SUMMARY KEYWORDS

drinking, sober, sobriety, wine, people, hobby, podcast, life, decidedly, painting, clients, ideas, journal, mom, absolutely, art, women, creativity

SPEAKERS: Casey McGuire Davidson + Jess Steitzer

00:02

Welcome to the Hello Someday Podcast, the podcast for busy women who are ready to drink less and live more. I’m Casey McGuire Davidson, ex-red wine girl turned life coach helping women create lives they love without alcohol. But it wasn’t that long ago that I was anxious, overwhelmed, and drinking a bottle of wine and night to unwind. I thought that wine was the glue, holding my life together, helping me cope with my kids, my stressful job and my busy life. I didn’t realize that my love affair with drinking was making me more anxious and less able to manage my responsibilities.

In this podcast, my goal is to teach you the tried and true secrets of creating and living a life you don’t want to escape from.

Each week, I’ll bring you tools, lessons and conversations to help you drink less and live more. I’ll teach you how to navigate our drinking obsessed culture without a buzz, how to sit with your emotions, when you’re lonely or angry, frustrated or overwhelmed, how to self soothe without a drink, and how to turn the decision to stop drinking from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

I am so glad you’re here. Now let’s get started.

I’m jumping in before the episode today because I wanted to let you know that if you haven’t checked out some of the free resources on my website, you are missing out on some great support that could be helping you on your journey to drink less and live more. If you go to HelloSomedayCoaching.com you can grab the free 30-day Guide to Quitting Drinking. Over 10,000 women have downloaded the guide and it is really comprehensive what to expect on day three and day five, what to shop for, how to get ready to quit drinking, what you might feel on day 16, tips and tricks and resources to tap into. You can just go to my website, enter your email address and it will be sent right to you. 

Also at HelloSomedayCoaching.com you can sign up for my completely free 60-minute masterclass, Five Secrets to Taking a Break from Drinking, even if you’ve tried and failed before. These are the mindset shifts that I go through with my private coaching clients when we first start working together. And if you’ve been stopping and starting with drinking, take 60 minutes out of your day to watch this, it will help. You can sign up for a time that works for you. And if you don’t end up being able to make that time a recording of this session will be sent to you. 

And if you’re ready to make this whole quitting drinking thing easier or take a longer break from alcohol, I want you to check out my signature online sober coaching course, The Sobriety Starter Kit. It will help you move from day five and day 10 to 45 and 60 to six months and beyond by building not only your sober foundation and sober muscles, but life skills that will serve you well for the rest of your life. If you want to learn more about it, just go to sobrietystarterkit.com. And now let’s jump into the episode.

Hi there. Today we’re talking about rediscovering creativity in sobriety with Jess Steitzer. You might know her on Instagram as Decidedly Dry or know about her Decidedly Dry podcast or journal. She’s a mom of two active adventurous and loving boys who lives in this present day mommy wine culture smack dab in Oregon wine country, which by the way I have been to on various anniversary weekends. My husband and I of course used to go to different wine areas around the Pacific Northwest for all of our wedding anniversaries, and Jess is living there sober. She’s the founder and the host of Decidedly Dry, the podcast she created, and sells a beautiful sobriety journal that I have in front of me. I absolutely love it and believe it’s her colleagues to support women. So Jess, welcome to the podcast.

 

04:42

Thank you so much for having me. 

 

Yeah,

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  04:45

and I actually reached out to you to be on the podcast after following you on Instagram for a while. So anyone who doesn’t follow Jess it’s Decidedly Dry. Definitely jump in there because it’s amazing.

 

04:59

Thank you so much. This is so fun to be here.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  05:03

Yeah, I’m excited to have you on because we’re talking about rediscovering creativity in sobriety. And I wanted to talk about this because I always think there is this time in early sobriety, when you get through the really hard first couple of weeks first month or a bit when you’ve removed alcohol. And then you sort of have this empty space between like no longer when your whole life was absorbed by drinking or hangovers, or if you’ve been doing stops and starts thinking about drinking, thinking about not drinking, going through the hard part. And then like not yet, which is when all these new things fill into your lives, and you actually have to make some effort to bring new hobbies, creativity, interests into your life, right.

 

05:57

Absolutely. I mean, I couldn’t have said it better. I think when you’re in early sobriety, it’s challenging. I mean, it’s challenging, and it’s exciting. And the one thing that I quickly noticed was all of this free time. You know, I think we underestimate the amount of time, like you said that we just think about drinking, actually drinking hungover, like, when you decide to remove alcohol, it’s as if this magical time just appears. And I think that can be kind of scary for some people in the beginning. Don’t you agree? 

 

Yeah, completely.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  06:34

And it’s, you know, I remember my coach in the early days was like, Well, what do you like doing? Or what do you like, more than wine? And literally, my mind went blank, which felt terrible. Because I had, I was, you know, a daily wine girl. So I pretty much drank with every activity. And, you know, so it was hard to separate. What was the wine? And what was the activity? And that took some time for me to figure out.

 

07:09

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I can, I relate to that so much. I think, you know, that was just what we did. That was our hobby. And it wasn’t, it’s embarrassing to say out loud now, but it’s so common, you know, we get into our routines. And that’s what we did, was the activity, right? Like, okay, Friday night, we’re gonna open a bottle of wine. And yes, watch a show, listen to music, play board games, but let’s be honest, drinking was the activity. The other stuff was like, you know, the like atmosphere?

