I get asked a lot about what my kids know about why I quit drinking.
So today my 9 year old daughter, Lila, is joining me on the podcast to chat about how I talk to my kids about alcohol, why I quit drinking and what she thinks about her mom being a sober coach (and a podcaster!)
A lot of women in early sobriety wonder how to discuss their drinking (or not drinking) with their kids, and of course it depends…
- Are your kids adults, teenagers or little kiddos?
- Do your kids understand that you’re drinking alcohol or how it affects you?
- Do they fill out “Gin and Tonic” or “Red Wine” on the kindergarten form about what mommy loves to drink or take no notice of your favorite beverage?
- Is your family life or schedule impacted by the support you need when you stop drinking (if you go to meetings, inpatient or outpatient treatment) or does it pretty much continue as usual?
- And what does your partner or spouse think about your drinking, your stopping drinking and how or what to share with your kids?
Every family is different so I’m just going to share my approach and how I talked with my kids about stopping drinking, both now and when I was in early sobriety.
I stopped drinking when my son was 8 years old and my daughter was 2.
Even though my son was only 8 when I quit drinking he definitely knew that mom loved her wine. There’s an old story about how we were with my mother-in-law at a grocery store once and she picked up a bottle of red wine. Hank was 3 years old and said “for mom?”. My mother-in-law said “yes…for mom and for me.” And Hank said “you should get another (bottle)”.
At 3 years old he thought that if Grama was going to share a bottle of wine with mom that wouldn’t be “enough”.
So, when I stopped drinking I mentioned to him (casually) over dinner one night that I was doing a health challenge and wasn’t drinking for 100 days. He shrugged and said “OK”.
It didn’t phase him one way or another, but when I told him I wasn’t drinking wine for that period of time it gave me another layer of accountability to stay on my alcohol-free path.
Hank may not have cared or understood why I wasn’t drinking, but he would notice if I poured a glass of wine. So, by telling him I wasn’t drinking it became one more reason to keep my commitment.
As I kept building up weeks and months away from alcohol my son and husband helped me celebrate my sober milestones.
🥰 I got a beautiful card and a journal from my husband when I hit 100 days alcohol-free.
🥰 They made me a cake to celebrate 6 months.
🥰 When I celebrated 1,000 sober days my husband and son went to a craft store and counted out 1,000 light blue flat glass marbles into a beautiful vase to surprise me.
Here’s what we communicated to Hank when he was 8 years old: that mom stopped drinking to be more healthy and it was good and something to celebrate. That didn’t mean that dad was bad because he drank. My husband still has a beer every night. But I told Hank that drinking made me sleep badly and it made me anxious. That I felt better without it and that I was really proud of myself for not drinking.
And as my daughter turned 4 and 6 and 8 we talked about drinking and alcohol and sober coaching and quitting drinking the way we talk about TV shows and the patriarchy, diet culture and Taylor Swift.
So on this episode, you’ll hear me interview Lila and ask her what she thinks about alcohol, mom quitting drinking and a lot more.
As we talk you’ll hear from Lila that she…
- Understands that adults can choose to drink or not drink and knows that I have lots of friends that drink alcohol and lots that are sober
- Knows that mom used to drink a lot and stopped drinking alcohol and that dad still drinks a bit and both are OK
- Understands that alcohol is addictive and how that works (using a metaphor that makes sense to her)
- Knows that alcohol causes cancer just like cigarettes
- Is aware that when mom was drinking she woke up at 3am and was anxious and sometimes it made her throw up because alcohol is poison to your body
- Understands that women are targeted by alcohol marketing to make them drink more
- Knows that sober milestones are a big deal and a “Soberversary” is something to celebrate
- Thinks it’s cool that I help women stop drinking
Lila also shares that she thinks I can seriously up my TikTok and YouTube game, her take on the patriarchy, women getting paid less than men, Taylor Swift, diet culture, anxiety, breathwork and a whole lot more.
Plus she sings a bit of the Victoria’s Secret song by Jax which sparked lots of discussions in our house about body image and the beauty industry, so you’ve got that to look forward to!
As a mom, here’s what I’m happy about…
😊 Lila doesn’t think alcohol is required on the dinner table or at a party
😊 She knows that alcohol can hurt your mental health and cause anxiety and depression
😊 Lila thinks it’s cool that Gen Z is drinking less
😊 She’s aware that alcohol is involved in most sexual assaults on college campuses
I know she’s young, but in our family it works to have these conversations.
