What should you expect to feel and experience in your first year of sobriety?

What Happens In Your First Year Of Sobriety with Lori Massicot

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

drinking, day, year, life, husband, feel, sober, people, wine, alcohol, sobriety, early sobriety, work, night, talk, knew, good, months, drinker, honestly, thought, podcast, first year, day one, 6 months

SPEAKERS: Casey McGuire Davidson + Lori Massicot

00:02

Welcome to the Hello Someday Podcast, the podcast for busy women who are ready to drink less and live more. I’m Casey McGuire Davidson, ex-red wine girl turned life coach helping women create lives they love without alcohol. But it wasn’t that long ago that I was anxious, overwhelmed, and drinking a bottle of wine and night to unwind. I thought that wine was the glue, holding my life together, helping me cope with my kids, my stressful job and my busy life. I didn’t realize that my love affair with drinking was making me more anxious and less able to manage my responsibilities.

In this podcast, my goal is to teach you the tried and true secrets of creating and living a life you don’t want to escape from.

Each week, I’ll bring you tools, lessons and conversations to help you drink less and live more. I’ll teach you how to navigate our drinking obsessed culture without a buzz, how to sit with your emotions when you’re lonely or angry, frustrated or overwhelmed, how to self soothe without a drink, and how to turn the decision to stop drinking from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

I am so glad you’re here. Now let’s get started.

One of the most common questions I get from women is “What happens in your first year of sobriety?”

What happens after 100 days? How do you feel? How do you stay motivated? What are the ups and downs? What are the most difficult pieces?  

So, today, I asked a friend of mine, Lori Massicot, the host of the To 50 and beyond podcast to join me in a conversation about our first year of sobriety we sort of interview each other about what the full first year felt like yes, we talk about how we felt right before we stopped drinking what our first week. And our first month was like, but we also talked about six months and four months. And what we told other people as we were moving through the process, what were our challenges, our first alcohol free vacations, our first alcohol, free holidays, and shifts in our relationships and ourselves. What happened during our entire first year, alcohol free. So if you’re one of those people who wonders what happens after 100 days, this is the episode for you. I hope you enjoy it.

 

Hello, Casey.

 

Hi, it’s so good to be here. Lori, we haven’t talked in a while.

 

02:59

I know we’ve just been talking now for about 30 minutes before we started recording. And it is good to see you.

 

I love seeing you and just talking about business and podcasting and all the good stuff that’s happening in life. So, thank you for doing this. You’re going to be my co-host today as we dive into this conversation about

 

our first year of going alcohol-free and sobriety.

 

And I feel like I want to kick it off with your sober dates yet.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  03:25

So, my sober date it was about seven and a half years ago. So, it was February 18 2016.

 

03:35

So good. Congratulations.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  03:38

What was your sober date?

 

03:40

I stopped drinking August 11, 2013. So, I just celebrated 10 years this month because my younger years. That’s crazy. It’s crazy. Yeah. And I don’t think that either one of us when we started out on this thought in long term, but I know that I was really worried about long term for sure which I want to touch on. Of course, in this episode. I’m wondering what did you think the day after you made this decision to stop drinking what was going on the day after?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  04:08

I had no idea that it would be my last day one at all. The one thing I did differently that day was I actually hired a sober coach. So, I worked with Belle from tired of thinking about drinking and people had recommended her in different groups. And I did the exact same I’m worrying I’m going to stop I can’t do this to myself anymore. 3am Wake up. And the big difference was someone at 3am when I was reading it again recommended working with a coach. I’ve heard that before. I went into my office at 10 in the morning, and I signed up like that was the difference that day on day one I wanted to drink, right I signed up I sent her an email I was like here’s my story. And then five I have 6pm that night. I was like, I want to drink. What about you?

 

05:06

The day after I stopped drinking? It was Yeah, right. Kind of I was thinking about that this morning. And it was very much well, what do I do? What is that next step. And you know it honestly, I did not hear any of those downloads like you got with the coaching, it would have been helpful. But also, for me, I was so ashamed and embarrassed by the fact that I had to stop drinking, that for me and my personality, I knew that I was going to go this road alone, and I was going to figure it out. Because I didn’t, I wasn’t ready to reach out and get that support that I really deserved. Back then I had great support with my husband and my son and those close to me. But I very much made that decision. But it was yeah, what is next? I don’t think that I ever felt like that. What did they call it? Euphoria, or the pink cloud or anything like that? In the beginning, it was very much like, every single day, I created a mantra, whatever it takes, I’m not drinking. And a lot of days it was like, it’s going to take a lot is going to take a lot or you. You mentioned shame. You mentioned, quote, unquote, “having to stop drinking”. Will you tell us like, what led up to that last day one? Because I describe it as like the death of 1000 cuts. There were plenty of times that should have been my last day that weren’t.

 

06:26

Oh, heck yeah, for sure. I had been thinking about it for two years. somebody in my family had mentioned loosely alcoholic to me. And that term just stuck because I started.

 

Yeah, there was kind of a generalization of the family. And I started drinking at 14, I was the party girl wasn’t an alcoholic. And so, when I got that first download, it took me two years of really researching, hey, do I have a problem doing all the moderation? Trying so hard. Took a couple of breaks. But leading up to that, I would say we talked about rock bottoms. There were so many rock bottoms throughout my drinking for 30 years. I will say since, I quit August 11, at the end of July.

