and images and quotes that are really beautiful and specific to what I want to bring into my life. And by the way, I’ve got a free vision board kit, with all these quotes, like 100 quotes that you can get on my website, plus links to the exact cork boards. I like to order from Amazon, and all that stuff. Because I really care what things look like. And I feel like I want to be visually inspired by what I’m looking at. I want it to be beautiful and clean.

 

So, probably, also a reason I drank and a lot of other stuff, but I am definitely a more is more kind of girl, like, more is better. So, one year around the New Year, I literally bought 20 cork boards from Amazon and I made 20 fucking 20 vision boards, they were laid out all over my dining room table and my kitchen island and my husband came home. And he was both super important and kind of thought I was a bit fucking crazy. And as I was putting them all together, and I told him, don’t ask, I’m going to manifest the shit out of life. And so, he actually hung up all the vision boards along the wall in my garage on the side where I parked my car. And he did it in a way that was perfectly spaced and perfectly level. And the intention was that I could see all 20 of them. Each time I drove out for the day. And each time I came home at the end of the night. And so, they were in front of me, I would stand there and look at them sometimes and just read them and have my eye scan them. And don’t get me wrong, I also had to in my kitchen and possibly three in my office. So, I know you’re probably thinking I’m crazy. And I am not suggesting you create 25 vision boards. Although if you want to go for it, I totally support you. Although, if you want to do that, go for it, you manifest the shit out of life.

 

But listen, I know if you’re a grown woman listening to this podcast with a job and kids and responsibilities and the rest of it, I get that it’s possible. And maybe even likely that you’re thinking that vision boards are something that sixth grade girls do it asleep over, you might see them as cheesy or lame. And I hear you on that. I mean 10 or 8 or 6 years ago, you probably wouldn’t have cut me dead with a vision board. But of course, at that time, I was also drinking nightly, I was also carrying around a ton of anxiety on a pretty consistent basis. And I was scrambling and holding on really tight to make sure I could control as much as possible. And I was channeling a ton of negative self-talk in my head daily, or hourly. So, I’m a total vision board convert now. And I love affirmations that replace the negative automatic thought loop in my head. I also say things about my intentions or what I want to happen. I’m going to go ahead and put that out into the universe. So, I am definitely that girl. I mean, since I’ve stopped drinking, I’ve embraced a lot more woo in my life. And I kind of encourage you to do that too. I mean, why fucking not? Being a little woo is actually pretty fun way to live.

 

If you’re listening to this episode and have been trying to take a break from drinking, but keep starting and stopping and starting again, I want to invite you to take a look at my new on demand Coaching Course The Sobriety Starter Kit®.

The Sobriety Starter Kit® is an online self-study, sober coaching course that will help you quit drinking and build a life you love without alcohol without white knuckling it or hitting the process. The course includes the exact step by step coaching framework I work through with my private coaching clients, but at a much more affordable price than one on one coaching. And the sobriety starter kit is ready, waiting and available to support you anytime you need it. And when it fits into your schedule, you don’t need to work your life around group meetings or classes at a specific day or time. This course is not a 30-day challenge, or a one day at a time approach. Instead, it’s a step by step formula for changing your relationship with alcohol, the course will help you turn the decision to stop drinking, from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life, you will sleep better and have more energy, you’ll look better and feel better, you’ll have more patience and less anxiety. And with my approach, you won’t feel deprived or isolated in the process. So, if you’re interested in learning more about all the details, please go to www.sobrietystarterkit.com. You can start at any time. And I would love to see you in the course.

 

So just stay with me for a little while on this because I promise you this shit actually works. And I want to tell you all about it.

So, first, let’s talk about how most of us go through life. Some of us start the year all excited with New Year’s resolutions and things we want to change in our lives, and with the motivation to make it happen. And then some of us start the new year, especially after one like 2020 kind of defeated, I mean, really fucking tired. Realizing that your day to day life is kind of a slug. Maybe you hate Sunday nights, where you’re feeling dread about going back to work on Monday mornings, or you feel trapped, you work, you come home, you do things for your family, you feel stressed and anxious. And then you repeat, maybe what you look forward to is just a coffee break with a girlfriend, or more likely wine at night or a TV show. You want to check out and numb out and then you sleep poorly. And you get up and you repeat. And you call that a reward. Maybe you’ve stopped dreaming. You look around and you say my life’s not great, but it’s good enough. I’m not sure why I don’t feel really happy and fulfilled. But I’m going to plan another vacation and get a massage and plan a girl’s night. And that will make me happy. And don’t get me wrong. I love girls’ nights and massages. And I love vacations. But it’s not going to fulfill you. I mean, it’s not exactly manifesting the shit out of life is it. It’s not exactly living a life you’ve dreamed about. And you might say who does live a life they dream about? Like, this is the real world come on Casey. But let’s talk about that during this podcast.