And I know lots of families don’t talk about these subjects with their kids and that’s OK too.
My son is 15 now and even though he’s a lot older than Lila we pretty much talk about alcohol in the same way with him.
I’m under no illusions that my kids won’t drink. They probably will and that’s OK.
But I hope that when they do, they’ll have an awareness that I didn’t about the risks of drinking, better tools to cope with emotions and overwhelm and an awareness that you can celebrate and enjoy life without it.
I also hope that if they ever do struggle with alcohol they’ll know they can talk with me about it. And that they’ll see the warning signs of a growing dependence on alcohol earlier than I did if they happen to go down that path.
I hope listening to my conversation with Lila will give you some ideas about how to talk with your kids about quitting drinking, sobriety and alcohol if you choose to.
I also had my husband on a 2 part podcast episode to talk about what our marriage and parenting were like when I was drinking and after I stopped.
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READ THE TRANSCRIPT OF THIS PODCAST INTERVIEW
What My Kids Know About Why I Quit Drinking, a conversation with my 9 year old daughter, Lila
drinking, alcohol, feel, Lila, people, podcast, women, love, mom, anxious, Gen Z, hank, friends, cool, cancer, crazy, taught, body, men, life, talk to kids, quit drinking, self-care
SPEAKERS: Casey McGuire Davidson + my daughter, Lila
Welcome to the Hello Someday Podcast, the podcast for busy women who are ready to drink less and live more. I’m Casey McGuire Davidson, ex-red wine girl turned life coach helping women create lives they love without alcohol. But it wasn’t that long ago that I was anxious, overwhelmed, and drinking a bottle of wine and night to unwind. I thought that wine was the glue, holding my life together, helping me cope with my kids, my stressful job and my busy life. I didn’t realize that my love affair with drinking was making me more anxious and less able to manage my responsibilities.
In this podcast, my goal is to teach you the tried and true secrets of creating and living a life you don’t want to escape from.
Each week, I’ll bring you tools, lessons and conversations to help you drink less and live more. I’ll teach you how to navigate our drinking obsessed culture without a buzz, how to sit with your emotions when you’re lonely or angry, frustrated or overwhelmed, how to self soothe without a drink, and how to turn the decision to stop drinking from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.
I am so glad you’re here. Now let’s get started.
Hi there. Today I have a special episode, I am actually talking to my daughter, Lila.
I wanted to record this episode because I work with lots of women who are moms who have struggled with alcohol or quitting drinking or trying to take a break from drinking and do it for a bunch of reasons, one of which is their kids.
And depending on how old their kids are, one of the big questions is how to talk to them about alcohol, on how to talk to them about why they’re taking a break from drinking, what to answer, what not to answer.
So, I asked Lila if she would be open to coming on the podcast. And she was very excited and totally open to it. So, what I’ll let her tell you about herself, but quickly, she’s 9. And I stopped drinking when she was about 22 months old. So, she doesn’t remember a lot about when I was drinking. I stopped when my son was 8. So, he remembers more. But Lila knows a lot about my life now and what I do and so I thought we’d talk about it. So just start Lila.
Do you want to tell people all about yourself?
I’m nine and my elementary school and I’m in fourth grade. And I I really like cat and we have two cats. And I like clicking with my friends. And I also just like the color pastel pink, and like green phage green. And I really like outfits and hair. And What sports do you play?
I play soccer, basketball. And I’m starting to do dance.
Very cool. And so, I asked you if you wanted to talk about this because we actually talk about alcohol a time. And even when you were little and getting older, you probably don’t know a lot but we’ve always celebrated mom’s sober-versary. We’ve, you and dad and Hank alike, have made me cakes, when I hit 1 year and 2 years and 3 years. And so, tell me what I told you when you were old enough to understand about why Mom Stop drinking?
Well, I was just like, kind of about, like, how she wanted to better herself for us and how she like got really tired and like, you know, like, someone hit her so she just wanted a ton of better who’s still with us, and she just wanted to kind of like at night be able to like, read asleep and be able to, you know, like, be like in the morning be energized and like have a good night’s rest and alcohol and do that trophy.
Yeah, I mean, when I stopped drinking, obviously my son was eight. So, I told him more. I didn’t know that I would be able to stop forever. I didn’t even know if I wanted to. So, what I told my husband and son was that I was doing 100 day challenge that I was stopping for 100 days because I was just anxious and tired and not sleeping well and wanted to get in better shape. and work out more. So, that’s all I told them.