 

Went to a concert with my friends, and our spouses and boyfriends. And we went and it was one of the worst nights of my life because I got into a huge fight with my husband. And we were in big place, and I wasn’t familiar with it. And we got separated. And my husband’s not a fighter at all I am, and I was just completely drunk and all I had no whereabouts about me. I was lost. I couldn’t take a cab. I couldn’t remember what it was. They didn’t mind. They either. They didn’t take cash. They took ATMs or something. I don’t know. I was stranded. And he wasn’t answering, and it was very scary. And so, I would think like that night because we didn’t sleep the entire night. We stayed in the hotel woke up the next morning. And when we got up, I just was so anxious. And I remember driving home thinking, you can’t keep doing this. This is getting like really scary. And I guess that was it for me. And then a couple of weeks later, I was just by myself one night, then my husband and son were camping and I just said that’s it. You can’t do it. And I had all the wine on deck. All the wine was on deck. Yeah. Yeah, no, that’s so that was the lead up.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  08:18

So, for me what was leading up to it because I think this is interesting. I think it’s important even more than what happened on day 15. So, I went to a conference in Arizona for work at a fancy resort. And of course, I’d been worried about my drinking for years and telling myself I need to stop. So, January 1 was supposed to be my break from drinking. You can do the math, I quit on February 18. Didn’t quite stick. So, I would make it four days and then drink a bottle and then four days and then drink a bottle which was way better than nine bottles a week but and then I went down to Arizona, and I was so excited that I was going to like sleep through the night and be an adult my daughter was 22 months old and went to a happy hour didn’t really know anyone they had the free shit wine. I was being the social butterfly talking to everyone got super drunk, somehow went back to my nice resort room open their little mini bar bottle of wine. God knows why I needed more. And the next morning I woke up and I was so hungover. My eyes were bloodshot. I looked I felt like shit. I had a full day of like half hour meetings. And I went to the keynote. And the guy who was supposed to be motivational, had us do this exercise where we picked a stranger and we had to look into their eyes, not saying anything for five fucking minutes. And it was. I move really fast because you don’t want anyone to look at you so closely. I was just, like, they’re seeing my watery eyes. They’re seeing my bloodshot eyes. I can’t believe this is happening to me.

 

Of course, that night I drank again. And then, I went to on vacation. My family met me in Arizona. Lovely resort. We went to dinner one night, toddlers, threw a plate broke it, we ran out of there. They gave they brought a bottle of wine to our room till he like Sorry, you had such an awful night. And I drink it. And then middle of the night, my whole family’s sleeping in the next room, I was on my knees throwing up red wine, like trying to do it quietly. So, they wouldn’t hear me. And I was just like, I am 40 years old. What is happening? And so again, not that night. Four days later, I quit.

 

11:01

Yeah. I felt all of that. Especially having to sit there and look into somebody’s eyes like that and feeling so poorly. Oh, my goodness.

 

Yeah. I mean, honestly, when you look at it, what do you call it? The 1000 cuts, what do you think of 1000 cuts, depth of 1000 cuts. That’s what it was. And it was very much if I look at it. Now in hindsight, it was very apparent that I couldn’t hold my alcohol for many years, but I really didn’t start questioning it until I got into my 40s because I was so in the mindset of this is what everybody does. This is what I will do for the rest of my life.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  11:39

Because I’m a girl, I’m fun. I have my husband. I’d be like, you knew what you were getting into. My best friend and I were both huge drinkers. Would tell my husband, love me. Don’t judge me. And that’s such a crap. Wait, I’m drunk as a skunk with my two year old there love me. Don’t judge me. I mean, it’s just, he never does anything Jaimee interesting thing for you. Yeah. I’ve never heard that before. Love me. Don’t judge me. I totally cut you off. I’m sorry. But I wanted to hear it. What were you judging yourself? Is that where that came from? No. But

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  12:14

like her husband, and my husband would just be the like, dads of us like looking at us, like, seriously, all or we would be idiots. We’d be like, Oh my god, we’re going to buy a boat together. This is amazing. And the next day, I’d be like, What did I say?

 

Oh, yeah, you just had so many dreams and so many solutions to life, right? I could solve any problem. Just give me a glass of wine. Right? Everything’s going to be okay. And then you wake up the next day, and you don’t remember most of it? And then you think, Well, no, that’s not going to work. That’s like my wild fantasies. I call them like just fantasizing about life. And now, I can honestly say I’m actually living it. And it’s better than the fantasy. That’s what I will say.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  12:57

So, my last day one, you did it yourself. My big change was, I like, put some money down and hired someone to keep me accountable because I couldn’t do it myself. And then what was your first week? Like?

 

13:13

I think going into the first week, I definitely just had that thought I went back and forth with myself a lot. Casey was just like you’re doing it, you’re not doing it, you’re doing it, you’re not doing it. This doesn’t seem real, because by does that imposter syndrome. I do not know how to be anybody else. But the party girl because I really labeled myself that at 14. And that’s how everybody knew me. And so, it was just like, okay, yes, I’m going to do this. But at the same time, I’m not really believing in it. So, it was very much, let me keep busy. Because I’m like that if there’s something going on, I’m very good at avoiding it. Let me keep busy. Let me do my, I had a business at the time. I was working, I started going to the gym, that was like a new thing for me. And so, I really did whatever I could to distract from the thought of you’re not drinking anymore. And then, when the weekend started to hit, that’s when it became harder and harder. I would say, by Thursday. I’m like, oh my god, what am I going to do with my time? All weekend? What are we going to do? That’s what it was centered around.

 

And so, the first week was okay, I would say I mean, it was just kind of like finding my bearings. But at the same time, it’s just like going back and forth. Did you really have a struggle every single day like you were craving wine?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  14:27

Yeah. I mean, the funny thing was, and we talked about this, I emailed my coach every day. So literally, my emails are like day 2, day 3, day 6. And I have all of those, like I recorded my first 100 days of emails to my Coach on my podcast, so like, I can see what I was going through.

 

Yes, I wanted to drink and everything that, like, came up, felt like, this huge hurdle. Oh, that I needed to navigate around. I did what you did in terms of I was going to the gym. I had all the wine in my house, but I told my husband, I wasn’t going to drink, which he’d heard me say that a million times before. He didn’t believe me. But I was like, I’m putting in all this wine in our basement. I ended up getting rid of it within the first month because I was like, Dude, I’m going to drink it. But I was like, Don’t bring me home a bottle of wine. Even if I asked you to buy me one, please don’t like, I didn’t tell him anything else. I just was, like, I’m doing a no alcohol challenge. I want to the usual, lose weight, get in shape, whatever, have more energy sleep better. But I did tell everyone at work. Everyone in my morning workout class and all of my friends that I was doing this 100 day challenge because I was a daily drinker, there was no chance that people weren’t going to notice that I wasn’t drinking. But at the same time, I didn’t really go out my first month, I was terrified of going on a date with my husband or out to dinner like deer in the headlights the minute they hand you a drink menu?