So, let’s imagine you’re starting 2021. You are out of your funk, you’re doing the whole new year new you. And you set your goals and you write in your journal and you make your plan for how you’re going to work out four days a week, or how you’re going to start a new passion project, or stop drinking or whatever it is. And then 2 weeks go by. Or 2 months go by and all of your best intentions just fly out the window. You look up and you look around and you’ve gotten totally bogged down in the day to day realities and responsibilities of your life. And you’ve kind of forgotten about how pumped up you were in the beginning when you were thinking, this is what I really want. And this is what I’m going to do. And I’m going to make this fucking happen. And you sort of convinced yourself that it doesn’t really matter anyway, or you didn’t really want it that bad. Or maybe that it was impractical, or it’s not a priority, or you don’t have the luxury to do those things that you were really fired up to do. Or you tell yourself it won’t happen anyway. So, what’s the point in trying or which is the inspiration for my Coaching business name.

 

And for this podcast, it’s super common to say that you will do what you really want to do. You will have time and energy to focus on your dreams someday. Someday in retirement, or when your worklets up or when your kids are older, or when you’ve saved more money or when your boss isn’t such a nightmare, or when life gets easier. And so, what happens, your life stays the same. Another year goes by, and it’s not that bad. It’s actually pretty good sometimes. But it’s a bit of a slog. And basically, you settle for good enough. And that can go on for a really long time.

 

So, let’s go back to what Brittany said. She said, midlife is when the universe gently places her hands on your shoulders, she pulls you in close, and she whispers in your ear. I am not screwing around. Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you, it’s time to show up. In this podcast episode, I want to tell you about how to manifest the shit out of life, how to bring the things you occasionally think about, and get all fired up about. And then forget about when you get bogged down in life, how to actually make them happen. “How to”, as you move through your daily life, stop getting distracted, and make the things that are actually important to a priority.

 

I want to talk to you about the biggest thing that stops us from achieving our dreams. And it’s not your schedule, or your kids or your job or the amount of money you have in your bank account. It’s our fears. It’s our negative self-talk. It’s our limiting beliefs. And it’s the things that we’re consciously or unconsciously doing to save ourselves from embarrassment or ridicule or failure. It’s the things we do to keep ourselves small and safe, so that our lives look good on the outside, even if they don’t feel really good on the inside.

 

And Brittany talks about this too, in the midlife unraveling. So, you’re going through life. And she says all of this pretending and performing these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt, they have to go, and your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small, I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy, and lovable. But you’re still searching, and you’re more lost than ever. We all have decades of resistance and fear and self-doubt and self-criticism. They are so entrenched. And we have this inner critic voice that’s so automatically, we have these thoughts and we don’t even realize them. It’s really hard to escape. But here’s the thing I need you to hear. Repetition is reality.

 

I don’t know exactly who said this quote originally, but it is 100% true. It is not what you say to everyone else that determines your life. It is what you whisper to yourself that has the greatest power. Now, I love Jensen Sarah, she wrote all of the “your badass” books. And if you’ve listened to this podcast, I know you’ve heard me talk about her before. But she writes, whatever we’ve got on repeat becomes a reality, what we look at every day, our thoughts, what we read, what we listen to what we talk about, and most of all, what we tell ourselves, repetition becomes your reality. It really does. So, this repetition is reality concept, is the reason why repeating affirmations is so effective. Why, creating a vision board and looking at your vision board, over and over is so powerful. Why, hanging out with kick ass people who are talking about and doing kick ass things is so important. Why, being diligent about being grateful is transformative by putting post-it notes all around your house about all the things that you want to remember and channel and internalize is so worth it, despite any shit you might get from your kids about it because trust me, I have a 12 year old son and I get some shit from my millions of vision boards and quotes. I don’t care. You need to take stock of what you have an auto loop and upgrade anything that’s not supporting you in your quest for greatness.

 

Jen reminds us to pay attention to what comes out of our mouths. When you talk to coworkers. The thoughts that go through your mind when you look in the mirror or when you watch TV. You need to pay attention to the way the books you read, the podcasts you’ve listened to, the foods you eat, the news consumed, the people you hang out with. How do they make you feel? So, here’s something I hear a lot from women I know who just aren’t that happy.