 

07:44

Absolutely. No, that’s so it. And so I think, you know, in sobriety, all of a sudden, you have this empty space, and it’s kind of like, what do I do? You know, and so that was a big thing for me was figuring out what do I do with this time? What can provide me kind of with that off switch that wine? Did you know, because as a mom, I think that’s what we seek at the end of the day was okay, I just want to unplug. I want to be done. I want to escape for a little bit and chill out. And wine. Was that for us for a long time. Yeah. And so filling that space with some sort of new hobby has definitely been one of the biggest tools in my toolbox in this journey.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  08:27

Yeah. And I know, so we’re going to talk about creativity and sobriety, how to find the right hobby, because what’s right for you or what’s right for me is not going to be interesting, or, you know, appealing to everyone, and why having a routine can be a great sobriety tool. So let’s dive in. What was your choice for creativity in sobriety?

 

08:56

Yeah, thanks so much for asking. So when I got sober, which was about two and a half years ago, now, I quickly knew I needed to fill that gap, like I said, and so I decided it kind of sounds silly to say out loud, but I was like, I’m just going to learn how to watercolor and I’m sure someone can teach me how on YouTube because YouTube is the answer to any question, or, you know, gives me some sort of instruction on how to do something. So I decided to just go for it. I bought all these painting supplies, and I found a YouTube channel called Let’s Make Art and I can’t remember if we’ve talked about that, did we talk about?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  09:34

Totally did but yeah, tell your story, and then I’ll jump in.

 

09:38

I was like, I swear that was with Casey. But yeah, I found this channel and it was basically this free service, and they teach you how to make amazing art. And when I say amazing, like I would finish it and I’d be like, I can’t believe I just made that. You know, and, and so just that act of pushing on something, having a paintbrush in my hand instead of a wineglass was survival, like that was my life vest in those first few months. And so did you want to say how you have heard of it? Or how was your experience?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  10:15

Absolutely, I mean, I always talk to my clients about that time between no longer and not yet and how it requires a bit of effort, right? You know, in the beginning, after you stopped drinking, when you’re not white knuckling it, and you’re not like just trying not to drink every night, then you have that empty space, which we talked about. And for a lot of people, it can feel boring. And I think that it’s actually you feel peaceful, but you’re not used to that. You’re used to the super highs and the super lows, and you’re not used to just kind of being even. But it’s easy to sit there and be like, Oh my god, fine. I’m not drinking, but I’m bored. And the truth is, you have to kind of go back to experimenting, trying things, figuring out what’s fun, and what’s not going back to maybe before you started drinking, or when you didn’t drink a lot like in high school or younger. And just be like, Oh, what did I enjoy? 

 

But so for each of my clients, I suggest like, alright, what are you going to try? What are you going to add into your life and for some people, it’s trail running, or yoga, or something completely different. But for one of my clients, it was painting. And she also found Let’s Make Art. She became, she got their like monthly subscription box where they like send you each month the colors, the paper, the instructions, the video, other things to create various pieces, like three or four. And they’re beautiful. And she was you know, in higher education, dean of students at a private college, and started painting on the side, because you have all this time, and now has images or paintings in a gallery. She does portraits of people’s homes like watercolors. And the artist that I think both of you follow is named Sarah Cray. Her work is incredible, so beautiful. And through my client. I actually bought one of her prints that I have in my office. And it is just the most gorgeous colors with like, tons of purple and greens. And it’s sort of a sunset water inlet. I mean, it’s just beautiful.

 

12:35

I love that so much. I had remembered that we talked about that. And I was just like, Oh, that’s right, we totally have to mention that.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  12:42

Yeah, so where did you paint? Where in your home?

 

12:45

So I painted in the kitchen, it was over at the kitchen table. And it was just kind of my little quiet space. I’m like I like you said in the intro, a mom of two boys. So it is very rare to find a spot that is quiet. But the simple act of putting the headphones on plugging in and painting turned into kind of a therapeutic hobby. You know, in the beginning, it was intimidating, because like with anything new it’s not familiar. And so I just kind of made that part of my routine. And I found that creating that routine was crucial. Because in early sobriety, I feel like it’s very important to always have a plan. You can’t go in and just wing it. You can’t wing every night and just be like, gosh, I hope I don’t drink tonight. You know, like, you have to have a plan in action. And for me that was doing some sort of hobby, if it was painting, if it was getting out in the garden, it was stocking up the fridge with non alcoholic options. Always having a go to a plan had to

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  13:57

Yeah, absolutely. And I love that you said that I call that your anchor activity for the day or the evening. And it’s literally snowing, like every week kind of looking at your schedule being like, alright, you know, I’m a mom, too. So this state I have access to my dad, why this night and whatever. But in between, alright, what am I going to do on Tuesday after dinner? Because usually I had a private party on my couch, you know, what am I going to do on Wednesday, so it might be like, Alright, on Tuesday, my husband can be home. So I’m gonna go to the gym after work. And on Wednesday, I’m gonna binge watch the show I wanted and on Thursday, I’m gonna go walk with my girlfriend or whatever it is. So you’re, you’re not at a loss. And for me, on the weekends, my anchor activity had to be like, kind of two to four or two to 5pm Because I would usually start drinking around 4pm on the weekend and I also with kids like couldn’t be home with them all day and then feel by 5pm like, Oh my God, all I’ve done is laundry and play Candyland. And I want to shoot myself, you know what I mean?