 

16:15

Oh, totally. Yeah, I totally get that. And I seem to honestly going back and looking at my journal when I was writing about it. I told my husband the day after he came home him and my son came home and I stood there in the living room, I’ll never forget, I said, I have to stop drinking. And that was like one of his things like because we drink a lot together. We met in a bar. And he looked at me and he said,

 

Okay, well, I don’t have to drink either. And neither one of us I don’t think truly believed each other. But it was never like I’m before I took a couple of 30 day breaks, let’s save money. That was the big thing. Let’s say money, I’m going to lose weight, I’m going to have all of these benefits that I was looking forward to this time it was forever, I am never going to drink again. And so it was just like, I had to constantly remind like you were saying whatever it takes, whatever I say don’t buy any wine. We took everything out of the house. And yes, I pretty much went on lockdown, protecting myself and not really going out and doing a whole lot of anything. And everybody around me was on a “need-to-know” basis because I knew so brave of you. I mean, it is very different. To say to your husband, I have to stop drinking, rather than what I said, which was, oh, I’m doing 100. A health challenge. I mean, that’s so vulnerable. And I didn’t want to say that because I wasn’t sure I’d succeed. I was never, I’d never succeeded before. And also, I didn’t want. I worked so hard to not show my husband how worried I was about my drinking, to play it off, to be defensive because I didn’t want him like, watching me. I didn’t want him to think I had a problem because I didn’t want him watching me, which is crazy. Notice when I was passed out on the couch, and he couldn’t wake me up to go up to bed. He knew.

 

18:07

But you. My husband knew too. But I totally get that. And that’s why I didn’t tell certain people outside of my house, that my good friends and because I didn’t want them checking on me. I didn’t want them watching me. I didn’t want them to worry about me. That’s it. It’s not that I approached it as I have this problem. It’s I need to stop drinking. And then later on, we realize how deep it had gotten.

 

Yeah. And the especially with my husband, because he’s very much that that cheerleader for me. He’s always been that way. And he’s very supportive. But he was also a really big drinker. And for both of us to set out on this new adventure, it was just like, in the back of my mind, I’m thinking we’re never going to do it. We’re just never going to be able to do that completely with you. He has basically stopped.

 

18:51

Yeah, he goes he’s going this weekend actually has a yearly fantasy football draft with all of his college football. Yeah, that two day long. It’s all day long. He stays the night they play college football together, and they go and that’s the only time I think pretty much is when he drinks and he’ll drink and he’ll come home Sunday, and he’s not going to feel good. But he drinks and smoke cigars. And that’s about it for him. But for a while he didn’t even do that. But yeah, I think that there is just, we get that accountability when we are able to be vulnerable and we share but then also it’s so scary because we don’t want too much accountability. We don’t. Just in case. It said, just in case.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  19:29

Yeah. In case I want to do that slow shuffle back to drinking and be like just kidding. Nothing to see here. That’s getting. Yeah, that’s what my coach did for me was stopping me from being able to do that. In my mind. Yeah.

Casey McGuire Davidson 

Hi there. If you’re listening to this episode, and have been trying to take a break from drinking, but keep starting and stopping and starting again, I want to invite you to take a look at my on demand coaching course, The Sobriety Starter Kit.

 

The Sobriety Starter Kit is an online self study sober coaching course that will help you quit drinking and build a life you love without alcohol without white knuckling it or hating the process. The course includes the exact step by step coaching framework I work through with my private coaching clients, but at a much more affordable price than one on one coaching. And the sobriety starter kit is ready, waiting and available to support you anytime you need it. And when it fits into your schedule. You don’t need to work your life around group meetings or classes at a specific day or time.

This course is not a 30 day challenge, or a one day at a time approach. Instead, it’s a step by step formula for changing your relationship with alcohol. The course will help you turn the decision to stop drinking, from your worst case scenario to the best decision of your life.

You will sleep better and have more energy, you’ll look better and feel better. You’ll have more patience and less anxiety. And with my approach, you won’t feel deprived or isolated in the process. So if you’re interested in learning more about all the details, please go to www.sobrietystarterkit.com. You can start at any time and I would love to see you in the course 

 

19:46

And that’s why you coach today. Yeah, you’re there to support women daily. Because, I mean, I just found it so helpful, to have someone to talk to who got it and who could tell me what was coming up and who You could tell me what to do. And I’m actually like, totally recovering people pleaser. But that really helped me because I didn’t want to let my coach down. I didn’t want her to be disappointed. I mean, it’s why group workouts are way better for me than individual workouts. But if you know your personality, for me, I needed someone that I didn’t want to disappoint. That was not myself, because I’d gotten in the habit of quitting on myself so much. I could rationalize away anything. Yeah.

 

20:31

I think it’s just a good point to remember your personality. So, I think it’s such an important point. And I know I don’t talk about it enough. But it is we’ve got to go with how we feel and what we know is going to work for us just to begin with, and I knew for me, it was not going to work telling anybody else about it. And I would figure it out later. What was the biggest myth for you going into this or misconception going into not drinking?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  20:56

Yeah, that I would never have fun again. And that I would spend literally the rest of my life feeling deprived and sad that I couldn’t, quote unquote, couldn’t drink. I thought I would be miserable for the rest of my life, because I wasn’t drinking. And that is so far from the truth. I mean, I go to things all the time where people drink, I mean, literally, my husband still drinks and I will at times look over at a lovely glass of red wine and be like, Yep, I used to love that. That looks good. But it is in no way worth it to me. And that happened pretty quick. Once I stopped drinking, like, within the first four months, I looked back and was like, I can’t believe I lived that way and thought it was okay, just being so physically ill, and worried and feeling shame. And hoping nobody would know. I mean, it’s a crappy way to live and not drinking, you get some perspective.

 

22:05

You have to have it, you have to have a perspective, because when we’re drinking, we want to tell ourselves, it’s going to be boring. I’m not going to have any fun. I’m going to feel a certain way. I’m not going to sleep, all of those things. But man, when you give yourself that perspective, and in that first 30 days, it’s really tough. What were some practical tools. I know, I love your practicality. And I love your approach to this what we’re citing, I would be happy to give you all my practical tools. But I’m curious what your biggest misconception was.