 

What if you don’t know what you want in your life? And here’s what I tell them. It’s actually not as important to know what you want to do with your life, as it is to know what makes you feel good. And that’s the very first quote, I put on my very first quasi vision board, right when I was quitting drinking, and it wasn’t some great vision of what I wanted to do in my life, or achieve in my life, or bring into my life. Because I was nowhere near that point. It was actually this quote, it said, create a life that feels good on the inside, not just one that looks good on the outside. And around it, I put pictures of my baby looking all cute. There was a picture of Paris, because I traveled there, and I loved it. There was a picture of me when I was younger, on a scooter in Nantucket, and a picture of a field in the sunshine, and my family and a picture of Croatia because it’s so fucking beautiful there. That’s what I needed at the time. I needed most to create a life that actually felt good on the inside as I navigated day to day, as I woke up in the morning, on a Thursday, not a life that just look good on the outside. Because where I was, was drinking a bottle of wine at night, and feeling like shit, and talking crap to myself every morning. And slogging my way through life. I, too little sleep, and too much anxiety, and hoping that no one noticed. That was my life.

 

I’d go around with a smile on my face at work, and pulling myself together every morning, and dropping my daughter at daycare and texting my friends and going to school conferences and taking my kids to sports and going on business trips and all the rest. And it looked pretty good. But I wasn’t really happy. I was gritting my teeth a lot. And asking myself if this is the way it’s supposed to feel. And if this is what adult hand was and guess what it’s not. And that quote, that first quasi vision board. It actually helped me quit drinking. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it did. I put it on the inside of my pantry. And every morning every night when I opened that door, I internalized the message that I needed to create a life that felt good on the inside, not just one that looked good on the outside. And next to that, quote, there were images of things that weren’t a wineglass and weren’t a bottle that would really make me happy. And I looked at it and I remembered how it felt to be 27 and to rent a scooter by myself in Nantucket, and drive around the island and take photographs of lighthouses and buy a sandwich and sit on a beach. And I was like fuck, I want more of that in my life, not more of hangovers, and shakiness and groundhog days. And I saw it every morning. And for that quote, that meant to me in shorthand, don’t drink.

 

So, if you don’t know what you want in your life, and it’s almost 2021, but you want to manifest the shit out of it. That’s okay. Again, it’s not as important to know what you want to do with your life, as it is to know what makes you feel good. As Jen writes in your badass every day, she says practice paying close attention to how different people, thoughts, places, ideas, things, the vision of your chief goals, the songs you listen to, activities, foods you eat, clothing, make you feel and let the good feelings guide you through your day.

 

Imagine that your brain was removed from your body, and all you had to use to make your everyday decisions. Were your feelings, no logical thinking, no memories of how things are or how they’ll probably turn out. No judgments or fears. You’ll look like an idiot or disappoint someone or break something and have to gently prop it back up. How would things change for you? Try moving through an entire day. really noticing and responding to how things feel in your gut with an empty mind. So, if you’re listening to this, try to do that today and tomorrow. Move through an entire day and pay close attention to how things make you feel and let good feelings guide you through the day. I told you I was a more is more and more is better girl. So, that was not the only quote I put up. I’ll put one up right next to my mirror in the early days of sobriety. And it said, make a list of things that make you happy. Make a list of things you do every day, compare the list, adjust accordingly. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to enjoy your everyday existence. That is not being selfish. And you actually have the power to change how you feel every day, you have the power to change things, you are not trapped.

 

And I get it, you’re sitting there and like Casey, I can’t change my fucking job, and my house and my marriage, or whatever it is, that is tripping you up. But I want you to believe that small changes, small improvements inevitably lead to big ones. My changes in the beginning were really small. I stopped eating lunch at my desk every day while staring at my computer. I started working out in the mornings, with a group of women who turned into really good friends. I stopped drinking wine at night, I started going to bed early, I started blocking my calendar off at work and going for a walk every day at 3:00 p.m. Those things made me happy. They were the opposite of the things I was doing before. Small changes inevitably lead to bigger ones, start making your list. And in the spirit of Moore’s more, I definitely had a few more quotes on my early vision boards. That helped remind me and motivated me to keep going on the whole not drinking path.

 

In the early days when I was dishing wine. And it was really hard. And I was really fragile. Here are a few I had up. One was by Julia Riley. And it said, I already know what giving up feels like. I want to see what happens when I don’t. Because I knew and I had known for the better part of 20 years, what my life looked like I felt like when I was drinking. In my early days, I was just going for 100 days without alcohol, I can barely imagine making it to two weeks. And that quote inspired me. It reminded me when I saw it twice a day that I wanted to see what happened. When I didn’t give up. I wanted to see what 100 days looked like I wanted to see what it felt like, and I internalize that message. So, if I wanted to drink, I thought to myself, I already know what giving up feels like, I want to see what happens when I don’t. And that thought kept me going.