 

15:06

Yes, completely, completely. And I think, you know, like you said, just having that plan and figuring out what you want to do, you know, what is the hobby you will actually enjoy I, before all of this before Decidedly Dry and all of that I was in the fitness industry, and I always kind of have good examples, or I hope are good examples that relate to sobriety, whereas, you know, you have to figure out a hobby that works for you and that you enjoy, or you’re not going to do it, it’s going to be painful, it’s going to be boring, you’re not going to want to do it. And so like exercise, you know, I remember having so many clients that would hate running, but they’d always sign up for the race. And, you know, I would tell them, Don’t run, like, why are you signing up for a race and if you don’t like running, you know, figure out some sort of activity that you actually enjoy. Maybe it’s hiking, maybe it’s pilates, yoga, you know. So like with that, I think there is so much importance of, you know, figuring out a hobby that you’re actually going to look forward to so you stick with it.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  16:13

Hi there. If you’re listening to this episode, and have been trying to take a break from drinking, but keep starting and stopping and starting again, I want to invite you to take a look at my on demand coaching course, the sobriety starter kit.

The sobriety starter kit is an online self study sober coaching course that will help you quit drinking and build a life you love without alcohol without white knuckling it or hating the process. The course includes the exact step by step coaching framework I work through with my private coaching clients, but at a much more affordable price than one on one coaching. And the sobriety starter kit is ready, waiting and available to support you anytime you need it. And when it fits into your schedule. You don’t need to work your life around group meetings or classes at a specific day or time.

This course is not a 30 day challenge, or a one day at a time approach. Instead, it’s a step by step formula for changing your relationship with alcohol. The course will help you turn the decision to stop drinking, from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

You will sleep better and have more energy, you’ll look better and feel better. You’ll have more patience and less anxiety. And with my approach, you won’t feel deprived or isolated in the process. So if you’re interested in learning more about all the details, please go to www.sobrietystarterkit.com. You can start at any time and I would love to see you in the course 

 

You know for some people like someone I worked with Thursday used to be the day that her mother in law came over and took care of the kids. So she would always like, you know, go have margaritas on Thursday evenings. And she signed up for like a class on crystals. And I had someone else who dove into the Enneagram and someone else who learned Spanish like, think of all of the things you’ve always said that you were going to do that you just never did. Because you were drinking or a little sluggish from after drinking, like you can accomplish so much and not laundry and dishes and productivity and work; you can accomplish like personal passions.

 

19:01

Absolutely. And I don’t think they need to cost money either. I think a lot of people think, oh man, well, I don’t have the money to go buy watercolor, you know materials or I don’t have money to go join that fitness class that I really want to check out. Could be the simple act of just taking a walk somewhere you’ve never walked, you know, it could be making that time to take that bath or rearrange the living room or you know, just think outside of the box.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  19:27

Yeah, I mean, I pulled out my bike which I have not ridden in years and I happen to live weirdly like, Redmond’s supposed to be the bicycle capital of Washington. God knows why. But we do have a bunch of trails but I’m like the capital of the state that’s crazy. But so I bike to all these different parks and brought my bike to work and went in the afternoons like that was pretty cool. And you know, I felt like a little kid you know biking down hills with the wind in my hair like yay. Are you playing hooky from the office? You know, it was pretty fun.

 

20:05

Well, and I think once you start doing it and you start discovering whatever that creative thing is, whatever that hobby is, it motivates you to keep going kind of like with our sobriety, you know, I don’t think we’re ever, you know, going to land on a perfect day to start this sober journey. You know, I think you just have to go for it like a hobby, and slowly but surely, every day that you stick with it, you usually get better at it, which is motivating. And you get to prove to yourself that you can do it.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  20:36

Yeah. Did you have to try a couple of different things before you found the thing that worked for you?

 

20:42

Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I tried sketching, I tried working with acrylics, which is an art, is hard art, is very hard. It’s not very forgiving sometimes. But I definitely kind of played around and, and found what worked for me. And then once I started getting into that habit of always doing it, it kind of opened up new doors or gave me that motivation. Okay, what can I do now? What else could I create? How can I give back? And that’s when kind of the the idea of the journal fell into my lap or kind of light bulb went off

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  21:19

about that, because I think it’s very cool. 

 

A lot of people talk about journaling, right? I know so many women who are like, I’m gonna do morning pages, or I’m gonna start a journal. And what I like about yours is first I like the idea of Decidedly Dry, right? Because it’s intentional. And it’s positive. In your journal, sort of on each page, it says decidedly dry for X days, you’ve got a space, and then you set your intention today, I’m not drinking because, but then you also mark down your mood. Three good things, three challenges, noodles, and doodles, you know, they’re illustration areas, quotes, and then areas for like brain dumps and different things like that. It’s, it’s very cool.

 

22:10

Thank you, means a lot. Yeah. Well, I was like you. Everyone, you know, said you got a journal, you should wake up, do your gratitude, do this. And it was intimidating to me if I’m going to be honest, most journals that I picked up didn’t represent something that was realistic for a busy mom. I could not sit down, you know, in the morning and answer 10 questions about, you know, my gratitude and what I’m planning on doing today, like, I’m lucky to sit down and have a hot cup of coffee in the morning by myself. So I think I felt defeated a lot in the beginning where I was like, I don’t have time to journal, I can’t possibly sit down and put my feelings on paper, you know, while I’m packing lunches and doing bla bla bla. 