 

22:35

Oh, yes, yes, yes. We’re getting this cohosting thing down. And Casey, my biggest, I’m going to agree with you, it was that I was very much I’m never going to go to a concert again. I am never going to be able to take trips with my girlfriends again. I’m never going to be able to really have fun. And my life is going to be really sad.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  22:53

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was that. I bet that so many people listening to this feel the exact same way. I mean, it’s, we’ve been brainwashed and conditioned and convinced from our entire lives that drinking is required to have fun and at special occasions and helps us connect and helps us relax. And it’s such bullshit. But I when you’re in it, you’re just like, we’re in it deep.

 

23:21

We’re in it’s so deep. And whenever I hear a gal say to me, Well, I have a vacation coming up. And so, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to do it, or I have this event coming up or a holiday or whatever. It’s because of our how we’ve done things for such a long time. And those associations. We all just feel like there’s you can’t do it without drinking.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  23:39

Yeah. Yeah. So, Brad is the head should I tell you my practical practice. So, telling my husband and everyone that I was not drinking was big, getting the wine out of my house. I didn’t do it. I told him not to bring any home. But we had all these fancy bottles from a recent wine tasting trip. And I was like, pretty quickly, like Mikey, got to get them out of here.

 

Hiring a Sober Coach, having someone to write every day, we mostly emailed at the time telling her exactly how I was feeling and getting her feedback. I stopped at the time, I used to sit on the couch, drink and watch TV at night. So, I would take, and I would rush putting my daughter to bed. I just feel like oh my god, well, she fell asleep. So, I started going up to her room and literally rocking her to sleep for an hour plus, I would just put in my earbuds, listen to a sober audio book or memoir, or listen to a sober podcast and just rock her and look at her little body and then go to bed. I would go only to the grocery store on early mornings on Saturday or Sunday after I’d eaten and that would put a sober podcast In my earbuds so I was listening to it, so I wouldn’t pick up wine. Those were my big ones. What about you?

 

25:07

Definitely, my husband did the grocery shopping because that was something that I couldn’t do. And he still to this day does most of the grocery shopping because I just don’t like to do it. I do the list. But that was one of them. Definitely going to the gym that helped me greatly writing in my journal, and the number one thing that really helped me is that I was starting to really talk about it with my husband. And it was kind of changing that dynamic. Because for such a long time, we did the drinking together, and we would have so many conversations. And that’s one of my biggest things that I can’t really say, Yeah, I regret I missed out on being really present during those early days, especially, but being present in those conversations. And when I realized, gosh, we’re actually talking we’re actually going out later. And at night, we’re not worried about driving, driving or anything like that, like we’re doing other things besides sitting on the couch and drinking, I realize how helpful that was for me to just have start opening up a little bit more because yeah, it wasn’t completely honest in the beginning, but it started to show a little bit more and more. But yeah, my journal was number one. For me, journal journaling was very helpful.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  26:13

That is very helpful, regardless of whether, you email, or post in groups, or journal to process your thoughts and your feelings and what’s going on. That’s incredibly helpful. And I think it’s, I actually think it’s interesting that we took two different tacks with her husband that you shared with him, and I did not share with mine. He did not fit you.

 

So, I quit in February, I did not tell him that I had hired a sober coach until our anniversary on September 15. It was months and months. And the only reason I did it and I had gone. I also did Hip Sobriety at 60 days. That course with Holly Whitaker years and years ago, when she was running it. And I would attend meetings twice a week. I was like, first of all, I was like, holy shit. He’s super unobservant, which makes sense that he didn’t see how much I was drinking, if he’s not absorbing any of this, but also like, he was a varsity baseball coach. So, he was out till 30 every night. Most of my calls were like five to six or during the day. And he and I emailed my coach from work, because that was my day. And he had baseball games every Saturday. So, in retrospect, it wasn’t that weird that he had no clue all the support I was getting. But it also makes sense that other than the end of the night, he had no clue how important it was to me.

 

27:50

Yeah, I think that’s cool, though. I honestly do. I think that there’s so many things that we can keep to ourselves, even with our husbands or spouse or partner, and work on it, because like you had said, It’s like he had heard that before you saying I’m going to either take a break or I’m not going to drink anymore. People have heard that before. And so now it’s we have to do the work and show up for ourselves to start proving that we mean it that this means something. And I feel like it’s so important and something that we feel, I felt like I should tell people that I’m doing this, but at the same time I was so guarded by it because I didn’t want their opinions. And I didn’t want them to watch me and see me if in case I didn’t, just in case. But honestly, I think that’s great the way you handled that, because now you’ve got like months of getting that support, and you’re in a better place to where you could actually explain it to him and see how

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  28:43

much better I was, like 30 days or so. I mean, what I did tell him was 100 Day Challenge. So, he knew exactly kind of what day I was on, like whatever. I mean, I remember mentioning to my son, I’m like, Oh, I haven’t had wine in three weeks. He was, Eat. Something came up. And he was like, oh, cool, mom. But he knew when I hit 30 days, he knew when I hit 50 days, but also I remember it 30 days being like, have you noticed anything? And I was worried he thought I was boring? And he was like, Yeah, our house just feels a lot more peaceful. It’s less stressed, it’s less chaotic. You seem much more calm. And I was like, Yeah, I mean, I thought I was boring. But he was like, this is kind of nice. Like the oh my god this happened today at work like rubbing myself up for a reason to drink and then feeling so ill in the morning that I was really standoffish and quiet, you know?