My son had mentioned things when he was little about, you know, oh, a bottle of wine is that for mommy or even, you know, Hey Ma, you know, like we would be having dinner, and he would get down like glass of wine. So, he was very aware of me drinking. I remember telling him when he mentioned something about wine like, oh, Hank, I haven’t had any wine in 3 weeks. And he was like, oh, okay, I don’t think he got it. But it was definitely something I was open about, but not a whole lot more. When I hit 100 days. I told Hank, I was going for 6 months. And Mike, my husband, but also not a lot more. But as I moved on, it was, you know, not drinking was something I was really proud of. So, one of the things I’ve tried Lila and I actually talk a lot when we’re driving in the car. So, what do you know about alcohol?
I know that like, alcohol, can really like It’s like candy and Halloween. Yes, like Kmart, and I get a lot of candy. And I like to eat candy. Because candy is delicious. And it’s basically like, when I eat a candy, it’s like, wow, that was really good. Let me get another one. And then it’s like, oh, let me get another one from you get another, and alcohols the same way. It’s like addictive. It’s like addictive. So, you’re like, I’ll have one glass. And then you’re like, I’ll have two and three. And it’s basically like, you just want to keep going until you basically just like, get really cranky and tired. And really just like someone like hit you in the back. So, like, I know that alcohols like, like drinking poison, that would have the same addictive as candy. But it’s like, worse for your body because it’s like, Poison me. And it’s like, yeah, it’s the same as candy. But what?
Yeah, and I know, by the way that I always suggest that people not try to cut down on sugar, you’re going to crave sugar, when you stop drinking for a whole lot of reasons, including that sugar spikes your dopamine in the same way that alcohol does. And when you stop drinking, your dopamine levels are suppressed candy is in no way or sugar as addictive for you as alcohol. A lot of people would say it’s not, you know, necessarily addictive as at all. And I don’t think the two should be equated except when talking to little kids, right? Like talking about candy and sugar and chocolate. For my kids when they are five years old and six years old and nine years old. It makes a lot of sense to them. When you have too much, and your stomach hurts and you don’t feel as good. So, I just wanted to make that distinction. Because that was some way I talked to Lila that resonated with her a lot. What do you know, because we’ve talked about this as well about alcohol and cancer and what it does to your body.
I know like a saying that it’s kind of like poison. And obviously, poison isn’t good for your body. And like I know that, like if you drink too much alcohol it can like give you cancer and like cancer is a really big thing and it can kill you. So, it’s like yeah, it. Yeah, no way! Like, candy can kill you. But like alcohol, like my mom always says like, alcohol is basically like drinking poison. Like you’re inserting poison into your body. So, it’s, it’s bad and it can give you Cancer. We did the very bad, like disease.
Do you think alcohol is like smoking in the same way?
I would say I think smoking is worse than alcohol because if you have a glass of alcohol, it doesn’t really affect you. And like, a huge way. Obviously it’s still launching points, but it’s just like tints little bit, but I can give you like length cigarettes. And if you have a cigarette, it’s like weird because I feel like it’s it actually affects your body and it’s like, like, I feel like a glass of wine is like a very comfortable mount. But I feel like if you like a cigarette, it’s the it’s like more of an amount and it’s more of like, begin to get cancer and it’s basically like inserting like a gas into like things so I think smoking is worth.
Yeah, and smoking is like your it’s really bad for your lungs. Right? You’re like literally inhaling a carcinogen, which just means cancer causing a Agent. The other thing I would say is like in society, Everybody pretty much knows that smoking causes cancer. It’s only in the last couple of years that the research has come out and people are starting to know that alcohol causes cancer to so do you know that one bottle of wine is the cancer risk equivalent of smoking? 10 cigarettes. So, I used to drink a bottle of wine a night, it would be like, if I was just smoking 10 cigarettes. Isn’t that crazy?
That is king. So, I get it. I guess it’s more like, Am I really sad? It’s more if you drink a glass of wine, maybe like five cigarettes.
A glass of wine is more like two cigarette tickets. But it’s like, the like, occasion. So, if you like, yeah, I didn’t realize that. So, I guess cigarettes are a small it’s sort of the bad saying that.