 

So I think in my heart, I knew I wanted to journal. But I just didn’t know how. And so throughout my sober journey, I was kind of on the lookout, if I’m being honest, I was like, okay, maybe I could find something, you know, sober related, that I could start, you know, expressing how I’m feeling down on the pages. And I couldn’t find one. I know there’s great things out there. And everything I want to say, you know, everything works different for everybody. But for me what I was looking for, I couldn’t find it. I wanted something that was vibrant, that was beautiful that I didn’t get that feeling, you know, that I should hide away because I was excited about my sobriety. And I thought it was really amazing and a great achievement. I didn’t want to be quiet about it. 

 

So I was looking for something that would represent that feeling. And like I said, I just couldn’t find it. And so I remember venting to my husband, not like I vent all the time to him about things. But I remember saying, I just can’t find a journal, like I can’t find the one that I’m looking for. And he looked at me and he goes, Well then make one. I remember being really defensive, probably at first, like, Did you not hear what I just said? Like, I can’t find it. But long story short. When he said that, I kind of paused and I was like, Well, gosh, I mean, maybe I could, you know, I do have all this extra time. It was right around my year mark of my sober journey. And so I kind of started piecing it together all by myself and just designing it and kind of what you were saying. I wanted it to be simple. I wanted it to be realistic. Like I don’t want 25 questions each day to have to answer in a perfect world. I would love to sit down and have the time to do that. But for me, I just wanted a brief check in. I wanted, you know, okay, this is what I’m grateful for, this is what’s going great. These are three things that are really not awesome right now that I need to work on. And it turned out to be a great tool for myself. And I ended up printing it and selling it on my website, which is crazy to say out loud still. And I remember just having a goal of 10. I know it sounds silly, but I was like, if I could sell 10. That’s amazing. Like that would be 10 people that I could potentially help. And then it’s been pretty.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  25:34

Where do you design it? And how did you print it?

 

25:38

I designed it on Canva.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  25:41

Yeah. I love my guides.

 

25:45

Yeah. So I just started piecing it together and ended up reaching out just to a local printer here in the Portland area. Oh, and just went from there.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  25:58

Okay, you sent it to me. And I don’t know if everyone gets this. But what I love is, you have little stickers that came with it with low gold stars. And I’m a Gold Star Girl. And I always tell all my clients and people like in the beginning, like you do nothing else, you vent to your husband, you do a bad job, the kids eat Lucky Charms for dinner, like you put your head on the pillow and like you didn’t drink, you get a gold star for that. Absolutely. And a little note, and I got a card that said proud sober mama. So that was very cool. And I told you like, I’m very visual. And I do vision boards. And I’m always like, do not personally I’m a little low visual snot. But I’m like do not go cut it words out of a magazine like that as a poor man’s vision board, you deserve better. And like I like the texture of the paper and the way it lays flat with the ring binder. So if anyone’s thinking about it, I’ll put a picture of it in the show notes. Or, of course, you can go to Jess’ website, and she’ll tell you how to get it. But I think it’s very cool.

 

27:05

Thank you. Thank you, that means a lot. And you know, one of the things I like is that you kind of tapped into what you wanted, what you needed, what you’d like to do. So for me, same thing, like everybody’s told me, I swear every guest on the podcast, or two or three, it’s been like meditation, you need to meditate, like, I am not a meditation girl. I’ve gone to a bunch of yoga retreats, but other knows I’m not a yoga girl. And so for me, I loved photography. And I love celebrating little moments. I’ve actually had a family blog, that’s almost all images that I’ve had since my son was born. And he’s 14 now and I print out like the hardcover books of them every six months or so. 

 

But when I was in the early days, and I think I somehow got hooked into this group, when I was said about 30, 40 days alcohol free, it was sort of a daily photo challenge group happened to be a spin off of my favorite sprite group, the BFP. But each day, there was a word prompt. And there were like 23 of us in the group. And everybody kind of took a picture of what their vision that they saw in their daily lives that was similar, you know, match the word. And then we just submitted it to this offshoot Facebook group. So the prompts were, like, homemade, and I took a picture of like all the various plants in my vegetable garden, or parallel lines, and I took a picture of like the walkway in the parking lot of my office, or, you know, whatever it is different. And I took a picture of my wine rack filled top to bottom with like, non alcoholic beverages where it used to be all wine, or, you know, a treat, and it was like my son, you know, sharing his strawberries growing at our garden store. 

 

But what it was was me sharing pieces of my life, me capturing the moments. So it’s like this daily joy thing. And then like, learning about everyone else’s life through images and all these women happened to be sober on the alcohol free path. And it was just so positive. And it took two seconds and distracted me and like so finding what works for you. It might not be painting every night, but just those like this is creative. This is not my corporate job looking at ROI or me doing laundry, which I did last night and I hated it, you know, like three loads of laundry on a Sunday. Yeah, it’s so important.