 

Another one I had up was, you will find that it is necessary to let things go simply for the reason that they are heavy. And that symbolized for me my drinking habit, I needed to let it go, just because it was heavy.

 

A third one I loved was, I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me. And it helped me reframe what I was doing and not drinking, that instead of depriving myself or that I was damaged. Or that I was missing out on something. It simplified it to something that was just an evolution, a new season in my life, where I was just walking away from something that was no longer meant for me. And that I was going to learn to love the sound of my feet, doing just that. That quotation actually also helped me later in life to have the courage to start to walk away from my 20 years in the corporate world and to go into Coaching. I read that quote, and I thought to myself, I was just walking away from something that was never really meant for me. And instead, I was honoring who I actually was and what I actually wanted. Instead of worrying about what I should do, or what other people might think or any of that shit.

 

And in early sobriety, I also needed a daily reminder of things I could do and embrace and enjoy without drinking. The joys and pleasures that weren’t in a bottle. And I put a quote up to remind me of that because I got to tell you, when you’re on the early days or when shit happens or when you’re frustrated, or a lot of times when you’re bored. You don’t think of this stuff. You just don’t. You are mired in your existence and your feelings and your mind and your thoughts that are on auto loop. And so, if you put this quote up, you will see it you will see it a bunch of times until you will just internalize it and say it to yourself. And so, the quote I had up was, you will need coffee shops and sunsets and roads trips, you will need airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs. But most of all, you will need other people. And you will need to be that other person to someone else in living, breathing, screaming invitation to believe better things.

 

So, I walked out my door in the morning in my garage, and it said, you will need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips, and new songs and old songs. And that helped me it really did. That quote was written by Jamie Torre Koski. And I hope you can see the difference between seeing these messages every day, and how they grounded me and inspired me and put what I was doing in a positive light as something I wanted for myself, versus telling myself on January 1, that I’m not going to drink again. And then constantly renegotiating and debating that decision. And noticing every negative thing that comes along. Motivation, ebbs and flows, will power fades. Reminders, changing your internal automatic thought loop, replacing those conditioned thoughts, grounding yourself in what you actually want, keeping that vision in front of you, that sustains you. So, during the day to day, when times were hard when I wanted a bottle of wine, I would rethink that I would internalize and say to myself, no, I know what giving up feels like, I want to see what happens. When I don’t, I would say to myself, yeah, I want that bottle of wine. But I am creating a life that feels good on the inside. I am loving the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me. I need coffee shops and sunsets and scooters on Nantucket, and beaches and lighthouse, and most of all other people who are living, breathing, screaming invitation to believe in better things.

 

And if you like any of these quotes, I’ve got something for you. So, it literally took me months and years to gather all these quotes that really inspired me. And a while ago, for my clients, I created a free vision board starter kit that I put together in a PDF, you can download it, and it has all of my favorite messages in there, like over 100 to get you started. I’m not suggesting you need 100. But I do suggest you download it, you look through it, you pick three or four that you’re like, that’s what I need. That’s what I want in my life. So, if you want that, just get it at my website, you can go to hellosomedaycoaching.com/vision-board-kit. I’ll put it in the show notes of this episode. So, you can find that hellosomedaycoaching.com/37. Or you can just go to my website and look under the free guide section. You’ll see it there with a bunch of other free guides. But I want you to actually get started on this. And I want to tell you that this practice, this replacing negative thoughts, this putting up vision boards, is actually great for all other things in life, not just stopping drinking.

 

Vision boards helped me after I was sober to tackle a bunch more of my fears and limiting beliefs and things that I wanted but never kept up the initiative to actually work for and things I told myself, that wouldn’t happen or couldn’t happen, or were just stupid. So, for example, when I was getting up the courage, because it was super scary, to start Coaching, to leave my salary and my security and my title, which to be honest, was really tied up in my ego and my sense of self-worth. I had all these messages front and center. And one was a quote of Nelson Mandela. That said, may your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears. Because I knew that part of what was holding me back was, I was living in this fear-based scarcity mindset. I was scared to leave corporate. I was scared that I wouldn’t find another good job, or I wouldn’t have enough money, or I wouldn’t have enough for retirement or my kids’ college. So, the quote on my board that said, may your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears, reminded me that I didn’t want to live that way. I didn’t want to be driven by my fears. Another one, by Howard Thurman said, don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is more people who have come up with Live. And that helped me replace all those thoughts about what I should do and what was responsible. And Elizabeth Gilbert wrote one, that it was a great reminder that I still have up by my mirror, when I get up in the morning. It said, you have to participate relentlessly in the manifestation of your own blessings. Here’s the thing, nobody is ever really ready to make a big change, you have to start before you’re ready, you have to put things up that remind you consistently what it is you want, what it is you want to go for. And that doesn’t mean that you have to go out and put your head down and work like a dog. No. But you have to remind yourself, what would make you happy what you want in your life, and you will subconsciously, and suddenly, you will just make small choices that will eventually lead you to that goal.