 

29:49

Yeah. Oh, gosh. Yeah, I think that the like you’ve done the first 100 days, your first 100 days. I think that’s a good mark to kind of reflect back on at this point seeing that difference for you. are you and where were your moods? Let’s talk about like your moods from that period.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  30:05

Yeah, I mean, when I was drinking, I just felt so incredibly tired. And so much anxiety and so much sadness, like I felt insecure and deeply unhappy with my work. And I was guilty and paranoid and annoyed, and resentful. And the constant thought was, what is wrong with me pull your life together, and add 100 days, I felt so much better. I was proud of myself, which was just like this bubbling up of that I felt contentment and peace and gratitude. And I mean, I was decently athletic before I stopped, and I joined a morning boot camp group, because that really helped me go to bed early and get up and get my anxiety out. But I lost 25 pounds in my first 100 days. And I ran a 10k. So it was, I mean, there was no question that I was 40 pounds overweight, like there was, everybody around me was giving me positive reinforcement for oh my god, you ran a 10k. And you look so healthy, and so right to the point where my boss who had no idea that I’ve been struggling with alcohol for eight years, and quote, unquote, like, I heard sober coach, because I was like, Shit, I have a problem. I have a drinking problem. She was like, Oh, my God, I’m going to do 30 days without drinking to use looks so great. I was like, laughing, because I was just like, if she only knew, you know what I mean? Like, how much went into this?

 

31:51

Yeah, but that’s so good that you were able to share that with other people. Because it’s just seeing and feeling that difference and watching how your moods change. How was your sleep back then? First couple weeks were really rough. First two weeks. I mean, I was used to passing out and I was terrified of not sleeping because I was so tired and exhausted right to little kids. How am I going to make it through the day I felt like I couldn’t cope with work. I if I actually took a Benadryl each night for my first I’m not a doctor, I’m not recommending it. But it was the only thing that like I knew knocked me out. And my doctor told me was okay during pregnancy, so I was just like, dude, can’t be that much. She that was what I thought. I took the Benadryl every night for my first week. Just it also helped to just knock me unconscious and get me to the next day really quick when I was like not drinking. And then I had my first really good night’s sleep on day 12. I remember I wrote my coach and was like, I slept through the night. After that. It was really good.

 

33:04

Yeah. See, that’s so cool. Yeah, I’ll talk about that. That’s so cool that you wrote that down, I’m going to refer everybody to your episode about that. Because your daily tracking, like I tracked in my journal. And so, I know, like my moods and like my sleep and stuff, but it wasn’t like a daily thing. And so, I love that you have that to reflect back on. And I know, that’s such a challenge for so many women who used alcohol or using alcohol to relax. Of course at night, that’s a big one, and then also to fall asleep. But I definitely for my moods, I mean, I started to realize, hey, you feel a lot happier. And I would write about it and you’re not so reactive. And I was pretty much lashing out back then got this nicest husband in the world. He’s so patient. It’s just I wanted to fight. I wasn’t happy.

 

And so, after I stopped drinking, I started to realize within that first 90 days, especially if things are changing, I wasn’t accepting it fully yet, I was thinking more of this as a fluke, this isn’t going to last I was very much fighting myself about this. But I have never been a great sleeper. But what I noticed after I stopped drinking, that I didn’t feel as tired the next day as I did when I was drinking. So even though my sleep was still not great.

 

You know, I’ve always had that story. Like, you just don’t sleep well. Not anymore. But back then I did. And when you’re not sleeping that well, and you’re not drinking, you actually can function the next day as opposed to when you’re not sleeping in your drinking because it is that after effect of alcohol. And so, I did started to notice that and at 90 days, that’s when my husband and I really sat down and had a conversation about I think that’s when it clicked for me. You can go back there’s the problem was real. And instead of looking at it, oh my gosh, I have a problem which is what I tried to avoid for so long. Let’s make alcohol work. So I don’t have to admit that to anybody, especially myself, is I started to accept the fact that this is a better life for me.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  34:59

Yeah. Ah, you know what I wrote on my 100 days I posted it in a group I was in. I said life actually feel somewhat manageable, busy, but not overwhelming. I don’t feel so anxious about the future, I actually feel optimistic. This is my favorite thing. I haven’t woken up hating or braiding myself. In a long time. I used to wake up. And my first thought was, what the fuck is wrong with you get your shit together? That is a horrible way to go through daily life. I mean, just waking up not hating myself. That’s where you look back. And you’re like, how did I live that way? How did I think this was a reward and a treat. And the best part of my day, that it would have that impact you said, you would like fight with your husband drink, like messes with your brain chemistry, it made me angry and pessimistic. Which is so crazy, because I’m actually like a super optimistic happy, nice person, which just cracks me up.

 

36:07

Well, we lose ourselves with every step we take, we’re losing ourselves. And over time, my goodness, you just can’t even tell who you are anymore, and what you’re capable of, because it’s just that filter of alcohols just drowning you out completely. And so, I would look back at the first 90 days, definitely. And just look at those practical solutions that you can turn to, for anybody who’s listening who is out there, and who is at either the start of this or you’re in that lifestyle right now. Find those practical tools that you can use for yourself. And then also remind yourself that it does get better because I would say like just recapping what we’ve just talked about, give yourself that time to work through it, find support, if that’s what you need to do. And honestly, it gets better and better as you go.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  36:51

Yeah, what’s interesting, I think of alcohol, it’s a magnet. And when you are close to it, when you’re close to the last time you drink, the pull is really strong. And as you get more days, the pull get less than less. And so, people will say to me, I’m a better mom, I’m nicer when I’m drinking, when I’m not drinking, I’m less patient and more irritated. I don’t like life as much when I’m sober. And I was like, that’s not sobriety. That is withdrawal, and early sobriety that you’ve never allowed yourself to feel what it’s like when your dopamine levels finally reset to what would be sort of your natural cruising level. When you let that irritability and net worth withdrawal, and those cravings of your first two, three weeks go away. So, for a lot of people in this with me, I would try to stop drinking get four days, maybe seven, maybe nine, and then I’d be like, fucking miserable. Sobriety sucks. And that’s not sobriety. That’s early sobriety and withdrawal.