 

29:46

Yeah, well, and I mean, I know we keep going back to it, but it is just, it’s finding something that works for you. And it can be anything I mean, we can just list off so many examples, but you know what you got to do is just get out of your comfort zone and find something that works for you. And I always tell people to that, you know, if it is kind of your go to art related hobby, you know, if it’s writing, if it’s poetry, if it’s painting, sculpting whatever it may be, I think there is some beauty in the boredom. Because I think a lot of people as creatives in the beginning, they’re like, Well, I’m not inspired, I have writer’s block, I can’t paint. I can’t think of anything to paint. But I think that sometimes when you can come up with and create something pretty remarkable, you know, I, I teach at an elementary school, I’m a part time librarian, and I get to do a lot of art with the kids in there as well. And we have these three rules that we recite before we do an art project. And one of them is don’t give up, you could make a mistake, but that mistake might turn into a masterpiece. And I think that is so true in a lot of things that we do in our life, you know, don’t, don’t be afraid of being bored. Now, I know, I’m kind of, you know, going back in the beginning, we said you need to have a plan, don’t don’t have that empty space. Don’t be bored. But I think if you’re sitting down with your paintbrush, you’re still doing something and just kind of let it speak to you.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  31:13

Yeah. And I think there also, I’m hoping will be, not a lot of judgment around what interests you and what doesn’t interest you. Because, you know, I mean, I have finally fully accepted and I did a while ago with like, no shame that I am not an art mom, like I am not the fingerpainting mom, I do. I do the cuddles, I do the talks, I do the walks but like, you know, getting down and like stringing friendship bracelets, like has never been my deal. And you know, for a lot of people, they feel like they should do things with their kids or even with hobbies. Like, I should be doing art or creating a book or doing XYZ and like, a lot of people had binge their way through early sobriety, like, mindless you know what, whatever it was, I mean, Downton Abbey was back in the day when I was getting sober, but like, it can be mindless, anything. And the point is whatever sort of fills up your time, but also distracts you, and is interesting, takes you away from what you’re doing. So it can be novels, it can be you know, mindless romance, it can be historical fiction, it can be none of the above, it can be reality TV like, or art or writing or Spanish classes or guitar, right. Like there’s no judgment. It’s just all right. What, what is interesting to me, and I always think of it as like you said, it leads you to other things like the divine breadcrumbs. Like, you can start something and be like, That, wasn’t it, but it’ll give you information or lead you to the next step.

 

33:01

Absolutely, absolutely. And I love that you pointed out just, we should be doing this, we should do it this way. You know, I think as moms too, like we constantly are dealing with the mom shame and the mom guilt, and I should be doing this. And I should have, you know, my second son’s baby book put together, which is not I hope he never hears that. But, you know, there’s the list of things that we think that we should be doing. But at the end of the day, I mean, if you are loving your children the best way, you know how, if you are not drinking, you’re winning. You know, I think that’s, it doesn’t have to be as hard as we think it has to be. And the creativity piece. I mean, that’s what worked for me, but I think, you know, do what you need to do. I love that you had said that, you know where it’s like there’s no right or wrong way. And I think that is, that’s the best advice you can take for a sober journey is do what works for you.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  34:05

But you also need to do something, whatever it is, you can’t just remove alcohol, basically remove your hobby that took up 90% of your time and like, stare at the blank wall and be like, dude, this sucks. Because yeah, that’s like you can do that, you know, I mean, it’s sort of to me, like my daughter when I turn off YouTube on the iPad, and she’s like, running around like, I’m so bored. Can I have it that act like this sucks. There’s nothing to do and I’m like, have a trampoline. You have a Barbie house, like read a book, draw a picture, like you’re telling me go on your bike. And so you, you know, I feel like that’s us. When we take away the wine. Like in the beginning we’re like, oh my god, there’s nothing to do and then like you can, it’s like an hour of them being bored and suddenly they’re like, building a fort and you’re like, oh my god, you haven’t built a fort in three years, you know?

 

35:00

I’m like, almost speechless, because I feel like I had this exact conversation with my children yesterday, I said, I’m gonna pull my hair out, like you turn your system off your game. And then 30 seconds go by and you say you’re bored. And, you know, I love that you said, you know how she built a fort, you know, and you’re like, oh my gosh, like, this is amazing, because, because I think that too, like with my kids in particular, they will be bored. The second they turn it off when something is removed, like you said, now it’s like, oh, well, that’s not an option. What the heck do I do?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  35:32

Because then it was stimulating, and it’s distracting. And you have to make zero effort. Right? Yeah.

 

35:39

Because they’re turning off. They’re escaping, you know, they’re sitting there. I don’t want to say unplugged, because they’re definitely plugged in. But they are distracted. And, you know, I think, you know, for me, if I set out that bin of Lagos, if I have papers out on the table with all their crayons out, they’ll use it. You know, and I’ve never thought about it this way. But again, kind of like sobriety, like if you don’t give yourself an option, if you don’t find something that will distract you, then yeah, it is going to be bored, it is gonna suck, like you’re gonna really probably dread. This empty time, you know, that used to be used for drinking. Yeah, so as lame as it sounds, maybe it is Legos, maybe it is drawing, you know, just figuring out something to keep your hands busy, and distract you from that witching hour.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  36:29

Ya know, and I totally agree. And it’s, it’s also with habit change, you know, when you said you put them out, then you do them. I mean, one of the I love atomic habits and, and part of the idea of habit change, and you can completely apply this to not drinking is you set up your physical environment and your social environment so that it is easy to do the habits you want to instill and difficult to do those that you want. So, you know, it’s the idea of, he gives a suggestion of like, if you want to watch less TV, don’t put the couch directly in front of the TV, like make it you know, slightly less comfortable and out of the way. And so, you know, I had my guitar front and center in front of me. So I was like, staring at it as opposed to like, in the guest bedroom. And I know myself well enough that I am very likely to do everything on my list before I do anything for pleasure, because I feel guilty. And so I actually had to sign up for things that I had to show up for like, I recently just signed up for swimming with my daughter and guitar lessons, because I was just not doing it enough. And now even today’s Monday, I have my lesson on Wednesday and shit. I have not practiced. I cannot sit down with him. Right? But it’s gonna make me take an hour out of work and do it.