Yeah, same bad. And the one thing I’d say is that, you know, this information about alcohol is just coming out. I didn’t know it. When I started drinking. I actually didn’t know it. Until after I stopped drinking the link to cancer. I just knew it. Cause hangovers. And when you drink too much you throw up and then yeah, yeah. And every night is throwing up. Yeah, I didn’t throw up every night. But you can definitely throw up if you drink too much. And it actually makes you anxious. Like it makes you like, not sleep well, and have anxiety. But dad still drinks, right? He has a beer or two every night. So, what do you think about that?
I honestly don’t like, really realize that like he could be drinking from. I don’t even realize that. Yes, like a vodka bottle in his hand. It’s because I think, you know, you can have a bottle of laughs we’ll see a glass. And then you’ll ask like, you could be fine. You know, like, well, it’s still bad, but I feel like if you handle it well, and if like my dad really handles it well, and he doesn’t get hangover or like sleepy or, like what I know anxious. And I feel like if you can handle it? Well, and if you can know how, like how much you can take, and when to stop. I feel like, you know, when you turn the age when you can? I feel it’s not bad to drink. You know if you know how to handle it.
Yeah, I mean, we don’t judge anyone for drinking, we don’t judge that for drinking. Everybody makes their own choice. I always say, you know, a lot of my friends drink. I am not here to try to preach to anyone to stop drinking, I am here to help anyone who is struggling with drinking too much or too often or who is worried about it. I’m here to help them stop and change their mindset and give them tools. But my husband still drinks, like dad still drinks, lots of our friends still drink. It’s not a terrible thing to do. But it is something to watch out for. Right? I hope that when Lila and Hank drink when they’re 21, or in college, or whatever it is that they will also be more aware than I was about the fact that it’s not all fun and games, that it actually has a pretty significant risk factor. And just to be aware of it, and to know they can talk to me, and I’ll help however I can but won’t judge them. Do you feel that way?
I do feel that way. And I can like come to her like when I like started drinking. And we’ve actually talked a lot about how she was in college. Like, you know, like people didn’t know that it could cause cancer, you know, that he was living out yet. They just were drinking, and they thought it was just like, oh, I had a hangover and like nothing like that, like the next week, like you can be completely fine, and nothing is going to come out about it. So, let’s just drink like three bottles and we’re going to be fun.
Yeah, when I was in college, it was I went to a small school, and it was a lot about keg parties and a lot about very centered around alcohol. The one thing that I think is cool is Hank is Gen Z. He’s 15 and your generation alpha, right? Like, you know, even younger than that. And for Hank Gen Z is drinking significantly less than their parents or grandparents did at the same age. I Think the recent study said 30% of college students right now actually don’t drink at all, which is crazy to me. I swear when I was in college, it had to be like 5%, maybe 7%. I don’t have the stats, but just amongst my friends, and I think what’s happening is a couple of things. I’ll just share it with you lie, you tell me what you think. So, one, there is way more information out there about how alcohol impacts your mental health, how it hurts you with anxiety. There is also way more information out there about the role of alcohol in sexual assault, right? We’ve talked about this, right? Both when boys drink too much. And when girls drink too much, it’s super dangerous. And the other thing is, you’ve grown up with TikTok and YouTube and the internet. I didn’t have that at all, though.
Casey McGuire Davidson
Hi there. If you’re listening to this episode, and have been trying to take a break from drinking, but keep starting and stopping and starting again, I want to invite you to take a look at my on demand coaching course, The Sobriety Starter Kit.
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And it’s crazy. And it’s like, it’s crazy to me that she didn’t have internet, then still, like no one could record anyone like doing a cake or anything. It was just like they didn’t. It was just like, the next day, the podium moved on and wasn’t on YouTube for like a million people to see.