 

38:05

Oh, it’s such a good point. Such a good point. I love the magnet reference. Because it’s true, you got to allow yourself to get out of that field, that magnetic field and that pole because we got to get to the other side of it. So, where you can start making more sense, definitely. What challenges were you facing, let’s say, at the six month mark, about socializing, Casey, for you, social?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  38:29

I was I mean, I’m a pretty social person. So, the first time that I went out with my husband got promoted, and his best friend and wife wanted us all to go out to a really nice dinner that was like my first social occasion. And I remember talking to my coach, and I was like, I am terrified. What am I going to say? What are they going to think of me? Which looking back? That’s crazy. I was on a health kick. I was getting super happier and healthier and having more energy. And if I had told anyone that I was like, running a 10k and, or like, people talk about doing peloton all the time, or whatever, they’d be like, oh, good for you. I had to think in advance. What am I going to tell them? What am I going to order? How am I going to get through that a couple times in early sobriety? I mean, I’m talking like my first 100 days, my husband would like I was, I had to really think through date night. It’s like I was like, okay, what can we do? Because we used to always go out to dinner and drink or go bar hopping and drink or go to a concert and drink like you name it. And so, I was like, okay, we can go to a movie and a bookstore and go to sushi because I never likes hockey and sushi is crap, red wine, or okay, we can go to a park in the afternoon. Bring books and people watch and he’ll bring his beer and I’ll bring my All, Babs. But my biggest challenge and we can talk about this after we talk about your social interactions was I actually went to Venice and Croatia at 110 days. And with my mother with my sister, Italy, I was the biggest red wine girl I drank, by the way through Italy before. And that was very hard and a big challenge and making it through that was just like, alright, this is awesome.

 

40:32

Yeah, we got to talk about the milestones of that as well. I definitely those challenges being social at that point, like my son was 12. And so, we had things going on with him and activities and things where you’d be around other people, but those people didn’t necessarily know me as a drinker. So, the people that did I took my first wine tasting trip. Because yes, yes, I quit drinking in August. Do that to yourself. That is my sister. Turned 50. And that is, that was our favorite thing to do. Together, she turned 50. And Casey, I was the designated driver for the first time in my life, except when I was pregnant. And I took her and her best friend who I’ve known since I was a kid. And we went wine tasting. And I was so miserable that day, I remember just sitting there thinking, because not only that, but I was getting from my sister, are you okay? And you’re not going to drink anything, even though I had already told her I wasn’t going to drink anything. And when I got home that night, I just burst into tears. And I’ll never forget it. Because I sat there the entire day, I could not wait to get out of there. And boy, the next day, I woke up, and I didn’t regret not drinking, that is for sure. I told myself though, that was not a good choice. But it’s not something that you could have gotten out of.

 

And so, now, we go into full protection, you’re not doing that again. And so, the next time I really was around other people socially, we took a trip up to San Francisco, the week of New Year’s, so that would have been the end of 2013. So, I had a little bit more sea legs. And I was with one of my very best friends I’ve known since I was five. And we were there. And she knew I wasn’t drinking, and it was lovely. And I remember coming home from that trip, at the beginning of the year, thinking, I just did that. I’ve never done that in my entire life. I was shocked. I was so proud of myself. That was something that was new to me. And so, I believe that when we’re looking at these challenges, there’s so many opportunities, especially with socializing, because yeah, you got to find your people. If somebody doesn’t like you said, if somebody doesn’t respect your choice not to drink and you’re on a health kick and you’re doing something that’s really positive for yourself, if they’re going to have a problem with that’s when I feel like we have to really start reevaluating some of our relationships.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  42:45

I feel like if someone gives you drinking so ingrained, and people are so used to being like, Why did you have a problem? Or come on just have one or don’t make me drink alone? In my mind? What helps me now is to equate it like you’ve decided to become a vegetarian. It is a health and lifestyle choice that you are making if you told them Oh, actually, I’m a vegetarian. I know I wasn’t two weeks ago, but now I am I made this decision. If someone was like, Oh my God, just have a bite of burger. That’s so lame. You’re going to make me eat this on my own. Of course, they wouldn’t do that and you would be an asshole. If you did that. And like now I’m like, why do people give a shit? What’s in your drink? You have a mojito? I have a nonalcoholic Mojito. Why does it matter to you? Whether or not I ingest alcohol?

 

43:39

It’s so interesting. There’s so many enablers, but then also what you said I don’t want to drink alone. I was that person.

 

43:45

Yeah, but I mean, I was I want to drink alone. Yeah. Let’s come and drink.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  43:52

But I’m like, Yep, I was that out. So, but I’m also like, yeah, I clearly had an issue with alcohol. So, when people did that, to me, I was like, You got your own shit going on with alcohol?

 

44:03

Did you find that people did that to you more than they didn’t? Or vice versa? No.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  44:09

Which is amazing. Because I don’t think I got almost any of that. People would joke with me like, oh, when it’s your 100 dates over, we’re going to go to this wine bar, like my work team. They were like, Oh, you’re not going to the bar. No one told me just have one because I was so clear about my 100 Day goal. So, they were more like, What day is it again? I was lucky with my friends in that even my huge drinking friends respected it. Like they were just like, oh, good for you. They were waiting for it to be over. But they weren’t pushing me to drink during it. And by the time I got close to 100 days, everybody had kind of gotten used to me not drinking they’d been able to see including my husband that I was happier. And I was better but also so that our friendship and our relationship didn’t really change. So, all I said was, like 10 days before, so they wouldn’t be like buying me a drink on the day of I just kind of was like, Oh my gosh, I feel so much better. I’m going to see what 6 months alcohol free feels like, that was my line and then it six months, I pushed it to a year. And once I got to a year, I was like, like, they come down. I’m done drinking.

 

45:27

Yeah, I was curious about that. So, you did the 100 days. So, on day 101, you said, Okay, I’m going to go to 6 months. Yeah, I set it on like day 90, so that people wouldn’t be like, our, “a drink” in time. And Mike, with husband, was shocked. My husband was shocked that I was going to keep going, because we were going to Italy. And he was like, You’re not going to drink in Italy. And we drank together on a lot of vacations, where he would get a crap of white, and I would get a crap of bread at two in the afternoon. And we would get super drunk, go back to the hotel, and then pass out and then get up for a nine o’clock dinner. And it was really fun. And so I was just like, No. And in the back of my head. I knew how hard it was to stop drinking. I knew what it did to my mental health. And I knew that I can look back on almost every pit life and know if I was drinking or drunk or not drinking in that image. And I was like, if I drink on this trip, I will always look back on this epic vacation and regret it.