 

37:59

Exactly. And two things that made me think, or you made me think of through that was, yeah, making it in your, you know, visual, what’s the word? I’m looking for? Your pathway, your sight? You know, I mean, for me multiple times. Exactly. Exactly. Like me getting up in the morning, if I put my running shoes and my workout clothes right at the foot of my bed where I know, I’m gonna have to step over. It’s there. I have to physically look down and decide, okay, am I going to be a good girl? Get out there and get my steps in? Or am I going to clear this whole space and walk over it? And not you know, I think visually having it right there. So so, so important. And like you said, signing up for something, that accountability, that oh, well, I paid for this. Like I don’t want to not go if I have money down and they’re planning on me being there. I gotta go.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  38:49

Oh, I worked out this morning. And I did not want to get up but I was like, oh, then I’m gonna have to message them and make up some excuse for it. Get in touch and find out, go, but I felt so good. After I went. We were outside. It was beautiful out. I got to chat with like eight women, you know?

 

39:08

Yeah. And it makes you feel good. Yeah, makes you feel good. And,

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  39:12

and be like, I did something for myself today. 

 

Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, you know, pristine and I love this. And then I want to go through like all the ideas that we have, because someone might be listening to this being like, Yeah, but I don’t you know, I’m not interested in that or I can’t think of anything which is normal. Like I said, In the beginning, I was like, What do I like more than wine? And I was like, I like locks, but not more than wine. I like movies, but not more basically. I don’t like anything more than wine. But I am putting together, I’m super excited, a sober summer bucket list guide. And I always tell my clients because we have so many associations with drinking every single season, right fall, it’s football and you know, summer it’s, you know, barbecues and camping and boating and all that stuff. I mean, you name a season, we have like 17 things that we’re like, I’m gonna miss that. 

 

And so I’m putting together a guide, it’s going to go into my course for like a summer bucket list guide. And my goal is to do one for each season. But I asked all my clients because they’ve done it like, okay, remind me, send me if you’re open to participating what’s on your guide, and like, they’re so good. Like, they’re just all so joyful, and fun. And, you know, like going to the farmers market. That’s creative. It really is, whether you’re being creative in what you’re cooking, or trying new vegetables, or just buying flowers and getting ideas for flower arrangements, or like, you know, taking photographs, which is what I do at farmer’s market, or making ice cream with the kids, that’s creativity, or planting a vegetable garden or picking different state parks to go take next to, like, every single painting with your art journal outside, like, those are all creative, and it’s all process of rediscovery of the season of the moment of your neighborhood, without having centered around bars or restaurants or your couch. You know,

 

41:27

yeah, yeah. I mean, the options are endless. It’s just making that list and I love that you’re doing a bucket list because I am, I’m a list girl. And oh, man, if the pledges like being able to check something off a list or check a box like that brings me joy. Yes. So what do you fish? I just spit off. Yes, some things that I would add. Yeah, fit away. That sounds so classy on here.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  41:54

Oh, yeah. I’m a classy girl. So place.

 

41:58

So I mean, I probably should have wrote them all down before we signed on. But I mean, off the top of my head. Some of my go to things that I share with people when they’re trying to come up with something. I mean, for me, it was watercolors, it was painting. For other people. It could be. It could be writing, it could be writing poetry. It could be reading, starting a book club, it could be finding a pen pal. I know that seems a little old. But maybe you find someone that’s on a sober journey with you and you start writing each other. You know, maybe you learn a new language, learn how to play an instrument, start a garden. Like you said, go to the farmers market. Maybe you start antiquing, you know, I mean, we magically have more money sometimes to Oh, yes, sober journey to so there is that. But maybe you travel new places. Maybe you go hiking. I loved the state park idea. What else? Oh my gosh, there’s so many cooking. It could be making a list with your kids. You know, hey, here’s our summer bucket list that we’re going to do together. We do that. At the end of the year, a start of the new year. We always write our goals for the year. But making it with your kids, I think has that fun piece and it holds you accountable as well. Yeah. Board games cards, learning new card games. I just think there’s so much

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  43:32

back books outside what one of my friends did, she had lived in sort of more rural Wisconsin and she loves skinny beans. So like she would go skinny funny. Like, I don’t know about that. Or one of my friends had like, one of my clients had a friend with a convertible and they would you know, pick a day once a month ago, put the top down and ride around with music. Or you know, one of my clients joined a sand volleyball league like all of these things that are like habits, that are activities that are, you know, playing croquet napping on the patio, jumping on a lake off the dock making, you know, eating kids food, like popsicles and smores. Like, they don’t seem creative. They are, you’re getting in, like how you spend your time and what brings you joy.