 

The way you can manifest can help you with a whole bunch of other things. I mean, I know I dealt with a lot of self-doubt, and insecurity and fear of judgment or criticism from others. I had a ton of that when I was thinking about going into Coaching school, I had all these thoughts like, I can’t tell people I’m a fucking Life Coach, like, What the fuck is that? Is that a joke? That’s not even a real job. And one of my husband’s friend actually mentioned, Oh, I thought Life Coaching was for people who couldn’t make it in the Corporate World. And that went right through my heart, because that was my deepest fear, that being a Life Coach wasn’t a real job. And what would people think? So, we needed to put messages on my board to rewire those negative thoughts and replace them with new thoughts that would help me reach my goal, because I could have been stuck in the corporate world for another 15 years. And guess what? It didn’t make me happy. It made me anxious. And I didn’t want to be on the road, on business trips, I wanted to be home with my kids, I wanted to be doing things I loved. I didn’t want to hold out for 2 weeks’ vacation a year as that being my carrot at the end of 12 months. So, I actually put images on my board of some role models that inspired me. So, Jensen, Sarah, for fucking real. She was on my vision board. And also, Amy Porterfield, who I’m pretty sure you don’t know who she is. But she’s an Entrepreneur and a Podcaster. And I really wanted to do what she’s done. And I put up quotes, like, stop taking directions from people who aren’t going where you’re headed. And that was big for me. Stop taking directions from my boss, or my mom or my sister, people who had no idea where I wanted to go because they haven’t been there.

 

Another one I loved that I put up said, if you ever find yourself talking about me, make sure you finish off with she’s doing her own thing, though. And that was for me just being like even if people are talking about me, a fucking doing my own thing. I put one up that said, don’t worry about what other people think they’re too busy thinking about themselves. And one that said, you’re going to be too much for some people. Those aren’t your people. Turn your most repeated negative inner critic thoughts inside out, find the opposite. And put up that affirmation as a reminder. It will help so much. You can use this strategy when hard things happen and when shitty things happen to. For me, I needed this a lot when things like reorganizations happened at work or layoffs. And I can even look back and think of these affirmations when I think about having a problem with drinking. And when I struggled, and I moved past it, I couldn’t see it then, but I see it so clearly. Now, you can turn those negative thought patterns positive. You can retrain your brain, from pessimism to optimism, from scarcity to abundance. Like there was one time about 8 years ago, when I was leaving a Company after 5 years, and I was super worried about it with a young kid and a mortgage and not knowing what I was going to do next. And during my last 2 weeks at the office, my husband actually gave me a quote to put up on my bulletin board because I was just constantly in this catastrophizing mindset. And it said, not to spoil the ending, but everything is going to be okay. And I just really needed to see that I need that in front of me. I loved it. It’s a lot about trusting the universe and giving up some control and giving up living in fear and giving up feeling like a victim. Instead, just believing that everything is going to be okay, a quote I have in my universe jar. And yes, I actually said that I have my universe jar. And if I’m too woo for you, that’s okay. You don’t have to do all this. But I have a glass mason jar that has a top. And in it, I put all the things that I’m worried about that I don’t know the answer to, that I don’t know which direction to take. And on it, it says whether or not it’s clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. And I write down what I’m worried about. And I hand it over to the universe. And by putting it in that jar, because I literally don’t know what to do. And then I let it go, and I can come back to it a month later, or six months later, and I could be like, holy shit, it all worked out, okay.

 

And it’s important to remember and follow your fantasies or your dreams. So, think about what your fantasies are, or your dreams. And I learned this in Coaching school. But if you ever want something and you’re not getting it, it is almost always an internal block. Meaning, it’s something that stuck within you, your fears, your limiting beliefs, your assumptions of what can happen, it is almost never a real external block, which is it literally cannot happen, you literally cannot do it, there is no way you can achieve what you want. It is almost never an external block. So for example, if you want to move to Hawaii someday, here’s a step to get started research, which Island do you want to go to find a picture of a house, you would love to live in, research what the local coffee shop is, and put a picture of it on the corner of your vision board and get a map of the neighborhood you might want to live in. And boom, you have put it out into the universe. And yes, I say things like put it out into the universe, because that shit actually works. Now you don’t know exactly how it works. But you will get there. You might live in Hawaii or visited often. I mean, forget about the logistics right now. But I tell you what, it is not going to happen. If you think it get excited, then dismiss it as stupid or impossible or indulgent or selfish and shove it away in a drawer. If you want to fucking live in Hawaii, and this is your one life. You deserve that. Why not?