 

46:35

Oh, yeah, I could see that movie real playing right now. Every time all the pictures that I have with alcohol in my hand, all the moments that I’ve had that I regret over time, it’s my goodness, I think one of the best gifts that I’ve given myself, and it sounds like you’ve given yourself as well as vacationing without drinking, honestly, it’s different. It’s a different movie, or we’ve actually moved on to a different movie. So, I would just curious, before we move on, I’m curious when you’re telling people like, Okay, I’m going to go, I’m going to do another 6 months. I’m feeling really good. Is that what you were telling yourself as well? Or were you in your heart of hearts say this is it I know that I’m not going to drink.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  47:12

I knew that. I needed to not drink again. Even today, I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about forever. I mean, I have zero intention of ever drinking again. But being, like, I don’t want to sit around and spend that. So, I needed those smaller goals, which sounds like it’s very different than what you did. I had no intention of drinking. Before I got to 100 days, I knew I wanted to keep going. But I also was like, Oh, I hit four months, I hit five months, I hit six months, like I couldn’t sit around. Because otherwise I would look at a bottle of wine and be like, I am never going to have that again. And just that longing. So, I was like, Nope, I’m hitting six months between now and then I’m really excited to do X, Y, Z, just like a horse with blinders on. Like that.

 

48:11

I could have used that approach. Definitely. Yeah, the Forever thinking kind of messed me up for sure, definitely. But you know what, I just kept reminding myself of the reason why I was doing it. And then also I want to talk about motivation, because like 6 months, we’re at that peak, right? Getting that motivation to keep going. And one of the most motivating things for me is kind of something you’ve already mentioned was, I don’t want to go back to where I was because it was so hard. That was it. That was it.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  48:40

Yeah, I mean, writing myself that letter, I compare day one to day 100. It’s something I encourage everyone to do. And just seeing the drastic mental health shift. I mean, the physical shift was incredible, too. But just, I hate my life. I can’t cope. I’m angry, I’m resentful. I’m fearful. I don’t want anyone to look at me. If they only knew. I mean, I would stand at the bus stop with my second grader. Just thinking that if any of the parents knew how much I drank the night before, they wouldn’t want their kids to hang out with my kid, which I was never unsafe with my kid. I would say that was because my husband was constantly there. You know what I mean? But no judgment because I did a million things that I’m not proud of. But I do feel like I was safe with my children. But I also felt that if anyone knew how much I drank, that would be bad. And at 100 days when I was like, proud of myself and happy with my life and felt optimistic about the future and felt gratitude. I was like, just having that comparison. I was like That’s motivation enough. Like this substance, not only did me no favors but made me an unhappy person who was physically and mentally going down quickly. Yeah,

 

50:15

I agree. I think that’s where we can find that motivation. Because I’ve been asked that several times, how do you stay motivated, and for me, it’s just that vision of going back how hard it would be. And then looking at all of the benefits and the perks that we have in that first 6 months, because I know for me at that time, that’s when I was really starting to see a difference, I was seeing a difference in my body composition, because I was lifting weights for the first time. Probably ever, in my adult life, I was really changing things up, I was very interested in exercise and nutrition. That became my little side hobby, I had more time and energy to do that kind of stuff. And I was really playing around with going into that first year with, what am I going to do when I hit that first year, so like, from 6 months to 12 months, that’s when I felt that shift more and I knew in my heart, I knew in my mind that I wasn’t going to go back no matter what that milestone meant to me. It wasn’t like, I’m going to hit the year. I’m going to go into this year. And I’m really going to document even more about how I’m feeling. And the challenges that I was facing at the time was just kind of still going back and forth with is this the right choice? Am I in it? But then at the same time, I was like, Yes, you are. So, keep going. It was just a very day to day process. Yeah. What other challenges were you faced with? Like at that 6 month period going into a year?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  51:31

Yeah, one of the things that actually really surprised me is that I was about, Gosh, nine or 10 months sober. My first holiday season, my first Christmas. And I thought I had this right. I was an old timer in my mind. And my mom came to stay with us like she does. And my husband got gifted wine. And I said yes, I didn’t want to be I didn’t want to ruin their holiday. It was on the table. And I was just so pissed at them. I was so pissed that they were like, pouring it so slowly that it was in front of me. Honestly, I could not believe how slowly they drank it. I was almost going to wring their necks, right? Like they would go play a game and do a puzzle. And they still hadn’t finished the damn bottle of wine I could install. I went upstairs to put my daughter to bed. I cuddled her and I was texting my sober bestie. And I was like, I’m going to effing kill them. If it’s not finished by the time I came down, and it still wasn’t finished. So, I grabbed the bottle, poured it in both of their glasses and was like, I’m going to bed.

 

And the next night, I was just, like, like you with the wine tasting. I was like, never again. No. And so the next night, my mom was like, oh, let’s get another bottle of wine. I was like, Nope, we’re done. Nope, not happy. I mean, she knew I was sober. I was like, nope. And then the other thing that really had me in tears was I was driving home from my friend’s house Christmas Eve, and my son was asking me, Oh, do you feel like you’ve been good mom this year. And I was in the front seat. And I was very clearly in my mind talking about my sobriety. And I said, Hank, I do feel like I’ve made a lot of really good changes this year. And I’m really proud of myself, and it wasn’t easy. And my mom pipes up from the backseat and says, Well, I wouldn’t give yourself too much credit. And it was just dead silent. Like I was just like, what the fuck I’m talking to my son about it was just so hurtful to me and honestly weird. And so it was like the longest five seconds of my life and then my husband’s surely I think Casey should give herself credit. I think she did something. She was great this year. And um, so she’s done some really healthy things. And I went up to my room after we got home and just cried, and you don’t realize all the emotions and all the things that come up, right? What about you?