 

44:34

Absolutely, absolutely. And I think for me, at least it’s finding something that I can repeat not kind of a one and done type thing you know, so, you know, maybe you plan movie nights, but you make it like once a month, you know, hey, let’s find a new movie that we all want to watch. And, you know, let’s have the kids make the dinner tonight. Just thinking outside the box. I think I’ve said that a few times but having that variety but Get something that’s fun for everything

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  45:01

like, so you’re not trying to read. So it’s easy. So you know what’s coming up and also so you have something to look forward to.

 

45:12

Exactly, exactly. And I think there’s so many groups too, you know, you mean, do a simple Google search and see what is out there. And, you know, don’t try to recreate, reinvent the wheel, you know, find something that someone else is doing and make it your own. I think there’s beauty in that as well.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  45:28

Yeah. I mean, I also the other thing I love to do is Pinterest sports, because I’m just very visual and lists girl which Pinterest checks both of those boxes. But it can be even like, redecorating various rooms. I may or may not ever do them. Or you know I have a My husband calls it my white farmhouse porn board. Like it’s something about white farmhouses. I go there. And I’m like, This is so pretty. Oh my God, look at those windows. You know, I mean, it sounds so dumb, but they make me happy. Or like planning my next European trip, like most, you know, photogenic places in Europe or Eastern, you know, wherever. I mean, best coffee shops in, you know, Porto, Portugal. I’ve never been there. I don’t have any plans to go. I love that

 

46:23

stuff. 

 

Exactly. And I love that you said that too. You know, I mean, my kids and I, we went last summer, our goal was to, you know, try pizza in different places. You know, it doesn’t have to be complicated, like, hey, where could we go? Where’s the new place we try this week? You know, it’s just, it’s exciting. And it keeps it unique and fun. Yeah, absolutely. Well,

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  46:43

so if anyone’s thinking about creativity, or in that really bored place of like, this kind of sucks, I have nothing to do I just want to drink, like, what’s the best way someone would start?

 

47:00

I think honestly, just believing in yourself. Number one, just saying, there’s no wrong way that I’m going to do blank, you know, find something that you want to try out. Okay, whether it be painting, like it was for me, just know that it might turn out awful. But the fact is, is that I’m not drinking, and I’m trying something. And if you finish that painting, if you finish that class and you didn’t like it, try something else, the best advice I can give you is don’t give up, you know, find something that works for you, that you want to do again, because if you don’t like it, like we said in the beginning, you’re probably not going to enjoy it and you’re not going to do it again. And the key with finding some sort of creative outlet in sobriety is going to find something that can create that routine for you can build that new habit and fill that time.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  47:52

Yeah, yeah. And I wanted to ask you, it’s, I’ve thought about it a couple times as we were chatting, and I keep getting excited by other ideas. But like, how old are your kids now? And how old were your boys when you stopped drinking?

 

48:06

Yeah, so I’ve been sober for I think I’m about two and a half years. And right now my oldest will be 10 next month, and the youngest is eight. So, you know, I feel like they were at an age where, you know, they were aware. But not, you know, I feel very grateful that I made that choice when I did, because we were getting to the years where, you know, oh, mom’s asleep on the couch again watching that for like they would they would pick up on that. And they would be aware of that.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  48:41

So what made you decide to in the beginning, were you like, I have to stop drinking, or I need to take a break. I mean, I assume you tried to moderate for a while? Because I know I did.

 

48:52

Yeah. Yeah, good question. So for me, it was just kind of that unsettled feeling that something wasn’t right. Like I was having those flags come up like, man, does everybody drink the way that I do? Why am I finishing this bottle of wine tonight? You know, why am I doing it again? Why am I waking up the next day saying that I’m not going to drink but I do. And I didn’t like that feeling of number one, not keeping that promise to myself. But that feeling that something wasn’t right. It was like I was kind of living two different lives, and it was uncomfortable. So I did try to moderate for a while. I tried going a week or two without and then I would just go right back to it. So I finally got to a point where, you know, it’s like most of us say enough was enough. And I just knew I needed to make a change.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  49:44

And was your husband supportive of you? Did he want you to just stop drinking or did he think that you didn’t need to, just needed to cut back?

 

49:54

Yeah, he was, I mean, he’s been supportive through all of it. I know I mentioned it before I come from a fit NES background. So it was not uncommon for just to be doing some sort of challenge or, you know, removing this for this amount of days, or let’s do 100 burpees a day for a month, you know, so I think, because it was not unusual for me to challenge myself with something like this, it was kind of like, oh, okay, do what you got to do. And then once the month started kind of adding up, it was kind of like, oh, wow, like, she’s, she’s really not drinking so he could see how proud I was and how happier I was, and that it was something important to me. So he was, he was a big cheerleader still is.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  50:42

That’s great. And did you have any support as you went around? Or inspiration? What worked for you?