Yeah, and if everybody was drinking, not everyone remembers exactly what happened. They were also kind of out of it. The other thing is we just had steal pictures, which you’re going to die when you hear this. So, we took pictures, we had to go to like the drugstore. To develop them, we got them like a week later, half of them were completely out of focus, like there was like two framers in a roll of like 30 pictures, and very little video. So, the truth is, and we certainly didn’t have anywhere to share it, like, just, I mean, I had pictures of me doing keg stands, which is crazy, and holding a lot of beer cans and bottles. But like, the only people who saw those were the people who like came to my room and taught pinned up to my bulletin board. So now, especially Gen Z, and I’m sure you there is so much more awareness of both what’s out there and how quickly it can be shared, as well. As you can see yourself, right? Like we have been convinced through marketing that when you drink, you’re sophisticated and fun and more attractive. And if you’ve ever seen a video of a drunk person slurring or spilling on themselves, or like slumping over with their eyes house have closed it is the opposite of being sophisticated, right? And
And I feel like, now, someone could just bring an iPhone to the podium just like just snap away. And I feel like, you know, like, if everyone saw that it’s kind of awareness, and Gen Z and Gen alpha are more like, I don’t want anyone seeing me do this. So, I’m just knocking, like embarrass myself to like, YouTube and TikTok and Instagram, I’m just going to kind of be more aware of like my surroundings and who’s going to watch me and how much Asian because I don’t want to like, embarrass yourself. Yeah.
And I think that’s awesome. So, they know about mental health, they know about the risk of cancer, and that it’s not good for your brain, and it’s not good for your body. They definitely are more aware of the implications, right? There’s lots of data about sexual assault coming out, and also about your image and they see themselves on video, they know that it’s not all cool. A bunch of the studies that are coming out talk about how Gen Z and millennials as well. Don’t think that binge drinking is that attractive, and that it’s boring, which is hysterical that we didn’t think that, and the biggest drinkers out there are boomers, boomers, like grandparents, like seven years old.
And it’s funny because you would think that like your grandmother would, you know, not drink as much as you’re like 18 year old. Yeah, yeah. And also, second is people my age, parents age. So, say mid-40s to mid-60s, because we grew up with lots of marketing around wine being sophisticated and alcohol being a good time and romantic and being required for football games and camping trips and everything.
Yeah, so I think that like, great like, my generation doesn’t drink obviously so to the kid, but I think it’s like date that you know, people are more aware of flake. Now Not like thing like, oh, like I thought that video is not like I’m not attractive and I should just think a little bit more, so it doesn’t get on TikTok.
Yeah, and I have no doubt that you are going to try drinking I, you know, I, I get that I understand that I’m sure Hank will too. But again, my hope is when I was 20 years old, I was throwing up a lot. And I didn’t remember the end of nights. And I felt really ill in the mornings and kept doing it. And I would hope that if you were in that situation, one, the perception among your friends that you need to drink to have a good time and the pressure won’t be there. But also, you’ll be like, Oh, maybe when I wake up at 3am anxious, it’s because of the alcohol. Maybe I should try not drinking. Yeah.
And I think that all the lights that are coming out, talking about that are really great. And after people, like you are informing people and helping people, and making sure that like the future generations and all generations can like, like go back to the gym and fill it up and be anxious. And they have a little bit more awareness about like everything.
So, I know that until you were five years old, or so in kindergarten, I worked at L’Oréal. Yeah, I worked at Clarisonic, in Corporate and you came to my office to trick or treat and meet my friends and all that stuff. And you went to before school and after school. And then I left, and I became a Life Coach and a Sober Coach and then started a podcast and I work from home. So, tell me, what you think about that.
I think I actually love filmmaking from home. I sympathize a little bit older. I actually remember going to La petite and I have really fond memory that love for tea, and I like I love the teachers though, but I thought but you know, like getting home at like, grabbing like home at like six or 5:30 or whatever. Like sit. It’s kind of hard because you know, a long day school you just want to go home, and you want to like see your mom and you want to like cover your cats. But aren’t you that little? Yeah, well, like I had to go in like, play for like an hour. And I feel and I feel like it’s great working from home knowing that if I ever get sick or if I ever need something that she can just like and like help me and stuff and that she’s always home so if I need something like when I have days off like every day on Friday that she can be home she’s going to be doing college, but just to have her at home.
Yeah, and Lila always wants to help me with my marketing. I am just starting to put videos on YouTube, my podcast interviews and some of the stuff. Lila is highly encouraging me to post more on Tik Tok, I started posting on Tik Tok. And she is very into wanting to help me with my marketing, she constantly reminds me of videos that she’s put up on Tik Tok or YouTube but with her cats that have gotten like 20,000 views and all these shares, and my videos are like 1000 views. So, she really thinks she has something to offer me there. And she’s trying to teach me about CAP cut, and stuff like that.