 

54:26

Yeah, just we haven’t even touched on the emotion. This could be a 2 part episode. Honestly, we haven’t even touched up the emotions. Eek, the emotions were so all over the place, but definitely, it’s just feeling like I am so angry. I’m so angry even at other people just like watching them on TV or seeing them out being able to drink. I had that anger, and I had that fear around that first holiday which was Thanksgiving, my biggest drinking holiday and I totally did something different. We went to a movie that we went out to dinner like we didn’t do the whole traditional thing because I couldn’t take it that urine It was only three months in, I think. But just feeling that pride for yourself. And sometimes that’s the thing, we have to acknowledge it for ourselves because other people, and especially if they’re not drinkers, they don’t know how hard this is doing this work. That is why I say all the time, you got to celebrate yourself and your achievement. And man, I just felt that in my heart because it was just coming. Well, I don’t know where it was coming from. But you know, I just feel like that’s coming from hearing something like that it’s coming from somebody who doesn’t really understand the effort that goes into it, and how fucking hard it is. It is so hard. And every challenge we face, I feel like we reached that milestone, and we can celebrate ourselves. And we’re building up that muscle to keep going and to really get to those other milestones in our lives. But every single day, and I think even on the harder days, the most challenging days, that’s when that building, that muscle is like more reps. It’s just getting built stronger, not a drinker.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  55:53

And I still can’t imagine why she would interrupt when I was talking to my eight year old about being proud of myself neither here nor there. But she didn’t get it. And she didn’t know. And I could have told her but I didn’t want to. And so and so now I don’t feel that way at all, you definitely get less sensitive, and more perspective as you go along. But I think that whole first year, and anytime you’re doing something for the first time at anything that’s supposed to be extra special. That is the first time you’re not drink him, just handle yourself with kid gloves, because you are kind of emotionally fragile, and more even if you don’t expect to be.

 

Definitely. And again, there’s so much more we can talk about. And I know that we’re running out of time, but honestly and just like recapping just this last year and what we’ve talked about, be patient with yourself, be kind to yourself, self compassion goes a long way at this time, the challenges that you face can become great opportunities to find freedom from everything in life, right? Feeling our feelings is okay. It’s okay to be angry about this. It’s okay to say that it sucks. And it’s doing and it’s okay not to drink because of those things. Honestly. How did you celebrate your first year? What do you do for my gosh,

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  57:14

I was so lucky. So, she recovers was having a Seattle gathering a yoga event literally on the day of my one year. And so, I was going to Mexico with my family. I actually pushed it back a day so I could go to this. And I was surrounded by other women who got it. It was just a beautiful thing. I told everyone it was my one year I met really inspiring people. So, I could not have had a better moment or surroundings for my one year. And I know I’m incredibly lucky. But it just I was on such a high.

 

57:54

And so cool. That is so cool. I wish I know. Well, there wasn’t that she recovers didn’t exist back when I was 10. My one year, I mean, I’m so impressed.

 

Oh, thank you. I went to a concert, my favorite band The Counting Crows, who I’m going to see this love. To see them whenever they’re around KC and have been for years, we went to a concert they’re playing at Del Mar fair and not the fair. They’re playing after the Del Mar races in San Diego here. And we went and I got a beer spilled on me by a girl who was very drunk. And I just remember thinking I’m so grateful that I’m not doing that anymore. But it was such a weird experience. But I remembered every second of it. I didn’t have to have Bill, my husband telling me the next day What do you remember this? Do you remember that? And me sitting there going? No, I don’t remember any of it. I remembered all of it. And I soaked it up. And I went into year two with this. What is next attitude? What do you think? What was your mindset going into year two?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  58:51

Going into year two, honestly, like I just focused on joy. That was just I got little kittens as soon as I got back from that Mexico trip. So right after my one year and their two brothers and little Siberian tabbies. And they were 12 weeks old. And honestly, like, I was just so fucking happy. And your happiness was such a different experience than where I had felt the year before. I mean, I just felt confident and happy. And I also am you’re too. I just wanted not drinking too. I mean, I’m a sober coach. Now I have a podcast like you. I coach. Drinking, not drinking is a big part of my life. But in year two and year three. I just wanted it to be something about me that didn’t define me in the same way that like I’m a mom, I work in Marketing. I live in Seattle, and I quit drinking like that. I just wanted it to be one of the things about me that was important but wasn’t like oh my god I’m in sober from addiction. That’s not how I wanted to live my life. And that’s what I did here too. And it was pretty great.

 

1:00:08

That’s so awesome. I think that the benefits that you just mentioned definitely going out of year one and year two, just the happiness, the confidence, getting ourselves to a place where we can manage life without alcohol, that is the biggest benefit for me. Can you leave us with some final words of anybody out there? Who is considering this or his in let’s say, the 90 day mark, or the six month mark, or in that first week? What would you say to this person?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:00:34

Well, I would say it is hard. And it is completely worth it. And really, the hardest part is your first three weeks, maybe your first 30 days after that your sleep is better your anxiety is down, you’re happier, just your baseline because of your hormones and what it does. And after you get that initial withdrawal, then it’s less a physical craving, and more an emotional and habit and behavior change approach, which does not mean it’s easy. But you are going to be feeling so much better. So, in your first 100 days, I would say stick it out. You’re feeling better. And yet, it’s still hard. And people are like it. Two, three months in are like, Oh my god, I still think about it. I still want it. And I’m like, Of course you do. You’ve been a drinker for 20 years. And you’ve been sober for three months like that. It’s like you’re driving on this grassy path. And you’re used to like that automatic paid for road. And as you go on the grassy path more and more, it’s going to become more worn and more open and more natural. But stick it out. Because you know what your life is like when you’re drinking, like, you deserve to know what your life would be like, if you worked.

 

1:02:05

That’s so good. I love that analogy as well. Yeah, we’ve got to get that different view. And everybody out there who’s listening to this, you’re worthy of that you deserve that. And it takes time and patience. And honestly get connected and find Casey if you haven’t already found because I’m sure that a lot of people listen to 250 and beyond know about Casey already. And I thank you for being back for the third time. I’m going to have everything linked down below. What do you want to direct the listener to today?

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:02:31

Yeah, I mean, when my website Hello Someday Coaching, I’ve got a completely Free Guide: 30 Tips For Your First 30 Days. So, if you’re just getting started, that’s great. And if you want to hear my diary of my first 100 days alcohol-free, I’ll give Lori the links to those three podcasts. It’s literally every email I sent my Coach. So, if you’re in those first 100 days, you might resonate with some of it.

 

1:03:01

That’s so cool. That is so cool. I’m so proud of you. And thank you so much for being I’m so proud of you.

 

Casey McGuire Davidson  1:03:05

And I’m so glad we’re friends and I love it.

 

I know. Awesome. Thank you.