 

50:48

Yes. So in the beginning, I listened to a lot of podcasts, secretly, very quietly, because I think a lot of us, there’s that mom guilt, mom, shame that we fear that people are going to judge us like, oh, man, she must have a problem, you know, but um, so I started listening to the bubble hour, and I listened to recovery happy hour. And quickly found out that gosh, I’m not as unique as I think there’s a lot of us out there that feel this way. And so I, I discovered Sober Sis and did her 21 Day Reset, that was kind of my first exposure to a sober community. And it was a game changer.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  51:35

Good. Good. I love that. And I think that the path you went down is very similar to mine. And it’s similar to a lot of women who decide not to go the traditional sort of 12 step type model. I also The Bubble Hour was my first podcast that I listened to. I can’t tell you how many long walks I took The Bubble Hour and you know, finding some of those online groups. For me it was a secret private Facebook group. But I, you know, I think these days, there is so many different groups and programs and online stuff popping up. It’s, it’s really helpful. And I interviewed Jen from Sober Sis on here, and a lot of other people. And I think what’s cool about it is it’s so much more accessible, it’s so much less judgmental, it allows the period for exploration and for sort of introduction into their tools. And you are not the only one and there are lots of people out there who are deciding that this isn’t working for them just like you. And it really is helpful. I mean, I know a lot of women who try a bunch of different things or keep adding and supporting tools and ideas until they find the right thing that

 

52:58

sticks for them. 

 

Yeah. And that’s the beauty of it right now. I mean, there are so many options. And I think there’s something for someone out there as long as you are open to looking for it. So that’s that whole piece of not giving up like okay, well, you know, meditation isn’t working for me. So I’m going to try this or I’m really scared to try a you know, maybe there’s a different group for me or maybe AA is what works, I think just being open and aware of the tools that are available.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  53:29

Yeah, absolutely. And so you decided to start a podcast. Tell us about that.

 

53:37

Oh, my gosh, Casey I still don’t know, really, what I’m doing as far as the podcast goes. Again, that was another creative kind of adventure that I decided to take on. But it was definitely let me go to YouTube and see if this is even a possibility. What inspired me in the beginning was when Recovery Happy Hour went adios. When Trisha took a break, I was heartbroken. And I just remember listening to that last episode and crying and just because it was such a, such an important piece of my journey, and important tool, and I just felt like there was kind of this, I don’t know, empty spot out here in the recovery podcast world. And I remember on one of her episodes, she even said something along the lines of hey, do you want to do a podcast do it you know, and she even offered I think it was like a webinar or something showing kind of how she puts hers together. So again, long story short, or maybe a little long, but there was that little you know, little bird on my shoulder saying okay, well maybe you could do this like you like to talk you love sharing your story. You love talking to people, why not go for it? So I went for it. Here I am, we just wrapped up so he’s in one. So

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  55:01

that is, we’ll see what happens. 

 

Yeah. And I, you know, I think it is so important that obviously I started the podcast two and a half years ago, but that new podcasts are coming on. And the reason you know, it’s a couple of different reasons, one, a lot of podcasters do like four years, five years, and then they’re just I mean, that is a ton of work there. Yeah, kind of finished. So I know, Recovery Happier sort of retired. Back when I started six half years ago, there was The Home Podcast with Laura McCowan and Holly Whitaker that one ended, The Bubble Hour is actually ending after and yours and Unruffled, which was a fabulous one on creativity as well, with midlife women, with Tammy Solace, and Sandra Primo, that one, that one, you know, retired as well after four years. So I think that podcasts, both a lot of women listened to many of them. Right. So that’s helpful. Each one has a different approach. And also, you know, new voices are really helpful, because I think everyone is looking for someone that they relate to. And we’re not for everyone. You know what I mean?

 

56:22

Absolutely. And yeah, I mean, that is awesome.

 

56:26

It’s so true. I mean, people relate to a voice, they relate to a style, they relate to a layout. And, you know, again, going back to those tools, but you know, some people might push play on mine and be like, Oh, no, she’s too much. You know, but that’s the great news is there are so many podcasts out there. And so I never ever started it thinking, Okay, you need to make it to this point on a chart, and you need to have this many plays, it was more so like, Wow, what an awesome opportunity to put myself out there. Because it keeps me accountable keeps me sober, too, you know, but

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  57:04

people don’t share other stories. Same for me, I feel like I make great new friends, which is very cool. Like I love getting to know you and meeting you. I feel like I get a lot of times, a ton of energy from IT Free therapy, new ideas, new coaching tools. But also, as you said, like you think about sobriety for at least an hour a week since I coach I think about it way more. But it’s accountability. But it’s also a reminder about why this is good and fun, and that you’re not alone. And also that the flip side isn’t so glamorous,

 

57:44

right? 

 

Well, and it’s, it feels good to be of service, you know, I mean, we don’t do it for the big bucks. We’re out here sharing because in our heart we know we’re hopefully helping someone so it makes it worth it.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  58:00

Awesome. Well, so if people are listening to this and they want to find out more tell us where they can find your podcast, your journal, you online, all that good stuff.

 

58:12

Thank you. So you can find me mainly on Instagram @decidedlydry all one word. My website is www.decidedlydry.com. And those are the two places that will basically be a good landing spot to take you to everything else. My podcast is basically everywhere that you listen to your podcasts, and I sell the journal off of my website.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  58:38

Perfect. Well, thank you so much for coming on. And if you’re listening to this, hopefully, you’ve gotten some really good ideas about how to rediscover creativity and ideas of what you can add in to have a routine in the early days or later. And I hope you take this moment to jot down some ideas you might have heard about in this podcast or from the show notes if you don’t remember them all and try one out this week.

 

59:08

Thank you, Casey. Thanks.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  59:12