I’m not, you know, I feel like I’m a little bit of a star on the online guys. And, you know, I feel like I can help her with the three lights and maybe get her up to maybe 500 is to go do Dave where the three likes. Okay, maybe 20 will be a little bit generous. But I just think that you know, it’s great that my mom is getting on most social platforms, and she can really up her Instagram follow with a Blue Dolphin and yeah,
and Lila likes to be paid to help me, so I taught her when I was doing some guides, like the sober treats guide or your holiday guide to you know, alcohol free bucket list or the fall guide. Those were all in my sobriety starter kit. Lila got the job of I would give her a list of things to look for on Google and Pinterest. And she would oh not even because we wanted free images that we had the rights to, so it was on Pexels. PE X ELS and I gave her all the examples and the colors, and she would search and send me options, which actually was very helpful.
Yeah Like, I actually left the job that I actually liked working for. And I hope when I get a bit older, even now that I can maybe be a little assistant, and that I just want to help her out so that she can be a millionaire.
That is very sweet. We will, that might take a while, a long while, but we’ll see. So, question, what do you think mom does as a sober coach for the women I work with? Um, first, I think that she really like helps, helps them and I think that she offers a lot of stuff, and that you like really helped said, and the brand to them. And like really accurate. It’s really a friend to them. So, they can, like, help her that they can tell her stuff. And then she can really help them out and make them feel like it’s just them. So, like, think that they can trust her, and that she can be like, a friend to them, and that they can be helped.
And lots and lots of the women I work with have kids too, which is kind of cool, right? Yeah, I think it’s really cool. And like, you know, maybe like being friends with the kid. Yeah, not many of my clients because everything is totally private, of course, but certainly some that I’ve known for a long time. Lila has come in and said hi and waved to them and all that good stuff. And sometimes their kids have come and waved to us to like it does feel like fun, and a friendship and all that good stuff.
Yeah, I feel like it’s great. And she’s getting a lot of bonds and getting to go out and all the sponsorships and getting all these books and getting to go on people’s podcasts and people going on her podcast. And I just like hope that she’s really happened. And I’m like to see her blossom. Because like when she started, she was just a small little pay said like, vide weighing, like random stuff about life coaching. Now she’s all big.
I don’t know how big I am. But it is super cool that I get to go to podcast conferences, and I’ve made so many cool friends from people I’ve talked to on the podcast and people who’ve written really cool books. And Lila is very jealous. She was just saying because I actually just bought my plane ticket yesterday. I’m going to Provence, France with three other women who don’t drink. Margaret board who ran alcohol free adventures and has been on the podcast twice. Once about alcohol free travel and my sober bestie Ingrid, who you know, Ingrid really well. What’s cool about Ingrid and good?
She actually has a little book area that we actually went to, and it was cookies. So that was really nice. And you know, got some cool books and some and some cool candles, and everything. And it’s good to see that she is friends that she can relate to she has friends that drink, but also having friends that she can relate to that drinking far away.
Yeah, I have tons of friends who drink, and I have tons of friends who don’t drink. Does mom have a lot of friends? Pretty much. Yeah. So, I’m going with Ingrid. I’m going with Margaret. And I’m actually going with a former client of mine, one of like my client number six, which is crazy. I’ve had like 130 clients, but this client is well over four years alcohol free, and we both signed up for Margaret’s original trip to Provence and we were going to meet each other for the first time and the trip got canceled. But we were lucky enough that Margaret is just going to go with us as friends. And I’ve had so many retreats I went on a sober retreat to Mexico. I’ve gone on retreats to Salt Spring Island, BC. I’ve had lots of girls nights with women who don’t drink Lila continually asked me if she can come. But you know, I will say to any of you that we adore our kids and love them, and it is really important to hang out with other people on the alcohol free path and take some time for yourself right self-care. Do we love self-care?
We love self-care you love like mental health? Sometimes, like I’ll sometimes be like, do you want to call me down when she’s stressed? I’ll be like, do you want to go lay down or do you want some little cuddles whenever she loves Cuddles, by the way.
You’d love cuddles too. I cuddle Laila to bed every night. And Lila actually I tell her when I get anxious which you know definitely happen to you tell me when you get anxious to and Lila was the one who entered Do you smell to box breathing? Like I was? Did you just learn about it on YouTube?