 

So, once you put a dream, what you want an inspiring thing out there, suddenly, you will notice small signs everywhere that you are on the right path. And I call it your divine breadcrumbs. You don’t know what the end goal is. But just go in a direction that feels good. Or suddenly you’ll notice someone, and they’ll bring an idea to you or a project or something and you’ll be like, Wow, that’s cool. Follow that. And you’re going to be led sort of on the zigzag path to something amazing. So, follow those divine breadcrumbs, or pay attention to what feels good. What inspires you? What lights you up? Because otherwise, we walk around with blinders on. we dismiss what we really want, or even just what we kind of want as impossible or frivolous or silly. We push it out of our head. And more importantly, we never mentioned it to anyone. And guess what, nothing happens. So, dream a little bit. It’s not silly. Keep it front and center, get excited about the possibilities, mention it casually to others. And suddenly, other people know that they have information or suggestions or friend of a friend.

 

So, this actually happened for me with my friend Amy. We were in the early morning workout group. And we randomly seriously at 630 in the morning after workout one day, went to coffee with two other women. And we were sitting there, and she was like, yeah, I’m a nurse, but I’m kind of over it. I don’t really like it. I really want to be a Coach someday. And I was like, oh my god, I want to be a Coach too. I’ve been thinking about it, but I’m probably 5 years off maybe. And I said to her, Hey, you should read this book. It’s Jensen, Sarah, you’re a badass because she was like, the money will never work. And it’s just impossible. And I said, Oh Jen has this book called you’re a badass at making money. It totally inspired me. Someday, I’ll do it. But I’m a way off right. I’m working L’Oréal. I need to save up some money. I have all this stuff, whatever. And so, Amy, a couple days later came back to our morning workout group and said, Casey, I’m fucking doing it. And I was like, What? What are you talking about? And she was like, I listened to the book, The Jensen, Sarah, you’re a badass, I found this Coaching program, I talked to the admissions guy, I talked to my husband about the money, I think they even took out a second mortgage on their house to pay for it. And she was like, I am fucking doing it. And then I was like, What? If you’re doing it, I want to do it. Like, seriously, I was like, Who’s the guy you talk to? What program? Is it? Like? If you’re gonna do it? Why would I wait four years to do it like we could go to school together, we could drive together into Seattle. So, I went back to my house, I looked it up, I looked at the program. And there were like, 3. 3-day intensive weekends, sort of 90 hours in-person of Coaching. And then you did all the rest on evenings and weekends and groups. And so, I was like, those 3 weekends, I’m free. Like, there’s no I don’t have a business trip. And so, I signed up to and then we went to Coaching school together. And that’s what I’m talking about in terms of putting shit out into the universe, like actually telling someone, because if she hadn’t mentioned that she someday wanted to be a Coach. And I hadn’t mentioned that I, too, someday might want to be a Coach. And I hadn’t said, Oh, you should listen to this book. Literally, I don’t think I ever would have gone to Coaching school. And I would have stayed in my corporate job, saying I’ll do it someday and scared about money and all that shit. So, put it out there. And then the universe will conspire to make it happen. Suddenly, you’re going to see signs everywhere, you’re going to see opportunities everywhere, you’re going to see people who you’re like, your dream is my dream, or your dream is awesome. Go make it happen. That’s inspiring for me.

 

Otherwise, we walk around, telling no one about our dreams, not even admitting them to ourselves out loud. We have blinders on. And I mean, I feel the same way about smaller things. Like when I wanted to go to Europe, a year and a half or a year before I actually went, I just was like, I want to go to Europe. And I had a two-year-old and an eight-year-old, like, it was a little bit crazy. But I just was like, I want to go to Europe. And so, I put it out to the universe, which in this case was Facebook, and said, Hey, guys, I really want to go to Europe, I’ve been to these 3 places, where else should I go. And all these friends from high school and college and colleagues came back with like, Countries and links and things they loved. And I was like, oh my god, this is so exciting. And then you can create a trip fund. And you can use the money that you’re saving, not drinking, I again, save $550 in a month. So, you need to get yourself lots of sober retreats. But you can put, I don’t know, 20 bucks a week, 80 bucks a month into a trip fund or more. You can use that not drinking money. And that is your Europe trip fund. Then I created Pinterest boards of the countries I was interested in and buy yourself a $12 travel book, tell people when you’re going to lunch or when you’re chit chatting at coffee, tell them Oh, but one thing I really want to do is travel to Greece in a year. By the way, that’s also a lot more fun and an interesting conversation than talking about work or your kids or your schedule or whatever. You are manifesting it. You’re not dismissing it or being like sure I’d like to go to Greece, but I’ll go someday, put it front and center. And even if it’s not for a year or 2 years, it’s going to happen. Because it’s going to be in front of you every day. And you’re going to be like oh yeah, I’m going to Greece.