Um, yeah, I saw some video and I was like, and I was scrolling through my feed, and I was just like, I clicked on it. And I was just like, wow, this was cool for you like, and now whenever I feel chested when she has called me asleep, and juicing anxious, I was like, Mom, I learned about this new technique. And I thought that it would really help you and I just, I was like, Okay, let’s do together. So, I’ve made her like, imagine a box and admit her choke her finger up. And I think she said it really helped her. Yeah,
I actually do box breathing all the time now. And if you’re interested, you can just go to YouTube, and I find it to really good way to, like, slow your heartbeat and slow that like, anxious I can’t relax feeling in your body. So, we actually do it in bed a decent amount when I put Lila to bed. And we also listened to sleep meditations, right like clearing your mind and relaxing and all that good stuff.
I actually learned that sleep music from her. Would you sound we learned a little thing from each other. But I will walk you know how walking to the room. And I was like, wow, that was a good really relaxing and they’re like, Oh yeah, it’s called sweet music. I have a little Alexa in my room. And I was like, oh, like, all just try it out, like, you know, like, play sweet music. And it actually really helps you to sleep, and I really like it. And I think it actually makes you fall asleep faster. And I think it’s really nice if you’re anxious and just want to go to sleep fast.
Yeah, I think our kids especially when you do a bunch of work to stop drinking because you have to learn really good ways to regulate your emotions and take care of yourself and decompress that obviously aren’t just numbing out. So, Lila now does sleep music sleep meditation breath work. She loves baths and she I for Christmas was it last year I gave you essential oils that you can diffuse in your room?
Yeah. And I actually think it’s really nice to like, to relax. I love bath. I love getting all her bath Prada offers like, shower, a bath product. And I love just like, you know, get it. Go listening to some Taylor Swift and just relaxing.
Yeah, we’re also pretty big Taylor Swift Fans in this house, which is super fun. Why? Because she’s also a badass about fighting back. The patriarchy. Right. Tell us about the patriarchy.
The patriarchy is basically men who think that they can just walk over a woman, and they are more like powerful, and that they deserve more respect, and more like, hidden away than woman and they just think that they can walk off walk off of a woman and Taylor is a big like, no, no, no.
No, like fighting for women’s rights. Yeah, you know, and women get are judged more harshly than men, right? If men are super successful, everybody thinks they’re great. And if women are successful, sometimes people feel like they’re uppity or think a lot of themselves. And I just read a story in the news that women still are paid on average, I think this was in Washington State, where I live $16,000 less than a man for the exact same job. What?
I think that’s crazy. Like, I feel like, I’m going to get the state bound. But like, at 1900s. I feel like I don’t know that like they were getting paid well, and now it’s like 100 years ago. So, it’s still crazy that that is still happening now. And I’m, and I’m like, why are we still having this happen? And I feel that it’s great that Taylor is like, she’s very successful, and that she just is like, let’s stop this. But it’s just crazy to me that they still get paid less, even though like we’re trying to fight for that.
Yeah. And obviously dad’s a white man, and we love him. There’s nothing wrong with that still is making the heart sign. But what I tried to teach her is that a lot of the laws because I think like, what 73% of Congress and the Senate are white men. I think that’s right. I’ve got to look up the exact percent but it’s super high, very small, minority and women. And for the longest time the Supreme Court was for white, sorry, 12 white men and presidents. There have only been one in history that was not white and zero women. So, the laws in this country are just set up by white men who are regulating women’s bodies, and we got to change that right girl.
And, and it’s like another thing that pitch that though, like it’s men’s kind of day with beauty standards. And do you want to tell me a little bit about what you told me about beauty standards?
Yeah, we talk a lot about diet culture too. By the way, this is not supposed to be what the podcast is about. But it’s about talking to your daughters, especially about all the things so we talk about diet culture, right, that it’s totally cool to love wearing clothes and makeup and doing your hair however you want. But you should do it for yourself. And that, Oh, what did we talk about that, like, they’re all the all the models that are always put up are super, super thin. And it’s, you know, everybody’s body comes in a different shape. And that’s just the one that we’ve been taught is the right one. But, you know, it would be like if the ideal dog was a Chihuahua, and every fitness model, and every person on a magazine wish it wasn’t Chihuahua. And wouldn’t it be so sad if a golden retriever or a Dalmatian literally starved themselves and wasn’t happy with their body every single day because they weren’t a Chihuahua, because some people love Golden Retrievers, and donations, and you know, then you’re still never going to be a chihuahua here, just a sea starving golden retriever.