 

And in the meantime, it is way more fun and more energizing that coming into your kitchen and looking at your dishes and unopened mail and thinking about your to do list. Instead, every morning and I did this, and I would come into the kitchen, I would get my coffee. And then I would pause I had two vision boards in my kitchen. And on it were pictures of crease and height I wanted to do and Santorini there was a map of Amsterdam and a picture of the canals. There was art for my future podcast. I was like, yeah, let me put it up there. That was a year before I started my podcast. I had picture of the art. And even though that sounded ridiculous that I would start a podcast. The more I saw it, the more I saw the art I was like, oh yeah, I’m gonna do that. Life was exciting then.

 

I was grounding myself and inspiring myself literally every morning when I was half awake. And then I would go upstairs and wake up my kids and take my shower and pack lunches and go to work. But I was inspired. I was dreaming a little bit each day and I was even unconsciously moving forward. So yeah, I’m going to manifest the shit out of life, I said to Mike, and he hung up my vision boards in the garage. So, I want to go back to what I said earlier, if the biggest thing that influences your ability to change and improve your life, is your own inner voice. The second thing is the people you surround yourself with. And that’s super important. You need to surround yourself with people who think like you do. voices that are inspiring ideas that light you up, that make you think bigger, that help you dream, people and messages that make you feel all excited inside. And I know if you’re thinking, I don’t fucking have anyone like that in my life, I have one friend, but I never see her. And I want you to know that it doesn’t have to be actual people. You can start with messages and voices and podcasts and books. Again, I started with the Jensen Sarah book, you are a badass, and you’re a badass at making money. And it was a second book that inspired my friend, Amy to be like, oh my god, I thought I couldn’t do this. I thought this was ridiculous. But I can’t. So, if you don’t have those people in your life, you can find them.

 

There is a motivational speaker called Jim Rohn. And he said, you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Those people shape who you are, they determine what conversations dominate your attention. So, take control, you can create your own bubble. It’s a fact of life that some people hold us back, and other people propel us forward. That’s just the way it is. So, you can’t hang out with super negative people, and expect to have a really positive life. And the lesson here isn’t that you need to ditch everyone in your life. But you do need to actively construct your social environment. You have to consciously be aware of which opinions which attitudes, and which life philosophies you allow, and the ones you don’t allow to be part of your life. You need to build your squad; you need to surround yourself with people you admire. And again, you will find those people in real life. I mean, I found Amy and that was just in a workout group and she totally inspires me. But you can also put pictures of your heroes on your wall. Or on your vision board. I actually this is again embarrassing. I want to be like Amy Porterfield, she inspires me. I listen to her podcast all the time, and even signed up and went to her entrepreneur experience, like live event in San Diego while I was still working at L’Oréal. And that got me all fired up. I was like, that’s it. I’m starting my own coaching business, I’m going to start a podcast, I want to be around people who are doing things and talking about things and excited about things. So, I have a picture actually, of Amy Porterfield in my office, and a picture of my podcast art because I wanted to start a podcast and a quote. And it says there are people doing what you want to do, who are less qualified than you are simply because they believed in themselves, period. And so that helped me overcome my fears and my resistance and my limiting beliefs. And my worries about whether I was smart enough or good enough or had enough experience. And that helped me, and I want you to do things like that, to help you. We become like the people we choose to expose ourselves to. And so, you can accelerate your personal growth in whatever direction you want. And by spending time with people who are already are, who you want to become. I always say when you’re looking at people and they’re criticizing you, or you’re spending time with people, ask yourself, ask yourself, do I want what they have? Do I want their values and their priorities and their schedule and their life and their general happiness? And if the answer is yes, spend more time with them. Ask them to coffee, tell them you admire them. Tell them you’d love their energy. And if not, they’re going to not totally approve of what you’re doing. And that’s okay. Because if they approved, that means you would be going in their direction. And that’s not what you want. If you don’t want what they have, you, by definition should be disappointing them and that’s okay. Just don’t spend a shitload of time with them.

 

Okay, so lastly, after you do all this, after you think about what you want or how you want to feel, and after you put up images and words to remind you and reinforce, so this path you’re on is good and important, and most importantly possible for you, I want you to look at evidence to change your story. I want you to look for evidence that the universe is sending you signs that your people are out there that the universe is conspiring to make the things you dream about happen. So, start small, write down nice things people say to you. Compliments you get even about your smile from the woman at the grocery store or your necklace, when you’re picking something up on an errand, or something your coworker says about the job you did, or your energy, or your kid telling you that you’re the best mom, ever in your third week of not drinking, those are signs that you are on a good path, write them down, so you actually remember them, versus forgetting them completely, when the next frustration of everyday life shows up. So, I started doing this in my notepad on my phone, and someone would tell me something positive. And I would just write it down. Because we have such negative thought loops in our head about how we’re not measuring up and how we’re not good enough and how we screwed up. And that is not true. It just isn’t. Nobody else sees you that way. So, build up evidence of what you want in your life. And then people who light you up, bring them more into your life. And so, when I was going to Coach in school, I was talking to someone in my program. And she literally said to me, you are a unicorn, and unicorns attract other unicorns. And oh my god, that was one of the coolest things that anyone had ever said to me. And I wrote it down. And it’s on my vision board right now, in my handwriting, the same thing I wrote down right when she told me, because it was one of the nicest things I’ve ever heard. And you know what’s fucking cool? hanging out with people who talk about unicorns. That’s my people. That’s the way I want to live. Those are the conversations I want to have. So that’s my best advice, the week before New Year’s 2021. Or when you listen to this in 2021. This is how to manifest the shit out of life.

 

And I’m going to encourage you to make a vision board right now, as you’re starting the new year as a new year’s here, take some time to take stock of where you are and what you want to bring into your life in 2021, or afterwards.

 

What do you want to focus on what’s important to you this year? How do you want to feel? This last year has been hard. And vision boards are a powerful way to bring clarity to what you want to experience in life. A vision board will keep you focused on who you want to be where you want to go, and how you want to feel. Instead of being dragged down by your daily life experiences. That will always steer you off course, you will have a consistent powerful reminder of your ideal life with your best self. Your vision board will keep your dreams top of mind because it will retrain your brain about what’s possible and what’s available to you. And I think it will really help you to have a starting point. Because for me clipping out individual words and pictures from magazines and like pasted them together with Elmer’s glue. That is the poor man’s vision board and you were fucking Pro. You are going pro with your life. So, I encourage you to get the big vision board kit I put together, you can download it and use it. It’s got 40 pages, 100 plus images and quotes to inspire you to get started. When you find some you’d like, you can just print that page, so you don’t like to get rid of all the color ink in your printer. And in that vision board starter kit, it has the information like literally the step by step things like how to do it, what you want to do, how to use the kit ideas to get started. If you want my boards that I use where to buy them on Amazon. So, go to hellosomedaycoaching.com , look under the free guide section and you’ll see the vision board kit. You can just click on it and download it or go to my website hellosomedaycoaching.com/vision-board-kit.

 

Alright, and lastly, if one of your goals for 2021 is to finally ditch the drinking, not drinking crappy cycle you’ve been living in and move on with your life. I want to invite you to check out my new course. It just launched. It’s called The Sobriety Starter Kit®. I’ve been working on it for the better part of a year and it’s the coaching program I created to help you break the habit of drinking and build a life you love. without alcohol without white knuckling it without hating the process, you can find out all the details by going to www.sobrietystarterkit.com, all one word.com. Or you can go to my website, hellosomedaycoaching.com and click the banner at the top of each page. So, in the program in the online course, you’re going to find the exact coaching system I work through with my private one on one coaching clients at a much more affordable price. There are 40 on demand video lessons in eight modules. It’s effective, it’s empowering, it’s step by step, it’s positive, and it will help you take action right away. And if you’re listening to this in December, you can save $100 on the program. If you sign up before January 1, the course is at the lowest price than it’ll ever be offered right now just for a few more days. So, if drinking or not drinking is something you struggle with. I really feel like you owe it to yourself to experience the happiness, the health, the life you deserve. without alcohol in your life. It’s the end of the year and the beginning of the next year, there literally has never been a better time to get started. Don’t let yourself go through another month or two months or six months stuck in the drinking cycle. Because if you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll end up in the exact same place and you deserve better. So, if you’re interested, I invite you to check out The Sobriety Starter Kit®, you can go to www.sobrietystarterkit.com. And regardless if that’s the right fit for you or not, I am so excited to see what you do in 2021. It is going to be awesome.