And I feel like that’s not going to help you be happier, get like, the body that you think is amazing, and be happy because you’re always going to be a golden retriever. And even like, some people have swallowed them, that’s great. But also, some people are like, I like Golden Retrievers better than Chihuahuas. And I feel like you just have to find the people that are going to be like, hey, goals are achievable. Pretty awesome for the people that they are, because I feel I’m going to Cheever’s and I think you just have to find do people have, like, you know, who you want to be friends with? And like, you know, who’s going to make you feel confident if you’re going to achieve the knowledge wall? Or domination. Right?
And, you know, also like, Mom is only five foot three. And I’m sorry, but you might, you’ll probably be taller than me. But I’m going to set you back in the height department. And like, I’m never going to be 5’8. So wouldn’t it be terrible if I spent my entire life looking at myself and thinking that I was not as good because I wasn’t 5’8. That’s crazy.
I know. And that’s like, that’s not going to make the people around you feel happy? Because you’re like, you need to be like moms do focus trying to be five, eight. And you know, like, I feel like you just like, my dad is six foot one. And my brother is six foot so it’s basically just like, yeah, no, yeah.
Yeah, everybody’s different. Everyone is different. So, we focus on doing what we want to make ourselves happy. But we don’t compare ourselves to what’s in the magazines. Because what was that song that you love by Jax? In This Continent, which is kind of Victoria’s Secret, and I can think of it Victoria’s bacteria. The good you wouldn’t believe he’s an old man living in Ohio making money at the girls like me. cation body issues.
Yeah, cashing in on body issues. But all the other things Yeah. Created by men so they make money by making us feel like we’re less than you because we’re not like they think that we need to buy their products and we should just be healthy.
Yes, and I feel like keep that you can love makeup and clothes and fashion like I love doing like remake of my mom’s makeup. And still feeling confident about that and but not doing it because like this video told you that you’d need that to be pretty just because that you like to do it and it makes you happy to do it. And like the people at Ultra Sephora, they have all their like, little like things but you can buy other products and you can look at the model and look at you and be like wow, this looks really good. I can
just realizing that we’ve been conditioned like Lila, and I talked about I use lots of mascara. But we also talk about how crazy it is that women have been convinced that they are more attractive. If their freaking eyelashes are longer like that literally is the most insane thing in the world where like oh short eyelashes. Oh, too bad. Like that’s crazy.
I know. Also, like, hair extensions that can be good but also it’s like, Oh yeah, it’s your hair. It’s like, a “send me a t-shirt”. Sorry. Like, that you need lashes. extensions just to be like, you know, pretty and like, I don’t think that’s where you need high heels. If you’re like, below 5. 4”10.
So, we buy into it, and it is kind of like, our calm. Trying to bring this back that it is totally okay to do whatever you want. But just be an informed media consumer. Realize that you think that Champagne is for New Year’s Eve and that New Year’s Eve is less special without champagne, because you have been taught that you have been marketed that message which you’ve internalized. So, if you believe that you look better with mascara, or fake eyelashes, which trust me, I actually do just know that the only reason you believe that is because you have been conditioned and taught to believe that by all the marketing around you, so it’s cool to do whatever you want but just know that why you think red wine goes well with steak. And white wine goes well with fish and deer is required for a football game. That is because we have been conditioned to our whole life to believe that and the good news is you can be deconditioned to think something else.
And like, quizzes to help you with that. And I think that you know like it’s like you don’t need blind to be like beer any like, check that to be happy and you just need to kind of, like, realize that you know. Alright, so Lila, I really, really appreciate you coming on. It’s super brave although I know you like the exposure hashtag, Am I right? But thank you and you guys this is a different type of episode and so let me know if you like it. Let me know if it was useful. Yeah, I want to Lila, if you say, you don’t like it. I’m just kidding. But here you go.
Oh, and I just wanted to comment to Casey more lively video, so I can keep coming back and she doesn’t exile me.
I would never exile you. But Lila is wondering how many downloads her episode is going to get.
Make sure you bring that up to them as part of the episode. So, I can maybe get my own podcast or something. Like and Subscribe.
Amen. All right, bye bye. Thanks, guys.
Thank you for listening to this episode of The Hello Someday Podcast. If you’re interested in learning more about me or the work I do or accessing free resources and guides to help you build a life you love without alcohol, please visit hellosomedaycoaching.com. And I would be so grateful if you would take a few minutes to rate and review this podcast so that more women can find it and join the conversation about drinking less and living more.